All the Holidays

Pairing: LxLight
Warning: Shounen ai
Inspired By: Thinking about Death Note and the afterlife

Summary: [LxLight] It's Christmas and Halloween is long past, but Light can't shake off the feeling that something, or someone, has reappeared after all these months.

Disclaimer: Death Note and anything related does not belong to me. Don't sue. ^^

AN: Written around Christmas (probably). I finally dug this out and typed it up.

Japan - the Kyoto region - and it was Christmas time, the very same time of year when families gather to celebrate and friends shop for the perfect presents to give to their loved ones. Christmas was a time of green and red, a time of joy and happiness, a time of justice and even death.

This Christmas, however Light Yagami tried, he couldn't shake off the strange feeling, this stinging in his heart that had persisted since Halloween and had been steadily growing stronger with each day leading to December.

He was walking home and around him fell perfectly plump snowflakes. He was older, somehow, although not a lot of time had passed. He was, by the way his auburn eyes had misted over, thinking of the incident yet again. And his reasoning this time was that L couldn't have possibly liked Christmas. It was for families after all, and the spindly man had no family Light knew of.

The young man shivered and hurried in his walking. He unlocked his apartment door quickly when he arrived before it. He stepped inside, but it strangely didn't feel any warmer than it had outside. It was as if a piece of the frosty air had followed him in.

He packed away groceries and drew out of the bags a slice of strawberry cake, wrapped delicately in clear plastic wrapping. A strawberry, glazed and shining, sat on top of the cake. He stared, not knowing where, when, or why he had gotten that.

His apartment was as neat and impeccably clean as always, although a few items had been added in the last months. The most interesting addition however was the silver handcuff in a cabinet drawer. It was an exact copy of the one that had been his trap, practically his chains of hell, when attached to the detective he had hated most in the world. But still, it was there and not even Light can say why.

Light had started to work. He had the death note open on his desk and had started to jot down a few names already; names that he had memorized long ago, but had to put off killing because of certain obstacles. Now, though, he had to make up for lost time.

Suddenly, he jumped and put his hand to the back of his neck, and he called out, "Who's there?" A split second showed fear in his eyes and he ran a hand through his perfect locks.

"I must be going crazy," he muttered, "how can he be here?"

There was a sound in the kitchen. It was the strawberry cake, which had fallen off the counter. Light stared at it, dismayed.

"Lawliet?" his voice shook, "is that you again?" Just like that Halloween.

He glanced around him, half expecting to see a mop of black hair, a flash of a long white sleeved shirt and a pair of large, clear black eyes staring back at him. He gave a small laugh and returned to his work – only a few hundred to go. He knew Misa would take care of the rest, although she was still angry at him for not wanting to spend the holiday with her. Everyday her mistrust in him grew, no doubt fed by Rem's words, and he really wondered if this, all this that he had worked for and all the things he still wanted to do, would soon fall apart.

"Lawliet?" He put down his pen, disturbed by some thought, "if you're here, answer me at least." Light didn't want to spend Christmas with Misa, but maybe it would have been fine if it had been L.

He worked and the clock ticked away, the sound bouncing back and forth in the cold apartment. Everything was specifically chosen for a purpose and all had their place, but there had always been something missing in all the whiteness.

Light stood because he had to go to his parents' house in a little while. They would ask him about college and Sayu would think about how much thinner Light had become. She would be surprised to see how withdrawn he's become, if he let it all show clearly.

Light picked up a pencil and a notepad, scribbled something. It read, "you're here." He gazed around him, as if looking for someone, but sighed when he saw nothing.

I tried to grab the pencil, but it slid through my hand as effortlessly as fog. There had been once, when my presence was stronger, that I would have been able to write a response back, but that had long since passed.

Light must have seen the pencil twitching, because he said, "you always visit during the holidays."

There was a sadness in his voice, but no longer any fear.

"Did you realize something, Lawliet?" he whispered, using the name I had asked him to use, the last time when communication had still been possible, and the name sounded sweeter than all the candy in the world, coming out of his lips, "why are you here?"

I turned away. I don't know the answer to that question. I come and gaze at him, and it's torture sometimes.

I want him to fail, but a part is also afraid for him, for what judgement must surely await him afterward.

The things I've realized… I knew that the friendship I had was strange, but I still held onto it regardless of the consequences. There was something else too that I took for granted and ignored, but which I now want back. I didn't know what I had then, but I know what I have lost.

I sit on the sofa and I watch him work. He must leave soon and I haven't the strength to follow. He knows, somehow and before leaving sets the cake on the counter, sometimes stopping in getting a plate and a fork and a cup of milk to shake his head in disbelief at himself.

"Merry Christmas, Lawliet." With that he leaves, and I feel myself fading.

I reach out and although my hand passes through the cake, I can taste the sweetness on my tongue.

I smile. Merry Christmas, Raito-kun.

Edit (x2): Probably a lot longer than half a year ago. I get the feeling that the title and the introduction needs some serious work... (it sounds like I'm trying to advertise something T.T); nevertheless, I hope you've enjoyed reading this fic!

AN: Written about half a year ago (I'm not sure about the date). This doesn't really fit into the manga, but think of it as somewhere after L's death. Light is back to being a college student, but has regained his memories of the Death Note and is once again trying to cleanse the world.

Confused? It's probably because I didn't finish reading the manga, so I'm pretty bad at making this fit with the original Death Note timeline. Sorry!

Thanks for reading!

Feedback and criticism are always welcome.

- Horologii