Uncharted Ascension

by dirufanforever

How far will you go? To Heaven or to Hell... Your love is suicide...Come now, all you have to do now is be reborn. For is it a sin for me to love because I am evil...Dir en grey Kyo Fan Fic

Uncharted Ascension

By: Kyoko Murakami

Chapter One: To the ends of the earth… (Part One)

Pacific Capital Plaza Building 6F,

4-8-6 Roppongi, Minato-ku,

Tokyo 106-0032 Japan

This was the address I read on a small piece of paper given to me by no one other then the Atsushi Inoue manager of Dir en grey. There I stood with this small body of mine in the front of the sky raising buildings in one of Japan's best apartment complex districts, Roppongi. My head pulses with an unbearable pain and you may be thinking it could have been because of the bright sun's rays shining down on me reflected against the crispy glossy clean surface of the building's windows, but no, this pain that sparked within like raging flames in my skull were not caused by something in my current environment setting. I simply instinctively lowered my gaze towards the small space between my heels and instinctively lifted my right hand and applied pressure to the bridge of my nose to no sudden avail it was simply out of a grown habit. This pain like the other kinds of pains that I felt could only be ignored or subsided yet I wished I could remove it from the many things that infiltrating my mind. My impulsively obsessive traits always got to the better of me and this thing called "health" which was ultimately connected to lifebut death has always been lingered around me ever since my origins, my birth...

And just as life can give to a person so can death take it all away; this very sense of fleeting reality was the very situation placed in my hands when it came to this dream that I held so dearly in my heart. I at least had reached the end of the long dark tunnel following the very so faint trances of a flickering presence of hope filled light towards the Undertaker; who would lead me once more to the shinigami (death god) that would ultimately determine my fate. It didn't matter if my health was continuing to grow weaker by the minute as I continued into running towards obtaining an actual audience with the very shinigami I had come to admire...at the beauty of death surrounding him. But these thoughts that lingered in mind were…simply discarded the rippling waves of sound.

My right hand fell from my face towards the vibration of my cell phone in my skirt pocket going off; I casting myself into a side alley I quickly took the call.

"Moshimoshi, Murakami speaking," I said in pleasantly sweet voice for the name on my caller id read [Inoue-san].

"Ah, Miss Murakami-san, I'm so glad to hear by the sound of your voice that you seemed to be faring better then the day we met here in Tokyo. [Just a night and half day after I had landed in Japan to be exact.] As you know I managed to arrange sometime for the band members to come in today and having you meet with them and discuss the meaning of your arrival here in Japan and your primary adjective and if they are willing to cooperate in your creative taken project," he said.

"In other words you're calling to inform me that members are willing to give me an opening in their schedules in obtaining an audience with them today," no matter how hard I tried to sound intriguingly calm but my voice cracked under the weight of nervousness at the very fact of it and rose sourly upward.

"Yes, but Kyo-san unfortunately hasn't stopped by as of yet so you may have wait for him. But I'm sure that the band members will take an interest in your perception of their ideal. You truly have a remarkable talent in obtaining essences of certain things such as the characteristic of an ideal that it cannot simply die like a human being can; though the legacy of person can take that certain character of becoming an embodiment of the ideal. Not to mention you have impeccable tasteful sense of perfectionism when it comes to descriptive details and pure driven raw emotions that only a true artisan that has mastered his or her craft can only achieve. So will you be willing to come in today despite unknown circumstances with Kyo-san and despite me saying earlier for you to come by just to get to know the area surrounding the vicinity…"

Despite those words that were filled with encouragement and praise…those were not the band member's words…it was not the words that spilled from the lips of the shinigami. Those words were simply spoken by the Undertaker yet despite the sudden urge to refuse considering my health condition only worsen instead of improved due to my impulsive traits; for I rescanned the entire manuscript that I had typed and seen so many times before after countless hours of editing last night. I simply knew I couldn't stand undecided for long because the shinigami would surely re-align himself depending on the very mood he felt today. But since the shinigami doesn't recall ever meeting someone such as me it would in be in his nature to oblige in the sake custom of his culture so I had no other choice but to accept the offer despite the lingering doubts that always chased me like I did with this dream and the nightmares that plagued me at the chances of failure.

"I-I'll be there but I could have wished to wait until myself publishing representative has arrived here in Tokyo but like I said before unexpectedly something happened to their family back in the States so it something I myself have to learn to do without a representative for now," I said walking out of the alley onto the sidewalk toward the building's front entrance.

"Yes, I can understand your wavering assurance in creditability and not wanting having a misperception. It is your goal in wanting this book series to boast the recognition of the band's project and to raising money towards organizations and campaigns in the relief effort even if the time has passed. But please believe in what I say that you know your own value of your efforts into that work you've created and managed to find a recognizable publishing company to take you under their wing and all that's left is to get to the approval of the members. You've worked so hard for so long I don't think they will simply cast your work aside as it had no meaning to you what so ever and on top of that, you; a part of you really wants them to contribute even more than just inspiration but in actually reconstruction of the manuscript to match the thoughts of the actually members based on what you've imagined. So once again please, keep fighting for such a worthy cause until the bitter end," said Mr. Inoue, deep down inside I knew I had to take this chance. For if I haven't forgotten the accident I knew other people hadn't as well and that their still waiting towards the many changes needed to happen within Japanese society.Oh God, Almighty of Heaven and Earth, please if it is to be your will that I accomplish this dream grant me the strength to keep moving forward.

"I won't give up fighting just yet I still have some breath of life within these lungs…my nerves tend to make me over think and criticize myself and tell myself otherwise. I suppose I'll hang up now and met you inside the building," and before I crossed the street I hung up and went inside the cool temperature building that scalded into the heavens. Walking off to the side as I entered the lobby I found myself staring intently at my surroundings instinctively I started to take out my notepad and began to draw sketches of the place with commentary details on the side since I knew I wasn't the best drawer in the world. After my vision began to blur after starting at the filled out page before me; I decided it was time to head towards the front desk and commence what I had set out to do.

"Excuse me, I'm Murakami Kyoko and I have an appointment with the manger of Dir en grey Atsushi Inoue-san today," I said with the best face I could do despite the persistent pain lingering inside my skull.

"Ah, is that so then, right this way please, Inoue-san told us to escort you personally," the female receptionist replied with fake smile I presumed spread across her face.

She lend away from the half circular front desk towards the right hallway entering deeper into the building. There laid on opposite sides of the hallway were the usually reflective sheets of aluminum that distorted and refracted the light unevenly of the outer shell that covered the elevators that ascended upwards towards the vast cage of reinforced steel. I smirked and told myself how many times have I ask the heavenly father to grant me my wish in seeing him, the very man that had led me astray from the blessed light…further into madness by succulent beauty of unwavering death. But as quickly the smile appeared beneath the skin on my face is dissipated at the end of my whispered thought. The distant ding of the opening doors I stepped inside with the receptionist. Turning around completely as the doors shut us in the elevators I noted that inner casing was made of entirely clear porcelain smooth glass exposing every angle of my image that looked disgusting compared to the women that stood next to me.

I look at my reflection next to her's; there I stood a girl of 158 cm, weighing no more than 36 kilos, a practically dead walking stick. For I had very little curves, my chest held small breasts that seemed almost flat, my ass stuck out a little due my weight gain yet it couldn't align properly with my thin thighs and legs. My skin was color of brown sugar with dark chocolate eyes shadowed by my dark circles; my face and forehead were small and considered 'cute' by Japanese girl standards framed by dark plum purple black hair that went straight down to my waist with hime (princess) styled bangs. My make up was visual kei styled make up, my eyes brows were dyed the same color as my hair, as for my eyes they were outlined with black eye liner smothered by my deep purple plum eye shadow, my purple mascara unified my fake eyelashes with my real ones. My piercings left holes in my face that suddenly seemed so visible and making me conscious of the flaws I held about my body and the countless sins that marked scares upon me like knife blades. My outfit consisted of a cotton white collared mid sleeved buttoned shirt, a thin bobby pinned lavender knit sweater, with a grey front ribbon pleaded skirt that had front pockets held in place with a thin lavender belt in front, black leggings, dark purple belt platform pumps and finished off with a popteen love type bag in lavender.

While the receptionist looked like most other girls I've seen Japan that particularly lived in Tokyo; someone who was always or rather most of the time kireina (beautiful) then me. She was taller than me even with my heeled pumps, she was about 163 – 165 cm, weight about 49 kilos. Her skin on her face glowed under the bright lighting in the elevator; she wore the simplest forms of makeup. Which was medium coverage foundation with light pink blush on her cheeks, thin line of eye black liner around her eyes, gold shade of eye shadow, along with mascara to mask her fake eye lashes with her real ones to make her eyes even look bigger and a pair of cherry blossom pink geo circle contact lens, and application of a light orange lip gloss. Her face was frame nice with bangs that swung across her forehead but not so far down to where it didn't cover her matching colored eye brows for it was held back my black hair bobbing pin, hair length was hard to tell because it was pulled up on top in a ponytail with waves of pure natural brown that flowed down softly like the sea, revealed the pink resin rose earrings that hung on her earlobes. Her outfit held a very high class vibe to it but I suppose it was due to the district this building was in and it was a uniform which she pulled off her very well. The uniform consisted of the a cotton white collared mid length cuffed sleeved with black buttons; in which had button all the way except for the last two buttons to reveal the gold ring on a gold chain hanging around her flawless skinned neckline. Coming over the shirt was an overall like top portion of a black cotton unified pencil skirt with nude pantyhose covering her legs that ended with retro chunky heeled belted pumps in smooth cherry blossom pink coated in shiny enamel. She started at her clasped hands over her small wallet like purse with her right arm's gold bangle bracelets hovering over it. The minute she saw me studying her intently she smiled a cute smile something I couldn't possibly due on a draw all I could manage in return was quickly flash of surprise, confusion of what to do, and embarrassment for even trying to be cute in that moment all I could do was a shy smile if I could even call it a smile. She finally then spoke to me after realizing I wasn't going to initiate the conversation for I was never good at speaking towards beautiful people.

"We haven't properly introduced ourselves have we," she said looking at the level of floors continued to climb. "My name is Fukoka Ami. Nice to meet you and please take care of me," bowing at forty five degree angle towards me.

"Ah~?!, Murakami Kyoko, nice to meet you too and please care of me as well," I said awkwardly bowing towards her.

"Fu fu fu, I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you, I should have asked to shake your hand but I couldn't tell if you're an American."

"I'm American…(but in such a populated country that a single triple cross walk travels one million people daily its easily to become faceless and disappear even with a non uniformly appearance amongst the Japanese population.)," I said softly.

"I'm guessing the name you used is your author pen name isn't it? I'm sure that's Inoue-san told me that was your part time occupation," she said watching me look at my small feet placed so close together.

"Yes, that's my pen name and not my real name I felt it would easier on the tongue for others that I'll probably met in the future. My major is East Asian Studies with an Emphasis on Asian American; creative writing is something I've done on the side for many years. But I've also taken interest in photography, journalism, and tourism (Practically it was the only talent I had because my singing voice which is just as silent as my real voice when it came to voicing my opinions and emotions with others. Writing was the only way to allow this silent voice was to be heard across the vast ocean and sky that connected me to him…)," I said nervously tugging at my sleeves and the numbers grew closer to the floor we were about to stop.

"Wow, you're such an ambitious person," she said smiling more brightly than ever.

"(This was one of the things I feared in being Japan is how easily their true intentions or feelings could be drowned out by the kindness and politeness their culture raised them; to lie to gaijin (foreigners) about who you really are for this was the product of centuries of isolation. I was a stranger in a stranger's world.) Yes…my determined ambition brought me here at last…I just hope…," I could feel the darkness growing in my eyes and light of hope wavering at the raising of smile spreading on my face. How many more countless souls do I have treed over to finally see you again?

She suddenly looked my hand that was shaking terribly at my undeviating nervousness spilled out of my heart raging into my body, "You'll do wonderful in your presentation introducing the story you made staring the label's most successful band and their campaign. Thank you for not forgetting about what happened on that day and for not giving it up even when it was so hard to achieve," slightly looking at my shadow filled eyes.

"It's nothing; no one should ever use forgetting as the means of not taking responsibility of what happened. We should all learn from our lessons as human beings or suffer even more at that devil's hands, that reap the black harvest that one has was sown…," I said with a voice so low that I didn't even recognize.

She looked at me wearily but noticed how my hand stopped shaking and that I squeezed it into a fist. In the reflection of her eyes I saw the light in mine return as I used my last bit of strength I had to retain my composer. My imagination eye saw how she kneeled on the ground in a bath of her own gold blood with gleaming rainbow shimmering feathers fell silently on the ground at my words that summon the grim reaper's scythe into my very hands. It my heart's desire to see him, this love that can't come to light, the God that I believe weeps for me and understands…how I must go to depths of hell to be with person in which my heaven lies…its suicide I know but I will keep my promise. I gave her one my smirk smiles, gave her the thumbs up with right hand, while pushing my hair back with my left hand in confidence all while stepping out to the designated floor. I turned around as she stood there unsure what sparked the sudden change; it annoyed me to see her face alight again with another warm smile.

"I'm sorry that I made you come up all the way up here but I would like to travel the next part of way on my own," I said looking at my feet again as I bowed apagogically.

"No, that's fine, I'm quite sure you want some time to mentally prepare yourself on such short notice in the presentation to all the members. I'll probably bring Niimura-san up towards you when the time comes. I'm certain that Inoue-san explained this earlier? Well its best I get back down and no longer take up the rest of your time; I really hope to see you again, Murakami-san," and with that she pushed the button that closed the elevator doors and waved a small good bye.

I possibly should have returned the gesture but it didn't come naturally for me to do so. Turning to the right down, what was once a hallway, was now another long tunnel in a unlighted cavern dripping wet with the tears of agonizing screams of lost souls kept here under the same stagnant breathe of death. The pain in my skull crackled in a fiery blaze as I took my first step toward the only direction I knew forward but even so I let my hand run along the wall as I made my way. My foots steps were silent, despite being uncomfortable in these heeled pumps due to my irreversible flat feet, yet despite how steady my steps seemed in reality I knew he saw how I trembled in fear of meeting his captivating gaze again. He knows I'm running out of manna…as child of God…I need to keep be alive in hell but also it makes me more vulnerable in not being able to resist his temptations but even worse the sins I committed up till now will consume me whole. Nevertheless I have to keep my mind clear for now because the one I was going to face now was the Undertaker. Pushing myself away from wall towards the right side as not seem out of place if other people decided to show up walking down the other way; also I didn't want him to see me so far undergone as I was so soon but it would be better if he never saw me like this at all. I brushed the sweat that built up on my brow and allowed my hair and bangs to create a veil to hide my worsening aliment plaguing my body as I turned the corner. There in a room that led to other passageways with numerous office doors stood Inoue-san and…Kaoru-san?!

"Ah, Murakami-san I see you made it here alright! Kaoru-san, this is Murakami Kyoko, author, of the two book part series Scream for Truth," he said directing towards my direction kindly.

Kaoru-san, who towered over me like most males bowed courteously towards me, but when he stood over me he smiled warmly. His face clear, unaltered by the passage of time, despite being the oldest of the members like a well aged wine except I think his warmth given off was like familiar scent of a freshly brewed coffee yet on stage he was more of a Jack Daniel's No. 45 on the rocks. His mustache was cleaning shaved while his beard was neat and trimmed. Framed by his shoulder length wavy brown dyed hair with blonde ends despite having his black roots exposed it matched him well. He had a black cotton t-shirt, with a nice grey cardigan sweater, over it that covered, with three fourths sleeves with gold cross pinned on the right side over his heart. It almost looked like a blazer, which was highly popular currently amongst male fashion; his bottoms were simple regular straight cotton jeans in shade of dark grey, his shoes were the unforgettable purple suede boots. But the scent that came off of him when he bowed drifted and lingered in my nose instinctively reminded me of long aged wood used to baroque but mixed with romantic spices but only one of those scents stood out that I could tell was that of a rose; which snapped me back up abruptly from my un-timely awkward yet elongated bow I could care less about the embarrassment for I was trying my best to stabilize my swimming head from the dizziness caused by the abrupt movement of my body.

I simple place my hand on the back of my neck and rubbed it nervously and fake a small laugh, "I'm untimely today in my bowing; it seems I've been too startled to react properly without seeming odd. Maybe I'm stilling feeling the effects of the jet lag."

"You just arrived to Tokyo then," asked Kaoru quickly accepting my apology with a reassuringly apologetic smile.

"Yes, not even a night and day but I guess since being a foreigner it takes a while to get into the flow of things," I said looking down at my hands clasping tightly around the straps of my purse.

"From what state in America are you from, you seem familiar believe it or not, but much has changed since then," said Kaoru, leading away slightly, making the conversation more casual and relaxed for me.

"Tekisasu, Tekisasu no Darasu (Texas, Dallas)…," I said feeling embarrassed by his intently looking stare in trying to recall my face from the point in time so long ago.

"We've performed there before haven't we, Inoue-san, Trees, was the name of the venue wasn't it, if I remember the place right. It was part bar with side balconies and the stage was small and cramped it reminded me of our earlier days just we starting out," he said laughing slightly.

"You performed there more than three times I believe but it despite small size venue it drew in a crowd. And amongst that crowd was you…," said Mr. Inoue-san deep in thought trying to imagine my younger on the day I met them.

"That's right you were amongst them. So when exactly did you see us? Back in 2009 Tour, no that wasn't the one with V.I.P reserved tickets it was, 2011 wasn't it?"

"I saw you all on….the 'All Visible Things Tour' November 3, 2009, "Age Quod Agis Tour' December 5, 2011, 'Ghoul Tour' November 3, 2013…there is no other reason to list the dates embedded in my memory even if the colored images have already disappeared I have photographs to preserve it," I said pulling out from my purse the photo taken on Dec. 5, 2011 I was just 18 years old then.

Kaoru took the photo carefully with both hands and stood there silent for a moment starting at the girl who was once me at the time. A faint smile flickered on his face, "How could I forget the person who wore a beautiful bright red beanie hat?"

"…red was theme of the tour and campaign so I chose to wear it that night so I wouldn't disappear amongst raving masses but like always I was just too small to be noticed and instantly swallowed up and have to move to the balcony above. The picture wasn't taken well but it didn't matter and even if I didn't smile properly in the picture (I was never really good at smiling anymore the way I used to as a child) I was truly happy then ever been is such a long time without having my friends by my side."

"Inoue-san said you're still overcoming an aliment would you like to sit down," he asked pointing toward a room whose door was slightly opened and handing back my photograph.

"As for my afflicting illness…don't be fooled I have come a long way and surpassed all that was arisen even if it has a hidden price to pay for in the end," I said walking toward the door.

"Your very passionate and ambitious person just like Inoue-san described. To me that quality I find highly attractable especially when it concerns with the topic were dealing with in the campaign. Nuclear power has once again become dormant in the issue concerning the population but with you and your burning desire I believe it will help us in keep this flame of hope alive. I just hope you're not so stubborn like Kyo-san is when concerns your health," he said as he sat down comfortably on the couch in the room lightly laughing.

"Everyone deals with matters such as those differently, and if I understood as Kyo-san would himself then, maybe I would choose his path or another path that I can't exactly say. (To be honest I have chosen his path, a path that will lead directly to him or to any other demon lord in want of devouring a vulnerable human soul. If I don't get a recharge of manna soon he won't hesitate to strike when he appears before me again…) so Inoue-san told me that everyone else except for Kyo-san has read the book correct?"

"Well Shinya has read most of it already considering he can read a lot more in English then rest of us, but I assume the others had read something out of the translated version. But Kyo-san…he doesn't like the smell of books or maybe that his way of saying he probably won't understand due to lack of knowledge on kanji since he dropped out but I'm sure he's at least heard something or look at the cover art you've chosen."

"It doesn't matter I've plan to have it all redone in some parts now that I have the chance to meet you all personally and really word it properly based off your actually responses if you actually lived in the world that I've created but of course its fiction so I may leave some things unchanged to make it still work (otherwise I'll probably use another six years of my life finding a way to make it work…)," I said taking the time to look around the room more clearly.

"I'm very well taken away at how you managed bring both me and Kyo-san together in my chapter that is in a way hidden from the other members; yet it surprises me how you crafted both me and Kyo-san to have leadership roles. I have always taken care of the band as a whole but Kyo was always the one to implement his constant changing expression with the others desires as well," he said watching my gaze stop at the drinks on the table.

Water, as mortal, I shall always hunger for manna and thirst for the universal solvent, but I fear that I'm far to undergone that water will no longer be of use if I recall correctly it only makes it worse, it won't be long before I have an attack again and the time it takes to recover is unknown to me.

"Yes, I made it to where both of you showcase the skills of being a leader, because everyone can lead at something, as well as follow…but if I really wish to implement the change amongst the youth by captivating them my indulging them completely amongst all of their senses. (Because they can never truly understand the corrupted mind of a misfit that's torn away at the chains of their sins…screaming at the melancholy of their fate…that goes unheard amongst the masses invisible.)," I said licking my drying lips in wanton thirst.

"What do you mean? Indulgence of their senses," said Kaoru-san unsure how to take my answer that sounded almost sadistic.

"….hasn't your government brainwashed you never to speak about the things that really matter? You speak yet can't do anything since your efforts yet to make a dent amongst the youth; your economic was in a downward slump for over twenty years because of my country's previous imposed rule. Though despite the fact after World War II Japan and its leaders decided to change and mimic the ways of the West but in the end it couldn't let go on the reins of the people. What I'm trying to say even though you know that the religious ways of old influence they way your country is in government and that in turned influenced how you were educated. Even though everyone in Japan is very rigorous in their studies they refuse to tell you about some of the things that actually need to change because some of these problems are linked together. You can't open a door without the right key….you know? For example Prime Minister Abe was trying to implement change by gaining proper support militarism for Japan to have a proper arm forces which is prohibited under the Article 9 included into the Japanese constitution as a part of the treaty with the U.S; the reason for such a thing increased problems and discomfort of having American troops currently located at Okinawa Naval Base. But I don't think my country's military would dislike removal of some its power in the Pacific Rim but with China and North Korea outlook unclear I would think its best that measure would be rise of military might in Japan."

"Indulgence of senses in other words bringing up the urge for them to make a change," he said.

"Yes it's like a reminder, a gathering of mutual feelings, an implementation of an ideal that can't be refuse," I said simply. "Because an idea can't be killed, it can only die if the memory fades away…," suddenly my mouth was filled with stingy taste of iron…

Suddenly Inoue-san entered the room, "I'm sorry for the interruption but the other members seem very anxious to meet you and Kyo-san won't be much longer his solo work staff meeting shall be ending soon!" If I had any saliva in my mouth I swear I would have choked on it like an idiot but instead I started a coughing fit in attempt to get rid of the staining blood taste in my mouth. The once sweet smiles on Shinya's and Toshiya's faces suddenly corroded away at the sound of my horrible relentless coughing. Kaoru-san instinctively placed a hand on my shoulder as I kept coughing until I couldn't breathe, my sides ached terribly, and I trembled slightly at the severity of it. Inoue-san suddenly gave me a cup of water…after my breathing became shallower I took the cup. I lend slightly back closed my eyes and rested a while before facing them.

"Are sure you alright Murakami-san? It would be better for you to go back to your hotel or apartment," said Inoue-san.

Go back? NO! I can't go back not after I've come so far! So what if this chain around my neck gets pulled tighter and tighter this soul inside this weak body has no other choice but to live; it's my only way is to move forward. Inoue-san image blurred into the Undertaker whom smiled a devilish grin, "Foolish child, why do you continue to resist? You at your body's limit yet…your soul burning desires don't relent! I implore you with mercy, not known to my lord, to reconsider and go back to where you belong." I can't go back understand that if I go back I'll have failed my God besides I don't belong in heaven without absolute resolution of my sins in loving this ideal of a man. "No, I'm fine, it nothing really (compared to the symptoms I got now it only gets worse from here on out…)," titling the cup so that the water touched my lips, silently took a mouthful just enough to relinquish the taste of blood, and slowly I gushed it out my mouth before I involuntary gagged it out, I'm no longer worthy of something so pure to flow in my veins anymore. Then I sat it down carefully before them as to seem natural once more. "Once more you refuse, alas, I hope my Lord pities you, so that he may not kill at the site of you…but earning his pity will only lead to even more suffering child." Shinya-san nervously shy standing there with his copy of my book's manuscript in his hands. Toshiya stood next to Die-san, who was looking at Kaoru-san, in curiosity of me. I stood up slowly and managed to properly introduce myself to them and in turned they shook hands with me. Kaoru-san explained to them, the reason why I was here, and the moment in which the promised I had made was conceived.

"From the looks of the photo you really changed a lot, you're like almost a completely different person," said Die-san with his eyes darting back in forth from the picture towards me who was standing in front of him. (I am almost completely different…I did so much during my college years like gaining weight, growing out my hair, clearing up my face, to put on makeup properly and got a job to pay for what I wanted. Yet no matter what you change you can't change your soul all you can do is suppress it…)

"So you're the girl who said that too us? You're are so small and deeply immersed in the group and it was kind of dark that I couldn't tell which person that voice was coming from but here you are standing before us. It's incredible that you've come to keep your word even if we may have forgotten you," said Toshiya-san.

"Do you still have the hat," said Shinya-san whom was stilling looking at the photograph.

"Yes I do, actually, I wear other colored ones during the winter time," I said distinctively remembering my days of walking the city streets of my hometown under the bitter cold winter wind encased by the high raised buildings of glass.

"Excuse me but the reserved room for Miss Murakami-san is ready; Kyo-san called Inoue-san that he won't be keeping her waiting for much longer," said another receptionist whose voice suddenly echoed into the room from the doorway.

"Please take care of yourself, Murakami-san, I think it's best for you to go to the doctor, just in case you illness flares up again," said Kaoru-san as he watched me walk towards the doorway to where the women patiently stood.

"…it's probably just another stomach virus episode or summer cold maybe even the flue…," I said simply. I turned to give them a weak smile…I hope that really what it all comes down too. Disappearing from their site as I followed the receptionist.

Hallways that were once refreshingly cool against the summer's heat changed into a bitterly fridge wind that bit deep into my skin. And the world that was once before my eyes changed again taken away by cold winds of the ninth circle of hell; a realm for the traitors and their ultimate sin, was nonetheless then treachery, itself. I knew that those piercing black eyes that lay upon my soul had captured me inside this cold dark realm of the traitors in which the shinigami resided and utterly dominated under his power alone. The cavern's walls that once embraced me as a shielded shelter from the previous horrors that I have seen suddenly spread their beautiful black wings opening wide welcoming me to my ultimate fate towards redemption of my sins. As I turned to the left the wall remained a scaling obsidian rock towering like modern city sky scrapers glistening under then thickening sheets of clear ice; while to my right was nothing but ledge of a sheering cliff rock that one misplaced step could led to my eternal slumber of condemnation. But I continued to trek forward on the inclined plane of the path that I had chosen; the steep mountainside pass had stopped abruptly into the pitch black darkness and there was only one choice of action for me to take. The very one that I had been taking since the beginning of my crusade and that was to descend even further into the eternal darkness.

With the last bit of my manna remaining, I summoned the accursed blade into my hands, turning away from the ledge with my back against the wind, letting go all of my thoughts to be devoured by the emptiness and fell backwards from the ledge. And with the right momentum in my fall I sprung into a back flip and swung down hard allowing the scythe to clip deep into the stone and began to slide down the side of the cliff until I could no longer continue to scale downwards. I banished the scythe for a moment quickly latched on into a rope strung across like a zip line unto a small ledge. It seemed to have been another dead end if I didn't have a keen eye in observing my surroundings for I quickly noticed a jutting spike of ice strong enough to hold my weight. To get closer to another piece of hanging rope draping the slick black ice wall further across from me. Summoning the scythe again I flung the blade into the air changing it into a flip saw warming up the gears locked inside the handle releasing a grapple hook chain for me to grab a hold of and swing myself across towards the rope. Sliding down the rope despite the possibility of rope burn I gripped it tightly and began to run along the wall to reach another portion of uncovered rock to scale even further into the dark depths. But during my descent I futuristically spotted two more shortly lengthen ledges of ice quickly dislodging the blade whipped out my grappling hook chain to soar over the gaps. As I landed after scaling down the wall with my scythe, my feet at last landed themselves once more on solid ground only to face the only obstacle left in my way from seeing through the end of this maze.

I turned to find the path opened to me blocked by a raising inclined wall of pure black ice withered down by the howling wind. It looked almost like a skateboard half pipe wall, and except to scale it without a skate board or any shoes on one's feet is quite a difficult task. But I was not going to let this wall obscure me from my goal, even if I was in my purest form…a soul without an exact physical body, it was the only way to transverse in this realm, but the strain on my physical body was already a heavy price to pay. I paused for a moment in what I should do next, if I injured my soul in my attempts to pass, it could mean the ultimate suffrage price in my physical body…unless I can't…I will not…it is not impossible to do it without it! Placing my naked feet firmly on the frost bitten glistening sin carved slab of stone, adjusting slightly at the black draped hooded robe, that covered my body, I uncovered my trembling hands against the bitter cold and began to run towards the incline. At the high of my running speed I jumped barley high enough to manage to grab the ledge of the reemerging flat surface into my vision but I was unable to support the weight of my small body with my arms due the unfound friction in my feet. And I tumbled back down the slippery slope with slit opened cuts and bruises from the fall. I stood up shaking even more at the strain filled pain from my upper limbs and numbness from my feet. I had no other choice but to keep calling on this accursed blade and in an instant despite the stabbing pain in my heart at that fact I held its metal crafted handle in my numbed fingered hands. Once more with all my might despite the growing pressure against my fast beating heart inside my cage of a body ran towards it. My path of freedom, against the melancholy of my fate, against Kami-sama (God), tenshi (angels), youkai (ghosts), and oni (demons) even the shinigami, himself. As I leapt into the air once more I swung hard down on the scythe in my hands letting the blade slide across the ice just enough to give me enough leverage to sail over this wall. With help of the surging cold wind blowing through my robes I landed crouched safely on the edge of the flat surface. Then within the seconds of my victory was short lived because with a thunderous crack the ice wall shattered after I struck its heart. I fell and sent tumbling down rolling another path of slick ice and struggled to stop myself before I fell to my death by sliding across a thin and unstable bridge of ice. With a desperate hands that couldn't hold onto anything but a sinful murderous weapon and with a painful scream emerging from my beating heart in my chest at the strain against my almost completely depleted reserves of manna and thru the last surging energy in my body I craved my will to live into the ice and stop myself from moving forward.

Everything was silent and the winter wind blew softly whispering only the shinigami's laughter at my fall and failing power against his unknown and possible unmanageable strength. Pain, that all I could feel, pain against the crushing blows against the insanity of bleakness of actually winning against him in my current state of affairs…it stung like the reality of being splash with cold water, which was losing…everything I worked so hard for. I laid there for a moment trying my best to stabilize myself…I started another coughing fit, the pressure trapped inside my chest was too much for me to bear, I wish I could just rip out my heart. I tried lifting my head but the raging fire inside my skull exploded into one of its worse stages, everything started to spin out of control as if I was still tumbling out of control, my draped robes clung to my body's sweat and possible blood flowing from my wounds but one thing is for certain that one of my hands retained a firm hold on the handle staked into the earth while the other wiped away at escaping tear in the pressures of my agony. I didn't know how long I stayed there fixated on the ground unmoving but when I felt the strange numbness of the cold taking effect against the pain it was then that I decided to move again.

My next obstacle toward my goal in seeing him again was the bridge of pure clear ice that whistle the howls of his awaken breathing towards my presence. I stood at the beginning edge of the bridge hearing the soft snow flurries crunch beneath my naked feet melting away against the warm of my body. But even louder crackle emerged from beneath the bending ice under my weight told me that some of the ice was not thick enough to hold me in some places. I had to get moving quickly if I am to transverse over this bridge yet slowly enough into not having to fall through its pitfalls. As I careful placed my steps against the ground trying my best to keep moving forward despite having shattering shrills of ice starling me from time to time quickly devouring the road I must cross over to reach the other side at what seemed my final destination. At last my feet towered over the solid ground before the white road faded away into the utter darkness. All that was left was the incantation to grant me passage to the beast lying below this distant echo of a bell tolling far away to a time I don't know and possibly would never know. To the ends of the earth I have transverse against my redemption, I beseech you come forth at my call…Against the heavens I have come in search of my emancipation…I seek the hand beyond the echo tolling bell in which my promise was conceived. Suddenly the wind blew and the bell rung out a deep mesmerizing voice, "Come and catch me, pitiful soul, I shall grant you your heart's desire."

Heart's desire…my desire is…no it's better if I don't even say it even in my thoughts it was something that would never come into fruitation. I turned around back to the start from which I traveled at the breaking joint in which the bridge of ice used to connect. There was a gaping hole that leads somewhere deeper into the center of the earth at the end of the peninsula that I was now standing on. Beneath the now silent gold bell…was a world furthest from the heavens. As I reached out to touch the engraved words of the rim of the bell, I feel a surge of power coursing through my body caressing me with intense heartwarming warmth, rekindled flames of forgotten passions of my dreams sparked to life the reappearance of the blade into my hands. The lyrics of one of Kyo's songs appeared on the tip of my tongue and in a blur movement of my lips I spoke them. In an unreachable, clear dark place from behind my fingers I peer at the world… I understood then that I had no other choice but to continue my descent into the very pit of the coiled serpent. Gripping the scythe in my hands firmly I swung so hard while surging heat of the power still coursed into my body. And ear splitting toll rung out from the bell and dyed with thunderous clamor of the metal as it banged against something large and metallic as the sparks flew further in the unknown depths. I took a step back and close my eyes, feeling the blade in my hands once more I dissipated the urges of hate in using it and I jumped into the rabbit hole just like in Alice in Wonderland.

When I opened my eyes all I could see as I fell was blackest of black, glimmer of reflective surface of clear ice over what seemed to be the color of dark blue, and sparks of faded embers but the force pushing me upwards, was no other then the wind trying to expose the weakness of my naked mortality, made my eyes too watery to even see clearly. But the speed of my falling body cut through faster than I had anticipated for what came into view was something I didn't expect to face that was now blocking my path. A slithering chain attached from the ice cavern's ceiling that expanded into a view formed a helix with its forming strains surrounding me as it rattled under the wind turbulence. Still in my continuous free fall I saw nine other chains coming in graceful under arched, braided spirals attached, from lamenting stone angels craved out of the very obsidian stone that lined the octagonal shaped room. Together they formed the seal of the beast; a pentacle of craved sins, in the center was a stone craving of a demonic eye with its pupil staring at me as a stalking wild cat. As I drew even closer toward the center of the eye, I feel the coursing magic that had surge in me before come to life again and with accursed blade in my hands I plunged forward and blasted my way through the ruble of shattering rock. As I pasted through the thick chains, they latched on to my limbs and other various parts of my body, I struggled to free myself but the strain against my already weakened muscles, now that the power mysteriously retreated again, constricting closer to my body with whatever movement I made. The chains became to glow hot pulsing flashes as the wiccan runes slowly began lit up, the heat suddenly surged through my body that felt different then one I felt before…it felt like I being branded by a piercing hot iron engraving almost every single sin except…I screamed into a blistering agony, convulsing the aching pain through the chains that rattled like child's toy helpless held in the air. My heart heaved against the weight of my sins and my body fell limp in exhaustion; as the chains slowly unraveled themselves sliding across off my body caressingly. I closed my eyes spilled with tears that I could no longer go hold on…

Sky falling with the searing pain of being branded like the worthless soul I was and unable to do anything but bear the weight of the coursing heat that flowed through my blood; the wind that engulf my ears in the mimicking roar of oceanic waves did nothing to cool me down. I felt as if the burning hopes of my desire burning out like a dying star giving off the last of its heat into the dark vastness of the universe. Suddenly admits all the pain and suffering I opened my eyes to see what was happening below me in the realm below a world farthest from the light at the center of the earth. And what had I seen previously above was true, that there was flickering flames of torch light encircling a lake that served as the floor. Realizing that I only had a few more meters to go before impact I tried my best to stabilizing my tumbling fall but it proved to be difficult now that there were holes in my garment. But like a bird with clipped wings I entangled myself amongst my own limbs and crunching splashed into the frigid waters. The splintering thin broken glass like shards of ice embedded themselves across my skin stirring the sea of water into sacrificial blood bath to the shinigami. Flapping my wings wildly in my desperate attempts to stay afloat but couldn't because of the dragging weight of the only piece of clothing I wore not to mention I couldn't swim. I didn't want to die from drowning but my strength had left me, blood pumping out of the very body that strangled itself to breathe, the excruciating pain I was a feeling was just too much. Then under the melodic rhythm of waves, I close my eyes, allowing death come to me in my sleep…

How far I sank down to the endless depths of the water I didn't know…but all I knew is that I no longer felt the burden of my pain. I felt warmth seeping into my body as what seemed like an endless sleep but for some reason the water grew colder and heavy as I drifted along the current. Suddenly I felt a strange aura of power pouring through the water that jolted me awake. My body convulsed in the strain to breathe but I couldn't allow the poisonous bluish black liquid to fill my lungs! My eyes fluttered opened to see that the reason why the temperature continued to plummet; the layer of ice was being to reform again and if I didn't break through fast enough I would be frozen inside the lake forever! A power boiled through my blood that wasn't my own but it wasn't a power I could refuse at the moment. I pressed my hands against the wall of ice feeling it to see if it was weak enough for me to pound through. After several tries at feeling for a blemish in the sheet of ice covering the lake at last I found one; with all the strength I had left for I was so close into passing out at this point. I pounded with every ounce of my being that screamed out to breathe the breath of life. The ice gave way to a miraculous thunder crackling pop; I pulled up my head, disregarding that hood was clinging to my back, out of the water gasping lung full of air and coughed another terribly long fit in getting all the previous accumulated amounts of water out of my lungs. Clinging dearly to the solid ring of ice around me I tried my best to pull myself up along with this drenching soaked hooded cloak. After a few moments of rest, I slowly contracted my frozen muscles into moving like I wanted them too. Staggering slowly on frost bitten toes across the ice, clinging tightly to the wet cloth my only protection against this environment, breathing heavy trying to get more oxygen then the thin air could proved, with murky watered vision I managed to make my way across.

I turned around to the damage I've done to the uniformity of ice across the lake, small gaping hole in the middle of the lake held out its jagged edged jaws towards the sky, otherwise it was quite calm except for an occasional flow of wind scrapping off the reflective surface. As I turned away trying to figure whether or should I continued to travel in hell but something made me turn around. That powerful feeling I felt in the world began to concentrate itself into the air making it stagnant. Suddenly the wind picked up into a screeching howl and gaping jaws roaring with a suddenly burst of anger. Cracks instantly appeared along the surface, craving the accursed symbol of the pentacle star, glowing red with the very o blood that I filled in water's mysterious depths below. Suddenly dark shadows blacker then the navy blue color of the water emerged rising above the surface like reminiscences of cigarette smoke drifting upward. They extended themselves into spider like strands slowly weaving themselves into chains like out stretched hands toward the heavens they immediately stopped clawing at the sky and swarming towards me. Fuck! I don't have enough manna in me to deflect this one and plus this strange power that surged through me isn't going to cut it for me this time either. Instantly I became the caught butterfly in a spider's web with no help in sight I was mercilessly pulled away back into the sub-zero temperature waters. The minute my head was completely submerged under the chains dissipated dying the water the blackest of blacks. Yet as I tried to pull myself free I couldn't for I was being held down by ghastly pale hands in replacement of the chains which not only grabbed a hold of me but they also covered my mouth, eyes, and ears. I knew I couldn't keep struggling that would only make me weaker, my low manna reserves, blood lose, and deprivation of oxygen led me no choice but to once more fall asleep in the arms of death.

A lightly rapping came from outside the door. My eyes forcefully swung open like that very door on its hinges. With an emotionless reflection I stared at the women, the same reception that brought me here, stood in front of me setting down a clipboard from her hand unto the table. The clip board contained some of the documents I have brought with me for them and if everything went well Niimura-san signature would stain the pure white paper like wax red seal. I blinked baffled in how was it that I returned to the real world if not by my own accord. I turned my head slightly letting it slid smoothly across the cool black leather. I squeezed my eyes shut wrenching in pain because of my pupils that refused to disengage from their dilated state as if a part of me wasn't in reality. Slowly the pain subsided in my retinas adjusting to the lighting of the room that was still too painfully bright yet I could see everything clear again. Pulling away from the sofa and hunched over to wipe the tears away from my eye lashes. I looked up at the desk floor receptionist she stared at me worrisome returning stare and spoke in a soft voice if I wanted anything. Straightening up a little too quickly, my whole world around me began to sway, but I managed to choke out the words for Ibuprofen and extremely chilled Dr. Pepper, without falling over the table as I stood up to wear off the dizziness spell. She left without another word, and I in turn examined the room about me. The room was a medium sized room; with bright red walls that cut the room in endless horizon of a sinking sun, casting an infinite shadow across the land was the black leather coach engulfing the bottom half of the room from the left side of me towards the back. Yet the back wall's upper half wasn't painted red for the glass window took up the entire wall and gave away to the expansive view of the Tokyo skyline. I moved away from the long black coffee table toward a section of the back wall unblocked by the couch towards the window sill to see the bustling city below. The next minute I was standing so close to the glass that my nose pressed against the window pane and fogged under my breath. As I looked down I suddenly was overcome by the symptoms that been had plaguing me up till now that had finally decided to take a turn for the worse. I began to cough again yet my air ways felt as if there were constricting themselves tighter inside my dry throat. That lack of oxygen reaching my lungs was enough to send me crouching down on my knees with hands pressed flat against the carpeted floor. Trying to take in slow deep breaths to no avail at the moment I sat up straighten my back against the wall gripping tightly at my chest for my heartfelt heavy and compressed by a weight I didn't understand. I closed my eyes praying to God that I would returned to stabilized state before anyone would notice but instead I found myself emerging into the memories of those ghastly hands embracing me. I snapped my eyes opened wide in fear, breathing in short raspy breaths, still feeling those cold wet chains wrapping themselves tighter against my body sliding against mine own trembling flesh in a taunting like gesture. Yet as I opened my eyes to see where I was being led in those dark watery depths in that spiritual realm my vision was obscured by the fluttering tails of the chains that held me but it was only a distraction of what was to happen to me. Those hands appearing over my eyes and mouth and didn't remove themselves no matter how hard I struggled were of his alone and I knew it that they were his. The water was electrified by the toxicity of his power flowing through its pulses sent my body instantly in paralysis leaving me hopelessly lifeless but even so I could still feel his touch overall of the fingers of his minions that disguises themselves as binding chains to suppress me while their master did the rest. I could help but rub the warm fabric of my sweater against my arms in trying to get rid of the vividness of those past events.

I got up slowly but to my surprise I felt normal again in a way I hadn't had in a long time and sat back down in the leather coach and began to look over the paper work and the manuscript I had to read from to Kyo-san since he wasn't particularly fond of books. I found myself lost in the text; the realm of which I had created oh so long ago will it finally be the time in which it comes to life? Suddenly another light knock came at the door, one that was different than before, I stopped and looked up to see the door open, there stood Kyo-san, helping the female receptionist come in with my order by holding open the door. I simply compiled my papers that were spread out across the table like fallen autumn leaves, stood up to say words of greeting, introduced myself to him, yet I bow a bow of reverence to someone who influence me so much. He kindly returned a similar mirrored image of actions toward me, giving me a smile that I knew meant nothing but common curtsey yet it didn't stop my heart from skipping inside my tightened chest under the pressures of nervous excitement. The receptionist set down a freezing cold glass filled to the brim with Dr. Pepper and next to it a napkin with two burning dark red orange pills. I instantly grabbed the napkin and pills, crushing them into a fine power, then slipping out from my pocket where two packets of sugar and I left the bubbling dark caramel liquid devour it, grabbing a pen that I had set down on the table to add some notes I stirred the glass and drank it contents ravishingly until it burned the insides of my throat. After finishing every last drop I set the glass down lightly and grabbed the bridge of my nose again and squeezed to silence the stinging sensation of a carbon gas exiting my nostrils. Pushing it aside to concentrate at the work at hand I didn't really notice the women leave with my glass half filled again with the remaining soda. Kyo-san was busy reading the documents of the clip board that was left for him as not to notice me watching him intently yet trying to thinking of the best way to conveying my story through my Japanese voice with same impact it had with in my native tongue amongst my friends. I remember I had practiced thousands of times over and over again at the hotel and even at my newly bought apartment yet I felt like it wasn't enough so many kanji I could choose to select the meaning I so desired. I found myself looking at the prologue the very essence that engraved my emotions towards him forever and the day I met him, a night I would never forget, a night for him was like any other night when meeting his fans. So deep was I lodged in my memories that Kyo's words jolted me back to the reality of my fate towards him never knowing the truth.

"My sorry I kept you waiting for so long, Miss Murakami-san, I was at one of my meetings for my solo project; then I got a debriefing about what you've discussed with the other members," he said still looking at the papers and their contents.

"No, that's fine…patience is a virtue," I said straight up at the tension in my muscles. I took some more sips of soda but my hands were shaking too much at my nervousness.

He stopped reading and looked at me for a moment, I didn't move much less breathe, as his eyes glazed over trying to place my face into a filed distant memory. I quickly looked down because I feared I would get lost in the endless depths leading to his soul like the first time our eyes held each other gaze evaluating each other's souls.

"My memory isn't the best but I have a feeling that I met you once before; your eyes reflect a soul that I liked to find amongst my fans," he said with a smile as I picking up my head up slightly.

"I know reading isn't something you like to do but I feel that you would better understand, have more of an interest in taking part, if I read the books to you gradually," I said lifting the thick bonded manuscript.

"It's not that I don't like reading it just it's so hard to find an author that can capture you with their written words. But from what the guys are saying you have unique writing style that balances both the delicate details and rawness of emotions. So I'm looking forward in listening," he said relaxing against the leather, took off the black framed glasses from his nose, rubbed his hands against his face, snorting in his usual manner I've seen on live DVDs. He shifted himself into a more comfortable stance and nodded once he was ready to begin.

I flipped opened to where my finger had laid in between the pages like a bookmark; closed my eyes despite my fears and whispered the words that have gotten me through so much many times before, "I will…" and I begun to read the story to him liked I had so many times before with the same vigor of emotions as I could. The kanji that stream across my eyes as I read began to blur but it didn't matter I remember every single word embedded into flesh of the page by the pure sheer emotions I felt. My voice choked out at the dryness of my throat but I didn't care, I didn't blink caused my eyes to glisten, finally as I neared the end of the first chapter my voice became a soft whisper, but not too much to be hard on his left ear, inlaying the final moments as memory reminiscing on the mind of the main character. I closed the manuscript placed it on the table and slid it toward him since it was his copy to being with. I wiped my eyes from remaining tears that fastened themselves to my lashes, drank a little bit of my soda again with ice clicking against the glass by the shaking of my hands. Grabbing the bridge of my nose out of habit I watching him from the corner of my eyes; he glanced at the other paper worked I was looking at earlier and looked for a few moments on the cover art and then synopsis of what joint junction would be required of the band. Kyo-san then took a fountain pen from his front pocket on his light blue collared dashed line vertical t-shirt and quick signed at the thick signature line next to other signatures of his band mates. All that was left for me to do was to sign my name as well, so I took the very pen from his hand that was still warm and boldly signed my name and the contract was sealed. I gathered all my papers, organized them quickly back into the portfolio I was carrying, setting that aside I recapped his pen and upon returning it we stood up. We said our thanks of gratitude towards making commence of this project a successful one and with a bow that stood in for a goodbye.

I stood there watching him from behind as he left the room and with a resounding click of the door closing firmly I sighed a long exhausted breath and busted in laughter at a happiness that was short lived. The swinging range of emotions plaguing my body proved too much for my heart and I sent down on my knees to the floor. My heart's heaved in its heart beats, the weights I couldn't see yet I knew it was my sins that forms chains all the way into the darkest depths of hell that tugged at me. I knew that I was at the brink of my own destructive madness so I stood up again once again feeling swamped by another dose of symptoms. The persistent headache returned with more vigor then I had could handle that I was practically blinded by the lights of the room and stumble into the table. I grabbed the glass and drank a little bit more but the pain pulsed with every time my heart decided to beat in my chest and it felt out of my hands crashing against the table's smooth surface spilling the contents. The lack of blood pumping through my body sent my muscle in spasms again, air ways strained against the change in width again, and over the lack of oxygen sent my whole body's equilibrium spinning out of the control again so that when I walked out of the room again it looked as if the heels I wore were pure torture to my ankles that buckled wildly against the tide. Yet as I walked in the hall, aided by the wall nearest to me, I felt my stomach lunging in the urged to dispose of whatever content boiled raging inside of me against the raising internal temperature of my body. Every step I took closer to the restrooms I saw earlier down the maze of hallways, when I was guided, seemed further and further away at the illusions of the heat that made seemed to forever extend in either direction. When I got there I quickly locked myself in rushing towards the toilet bowl and hurled every last bit of everything I consumed in the last couple of hours, even so, my stomach continued to hurl in the attempts to even rid itself of its own juices. My head and heart pulsed simultaneously slamming against my very bones in exhausting pain filled fear. I quickly tried my best to get up towards the sink and wash myself up but to not avail. There was no possible way to get rid of the dark circles emerging from underneath my makeup at neither my lack of sleep nor the paleness of my chapped lips that signaled both dehydration and nausea cause by the spinning merry-go-round of suddenly imbalance. All I could do was pretend under grinning teeth that I didn't have a migraine or speak slowly so that I could lessen the fact that I was hyperventilating by sudden asthma attack like symptom. Despite being plagued by so many emotions and symptoms I couldn't help but feel angry at the fact that I was left to use that accursed weapon. It was that very weapon that helped me navigate in the spiritual realm was also the very thing that depleted my manna just to stay alive in a realm I didn't belong. To go against the tide was a large price to pay…not to mention I got seriously injured while within that realm which meant on top of the depleted manna reserves my body had to strain all the pain of my injuries all because I wasn't a dead soul and had no right to be in the depths of hell.

As I stepped out of the restroom, I ran into the same female receptionist that had led me the way. She caught me leaning against the wall in shortness of breath as if I had climb six flights of steps without stopping. I straightened myself the best way I could, gripping tightly against the leather outer shell of my purse against the ongoing pains, yet my knees still bent and my ankles still buckled awkwardly as if I didn't have much training in walking in heels. Her inattentive worried stare was still emanating themselves in waves without me looking dead straight in her eyes.

"Are you okay? Did the pills I gave you help," she said nervously clasping her hands together in front of her.

"Yes, but it seems I have no more energy left in me, so I'm going to head on home and get some needed rest," I said lying to her straightly in the face and quickly departed from her site before she could argue otherwise.

With the change of attitude in getting out of this building as quickly as possible I quickly found myself back at the intersection junction in which I had met Kaoru-san and once again found him out in about almost as if waiting for me. I muffled a swear word under my wheezing breaths and asked him something that be considered a little out there for most Japanese but I was dire need of a manna recharge plus Kaoru-san was catholic too so I'm sure he would be happy to assist me unknowingly.

"Excuse I know this a bit sudden to asked but I was wondering if you could tell me the location near by Catholic Church here in Roppongi district. I was hoping to pay my respects before I head on home today," I said meekly.

He gave it a moment's thought and replied, "Ah, there's one called Franciscan Chapel Center. Here's the address if I recall correctly 4-2-37 Roppongi, Minato-ku, and Tokyo-to, 106-0032," writing simply on sticky note he was given by the attendants of the desk's floor. I took it gratefully and hurryingly departed without letting him say anything to me either. Heading southwest walked across four crosswalks and on the right was the building and it only took four minutes to get there. I entered the white building that held the name of the church in gold embossed letters stenciled outside and with a coffee brown silhouette painting of a capuchin fryer in his monk robes rippling in an imaginary breeze. The place was awfully quite but then again not many people would come by during this time of day. I was greeted by two elderly women who sat at the information desk. Their hair was both short curly forming crowns on top of their heads, their wrinkles on their faces displayed wisdom of years they have lived but it was hard to say what was their exact age. Each of them wore nice floral one piece dress with thin belts at the waist and knee length hems, nude stockings, and very soft comfortable shoes the only difference between them was the color cardigan sweaters they wore; one was blue and the other pink each with a gold cross pin attached to the right side of their chests just like Kaoru-san. They both gladly showed me away around into the service hall asked the reason of my visit and I gave them an answer that was both filled with truths and lies.

"I just came to Tokyo, yesterday, and I just come from a building across the district to accomplish an agreement of campaign collaboration in years making. I just wanted to thank the Lord for blessing me on my success in path towards helping others. But it seems my ailment has been flaring up again and decided attending a service that would lift my spirits," I said in all honesty.

"Is that so, you must be awfully tired from such a long flight but I'm glad you decided to find rest in house of the Lord," the blue sweater wearing women said and she continued to lead me away while the other departed in search of the priest.

At last I stepped into the wide open spaced room with three sections that held wooden cushioned pews for people to sit down and kneel facing towards the alter. Where a man gave his greatest sacrifice to the people who did and didn't believe in hope yet his love was enough for God to give humanity the chance of eternal life. I found myself starting intently profusely immersed at the sweet smelling aroma of pine come from the cross that was gleaming under the soft glow of spotlights and suddenly footsteps approached me and I turned to find the head priest watching me intently. I found myself on edge under his gaze; I knew God was looking through his eyes he knew all the countless sins I've committed up till now and yet he allowed me to do so under the commandment made into a convent with God and Kyo-san.

"How are you fairing my child," he asked me as I stood there watching the shadows dancing behind him in angered screams in the agonizing pain of being trapped in holy light.

"…sometimes I feel that my cross is too heavy to bear father. Yet it is our own sins we've commit and the sacrifice of being servants in name of love must we continue to tread on further," I said.

"There are moments in which we deem our futures as bleak but it is because we can't see the light in which the Lord our God has placed for us. You must have faith child," he said beckoning me to sit down. "But I can see that the wavering light in your eyes is slowly dying is there not something else you would like to say in respect of such words?"

"Nothing father…just exhausted yet not nearly even finished in what I set myself out to do. I was just hoping you would grant me your blessing and I shall see you again on Sunday perhaps unless I find a church closer to my apartment," I said trying to sound cheerful as I could.

"I see you're an ambitious one, if you don't feel like you're moving forward, you tend to over think and lose faith. But it's also this form of stubbornness that will let you into ill health," he said knowingly that I was gravely ill and couldn't hide it from God's all knowing eyes. But even so he placed majestic royal purple shall over his shoulders, stood up and walking out to the center aisle in graceful waltz he went up towards the alter. He bowed three times and then proceeds to walk behind it. Grabbing the lantern filled with frankincense, he swung it gently back and forth like the pendulum of a grandfather clock clouding my mind with distant memory of the past…as for the pains in my body simply feel into a muted slumber.

When I opened my eyes I found myself surrounded by the cold winter night air and familiar old buildings on the west side of my hometown; the very night was the anniversary of my second concert for Dir en grey but it was the most special then even more then all my wanderings alone. It was that night I had kept waiting for, a daydreamer's forbidden dream… I thought that was in impossible to ever come true. A small star it seemed shining brightly in the darkest of night skies that held distant warmth that was kindly caged within my chest at the end of it all. I have met him on this night years ago, that depths of his eyes that never ceased to captivate me, the warmth of his hand in mine, a light squeeze against my very bones and a considering smile that gave so much yet revealed nothing. Reminiscing in how the darkness cradled me soft like a baby…complete undisturbed at the fact that he stared straight into the pure nakedness of my soul for his eyes to see alone. And as for his…complexities of it was vast and mysterious as the darkness itself that I found myself in trance that only he could release me from. Just like then he had complete control over me…suddenly the distinct sound of the DART train coming down the rail line took me away from my thoughts that filled me with longing to be with him again. I got on the train, then on another train, until I ended up in place that led me away from this city that could no longer hold my dreams. I slept most of the plan ride to the city of my ancestors…my roots steeped in blood, Mexico D.F., Mexico.

I looked pasted the fuchsia blazing the sky a fire in symbolism of the coming dawn. But the sky colored didn't matter to me it just all the more deepened the longing as was the distance between us. So I hurried away from the run way of Mexico City International Airport towards the building complex walking past the swarms of people. Mexico City second most populated metropolitan center in the whole world even when the world was divided between old and new but from beneath this very city was another just as great it was known as the Aztec capital of Tenochtitlan. I knew some day my ambitions would led me into the gateway of this great city to pay respects to the Almighty God, for giving me all the virtues need to surpass all the stresses with the project I constructed for myself and dealing with loving such a man; not to mention keeping one of my utmost promised desires to save him in way unique as myself and Tecuantlaxopeuh (Our Lady of Guadalupe) who protected me from all harm during sickness and health during my travels in education. The minute I got my luggage I hurryingly made my way towards the entrance of the main building complex to catch a taxi towards my next location. Standing outside the building finally away from all the masses of people in close proximity did I unbuttoned and unzipped my fur lined coat, and adjusted my scarf wrapped around my neck, loosening it at the slightly warmer temperature and nonexistent winds. I checked my cell phone slightly pulling it out from my jacket pocket…5:30 am the wonders of a non-stop flight but the jet-lag was still torture to me despite the one hour difference in time zone plagued my body as if it where thirteen hours difference. So I flagged down a taxi despite the awkwardness of it since there's very little use of taxi for me in Dallas and quickly got in the golden yellow car with a band of red going down the middle on it sides.

The driver turned slightly asked me in English unknowingly where exactly did I want to go. "Where too miss," he asked with accent I knew too well.

"Basilica de Guadalupe por favor," I said fluently in Spanish. All the while thinking of my mother that I had left behind at home suddenly my feelings of home sickness returned yet in a way Mexico felt like home but being alone makes you think of things you wished you shouldn't have.

"Ah~! So habalas espanol?! De donde buenes pues (Ah~!,So you speak Spanish?! Well then where too?)," the driver asked with enthusiasm as he pulled away from the curb.

"Si hablo espanol. Des de Dallas…Tejas (Yes, I speak Spanish. From Dallas…Texas.)," I spoke with a voice filled with thoughts of far away.

"Te ves tan joven para viajar por tu cuenta? Reunión de la familia? O hacer turismo?( You look so young to be traveling by yourself? Meeting family? Or siteseeing?)," he continued.

"Yo no soy tan joven como parece ... hay años atrapados dentro de este cuerpo débil de la mía. En cuanto a la familia, que no son de esta región ... y sí voy a estar aquí para hacer algo de turismo pero si no te importa me gustaría llegar a mi destino lo más rápido posible. El viaje en avión ha afectado realmente a mi salud (I'm not as young as you think...there are years trapped within this weak body of mine. As for family, they are not of this region...and yes I'll be here to do some sightseeing but if you don't mind I would like arrive to my destination as quickly as possible. The plane ride has really affected my health.)," I replied in a quiet voice looking out the window towards the heavens now a clear sky blue.

With a face filled with confusion at the awkwardness of my choice of words but concern for my fragile health he spoke a quick apology and turned away from me yet would glance at me from time to time from the rear view mirror. He was probably wondering what kind of girl I was but for one thing that spoke loud and clearly was that I wasn't normal. I pulled out my phone from my pocket plugged in the ear phones from the other pocket and started listening to song that captivated my very feelings of this sad unrequited love. Alone (Chasing the Wind) by Galneryus. Silently I began to whisper the words in Japanese along with the melody I thought I had forgotten. Despite feeling the waves of sleep come over me I kept my eyes on the screen of my phone map tracking system to understand the navigation of my taxi driver as he seamlessly maneuvered through the maze like streets compacted with hundreds of thousands of people per square miles still asleep. It was around 6:17 am when the taxi finally pulled up against the side of massive plaza before the church, eradicated in name of their blessed patroness. I quickly paid the man the amount due and hurdle my duffle bag over my shoulder and made my way towards the far right of the plaza. As I lifted my head as I walked following the moving sunlight spreading a soft warm glow, like an embrace from a mother to child who had a long been away from home, at the feet of the entrance of the beautiful constructed building. Basilica de Guadalupe was circular building with a roof, the color of a robin's egg, that held a soft white peak that was off centered yet it was the bold lines made by the folded sheets metal that connected the rim towards the peak with cross as jewel in its crown that made it usually beautiful. And the tan colored bricks when reflected the sun's rays in the afternoon suddenly turned into gold but for now only the inscription gone over in gold foil sparked a flood of emotions that I couldn't understand as I stood at the southern edge of the plaza farthest from the building.

"…No estoy yo aqui que soy tu madre (Am I not here who am you mother)?" I fell to my knees with the tears in my eyes in sorrowful pain at the truth…this is what God felt, this was what my blessed mother felt as well the sadness of loving so much…As sinner I knew I was purged my sins by walking on my knees praying the 'Our father' and a 'Hail Mary' as wells bowing so low to the ground that I could smell the moisture. I did this all the way towards the centered alter then got up stiffly I bowed three times and sat on the pews towards the right side of me. And even then I as my head was bowed, my knees were bent, and my lips quivering the soft words of a thankful for what all the Lord has done for me; and that this was his will that my talent has being taken to serve the global community as a humble servant. Then I lifted my gaze directly towards my mother; asking if she would send in my request to her son that if there was a small chance that this requited love would someday be returned with love instead yearning loneliness towards the man that changed my life so that may in turn change his. For I knew God didn't want to see that is highly talented son continue to live a life labeled as meaningless due to the sins he has committed but I knew that Kyo was changing as the years went on his own without me in his life but still I couldn't help but dream such a futile dream. I closed my eyes at my own exhaustion of such quick and un-thought of endeavor; I didn't even comprehend as to why I made such a trip. But none the less I made a use out of it. I opened my eyes again looking at the warm rich woods melted in glow of light reflected the gold off the lantern fixtures hanging in the ceiling in bunches like the countless stars at night. I sighed and got up and slowly walked down the aisle admiring only glimpses of beauty that became blurred under my tiring vision luckily the hotel I booked was only five minutes' walk from here.

As I walked I took notice of the similarity of building construction then that of my mother Aztec named mountain oasis hometown of Xilita. I couldn't help but smile at the distant memories coming towards the present, walked with quicker step and medium pauses in front of shops and restaurants that held the familiar white wash background and painted bold lettering and color canopies over the entrances. The owners to some where barely arriving to open their doors, I stopped to café with Coke Cola signs displayed proudly a little further ahead by another small restaurant. Instinctively I entered to quell the future hunger, simply requesting a chocolate flavored concha, sweet bread with shell designed imprinted by the layout of the sugar.

"Mucha gracias (Thank you)," I said as the store owner handed me my order in a paper bag.

"No quires algo para tomar (You don't want anything to drink?)," she asked as she saw me devour the confection in rapid small bites.

"No…no me gusta la café y la lecha tene que ser de gallon. (No…I don't like coffee and the milk has to be pasteurized gallon milk," I said rather embarrassingly at my pickiness.

"Así no me extraña que estés tan delgada! No te preocupes, estoy seguro de que encontrará algo que le guste por la calle. Que tengas buen dia. (Well no wonder you're so thin! Don't worry I'm sure you'll find something you like down the street. May you have a great day.),"then she returned to sort out the freshly bake bread onto the display cases.

So further down the street I went into that restaurant I mentioned and got a coke despite it being so early in the morning. It wasn't even that much further before I reached my hotel at the corner of the street. The hotel was a three story building painted a nice shade of grey. And as I turned to looked behind me I could see the gleaming peak of the cathedral over the hedge of trees and with that I turned away to get away from the growing noise of morning traffic. I checked into the Hotel Madero. The male desk clerk was quick with getting me settled into my room in which I stay for most of the day. The only time I stepped out was to get something to eat otherwise I found myself struggling to sleep yet despite the tiredness of my body my mind was restless. The emotions that I've kept bottled up are beginning to surmount and I felt them burning in a raging firestorm inside my chest I was going to break down which was something I hadn't done in a very long since my last and only previous relationship. After crying myself softly to sleep for reasons I couldn't explain anymore because my thoughts kept racing in from all directions; I found myself dreaming what I thought was an inexplicable dream.

Night had slithered its way across the city with the glistening full moon at its center drench in the seasonal rains that covered the ground in sleek shin. I found myself standing on naked feet once more at the plaza before the Basilica de Guadalupe in a thin white cotton tank and matching shorts that ran about mid-thigh rippling from the wind like a single drop of rain merging with a preexisting pool. The only lights that existed at the time of hour was at the top tier of the crowning roof and around the circumference of the build's circular shape where usual light posts beaming down in alternating pattern of light and darkness; suddenly those light faded away just as time continue to pass while I continue to stand waiting for a sign anything to explain I was here! Then when the moon aligned itself in the sky against the curvature of the concrete its ray of reflected light once more brought to life to the mosaic of kaleidoscope colored stain glass and with a resounding click against the resounding vastness of silence the entrance's double doors unlocked and swung open allowing the moonlight to pour into the darkened hallow place.

Slowly I walked towards the doors with the only sounds being my soft exhaling of my lungs, murmured whispers of a prayer toward my guardian angel, the pitter patter echoes due to the skin on my soles of my feet that where no longer wet where now sticking to the wooden floor. At first I couldn't make out anything for the only color I could make out was midnight ink that spanned out in the three hundred degree viewing plane. But it wasn't long before the rods and cons in my eyes adjusted under the veil of darkness I could make out my surroundings more clearly at the beams of moonlight suddenly began to pouring in through the cut glass surrounding the scaffolding along the exterior walls and wooden beams along the niches between the ceiling exterior supportive walls. I kept my pace as I walked down the aisle towards alter with the pews flanking me on either side slowly following the reflecting glow of light on the floor's surface. Suddenly the doors that were barely kept ajar so that only my body could past closed shut under the inhale of the phantom draft and the entire church bellowed under a commanding yet gentle whispering voice. 'Come, young one, I bear you great news from the Lord on High.' 'The Lord seeks your presence; please don't be afraid, for your prayer has been answered.' Then the light shifted from the changing alignment of the moon towards the clustered mosaic cut stain glass octagonal lantern chandeliers; and like falling an ember sparking a wild fire set the once darkened fixtures aglow radiating in a lukewarm warmth. This new source of light beamed down the thin golden rod cross made from the cut segments of solid gold that flowed down towards the adorned framed picture of the Virgin Mary even further down did the refracted light travel from the jutted out precious pieces of metal surrounding her towards the alter. And that very light bathed it, the alter covered in a mantle of white, unifying it with the white marble steps leading towards the back wall in which the picture frame and cross hung.

As I at last I had made my way towards the end of the aisle under the guidance of the stranger's voice that beckoned my soul to move forward despite the shakiness in my legs in my body's natural responses to fear. I stood there in silence standing before the flight of steps unsure whether or not call out to the voice, that had no name, and no vessel in which it was contained. Yet with my heart in my mouth pounding loud at the words that still resounded 'for prayer has been answered' with quivered lips and a dying voice I spoke back, 'Are you the arch angel Gabriel? Why does God seek my presence? What promise do you speak of?' A bursting ray of golden light that settled behind the massive slab of stone and hovered for a moment before it shifted into humanoid shape. He was tall, fair skinned, with eyes color of the clear blue sky, hair that moved like the sea its long curled strains of liquid gold moving in silence even though there was no wind. The robes that clothed him were the whitest of whites with gold embroidery and the sash and mantle covering it was deep blue that glittered like the stars because of the embedded strains of gold woven between the satin and velvet fabrics. Flawlessness was carved into this very entity created by the God I worshipped; I bowed in reverence of God's work and awaited the reply from the Angel of Dreams.

'Please, my child, don't be afraid for God is with you always. And there is more fearful things lurking in the shadows that you have yet to see to believe. The Almighty God has heard your plea and takes pity of the sorrowful pain you must endure in loving faith.' I crept my way up the steps, unsure of what to expect next, but I stood in front of the alter awaiting the angel to speak further in his message.

'Tell me, little one, what is the symbol that embellishes the buried of loving someone and their sins just as the heavenly father's greatest gift to humanity?'

'Roman instrument of torture…the crucifix, commonly referred to as the cross,' I said looking at the gold structure hovering above him as he towered before me.

'That is correct but let me ask you this are you willing to pick up a cross far heavier than the one you carry now?'

'A heavier crucifix…," I said in soft whispered voice in confusion yet a voice in my mind murmured yet I couldn't understand it.

'To reach heaven each must carry their own cross but to go to hell and retrieve a lost soul for the sake of love is even heavier cross then the purest soul can bear…,' he stopped as he saw my eyes widen in trying to understand what was being spoken to me.

'But I don't understand, you spoke of God answering my plea in having my feelings of love mutual to man who still lives,' I said with my voice barely audible pressed by the suddenly pressure of the gravity of the upcoming situation. Yet that voice lost inside of me kept murmuring the same indecipherable words over and over.

'God's plan for you mirrors the one you desire but such great love has blossomed between a you yet soul, his true inner self, I fear that has a darker side deeply rooted in the lost path and leaving death in his wake,' said the angel with a slight sadness.

'But there is a way, isn't there, otherwise I would be here before receiving such a sign," I said and the words that repeated in the back of my mind itched into my heart and began to crave swiftly into my blood like a newly sharpened knife staining my body.

'Yes, God shall make a covenant with you. If you can save the soul of man whom you love from the depths of hopelessness that has consumed him the love you deem as fiction shall grow as vast as the sky itself.'

The words spoken by the angel ignited the clarity of the chant that growing stronger and stronger in its loudness in strength that it I could stop it from slipping my lips like the tears that fell from my eyes in joy of what I thought was impossible love. The words that allowed my ambition, in obtaining my desire, to corrupt me and chain me to the depths of hell where my soul now currently resides.

'I-I will…I will sacrifice the gates of Heaven, because there no paradise without the one I love. I will go to the depths of Hell. I will commit this suicide, in going against forbidden tides of a forgotten shore, and obtain what I desire most even its nothing more but a foolish fairy tale,' and the voice that began in a trembling quiver became a voice that rung out the desolate room.

'Come then, to the forked path every mortal must take. To the earth from which your ancestors were raised with the breath of life and in the same manner they turn to ash and in return leaving the trail of blood in which your roots have sprung," and with those words being spoken in ominous tone he turned away from me towards the every watchful eyes of the cross. His body melted in the raising intensity of the pale golden light and transformed into massager of peace, a dove. In which encircled around the alter just above the crown of my head three times and suddenly the massive stone slab moved forward and revealed a stairwell spiraling down towards the descending darkness. And the beautiful white plumed bird descended down into the darkness with me following the sounds of its distinctive flapping in the windless void. What began as a simply walk down a flight of steps to whom only God knows where my feet are being led too. Took me across the city's limits turned into a running flight towards tiny speck of light that suddenly overpowered the darkness. I was soon standing on solid ground that has been withered overtime by the countless feet of onlookers of the modern age with my hands outstretched towards the midnight blue mantle spread above me the numerous twinkling illumination of the stars as depicted in Tecuantlaxopeuh so many years ago to Juan Diego Cuauhtlatoatzin. Yet the dove continued to fly steadily upwards until he leveled off to the first tier of the Pyramid of Sun and image of the magnificent bird vanished away into the night and Gabriel took a firm step on the old pieces of stone.

'The path in which you stand on, is the road known as the Avenue of Dead, and the pyramid behind is no other then the Temple of Quetzalcoatl; Quetzalcoatl, the Feathered Serpent, to whom which your ancestors worshipped. But the pyramid before you is the Pyramid of the Moon. So I ask you once again what path you will take sacrificial lamb.'

'I pledge to that long lost voiced promise even though it can't be heard anymore to the darker side of him. I'll still want to be that beautiful slender arm that echoes past the bell towards the opposite side in which his soul resides. This promise is enchained to both my stolen heart and eternal soul to be his, all of him," and I turned away from facing him toward the left side of the road ahead of me. And I walked down the sloped pale moon lilted path towards the staircase leading towards the platform atop the pyramid was used to conduct ceremonies in honor of the Great Goddess of Teotihuacan. I glance back to see if Gabriel was still there; he was his face no longer stern it held a smile of warmth giving me the courage to go on but the tears came in fear of entering a world unknown fell from my face. I never thought I would be this afraid of dreaming such a dream. But I felt the beckoning call of an agonizing of being not wanting to be forgotten, I knew it was the Kyo's, I knew within the darker side of him and the chain that ensnared me with him tugged at my heart strings like a puppet and I started to run towards that dying swan's song.

I stood there at the altar diminished by it large size and looked down at the immense decorated surface. Depicting the Aztec Goddess Itzpapalotl, the Obsidian or Clawed Butterfly, a feminine warrior often depicted with a skeletal mask that hides her beautiful face. Her headdresses adored with pure gold, precious gem stones in various shades of colors found only in the moist earth of the surrounding mountain jungles, rare plumage of birds like that of the Quetzal bird that were over three feet in length dipped in sacrificial blood on its tips. She wore jaguar pellet over her cihua necuitlalpiloni (sash) tied at her waist that flutter behind her like a swallowtail, cuetli and huipili (skirt [and] 'blouse') garments that held the shade of midnight black such as in a solar eclipse signifying her as a tonalli, shadow soul, yet gleamed with shine of star like stone she was named after, with hanging jaguar claws hung like tassels of rope at the seams. As well as a maxtlatl, a black leather and gold painstakingly bejeweled armor that wrapped around the neck and draped over the shoulders beneath timlahtli (cape.) Her face was pierced in many places with jewelry of obsidian and bone, from earlobes hung gold earring with embedded mayananacochtli (June gold beetle), slender yet agile wrists and ankles encased beautifully in bracelets and anklets displaying a shower of ornaments such as precious jewels and metals, sharp stone and bones, feathers, and rattling sea shells. Sprouting from her back was a pair of obsidian black swallowtail butterfly wings that both stunning yet deadly for the wings could slice as they were made of knives in a single beat. Yet inscribed above her hands was inscription for what seemed a type cozcacuauhtil, knife but I couldn't quite make out its shape. 'Itzpapalotl stands for rejuvenation by sacrifice of that what is precious.' But the stone used to make up her weapon wasn't filled in…I looked around only to find how much more the mural expanded across the giant slab of stone's surface. She was facing gateway, which was enormous craving of the Sun Stone, or the Stone of Axayacatl pointing towards depths of a world beyond the earth I knew. Because there was a depiction of someone else who was a demonic spirit who just as powerful as the demonic star goddess enclosed and clothed by darkness itself; sealed away at the center of earth, in a world of despairing fringed of hopeless consumption of selfishness peering at the realm above by which his hands created. My heart suddenly sunk deep within my chest yet in quivered in respect to the reality of what was the darker side of Kyo like. Yet I couldn't avert my gaze from looking further intensely. There Kyo, whom side I didn't know, sat clothed on a throne with a garments of gauzy like silk black as the calligrapher's strokes that drew him in lacquer that hardened like embedded stones for Itzpapalotl, draped him in shadow far darker than she. The only thing I could distinguish was the smoky gray along a portion of the bridge of his nose, for the open naked portions of his body were either outlined or painted in a stark ghastly white. His right arm extended up towards his covered lips holding a gold coin bearing the forever hungered gaze of Tonatiuah, God of the Sun, while his left extended out towards in front of him also as if he beckoned me to come before him. Yet their stood another figure also shrouded in shadow and mystery, a servant of some sort that held out a gold platter in which held nothing other but a human heart still beating. Yet the most bizarre thing from the whole depiction was the extending skeletal arms branching out from the back of Kyo with the majority forming a pair of mirrored wings except that of an angel's; all the while one closest to his own flesh was a filled right hand that held a bag of coins like the one perched up to his hidden lips and another left skeletal arm, one closest to his servant, handed him a single coin into his free hand, pressing it into his left palm.

I stood aback for a moment confused by the scenes of what was to become of me. There has to be something to this altar, I've clearly over looked, suddenly the eyes darted toward the inscription again and thought about the times I would listen attentively to the scriptures during mass and in youth group. The truth came seeping through my blood and that suddenly ran cold even though the air around me had thickened by the Indian summer breeze that has taken over the abandoned hallow ground of my ancestors. 'Itzpapalotl stands for rejuvenation by sacrifice of that what is precious.' What is precious? What is the common ground between Christianity and the Aztecs? To the Aztecs, human sacrifices were precious and important in keeping the sun moving across the sky but in Christianity there have been many sacrifices but only one has been a human sacrifice. "Drink from it, all of you; for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for forgiveness of sins." Blood…and the words resounded from Kyo's voice into my mind, 'I bleed as compensating everything to you. How heavy is blood? Happiness and sadness lies to close…' I looked down at my right hand that slowly traced the Aztec symbols for the inscription phrase, trembling I brought it toward my lips, with eyes squeeze shut and inrestrainable tears fell down my cheeks, I opened my mouth and clamped down as hard as I could until my own blood gushed into my mouth consuming it with the taste of iron. I scream in the agony that I brought upon myself that I almost stumbled on my own weakening ankles as I watch my own blood splatter drip down the same steps others have tumbled down lifeless. The pain was unbearable but my strong will was stronger the pain that over took my hand making its way into my shoulder. Shaking I walked closer towards the altar and place my wounded hand on top ravishing jaws of Tonatiuah pressing so that my blood would flow from into mouth into the cavity that connected it into the gap of where Itzpapalotl's weapon should have been. The events that followed became the nightmare that even now I haven't been able to shake off.

The millisecond in which I uplifted my hand to let the final drop of blood fill in the crevasse an Aztec word crept into my mind. 'Tenan' precious stone…within deep rumble echoing off the walls of the surrounding mountains, the engrave mural slab of black marble slowly pushed itself back to reveal that it was hallow and encased something…I put my hand in carefully on the outside rim of the massive case and tried to push the lid further back with my other hand I couldn't even budge it. So I was left to dig deep in the darkness with my hands to my surprised the inside was lined with silk satin cushions yet as I forged deeper my hand slid in what seemed like a dip in the cushions. Instinctively my hands gripped down on the tip of the elongated handle almost hypnotically slid across its slender body pulling it towards me ever so slowly but when I barely got the very tip of hilt with embossed engraving of a mask. The mask was painted over a very solid black coat in the finest of lacquers but what was depicted on the handle was the most unusual yet unique design. From the moon's light raining down high above the crown of my head past the shadow of my own body I looked more closely in detail. The smooth surface gave way to painful taken hand carved two dimensional relief spiraling sharply cut like crystal spirals that titled outwards in the ascent toward the circular base of the handle. Gazelle like horns branched from the face peering behind one's fingers that reflected beauty ascetics of Japan in the style of Noh. Emerging from the sleek black lacquer was a women's face blanketed in a layer of white paint which impacted the depth in vibrancy of her part black hair, crescent moon plucked eye brows, crimson red painted across her lips but the image of normality was not present in this mask for the women depicted carried two sets of eyes on top of each other, holding an unwavering gaze of nothingness in hollow carved pupils and narrowed silvered slits resembling the shape of almonds. Further distortion towards the face came at half down the bridge of her nose, the layer paint of her left side flaked off leaving the remaining portion of the face in a grey overcast like a torn corner at the bottom page of a book. Though I couldn't understand why the craftsman left the women's mouth opened agape and didn't leave the corner mouth upwards instead in looked as if she was frozen in never to speak her last words but I never seen such realism of expression in such of piece of wood work.

My eyes trailed upward along the cylindrical shaft that was hidden under a veil of shadow of the unmoved stone overhanging the mysterious object. Pupils dilated by the darkness grew in curiosity of what lied beneath the hidden alcove, fingers slowly creeping over the edge of the hallow case, upwards in search of the unmistakable answer, a sudden desire ignited for power brushed against my ears by the whispering breaths of my soul; to change… to redeem what has already been lost, consumed by the hell's of one's own heart…the phantom flames burned with the deep cavity of my chest ignited against the coolness of the night. I pulled the shaft towards my body again with a little more force revealing craved kanji painted in red lacquer in swift blade like strokes [The implicit death. Conferring in the smell of spilt blood. The sharply pierced freedom trapped within the lost burning human heart.]

Flashes of lighting visions of countless naked human bodies bloated, disfigured, charred to the point the skin looked fossils, dismembered yet connected together with their organs entangled together like a puppet master's strings… floating and sinking in waves of the sea of taken life source that once flowed through their veins; surrounding the ankles of a girl with long plum black hair draped in a single fabric of black that covered her entire body except half of her nose was expose along with parted lips staining by color of concord grape so dark that it seemed black like the cloth that clothed her. Her arms were held out in a defensive stance across her chest with fridge grip onto a massive scythe that twice as long as she was tall and she was nothing more but a fragile petite girl. The scythe she held in her hands was beautiful as death in the way that it both captivated and imprisoned fear in one's being. Its long shaft that served as its handle was arched on opposing ends in exact replication in the rising and falling on the human spine, painted in black that reflective of light, smooth and tightly covering its surface like a leather bound gloves over the bone that lie beneath the tar like substance. The end of the scythe held a sharp end like the arrow head of a harpoon extendedly carved the tail bone slightly curved inwards as in the end of rifle, the body of the scythe was composed of multi vertebrae with some containing characters of kanji that spelled out the quote I had just read moments before, alas came the blade that formed the monstrous weapon that was used to slaughtered countless of innocent people. The tang or the back part of the blade, made of obsidian stone that connected to the shaft was highly adorned, instead of the small slender reminiscence of the end of the blade ,was replaced by a solid block of the volcanic rock carved into ram's skull with its horns wounded tightly like a snake. But the tips of its horns were pulled back elegantly like a gazelle's that intertwined thickly shaped vines with grooved growth rings and became one with the main part of the blade again. But attached from the cheek bones of the ram on either side were two more animal skulls that of deer with their graceful arching horns that stroked the air like daggers in a curved arches like the hidden metal works of an umbrella. Lastly was a rattling chain with the embossed Noh mask, with the unwavering gaze of the four eyed women, hanging on its end swinging in eerie silence like an earring from the ram's nose.

Suddenly like the soft slithering sound of snake rising from the hidden depths below a male figure came into view from the whispering tendrils of cold fog that swept across now unstirred surface of the ocean of blood. Towering over her slightly, the man dressed in multi garments of black that covered every single part of him except his ghastly pale hands with dripping black nail polish staining his nails and finger tips in dusty charcoal gripped at the dead point center of her chest. Her mouth caved in by the sharp pain that piercing sheering through for reason I couldn't understand but without even looking directly into the man's face whose head cocked to one side I could feel the grinning smile beaming across his face at the source of her despair. He moved his hands slowly upward across the fabric toward the opening he made with fingers a playful traced the outline of her vertebrae inside the flesh of her neck from the base upwards. Once his hands laded plain fully flush with the conjures of her lower jaw he titled her head backwards until it rested against his chest, he lowered his head toward hers leaning his face right against her ear drum on the right side of her head. Whispering words that couldn't been heard despite my close range but whatever it was the tears that streamed down her face was a clear sign of hesitance. Despite not being able to decipher the clarity of the words spoken the sounds of his voice was covered thickly with kindness that was almost poisonous like a snake's dripping fangs. He wiped her tears, pressed one hand against the cloth covering her eyes for a moment of two but he left it there to remain over them and with the other he titled her head at angle allowing him a greater access to her exposed nose and mouth. The unidentifiable man drew so close to her face, that I could make the outline of some of the facials features hidden by the veil of black; his overhanging nose brushed up against the side of hers, tingling a sense through her decreasing the overlapping space between their lips. But the man's lips held a toughening restraint of power over her for their lips began to move again in a silent conversation. Alas, the hesitance within the girl faded, a burning determination and ambition changed the conjured of her lips and face. Sparking flicker of amusement filled the air but it was damped by something that brewed far deeper mysteriously within the man. Without any further hesitation, he embraced her with his body of shrouded darkness, and gave her gift of an empty kiss on the forehead. Moving away for her, he tugged down hard on the Noh mask that hung down on the pendulum swinging chain, with link breaking off and what remained was the mask itself. He came over towards her again and placed it in her hand. The girl unquestioningly took up the mask to her face but with beneath the clothe that casted a shadow over the mask it couldn't weaver the beams of raw power that flow from her body into the blood that began to boil and in a stare that seemed to match that of the mask, she launched herself at full speed towards me with the crescent moon blade high above her head, striking the twelve bells of twilight in dead center of my body. I screamed out in pain as my heart was pierced in a blazing fire damped by the silence that dominated at one's death.

Then sudden shockwave of the impact sent me leaning back pushing away the rod from my hands, that quickly tumbling fumbled away into the dark, while I left my arms and hands out wide away from my body as I remained frozen by the shiver of fear that went up and down my spine. But as I tried to my right arm closer to the side of my body to be still my pounding heart from what I just saw yet male like grip was clamped down on my wrists that refused to move like the table slab I moved. Bewildered as to why I couldn't move my arms, I quickly had my arms found behind my back tied with an itchy sawing rope that cut deeper into my wrists then mysterious grip ever did. I was uplifted by the upper portion of my arms of the ground and carried by two Aztec males on either side of my body; whose faces ever veiled by craved animals' masks of the black jaguar surrounded by crowning plumes of feathers on their headdresses. Both these men that had taken arm against wore the basic Aztec garments of maxtlatl covered by timlahtli, a cloaking cape, the color emerald green just like rainforest leaves, a loin cloth with a woven rope of the same color as the cape, with bracelets of silver gleaming beneath on their arms and at the ankles of their feet that wore cactli, sandals. From the looks of it these men of the high class part of society, making a quickly glance toward one of male's earlobes, their earrings were quetzalcoyolnacochtli, curved green earrings with bells on them, which meant they were merchants who participated in a conquest. And apparently I was prized for some prestigious lord for reason I have yet to find out. Walking past the hidden alcove within the table top moral toward a solid piece of obsidian stone that had a rectangular base yet with surface bulged in the formed of an arch with a dip at the center for what could have been for collecting rain water yet I couldn't help remember the words etched on the shaft of the scythe, 'Conferring in the smell of spilt blood,' and the thought of being sacrificed to their God. How much sacrificed I had to commit on this night alone and possible for many more nights to come yet that didn't stop my heart from quivering in fear of my fate that seemed to bleak in the dark now that I stepped away from the light.

We stood there for what seemed ages and my arms where beginning to ache but from within the heart of the most inner sanctum of the pyramid, came a flooding source of light…the flickering bounce of wavelengths from light given off by flames dancing in the wind came streaming across shadows that filled the plaza. Following the single torch bearer were two more merchants who began to examine me, from top to bottom, probing me as if I were some piece of cattle being selected for feast or better yet the slaughter house to be part of an amusement for the devil's parade! And out from the lengthy conversation that these for men had was the word, ixiptla, which meant a token towards an idol which was a reference towards a God, and the other nextlahualli which literally meant debt-payment a metaphor for human sacrifice. But after a few given nods the two new merchants turned away with the other two that held in toe towards the torch bearer that led down the steps through the maze of limestone flanking brick walls on either side. I was lead by my handlers toward an adjacent room from the priests' preparation room before they came up to the surface to perform the ceremony to their blood thirsty gods. There they left me with female priestesses, whom wore white colored cuetli and huipili (skirt [and] 'blouse') and orange colored cihua necuitlalpiloni (sash) around their waists, gold bands and bracelets wrapped around their wrists and ankles above same colored dyed thronged cactli. The women held the traditional hair style in which two braids were projected towards the front to look like horns on their heads, hidden by a much smaller arch of plumes of their feathered headdresses, their faces bored the masks of brightly colored black, white, orange monarch butterflies, with xiuhnacochtli, turtle shelled earrings adorning their earlobes. I looked around the torch-lit room; in the corner to the left was a huge mirror stand, with tables' filled items of extreme high value and jars of ceremonial paint. An elderly women at last entered the room and closed the door shut in a way that send my heart pound away towards another impending doom.

She came towards me, reexamining me once more like the male merchants, but with a touch much more tenderly. Peering into my face intensively, she move my head in the direction she wanted back simple pushing into my lower jaw, she said something like a phrase to the other women behind her who were still taking out trunk loads of small trinkets. The nodded simultaneously, one grabbing a knife that was laid out on the table came behind me to untie my bounds while the other came with two strips of cloth, one she forcefully stuffed into my mouth drying out the moisture from my tongue and throat and the other to cover my mouth and tied it at the back of my head. I stood there mystified as to what they were going to do to me. The elderly women extended out my arms, rubbed into my skin a clear, slick, substance onto my skin and before I knew that my arms held high above my head as if too reach an invisible bar. There came a light knocking at the door, after a few moments of waiting for one of the young ladies to return again with an actual guard, the guard came in with a three pieces of wood. Two stands that looked like a coat rack made from deep colored mahogany wood, with four jaguar paws carved from each foot of the base, except it held only one y-shaped holder and last piece of wood was a long cylindrical piece that was quickly slide into place. Without any further hesitation from the ladies in the room, they moved the stand towards the center of the room surrounded by the tables that lined three walls around it; the elderly women moved me directly under the bar with my fingers touching its surface. The two priestess, put my arms together so that my wrists formed a triangle lastly the guard was the one who retied my wrists together and silently left as he had come in. There I was hopelessly bound again to a piece of furniture that was used to dust out large piece of tapestry!

The elderly woman lit up an incense burner that filled in room in the scent of exotic smells of orchids and other rainforest flowers, when the room was clouded in smoke she began to mix natural powders into the paint base. The colors she created was a purple in shaded cross of a blackberry and a concord grape, a black made from the ashes of the darkest burning wood, a grey from the ashes that flecked off and lastly a plain white. One of the priestess came in with the knife again and began to cut at my garments until I was completely nude. The elderly women turned around with paint brush ready in hand and the bowl of paint in the other, the other two priestesses came in from behind me again; one to bind my feet so that I wouldn't kick anymore in defiance of such humiliation and the other held me down by my waist. Tired from the aching in my shoulder blades and wrists covered in blood, I simple watched the elderly women make strange marks in solid black paint across my body; a gapping drawing of what looked like reflective surface of a hand held mirror at the center of my breast plate with Aztec pictograph for the sun god with oozing blotches of paint coming from his mouth and with his eyes gleaming in splendor filled delight. As for my entire back was the Aztec calendar with the rings of the worlds that have come to pass transcending toward the front part of my body in multiple varied lines, and arrow heads that spooked out like barbed wire.

Like a mannequin on display in front of high end retailer all three women dressed me again. My undergarments were replaced by thin metal sheets of gold molded beautifully by the branded with gemstones, of obsidian and moonstone, hammered in first degree relief designs lied in between, despite it looking heavy against my skin it was lightly flush and sanded down as to not cut in to deeply into the exposed flesh, anchored by the chains fasted at both the hips and my neck. A freshly made cuetli and huipili (skirt [and] 'blouse') garments that held the shade of midnight black was quickly assembled over the undergarments anchored together with a deep dark purple sash and jaguar claws hanging from the seams of my skirt. Over the cuetli, went the maxtlatl, a hard leather bound armor entrenched with more obsidian and moonstones, wrapped around my neck just enough to cover my collar bone and over the cihua necuitlalpiloni (sash) went the black jaguar pellet. My arms and ankles were adorned with gold arm bands, leg bands, and bracelets aligned with precious stone around the main portion of the metal with ornaments dangling pieces of animal bones and sea shells rattled sew onto straps of leather. The black, white, and dark purple woven timlahtli (cape)depicted the scenes of Obsidian Butterfly making her ways through the levels of the Nether realm leaving chaos and cacophony in her wake was strung over my shoulders and the knot was tied and fastened by a holder in the maxtlatl. After I was fully dressed again in garments that made me also exactly like a spitting image of the Aztec Goddess Itzpapalotl…except in face. The elderly women rubbed down on the expose portion in majority covered skin in scented oil that served as perfume…violet, jasmine, gardenia, iris, lilies, roses, orchids an explosion of floral scents befitting the queen of butterflies. And the one priestess, who cut off my clothes, in her hands held a tortoise shelled comb and began to comb out the tangles in my hair, the other young priestess adorned my earlobes with mayananacochtli, June gold beetles.

Lastly while the elderly women painted my face in layer of white base paint, the girls fastened the purple rope throngs of my sandals, the second the base of white dried on my face she began to conjure and bring out the lines of my cheek bones, jaw line, and nose in whips like strokes of grey before going back over with black. Calligraphy stroked black lines that went both horizontal and vertical created an illusion of skeletal jaws over my own lips, strip of pitch blackness hide the malformation of the cartilage on the right side of the bridge my nose, and whispering smoky eye shadow and bangs under my eyes fell over me like a veil, and insides of my mouth were stained in color of deep strong wine infused with the fruits of blackberry, concord grape, and plum. As my makeup was finally at last finished drying; the young priestess that cut my rope bands before cut them again but she held my wrists together behind my back while the other brought a damp cloth wiped the blood that spilt down my arms again and established a fresh bind onto my wrists cutting even deeper into the gouged wound. The elderly women had left to call in the merchants back into the room when she returned in her hands was a feather plum headdress, dripped in black purple dye, only worn by royalty was placed put my head so whoever this person who bought me must be a high paying patron. It was crowned onto my head and suddenly for the first the elderly women spoke to me directly as if she knew I would understand her. 'All of eternity can be as inviting as spring. The land of love is a flowering paradise where peace grows. What more can you want then this? In an unknown city, unknown people bleed, with these eyes filled with pain, sadness, misery, and despair while with their God it's a surreal story. For people tend to destroy their hearts here on Earth. So where lays your heart? To who have crowned you're newly found God?'

I couldn't answer her for my mouth still held in the cloth, upon removing it and serving me something to drink which turned to be fruit cocktail with blackberries, blueberries, concord grapes, cranberries, plum, and to my surprise dark bitter sweet chocolate. The elixir fell on my tongue in a explosion of sweet and tartness in perfect balance that I wanted to indulge myself the substance down my throat more but it was quickly taken away I suppose as a part of the ritual which had yet to be finished. It wasn't until I was being led up the stairs now escorted by the imperial guard again towards the outside world. That breathe of fresh air clean that whipped through the smothering smoke of the torches that the hidden drug began to take effect. My tongue grew numb in the thickening residue from the concentrated fruit juice that stained my tongue a purplish black with a tint of red; making it harder for me to move much less speak or scream and to make matter worse it was seeping to every single nerve fiber in my limbs coursing through my very own blood. Yet as a I lifted my head from the expansive stretch of stone beneath me there was no surprise flickering in my eyes despite the bouncing flames dancing across the four winds creating shadows that darkened the fear embedded in the flesh of my face of what was to come. Shifting the weight of the long feather plumes of the quetzal bird on my headdress, I could see the preparations for the ceremony were far under way as the moon continued to drift aimlessly in the expanses of sky. The two young priestesses that formed a part of the train of people walking behind me joined by the elderly women, who turned out to be what I had assumed she was, the chief priestess, gathered themselves at the assembled tables before the sacrificial stone. Quickly did they established themselves in what seemed to be ordinary routine placing multiple offerings such as material goods and perishable exotic foods only befitting to Montezuma, crowned king of the Aztecs; I couldn't help but think was what kind of person the darker side of Kyo was, it was highly evident that his power within hell was that of a god that extended far reaches of the earth and he must have paid a hefty price for me, a soul he has never met.

Off to the right hand side center aligned evenly between the sacrificial stone and alter, whose top was now was entirely removed, were three pedestals. The farthest flanking the right was contained a wash bowl for hand cleansing signifying purification, the second a small cup, a bowl, and a jar with a sheathed obsidian knife place in front of them as for the final pedestal was a balance. The balance bought upon a spark of recognition in my mind in remembrance towards the mural. For the balance was made of solid gold with weight boats on either side that looked exactly like dark Kyo's servant held in his hands that served the still beating heart except that was impossible there was no way he could have known my existence! Unless, it was possible for him to have known, but how…I'm not ready to met him yet on top of that I wasn't suppose to meet him until I completely the trials of transverse the gateway of hell. If only I could think clearly, yet the wine I drunk was clouding my sense of perception…standing calmly in front of these vessels was the chief priest with two other males standing by his side in deep meditative incantation going around the ceremonial space spreading incense. The priests were shrouded by the stainless white timlahtli tied over the chests above the left shoulder like a toga, covering the lower bodies up until mid-calf, with bracelets of silver gleaming beneath on their arms and at the ankles of their feet that reflected the stars twinkling lights and their feet were bare. As for their headdresses, the two younger males wore black jaguar masks, and mayananacochtli reflected a brilliant green against the gold of the beetle shaped earring refracting the light; while the elderly man wore mask of the sun god, Tonatiuah, and short plumed headdress with xiuhnacochtli, turquoise earrings. Alas when they finished going over the sacrificial stone again did the head male priest looked up and stared at me for a moment and turned towards musical group, who displaced themselves further into the shadows where the torchlight couldn't reach and with single nodded the drum beat began and so did the rest of the bloody nightmare.

The heaviness of my limbs increased as I continue to struggle myself free from their gasp that dug deep like sharpened blade against the rawness of my flesh around my wrists and ankles that continued to seep out blood. Two Aztec guards, one to hold my hands and arms and the other my legs and feet as my body laid across the black slab of obsidian with its craved indentation poking me in the back. I turned my head to the right watching the movement of the head priest make his way towards the pedestal washing his hands and then carefully picking up the ceramic bowl and unsheathed obsidian knife done so by one of the male priests and the other stood off the right side of me by my feet with the cup in his hands. While the elderly women came and place a golden eagle feather and placed in on the left weight boat on the scale, quickly my eyes darted back to the left following the shimmering glint of the blade that inched closer towards my body. The young male priests that held nothing came back with a knife of his own given to him by one of the young priestesses and cut open a slit vertical down the black fabric exposing the painted mirror at the center of my chest reflecting the laughing face of Tonatiuah. Slowly the fingers of the young man delicately traced the blade into my skin cutting lines that formed the word 'Tenan' just above my still beating heart. The head priest held the bowl and knife with arms held high chanting words that would end the ceremony and my life entirely. The elderly man trembling hands became swift like an eagle's talon… just like the knife he held cut deep into my flesh to extract my pounding fearful heart; the blood began to over flow rolling off my sides of my body like ocean bathing that mysterious girl's feet until it filtering through the fabric filling the indentation. With each breathe that could be my last before my heart is fully taken away from my messily body, the young priest came down to my right side of my body and took the cup in his hands and filled it with my freshly spilt blood. A brush in his left hand he drew with my blood an eye at the center of my forehead, under grinning teeth as the pain began to subside in numbing coldness filling my body. He departed by my side allowing to access the view over my right shoulder of the pedestals and further beyond the mural. A piercing pain struck at the center of my chest, hitching my already heaving breathe, as the elder man cut through one of the arteries of my heart spraying into midnight air cloudiness into my vision as my life force slipped away towards darkness and death itself. My body weakening and a fiery spirit that seemed to be frozen behind a shadow graved mask beyond my hollowed eyes I saw their standing at my feet was the mysterious man grabbed in all black shrouded in a veil thickly dense veil of smoke.

I blinked past the pooling tears of fear at my untimely death yet the accumulating shadows didn't dissipate from the image of him standing there. His pale hand rose up to his face, with his index finger placed carefully over black silk fabric covering his lips and gave the whispering hush gesture as if he knew that I was the only one who would able to see his presence yet I help but incline that he was muffling a laughter from flowing from his lips. He walked amongst the men surrounding me hovering like a phantom with all seeing eyes until every one of my arteries was swiftly cut one after another in succession by the priest. But with each and every cut I screamed with the soul still remaining in my now dying body that I still wanted to live. In the end there was nothing I could do except watch my hollowed staring eyes watch my heart being uplifted above me and transferred over to my right side by the elderly man who placed it on the scale. The shadowy figure stood unknowingly still by the old man twirling the eagle feather in charcoal stained finger tips but it didn't take long to read the outcome; my heart would always outweigh against the lightness of a feather. The heart was quickly placed within the ceramic jar and covered with a lid and as that was being done the unknown man simple placed a black velveteen bag with a white tassel rope tying it closed. Turning back to face he watched how the cut my wrists and ankles lose and the minute my limbs for free they step aside from my body, as if they were allowing my spirit to transcend without interruptions. With the last bit of life still flowing out of my veins I turned my head to face him, moving my limp right arm upwards trying to outstretch my hand in plea to help me obtain was I was set out to do. He came swiftly to my side and just like in my vision he whispered words I couldn't hear much less understand gripping his clothes in attempts to gain his attention that I couldn't do much of anything anymore. He simply kissed me at the center of my forehead, squeezing my hand reassuringly; he placed with his other hand a gold coin onto my tongue and sealed my mouth shut. He quickly departed from my side the minutes the guards moved in closer toward my body and carefully lifted my lifeless mass towards the alter. The head priest adjusted my limbs as I laid there on the cushions pillows filled with precious eagle feathers. Suddenly I had begun to realize that alter didn't contain a hidden compartment or alcove like I had previously though rather it was a tomb! With the two guards on either side of my body once again they uplifted the lid and despite being physically dead my spirit was still trapped within soon forever to be laid to rest as the giant slab of stone. I watched with unwavering hollow staring eyes beneath closed eye lids that I was being sealing in surrounding and unknown darkness…