Don't let your guard down
Chapter 1
"My name is Brendan Seamus Brady from North Dublin and this is my final confession, oi love ye, cos I cant live my life without ye, oi love ye Steven, I'm never gonna feel any differently about ye either I promise, ye changed everything Steven, everything!", "nooo Brenduuun!"
Whoa there's that fucking nightmare again, it has been a year since he was taken from me and still I dream of him every single night without fail, and whether it's a dream or a nightmare I couldn't really give a fuck, I'd sleep forever just to be with my handsome blue eyed lover. That is why I'm doing this, I've planned this since a week after I lost him, I hid away because I was ashamed, ashamed that my boyfriend was a murdering scumbag, but of course they didn't know what I know, the villagers, they only know what they read in the headlines, total bollocks!
Brendan Brady shot his father in cold blood right in front of his baby sister, yeah sure he did, it's not like his dad was a homophobic, child abusing, vile human being who had ruined my Bren's life by subjecting him to sexual abuse from eight years old onwards, oh wait, that is exactly how it was!
Oh I forgot to mention my name is Steven Hay, I'm a 25 year old father of two and my boyfriend, the love of my life is looking at a 30 year stretch for ridding the world of a few disgusting creatures, all evil people of course, people who nobody will miss, if you ask me he did the world a favour. There is one thing nobody saw coming though, my plan! Yeah they all think I am just the silly little twink from the deli, who doesn't have much of the old grey matter, well, they were fucking wrong! After they took my man, I was a mess, I was drinking and I was angry heading for a downward spiral, but sitting alone in our flat a thought came to me, I am still a married man, I am still married to Doug Carter, so then it hit me, by law, I can be Steven Carter, I can easily take my husbands name!
I can be someone else, someone that the prison Brendan Brady currently resides in, won't suspect at all, no because Brendan's young man was Steven Hay wasn't he. Steven Carter is someone else entirely isn't he? And to be honest I'm done working in the deli and since I've toughened up since he went down, I start my new job today, I can't wait, just need to sort out my uniform and get in the car and drive.
"Yo Brendan mate, heard we've got a new boy starting today, fresh blood to torture haha" "that's your style Alex, I'm keeping moi head down, can't be arsed"
Hi I'm Brendan Brady, currently serving life at her majesties pleasure for moi sins, its been a year I've been here now and I've made a few friends, oi didn't know what male friends were on the outside moi best friend was the love of moi life and after him the best mate I had was a woman, Anne ah beautiful Anne, one person I could talk to about anything and she'd never judge me. Anne lives in America now but she's written to me, since I got locked up in here, she visited her sister Maxine in the village and in the process checked up on my Steven for me, told me he wasn't doing too good, at the moment I read about my boy I just wished I could look into his gorgeous eyes and wrap my arms around that skinny little fragile body of his, make him feel safe, I miss my boy every minute of every day.
I dream of Steven, I dream of holding him in his sleep, holding him close and never letting him go. This is unconditional love, it never goes away and it never dies, what I feel for Steven goes beyond anything I've ever felt for anyone, I still love him with every single bit of my heart.
"Yo Brendan mate" "ye alright Alex where did ye go?" "ok. So. The strangest thing just happened right Brendan!, I was walking through the wing and the new guard stopped me, I swear mate if I'd of been batting for your team I think even I would, cos the new guy right he is really good looking, all the boys on the wing are totally lusting after him. Anyways, oh, like I was saying, strangest thing yeah, he took me to one side and he whispered do you know Brendan Brady? In my ear, then he said if you do, tell him to meet me in the laundry room in one hour yeah, so I ran right up here to pass on his message, but it's a bit weird aint it B?" "Ye it is Alex, and this guard, what did he look like, did he have an accent?" "yeah he was a manc mate and hes tall, a bit scrawny and he has brown hair kinda quaffed up at one side like a quiff" "Alex are ye fucking messing with me right now? Cos that just aint funny boy" "no Brendan I'm being deadly serious mate it's the gods honest I swear. Why what is it what's up?"
"Oi don't know yet Alex, I um I can't be sure of anything. Laundry room one hour right?" "yeah, yeah that's what he said" "did he tell ye his name?" "yeah he said I have to call him Mr. Carter, better than Sir I guess huh" "errr yeah. Urm ok thank ye Alex, can ye just leave me alone with my thoughts for a while mate please" "aye ne bother see ya in a bit mate."
Oh my god Carter, but it can't be it can't be Douglas, Alex said a Manchester accent and Douglas well Douglas is yankier than fried chicken, I'm getting nervous now, as more time passes my stomach is doing back flips, my hopes are high but I don't want them to be, it cannot be him it can't be Steven, the new guard it can't be my Steven because my Steven is a chef with his own deli and I told him to stay away, to move on, I told him that was the way it had to be. Still there's a part of me that actually believes that my boy is here, in this building and I just have to go to that room.