['Plain Text' is Ed / Italics is Winry / Bold is Alphonse / Underlined is Paninya]
Thursday Morning, October 9th
(11:15) I am going to MURDER that cocky little DICKFACE
(11:18) Wrong number. I hope.
(11:19) Though, out of curiosity, does whoever it is you're going to murder /literally/ have a dick on or for his face, and/or was that expert pun intentional?
(11:21) Ha sorry, my brother got a new number
(11:22) He doesn't, and it wasn't, but it's fitting
(11:22) And it might as well be Game of Puns because he filled my bunk with dildos
(11:24) Not sure that a bed full of dildos will give you a pass for justifiable homicide.
(11:25) What did you do to incur that sort of… creative retribution?
(11:27) Uh well
(11:28) I might have written his number on a stall in the boy's washroom with the caption 'mind-blowing blowjobs, student rates'.
(11:29) I think he got a good response
(11:30) As far as wrong number texts go, I feel like I'm making an impression
(11:32) A fairly phallic one, yes.
(11:33) Game of Puns, A Song of Dongs & Fellatio.
(11:35) HA
(11:36) I have to go to class, Wrong Number, but thanks for the laugh
(11:37) Anytime.
Thursday Evening, October 9th
(6:50) I thought you wouldn't want to be left hanging re: my dick epic
(6:51) Pun again unintended
(6:52) And wow that makes it sound like I want to tell you the magnum opus of my own dick
(6:53) Which, uh, I don't
(6:55) I get the feeling you don't think much before you speak. Or, in this case, type.
(6:56) Not as much as I apparently should
(6:58) Did you murder him with the dildos?
(7:00) Thought that would be too obvious, so no
(7:01) But my brother and I did pelt them at him from the dais while he was on parade march
(7:03) Because that's not obvious at all.
(7:04) Are you in the military? Seems rather unprofessional to whip dicks at one another, regardless of the need for revenge.
(7:06) Nah, I'm in military school
(7:08) Huh. It's obviously not as intense as I've been led to believe.
(7:09) Are you at Royal Amestris?
(7:10) Yup. Take it you're not?
(7:11) No, bit too pretentious for my tastes. No offence.
(7:12) None taken. It IS pretentious
(7:13) I'm only here because it's 'family tradition'
(7:14) And because Captain Assface pays for it
(7:16) Dare I ask…?
(7:18) My dad
(7:19) Ah.
(7:14) I go to public school.
(7:16) And how's that?
(7:17) Full of as many dicks, and in similar capacities.
(7:19) High school probably wouldn't be high school without dicks
(7:20) Whatever the capacity
(7:22) True enough.
(7:23) Thank you for the update, but I have to go. Good luck in the likely continuation of your Dick Epic.
(7:25) Thanks, man
Friday Morning, October 10th
(10:15) I may regret this should you actually turn out to be a stalker, serial killer, or pervert, but I'm not a dude.
(10:16) Are you a dude? Amestris Royal is co-ed, right?
(10:18) It is and I am
(10:19) And not that you have any reason to believe me, but I'm not a stalker or a serial killer
(10:20) Maybe a bit of a pervert, but I figure that all the dicks kinda give that away
(10:22) I think everybody ever is a least a little bit of a pervert.
(10:23) Even my Granny likes to make dick jokes.
(10:25) She sounds awesome
(10:27) She is.
(10:28) Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?
(10:29) Idk, why?
(10:31) Because his pecker is on his head.
(10:32) HAHA omg
(10:33) Okay, okay
(10:34) What do you get when you cross an owl and a rooster?
(10:36) I don't know, what?
(10:37) A cock that stays up all night long
(10:38) Oh, Jesus.
(10:39) What do you call a woman who likes small dicks?
(10:40) Idk, idk
(10:41) Hopefully your girlfriend.
(10:42) LOL
(10:43) Christ on a cracker
(10:43) I'm going to use that one on Ling
(10:44) (that's the dude we pelted the dildos at)
(10:45) What do you call a well-endowed puppet?
(10:47) No idea.
(10:48) Well strung
(10:49) Lucky my chemistry teacher is about observant as a brick wall, I just snorted SO loud. That is TERRIBLE!
(10:50) The best jokes are bad ones
(10:51) Do you actually snort?
(10:52) Ugh. Yeah. Granny says It's 'endearing'. It's actually pretty embarrassing.
(10:53) That's adorable
(10:55) K, I got another one
(10:56) What do you call an erection you get when listening to hymns?
(10:58) Wildly inappropriate?
(10:59) An organ boner
(11:01) Jeez.
(11:03) I'm trying to remember more. She's probably told me a million.
(11:04) Speaking of wildly inappropriate
(11:05) That's a perfect way to describe Granny, actually. Hmm. You wouldn't think terrible penis jokes would be this hard to call to mind.
(11:06) *ba dum bum*
(11:07) Heh.
(11:09) Why do men have a hole in their penis?
(11:10) Do tell
(11:11) So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
(11:12) OUCH
(11:13) What did the right nut say to the left nut
(11:14) ?
(11:16) Couldn't say.
(11:18) Don't talk to the guy in the middle, he's a dick
(11:20) Hurr, hurr.
(11:22) Last one, I have to go to lunch.
(11:23) K
(11:24) What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
(11:25) I'm almost afraid to ask
(11:27) Beef strokin' off.
(11:28) OH MY LANTA
(11:29) *bows* Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week, don't forget to tip the waitress.
(11:30) Christ I laughed so hard I think I'm going to vomit
(11:31) That's just indecent
(11:32) Just doing my part to carry on the family legacy.
(11:33) You're a credit to your name, whatever it is
(11:34) Enjoy your lunch, Queen of Dick Jokes
Friday Afternoon, October 10th
(1:04) who were you texting in chemistry
(1:05) looked like a pretty hilarious conversation THAT YOU DIDN'T SHARE
(1:06) chem is boring as shit, i could've used a laugh
(1:07) The guy who wrong-number-texted me about his dildo war.
(1:08) We were telling penis jokes.
(1:09) ...
(1:10) that leaves me with more questions than answers, winry
(1:11) whhhhhhhhhhhy
(1:13) I don't know. He texted me again to update me re: dicks, and. I don't know.
(1:15) you said yourself he seems like an ass
(1:16) He IS an ass.
(1:17) But he's pretty funny.
(1:18) this is weird
(1:19) what if he's a cunning cyber predator
(1:20) I don't get that impression.
(1:21) well no, you WOULDN'T if he's CUNNING
(1:22) i don't want to see you become a heartbreaking wikipedia article
(1:23) I think you're making a mountain out of dick jokes.
(1:24) well you're blushing, so
(1:25) Irrelevant.
(1:26) oh now THAT is bullshit
(1:28) He may have said he thought the idea of my snorting was cute.
(1:29) i'll get started on your eulogy
(1:31) Texting isn't meeting him in the deep, dark woods or anything.
(1:32) You're being dramatic.
(1:34) i've told you before, i embrace the hyper-dramatic bc you are not dramatic enough
(1:35) you keep doin your dick joke thing, i'll just glower with uncomfortableness over here
(1:36) be your intermittent jiminy cricket
(1:37) OH HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED
(1:38) 'Uncomfortableness' isn't a word.
(1:39) semantics
(1:40) Please don't get strung out over this. It's innocent texting, and besides, I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself, you know.
(1:41) you're my bff, dipshit, and that doesn't mean i won't fret
(1:42) just you know, be safe or whatever
(1:43) don't do anything i wouldn't do
(1:44) That's not a very long list.
(1:45) RUDE
Friday Afternoon, October 10th
(2:05) Why are you smiling like such a doofus?
(2:06) It's getting unnerving.
(2:07) No reason
(2:08) Hmm.
(2:09) What, am I not allowed to smile?
(2:10) You're the one who said I have to stop looking so murderous all the time
(2:11) Yeah, but usually your forced smiles are creepy.
(2:13) Gee, thanks
(2:14) THAT smile was genuine.
(2:15) Whatever
(2:16) Lan Fan said you were texting all through math.
(2:17) And that you were giggling like a little girl.
(2:18) Well she can go fuck herself
(2:19) And so can you, for that matter
(2:20) Now, now, brother, there's no need to be belligerent.
(2:22) Says you
(2:23) Ugh STOP looking at me like that or I'm going to deck you
(2:24) It wouldn't be the first time you got us kicked out of the library.
(2:25) Again, fuck you
(2:26) STOP
(2:27) STOOOOOOOOOOOP
(2:28) You're so god damn annoying, Al
(2:29) Perk of being the younger brother, Ed.
(2:30) That and getting to blame everything on you.
(2:31) You SUCK
(2:32) You suck SO HARD
(2:33) You suck more dick than LING
(2:34) I'm not going to leave you alone until you tell me.
(2:35) Or until I murder you
(2:26) Yeah but then who would help you fling around dildos during drills?
(2:27) (The answer is nobody, because DILDOS, brother!)
(2:28) Tell me, please?
(2:29) Is it Roooooooooooose?!
(2:30) No
(2:31) If something's making you happy I just want to share that happiness.
(2:32) A touching-seeming statement that is actually code for "I want to make fun of you"
(2:33) Like you wouldn't do the same thing.
(2:34) Like you DON'T do the same thing, ALL THE TIME.
(2:35) Perk of being the older brother, ALPHONSE
(2:36) You're a little shit
(2:38) C'mon. Tell me? Please?
(2:39) Fuck fine
(2:40) That person I wrong-number texted, texted me back to say she was a she
(2:41) And then we told dick jokes back and forth until she had to go
(2:44) Well that's. Random.
(2:46) I know
(2:47) Look it's not a big deal
(2:48) We probably won't text again, anyway
(2:49) But she was pretty funny
(2:52) Just. You know. Be careful. If you do. Sometimes people aren't… who they seem to be.
(2:53) Like you have to tell me that
(2:54) Like I said, it's not a big deal
(2:55) Can I see the convo?
(2:56) NO
(2:57) Why not? If it's just dick jokes it's not like I'm invading your privacy.
(2:58) Because NO
(2:59) Hmm.
(3:00) Seriously, fuck off. I'm going to go study in the room
(3:01) Don't sulk, brother.
(3:02) Don't be a nosy little jerk, /brother/
(3:04) Fine, Ed, I'll leave you to it.
Friday Evening, October 10th
(7:20) Did you actually say 'oh my lanta', like from Full House?
(7:21) Not you too
(7:22) What is it shit on Ed day? Did I miss the memo?
(7:23) Why, who else is ribbing on you, 'Ed'?
(7:24) Shit
(7:25) Ah it doesn't matter
(7:28) No offense intended, again, but you seem like a very reactionary person.
(7:29) You're not the first to say so
(7:30) 4 detentions so far this year, 'temper' related
(7:31) People are just idiots
(7:32) Sorry
(7:35) You don't have to apologize, it's not like we know one another.
(7.36) Though I should probably apologize for making assumptions and/or trying to play psychiatrist. Your life is really none of my business.
(7:38) Well I just unintentionally called you an idiot, so
(7:39) Ugh, whatever, this is stupid
(7:40) My mom was a big Full House fan, I guess
(7:41) She said 'oh my lanta' all the time
(7:43) Ah, I see.
(7:45) I have to go again.
(7:46) Right
Friday Evening, October 10th
(9:04) What's the ultimate rejection?
(9:08) Are we being introspective now?
(9:09) I don't know if I'm up for self-analysis with a stranger
(9:11) No, it's a joke.
(9:12) What's the ultimate rejection?
(9:13) Oh
(9:14) I don't know, what
(9:16) When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
(9:18) HA
(9:19) ZING
(9:20) Good night, 'Ed'.
(9:21) Night, Queen of Dick Jokes.
(9:22) And thanks