History Repeats Itself

by Shini'chi Raine

A far-in-the-future Kagome watches her past self fall into the well—watches all over again as history repeats itself; a never-ending cycle of past-present-future. Even further in the future, an older Kagome relives the pain she has come to know...

History Repeats Itself

By Shini'chi Raine

A/N: A sad-in-the-beginning/happy-at-the-end little one-shot to distract everyone from my other fanfiction until I get my muse back. =P I hope you guys won't be too mad at me for this! =) Also, I'm once again testing my writing skills as an author since I wanted to try writing "angst"—I'm not very good, but hey, practice makes perfect! And, much as I absolutely hate Kikyou, I can't stand to leave InuYasha alone, either. The dog brothers were always my favorite characters. [chuckles]

Categories: Anime/Manga/InuYasha

Genre(s): Romance/Drama/Some Angst

Rated: T – Mild Language/Violence

Couple(s): Mild InuYasha/Kagome, Sesshoumaru/Kagome

Summary: One-shot: A far-in-the-future Kagome watches her past self fall into the well—watches all over again as history repeats itself; a never-ending cycle of past-present-future. Even further in the future, an older Kagome relives the pain she has come to know every day for the rest of her life as it continues its repetitive cycle.

[***]

Familiar breezes drifted silently across the grounds of an age-old temple; the great Goshinboku Tree had not changed much, except that it merely grew bigger with time. She sighed quietly, despite her holy powers protecting her presence. Demons, priests, and priestesses alike would not sense her here—and the ancient tree, the old Goshinboku Tree, hid her among its leaves, for she had climbed it. Today was the day her young 15-year-old self would begin a great journey to the past: learning unrequited love, learning true love—accepting responsibility, accepting darkness, accepting truth. The white jewel at her throat pulsed in time with its past self that was embedded into her younger self's body. Her holy powers allowed her to see its former self, dimmed, dulled—waiting. She brought a delicate yet powerful hand to touch the jewel that glowed silently as she did so. So many years ago it had happened; yet, here again, did the journey begin. She closed grey-blue eyes, battle-weary, as she breathed in the clean air she could ever only find in this part of Tokyo. Today was a memory, a beginning; she clenched her other hand into a tight fist. Today began a long history of pain.

Upon visiting her old home, this ancient temple, she had donned a priestess's honorary robe—an old kimono she only wore on this particular day. Every year that passed as she waited for that cycle; how many centuries had it been? She had lived in the past, in the present, in the future, for so long now she lost track of her true age. The days of battling Naraku were over for her; the days with InuYasha long gone. Her unrequited love had been returned at the edge of death—his shining golden eyes that she remembered once bright with life, dulling slowly as his grip on her hand became loose. But their love was never to be; after all, they merely had friendship at that point. His sorrow, his apologies; she couldn't accept them—wouldn't accept them, for he was dying. He would not outlive her, nor would he live with her. He had died with many regrets; as it was, his elder brother buried him properly, in his homelands as a proper prince. After all, he was the hero who had killed the evil that was Naraku that had spread across Japan.

InuYasha.

Forever his name was engraved within her heart. Her first love, her unrequited love, her love: InuYasha. A tear found its way down her cheek, and the hand clutching the infamous Shikon Jewel around her neck lifted itself to wipe at the single watery drop. How she missed him so terribly. The breezes shifted again, and she found herself wondering if it was InuYasha himself, caressing her in spirit. She knew he was happy; he had done his best to live. Despite his tough exterior, he was kind-hearted. More tears fell as she thought of him; the day of his death had been the same day as her birth. So, every year, on this day, the day she was born, the day she fell down the Bone Eaters Well, was the day of the death of InuYasha. The irony of it all still struck her like a priestess's true arrow. How she loved this day; how she hated it. Voices distracted her momentarily as they sailed upon the breezes to her trained, acute hearing.

"Argh! Souta, what are you doing!"

"But Nee-chan! I can't find Buyo!"

"Did you check the well?"

"No! It's too scary down there!"

"All right, all right—I'll help you look. Just hurry up! You'll be late for school!"

"Okay!"

Her eyes followed her younger self until the teen disappeared into the house built around the well. Then, she turned her focus onto her younger brother, Souta—and here, her heart ached once more. His time had ended at a young age of 23, when he'd gotten involved in a car accident. Souta himself had only been driving home from work, and the car accident he'd gotten into had involved a drunk driver, of course. The whole Higurashi family had been devastated. She herself couldn't believe her ears as the police knocked on their door, 2:48am in the morning, with the horrible news. It was, she reflected, unfortunate her brother worked third shifts. She had come home that night for a visit, she remembered, because she'd been ever so busy with university. Had it not been for her mate, she would be a walking shell with empty eyes… Her mother had it doubly hard, considering she had already lost her husband, had almost lost her daughter multiple times, and now, she had lost her one and only son. The poor woman had suffered so much tragedy in her life. She was brought out of her depressing thoughts as Souta shouted in panic.

"Kagome! Kagome, can you hear me! Are you okay!"

The moment of truth had come. As a very young Souta ran frantically back into the house, clutching the old pet fat cat she used to own, she once more closed her eyes, and prayed to the old Goshinboku Tree.

Great Goshinboku Tree; you have lived and grown and continue to live and thrive, and your great wisdom and knowledge carries on through the ages. You know me—formerly Higurashi Kagome, now Lady Taiyoukai Kagome—for I am your old friend through time, and time again. Please watch over my younger self of fifteen once more, as history repeats its unending cycle.

The leaves of the ancient tree rustled in answer to her prayer, and she allowed a small smile to appear on her face as she patted the tree lovingly. The very branch she sat upon had been InuYasha's favorite every time they returned to Kaede's village. He had always loved this tree; he always came to this tree to think. It also was the place he had been sealed once upon a time until she had somehow released him. After that, she had shattered the Shikon Jewel, and thus began her quest to gather all of the shards. Along the way, she met Shippou, Miroku, and Sango. How she missed them so dearly… Once more, tears sprung as memories swam to the surface: memories of true, good friends, her great teacher and also ancestor, her adopted son, and so many more. Her old home, this temple, the Higurashi temple, held so many memories, good and bad. Though she had kept her last name for special purposes, she also now carried the title of wife and mate to Sesshoumaru Taiyoukai. He had no last name until the modern era, where he had been forced to choose a last name. He had chosen his lordly title, and it was a famous title in her time. She stood, and pulsing with energy after once again witnessing the event that history books had reported, she opened a portal and returned to her proper time. Her mate was waiting, after all. But before that, she needed to make a quick stop.

[***]

As she stepped out of the portal she'd made into the next future—yet, still her past—she watched with a pained smile the happiness she had seen from afar. With the Shikon Jewel completed, InuYasha had made his wish—he still remained himself, but he had wished—surprise surprise—for his brother's happiness. Along with that startlingly unselfish wish, the jewel had glimmered brightly and Kagome remembered feeling a strange sensation, and she realized Kikyou had been brought back to life, a separate entity. Despite being her reincarnation, Kagome knew that she in fact was a direct descendant of Midoriko herself—the priestess who had in fact created the powerful jewel all demons and humans alike aimed for. Even to the present time of her time, she was still hunted down—but unfortunately for her enemies, the protector had to have power stronger than the jewel itself; how else was she going to protect it? This future was ten years after her first time falling into the well; five years before this had been the defeat of Naraku, the completion of the jewel, and its purification, followed by InuYasha's surprising unselfish wish. InuYasha had wished for happiness for all (especially his brother's), and for Kikyou to have a second chance. The two had lived together peacefully and had died of old age together. Kagome felt regret for not having been able to become closer to the woman called Kikyou, but after InuYasha's wish, the jewel had shattered once more. The irony of it was that it was she herself who had shattered it—again.

Not because she had wanted to; the irony of it all, again, was that the second shattering of the jewel had been pure accident, just like the first time. All because she had tried to protect InuYasha from a surprise demon attack who also aimed for the wanted ball of glass; a demon who had laid in wait, possessed by a surviving small part of Naraku. Naraku now no longer existed, purified by her arrow—and once again, the jewel in pieces because of her. The fragility yet magical power of the jewel never ceased to astound her, though she couldn't help but feel she had somehow been tricked into destroying it to bits once again. Her dear companions—InuYasha, Sango, Miroku, and Shippou—had looked on in stunned silence, and she herself honestly couldn't have believed it. All that hard work they had done, literally shattered before their eyes. Kagome allowed a loud groan to escape her as she remembered that day. Everyone had stared at that one spot where Naraku had finally been vanquished and at the same time as jewel shards had once again fled in all directions.

It was that point in time when Sesshoumaru suddenly stepped in, claiming he would travel with her—Kagome—and his younger half-brother could take the newly established "peaceful" times to enjoy it with his new mate. The grateful yet concerned smiles had lit the newly mated pair's faces, and though she was still reeling from shock, Kagome had accepted. She smiled now at that memory; it had all been a part of Sesshoumaru's ulterior motive—he had been curious about her, apparently, and had determined to know more. Somewhere along the way, they began to feel more for each other as they traveled about slaying tainted demons and slowly, ever so slowly, remaking the Shikon back to its former glory. A smirk painted her face as she watched the happy events unfold, even as she saw her past self packing to get ready to travel with Sesshoumaru. She had traveled few times with the taiyoukai before; times when the demon lord had actually rescued her from peril; times when she had been separated from InuYasha weeks to months at a time.

Thanks to those small experiences, she was used to traveling with the demon lord—and thankfully, he always sent his toady retainer Jaken home with his (by now) adopted human daughter, Rin, whenever they traveled. Still, the night before she officially began her second jewel hunting adventure had been the best—and the worse—memory for her of all time. It was at that point in time, as she watched this day drift by, that she both appreciated and hated it. It was a time of peace, though demons still aimed for the Shikon—but without the presence of Naraku, hunting the shards would be easier. It helped that she had grown impeccably as a priestess, and was infamous—or famous?—as an extremely powerful holy woman. That night was the same night she and InuYasha brought closure to their fickle—yes, the word fit quite well—relationship, and it was the same night she had truly cried, and cried, and cried. Again, a single tear appeared within her eyes, but this one did not drop. Slowly, she willed it away as she waited to view the scene that ultimately pushed her forward—the scene that she had no regrets over; and yet, altogether hated and held passion for. She had too many emotions for this particular painful memory, but there it was. She closed her eyes as the memory began to play out in front of her and within her mind.

Nightfall…

InuYasha had called Kagome out to a private clearing, within easy distance of their companions who had settled for the night, but not within hearing distance. Sesshoumaru's group had camped nearby, but elsewhere as the taiyoukai had no intention to be anywhere near more humans besides the young girl named Rin. The two of them were alone. Kagome was wracked with nerves: unsure and yet knowing, denying and accepting as she prepared herself for the inevitable.

"InuYasha?"

"…Kagome."

The two stated each others' names, and then silence reigned for a long, long moment. Then, InuYasha displayed the first sign of maturity Kagome had ever witnessed. It was painful, she thought, to see that he had grown so much, and she hadn't seen it. He had grown quicker than she thought—but then again, he'd always been forced to grow faster anyway, because of his childhood; because of what he had gone through, it was no surprise he learned quickly what was most important.

"Kagome…" He took a strong breath, pain in his eyes, but determination as well. She held her breath, willing him to continue, wishing for him to stop. He stepped towards her, and taking hold of her wrist, pulled her forward into a hug, shocking her.

"Kagome, you know why I called you here. It's… closure… to clear all of our misunderstandings. Kagome… I love you. But not in the way you want me to; I… I don't think I'll ever be able to do that…"

"…!"

She couldn't speak; she was too wrapped up in her own thoughts, plagued as she was, she was focused intently upon her first love. She was biting her lips, fighting mental tooth and nail not to cry. She wanted to deny him; she wanted to shove him away; she wanted to kiss him; she wanted him to keep holding her. She wanted him to take back those words, say he was joking, and call her an idiot with his all too familiar arrogant smirk. Yet, he did not do any of those things; he continued to hold her with gentleness rare and invaluable to her. Yet, she knew it was never to happen like this again; after this night, he would not hold her this way. Not anymore. There was no longer any confusion.

"Kagome, I love you as my first friend; hell, you're my closest and best friend. You accepted me for who I was, for what I was, and never questioned anything but my rash and stupid decisions."

She fought to hide a pained smile at his attempt at some humor, but instead, she clutched his hakama, and his arms tightened around her. This was painful for the both of them, as InuYasha truly did love her; she was important to him, but more like a close confidant; a friend; a teacher; a sister. After all, it was thanks to her he had some semblance of "family" now. She tensed as he spoke again, his voice holding a tone of gentleness and friendship.

"I admit I really hate the thought of you traveling with Sesshoumaru. That bastard! If he doesn't protect you, I swear I'll rip him limb from limb. Kagome, make sure you let Kikyou know through your soul link if you're ever in trouble."

"InuYasha…"

Her exasperated sigh at his usual over-protectiveness made them both smile sadly, as they continued to embrace, both wanting the moment to last, both wanting it to end quickly. They could not keep this up forever; InuYasha's role was finished—and apparently, Kagome's was not. Especially since she now had to go on a second quest to complete the jewel once more. Kagome had stepped back as she stood on her tip toes, and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. InuYasha's golden eyes had liquidated into a molten color, as he too returned this final, innocent kiss. It was a farewell to their fickle relationship, and a beginning to a friendship that would last forever.

She came out of her memory as she recalled InuYasha's words, and then remembered something. At that time, after InuYasha had made his wish, the jewel had not vanished. That meant there was more to the jewel than everyone had originally thought. She also vaguely remembered hearing voices echoing in her head right after the jewel's shards had scattered across Japan—no, Nippon in this past—once more. It was then that Kikyou and Kagome had locked gazes, and they felt it deep within their souls. They were connected, and Kikyou broke out into a smile of encouragement as she nodded. Kagome had to fight not to gasp at the spectacle the former priestess made; it was no wonder InuYasha loved her so dearly. Kikyou in this time was older than her past self of eighteen, three long years of surviving Naraku's evil and hunting the jewel shards. The former priestess seemed happier now that she wasn't filled with hate and self-loathing, and Kagome felt a small part of her ache as she watched her past self and InuYasha separate slowly. The half-demon's eyes showed both joy and sadness as they departed; InuYasha returning to be with his mate, she returning to the Goshinboku tree, where she truly cried her eyes out.

The Goshinboku tree always seem to be where she was meant to meet her fate, she realized, as Sesshoumaru, Taiyoukai of the West, appeared before her past self after she had sobbed herself sleep. She smiled slightly as she watched him watch her past self for what seemed a long moment (she swore it felt as if time just stretched and could have stood still with how the scene just… remained the way it was). The graceful lordling suddenly bent towards her past self's form, piquing her curiosity. Since she'd been asleep, she never knew what Sesshoumaru had done. Her eyes widened slightly when she saw him caress her past self's cheek, if ever so lightly, and then brushed a startlingly gentle kiss across her forehead. This told her many things; it also told her that Sesshoumaru had known long before their journey they were to be mates (that, or he'd had an attraction to her since their first "meeting" of sorts). Still, she mused with an ironic smile, he put up a strong damn fight of denial—but so did she; fight her feelings of attraction and love, that is. She wondered how long he had known, though he had not pursued her, probably because he couldn't understand why she was his chosen mate anymore than she couldn't get over the fact that she must have been insane to start having emotions for InuYasha's brother of all people.

She smirked at herself when she could just hear how the dog-demon brothers would both snap at her (half-brother!) at her last thought. Sometimes she wondered if that was the only thing they agreed on, but she knew they had their moments. She took a breath as she turned to transport herself back to her present time. Once a year, every year, this day, she returned for a time to relive these memories, memories that should stay in the past. But because of her abilities, because of her powers, because of her role, she could not—would not—forget. Such as it was… She smiled bitterly for the last time. History, indeed, repeated itself too much.

[***]

"Where have you been?"

"You know where I go on this day every year."

"You must stop. I cannot watch you live the pain over and over."

"But I have to. I don't want to. I must."

"You've been doing this for over five centuries, Kagome…"

"I know. But, you should know I still love you, no matter how many times I visit the past."

"As I you…"

A gentle smile, a soft kiss, and she knew her future would continue its current path—an endless cycle of life… an endless cycle of history.

Omake.

[***]

A/N: Sooo… I'm thinking I'm not so great at any of this, ahahaha. Reviews, please~ I would like opinions! Again: I'm not so great at angst, but eh, here's an attempt.