Hey, this is my first yaoi fanfic and also my first GerIta fanfic. I hope I did well. Tell me what you think, please? Sorry if it's too depressing.
I stand beside his coffin. I've never seen him so depressed and lifeless.
Why did he have to die? Why couldn't it have been me, instead?
I feel tears prick my eyes as I walk away from my ally. My friend. My love.
I take a seat next to Kiku. He looks at me. I try to smile but fail.
Why did he have to die? Why couldn't it have been me, instead?
When his favorite song starts playing, I feel tears run down my cheeks. I wipe them away and take a shaky breath.
I want to crawl into a hole and die. Why did he have to die? He was the only one who would want to be around my worthless ass.
More tears fall down my cheeks. I loved him and never got the chance to tell him. I never got to know if he felt the same.
Why couldn't it have been me, instead? He's gone now. I did everything for him. Helped his ass when he was in trouble. Which was every day.
But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
He trusted anyone he was around if they knew Rome. I loved him for that.
He was so carefree. Why did he have to die?
I think to that horrible day only days ago.
"Feli, come here. You're going to hurt yourself," I had said when he got close to the edge of the cliff.
He didn't listen because he was too busy chasing a butterfly. The butterfly went over the edge and so did he.
Why couldn't it have been me, instead? I didn't know what to do. I only looked down at his lifeless body as it hit the ground.
What if I told him a little more demanding than I did? Would he still be here?
I blame it on myself but everyone says I shouldn't.
Why did he have to die? Why couldn't it have been me, instead?
I cover my face as more tears fall from my eyes.
He was my everything. I would've taken a bullet for him, did he realize that? Why did he have to die?
I feel a hand touch my shoulder. I look up and see a worried Kiku. Once again, I fail at smiling.
Just like I failed at keeping my promise to Feli to keep him safe. Why couldn't it have been me, instead?
People say I've gotten a lot more mean since Feli's death and I agree.
Why did he have to die? I don't feel the will to live anymore. Why, when Feli was everything to me?
Why couldn't it have been me, instead? I don't eat anymore. I've lost a few pounds. Everyone is worried about me.
They shouldn't be when I'm a worthless ass.
Why did he have to die? Why couldn't it have been me, instead?
I stop leaving my house. Newspapers keep piling up outside my door. People visit but I don't answer. I ran out of food about a week ago.
Why did he have to die? I love him so much and it hurts with him not next to me at night. Even though I said I hated it, I was lying. I wanted to take him.
Why couldn't it have been me, instead? He said he was a virgin, and I really wanted to change that.
Why did he have to die? I get up from my spot in the middle of the floor. I've been there for 10 days.
Why couldn't it have been me, instead? I got to my kitchen and pull out a knife.
Why did he have to die? I look at the knife and hold it against my chest.
Why couldn't it have been me, instead? I insert the knife into my chest and feel the pain as my blood spills from the cut.
Why did he have to die? Why couldn't it have been me, instead?
Everyone was right. Your life flashes before you as you die. Soon, my eyes become lifeless and my heart stop beating.
I hope this repays you, Feli.
Why did he have to die? Why couldn't it have been me, instead?