I thought about writing this story while in the waiting room at my dentist's office. I planned it out while having my teeth cleaned, and I wrote it when I got home.
Nell's never seen any reason to be nervous while at the dentist. Sure, there's the occasional needle that stings like a mofo, making a 'crunching' sound as it pierces the gum or roof of your mouth. Then there's the hygienist that can't seem to manage scraping your teeth without ripping off little bits of your gum at the same time. There are the sounds, and the smells, and the overwhelming sense of claustrophobia brought on by some stranger using your face as an armrest while he or she pokes and prods at swollen gums.
To be fair, Nell never said that a visit to the dentist was pleasant, she just never thought it was anything to panic over.
Or, at least, she didn't before.
It's been a while since Deeks and Sam were taken and tortured. Well over a year since Deeks got the all clear from both his oral surgeon and Nate. He eats all normal foods, smacks on gum, and can even make an impressive spit-ball when he's feeling like being extra irksome. Physically, one would never be able to guess he'd had holes drilled into the roof of his mouth.
Mentally, he's pretty good, too. As long as he's not at the dentist.
But here they are, Nell patiently sitting in the waiting room while Deeks gets a broken tooth checked by someone who's a cross between a dentist and an oral surgeon.
Nine times out of ten, they come off a job with nothing more than a sense of accomplishment and bragging rights. Other times, they end up with a pair of partners out of commission, one with a sprained elbow, the other with a broken tooth—both byproducts of an extra- previously-unknown-about bad guy and the butt of a gun to the face.
Deeks had tried to play it off, assure everyone that he was fine, that there was no need to see a dentist. But his bravado could only go so far, and despite a high threshold for pain, there's only so much a man can do about an exposed nerve.
Had Kensi not been doped up on painkillers, she'd have been in Nell's place without a doubt. But seeing as his usual partner was out of commission, Nell decided, that as Deeks' 'sometimes' partner, it was her duty to step up to the plate.
Her first clue that the visit wasn't going to go as smoothly as preferred was the way Deeks' left leg had bounced up and down when they first arrived, the fabric of his pants rubbing against the side of the chair so fast, Nell had been worried about the friction starting a fire.
The second clue had been the blank stare he had while he was supposed to be filling out the paperwork. His eyes were locked on the coffee table in the middle of the room, his right hand holding the pen to the paper, ink blotting out in a small stain where his name should go.
Gently nudging his elbow, Nell had quietly asked if he had wanted her to fill them out.
Deeks had turned to her, right cheek swollen and an ugly shade of 'ow', his expression clearly confused.
Nell had given him a tightlipped, crooked smile and looked down at the incomplete forms in his hand. His only response had been a breathy, nervous laugh and a small shake of his head before the pen began to move again. Not long after, Deeks had been called back, leaving Nell to wait, which is exactly what she's doing now.
With the knowledge that the visit will most likely take a while, Nell digs around in her bag and settles on a dog-eared paperback to help pass the time. She's not an expert on dentistry, and honestly isn't too sure what they'll be doing to fix Deeks' tooth, but she is pretty certain it should take a hell of a lot longer than twenty minutes.
Ten pages in, and the pretty strawberry-blonde in purple scrubs that had taken Deeks back is standing at the door. "Are you with Marty?" she asks, her tone soft, but with enough concern that Nell knows something isn't right.
Nell nods and stands, the book hanging loosely at her side. She's about to ask what's wrong, but the woman just smiles and holds the door open in invitation. "Can you come with me, please?"
And now Nell is definitely a little concerned. Not necessarily worried, but definitely concerned. As soon as the door is shut, the rest of the waiting room's occupants out of sight, Nell looks up at the woman and asks, "Is everything okay?"
The woman, whose scrubs have the name Audrey sewn across the pocket in a flowing script, smiles reassuringly, a smile Nell recognizes as the one they all use when talking to a witness or victim. "We understand that Marty had a bad experience a while back? One that required a great bit of oral surgery?"
Nell feels her eyebrows shoot up, mostly because that's one hell of an understatement. "Yes, he did." She leaves it at that, not knowing how much of the 'bad experience' Audrey knows about.
"Well, understandably, it's causing Marty to be a little uncomfortable. And we can't really work until he calms down…"
Immediately, Nell pictures Deeks freaking out, swatting away the doctor's hands as he tries to climb out of the chair. But Nell quickly pushes aside that image, mostly because she knows that if Deeks had tried to leave, he would have left. Especially with nothing more than a purple-clad soccer mom standing in his way.
"Right now, his blood pressure is a little high," Audrey explains, seemingly oblivious to the thoughts running through Nell's head. "We've given him something to help him relax, and we're going to use the gas, but it might help if he has someone with him. Help take his mind off of it."
Nell gives a short nod, and follows Audrey through the creamed colored halls to the small room at the back of the building. Deeks is reclined in the chair, his eyes closed, hands folded on his stomach. If anything, he looks bored, not panicked.
"You can just sit right there," Audrey says, pointing to a small stool by Deeks' chair. Deeks opens his eyes at the sound of her voice, and looks at Nell in obvious surprise.
"What are you doing here?" he asks, his voice deeper than Nell is used to. She drops her bag in the corner, out of the way, before sitting on the small, rolling stool.
"Apparently, something's got your blood up," she says, squinting her eyes and tilting her head as her lips quirk to the side in a small smile.
Deeks gives a soft chuckle and lets his head fall back on the headrest, ignoring Audrey as she places a blood pressure monitor over his left wrist. "I wonder why that is," he says, his voice still deep and full of sarcasm.
They sit quietly as Audrey reads the numbers on the monitor and frowns. "Try to relax. I'll be right back." And then she's gone, leaving Nell and Deeks alone in the small room.
The silence is heavy, just short of being awkward. Nell can hear a phone ringing in the distance, and something that sounds like a jazzy elevator tune playing from down the hall. "You know," she begins, silently hoping she isn't about to cross some line, "when she called me back here, I was kind of expecting a little more drama."
Deeks lets his head fall to the side so that he's facing her. For the first time, Nell can see that his eyes look off. Not glassy or stoned, just…off. Whatever they gave him seems to be working. "Drama?" he asks, quirking an eyebrow.
"You know," she waves her hands about in small circles, trying to portray what her imagination had conjured, "a little more freaking out, a lot less zen."
Deeks looks back up at the ceiling and laughs, all lazy and deep. "I was expecting it, too." And there's nothing but honesty and surprise in his tone. Obviously, Deeks had come into the situation expecting to be a blubbering pansy. But instead, to both his and Nell's surprise, he had calmly sat in the chair and prepared himself to tough it out.
The only hiccup had been his heart giving him away.
"What'd they give you?" Nell asks, noting that Deeks looks to be melting into the chair.
"I dunno," he mumbles, twisting his head and popping his neck. "Think it's workin' though."
And Nell nods in agreement. Whatever they had given him obviously wasn't too strong, because as soon as the door opens, Audrey and the doctor walking in with big smiles on their faces, Deeks is tense again. Not as bad as he could be, but his left toe starts tapping the air as Audrey reaches for the blood pressure monitor on his wrist.
"That's more like it," she says, clearly pleased with the new reading. She calls out the numbers to the dentist, a tall man with a hooked nose and a little grey mixed into his black hair.
"Ah, much better," says the doctor, his accent screaming California born and raised, "You ready to try this again, Marty?"
Nell scoots her stool a little further down so she's sitting by Deeks' hip, getting out of the way as the dentist claims his own stool right next to Deeks' head. Nell watches as Audrey places a small "mask" over Deeks' nose, instructing him to breathe deeply as the dentist pulls on a pair of purple gloves and grabs a syringe.
The dentist looks to Audrey, who gives a slight nod. "Okay," he says, his voice calm and soothing, his skilled hand purposefully holding the syringe out of Deeks' eyesight as he moves it into place. "We're just going to numb everything right now. Nothing major. Just a little pinch."
And anyone who has ever had dental work done knows that it's going to be more than a little pinch. And sure enough, gas or no gas, Deeks' face scrunches up in pain as the dentist slides the needle in place. Before she's even aware of what's happening, Nell is reaching out, grabbing onto Deeks' fist, squeezing the tightened knuckles in what she sincerely hopes is a comforting gesture.
The whole ordeal only lasts about twenty seconds. Long enough for the dentist to poke a few times, and then it's done, at least that part anyway.
"We're just gonna let that kick in, take away all the feeling, and then we'll move on. Sound good?"
Deeks doesn't answer, he just tongues the injection sites, his jaw opened wide as he tries to get his tongue to the back of his mouth. Nell answers for him in the form of a grateful smile, watching as Audrey once again places the little gas mask over Deeks' nose.
"You good, Deeks?" Nell asks, leaning forward to try and catch his eye. She gives his fist another squeeze, trying to get him to relax again. But his hand stays balled up tight.
"Yep," he answers. Or tries to, the numbing agent, gas, and general drowsiness brought on by whatever they had given him before makes the word sound more like "lup" than "yep". Either way, Nell smiles.
Audrey and the dentist continue to work in the background, readying all the equipment. Deeks tries to turn his head to see what they're doing, but Nell intervenes. She figures the best way to make this easier on Deeks is to keep him distracted.
"Pretty soon this will be over," she says, words just rolling smoothly out of her mouth. She's not sure what she wants to say, she just goes with the flow, saying the first thing that pops into her head. "They'll get you all patched up, and then I'll drop you off at Kensi's. It'll all be over. Won't that make you happy?"
"Kensi make me happy," he says, turning his head a little towards her lazily with a sloppy grin on his face.
Nell just smiles and gives his fist another squeeze. "I'm thinking that street runs both ways, Deeks."
"Sometimes," he says, pausing to run his tongue along his back teeth again, "Sometimes, I wonder if I was happy before I met her. You know? Like really happy?"
Nell looks up and catches Audrey's eye. She can tell the woman's smiling behind her mask as she arranges the tools on the tray. Nell pats his arm reassuringly, "I'm pretty sure you were happy before. Maybe just a different kind of happy."
Deeks shakes his head slowly from side to side. "Maybe. I dunno." Again, he pauses. This time to purse his lips in a duck face before stretching them back in a grimace. The numbing agent has obviously kicked in.
"I mean," he continues as though he had never stopped, "I know I'm not happy when she's gone, so it's hard to think I was before. You know? Or maybe, I just didn't know what happy was."
"You're awfully philosophical when you're under the influence. Kinda poetic." Nell gives him a smile as he frowns at her.
And then the frown is gone as his mind switches gears. "You know I took poetry once. In college. It was a seminar taught by this old dude with funny hair. Think of Granger with a ponytail. Bald on top, and douchey in the back."
Nell laughs, a true laugh that's accompanied by Audrey's little snort as the assistant fails to hide her amusement. Even the dentist is grinning, his eyes crinkled behind his mask as he turns back to Deeks.
Hoping the little moment was enough of a distraction, Nell returns to holding Deeks' fist as the dentist begins to work. The man talks calmly, telling Deeks exactly what he's going to do before he does it. Nell doesn't know the man, but she likes him, if for no other reason than the fact that he seems to want this to go easy for Deeks, too.
But despite the gas and calm words, as soon as the drill starts, Deeks is full of tension, and Nell is right there with him.
Only Deeks and Sam know exactly what happened in that warehouse. After seeing the list of injuries, Nell's imagination had supplied her with a pretty good visual. But not near as good as the one she's getting now.
Deeks' head is tilted back, his mouth open wide as the dentist moves the drill about. It's the sound that's getting to her, and she knows it's not any better for Deeks.
Suddenly, Deeks loosens his fist only to wrap his fingers around hers, holding her hand as tightly as he can.
It hurts a bit, the amount of strength behind the grip all but crushing her hand. But she looks at Deeks' face, at the way his eyes are squinted shut, notices the way he's purposely trying not to make a sound, and she decides she can deal with a little pressure.
Taking her other hand, she rests it on their joined hands and rubs her thumb along the little space between his knuckles. Little calming circles, back and forth as she listens to the drill and the dentist's voice.
By the time it's all over, Nell is about ready to crawl out of her skin. With the exception of holding her hand in a vice grip, Deeks did perfectly fine. Squeezing his eyes shut was the most outward sign of discomfort he gave, and as Audrey packs gauze into his mouth, Nell is thinking that Deeks did a better job of pretending to keep his cool than she did.
The entire thirty-odd minutes, Nell had focused solely on Deeks' hand holding hers. Her wide eyes stared at the callus he had on the pad of his thumb, the little blond hairs barely visible on each finger, on the way the wrinkles and lines of his knuckles would alternate between different shades of white and red depending on how hard he was squeezing.
She counted her breaths, inhaling for two mississippis, exhaling for two more. A steady rhythm to help keep her calm, to stop her from thinking that Deeks was going to have a flashback any moment and she wouldn't know how to help him.
Then, like the genius she is, she tried to put herself into Deeks' shoes, tried to imagine if she could endure what he had and come out alright. That line of thinking had quickly been put to rest once she realized she didn't like the answer.
But her momma has always said that Nell underestimates herself, and as Audrey helps Deeks sit up, Nell realizes that she might have been doing the same to Deeks.
"S'over," he says, only half of his mouth twisting into a smile giving him the appearance of a very worn-out stroke victim. He looks down at the joined hands and frowns as he releases his grip. He flexes his fingers, his eyebrows coming to meet in concern as he studies her now red hand, the outline of his fingers clearly visible. "Sorry."
She gives her hand a good shake and drops it to her side. Out of sight, out of mind. "Nothing to be sorry for," she assures him, pushing the stool out of the way as he prepares to stand. "You ready to go?"
Deeks gives her a look that screams "God, yes" and clumsily climbs to his feet. They get the aftercare instructions, schedule a follow-up, and gladly accept the offered ice-pack before making their way to the car.
Nell navigates the streets, trying hard to avoid the major roadways as she drives to Kensi's house. Thinking about it, Nell can't remember anyone actually deciding that Deeks would be dropped off at Kensi's, it was just sort of assumed. An assumption that's quickly becoming fact as Deeks tells her a shortcut to his partner's home.
"Thanks, Nell," he mumbles, the gauze getting in the way of his tongue, "for, um…you know, not letting me piss my pants back there."
Nell releases a breathy laugh and shakes her head. "Truthfully? I think you did great. No one would have blamed you for freaking out, and you just…held it together."
"You had to hold my hand," Deeks points out, using his finger to push the gauze back in place.
"You didn't need me to hold your hand—"
"Actually, I did," he says, cutting her off. "And I appreciate it," he adds softly.
Nell turns her head to look at him, her eyes darting between him and the road. He looks a little embarrassed, but completely serious. She gives him a smile and says, "Anytime."
"I'd also appreciate it if you didn't mention said hand holding to anyone else," his tone is just as serious, but now there's a smile on his face.
Nell squints her eyes and tilts her head in mock-thought. "Would 'anyone else' happen to be a certain Navy SEAL and his partner?"
Deeks laughs and reaches over to flick her ear, effectively ending that conversation.
"How're you feeling?" she asks a little while later as they wait for a light to turn green. She frowns as Deeks leans the seat back.
"Worn out. I could fall asleep right now."
"Please don't," she pleads, turning onto Kensi's street. "You might call me a tough little pixie, but there is no way I'd be able to get you out of this car and in Kensi's house."
Deeks groans, but lifts the seat back into its original position. "No sleeping. Got it."
"Good."
The last few minutes go by with Deeks looking at his bruised cheek in the passenger mirror, and Nell reminding him to stop poking at his tooth.
Despite being worn out, Deeks climbs out of Nell's car just fine. Yeah, he has to place his hand on the roof for a second while the world stops spinning, but in the end, both feet on the ground is a win.
As Nell rounds the corner, Deeks tosses her a set of keys, says "It's the silver one," before reaching in the car to get his things.
When Nell opens the door, Kensi is lying on the couch. She's got her head leaning against the armrest, her knees pulled up to her chest in a very lazy version of the fetal position. "Hey," she says, her voice sounding like she might be as tired as Deeks. She looks it, too.
Nell points to the sling holding Kensi's arm in place. "Did they say it was okay?"
"Oh, yeah. Couple of weeks and I'll be as good as new." Kensi smiles, but looks towards the door. "What about Deeks?"
"According to the nice man with the drill, I'm already good as new," Deeks answers as he walks in the door. He unceremoniously drops his stuff on the floor before all but falling onto the couch. He kicks off his shoes and pulls his feet up on the cushions, his head deciding to use Kensi's hip as a pillow.
"But everything went fine?" Kensi asks, looking to Nell for an answer.
"Yep, everything went great," Nell tells her, trying not to smile as Kensi's hand automatically falls to Deeks' head, her fingers playing with the curl just above his right ear. And just to complete the picture, Deeks lets out a soft snore, his right arm coming to wrap around Kensi's shins as he falls deeper into sleep.
Nell briefly wonders whether or not she'd have gotten to see them this close and relaxed with one another had they not been in pain and partially drugged. Deciding the answer's no, Nell sets Deeks' keys on Kensi's cluttered coffee table, and takes a step towards the door.
"Thanks for taking him, Nell," Kensi whispers, her hand now holding the remote as opposed to playing with Deeks' hair.
"I was happy to help." And she was. These people are her friends, the closest thing she has to a family this far west. If anything, she's grateful they let her help. The team may joke, may have a running commentary on any and all things Kensi and Deeks, but at the end of the day, none of them actually know what's going on between the two.
And thanks to some bad luck, a little fear, and a lot of laughing gas, she now has a better understanding. She knows with absolute certainty that Deeks is happy with Kensi. An outright confession leaves little doubt.
But watching as Kensi turns down the TV volume so Deeks can sleep, Nell realizes she had it right before. Kensi might make Deeks happy, but it's a two way street.
And that's it. I love the idea of a big brother, little sister thing between Deeks and Nell.