DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything pertaining to the show Nikita. This is a work of fiction and for entertainment purposes only.
PAIRING: Nikita/Alex
SUMMARY: Alex has something to live for now…
A/N: This fic contains a slight spoiler for Season 1, Episode 2.
SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR
I should've ended a long time ago in that crack house with Ronnie. It'd all be that much easier. I wasn't a fool. I stopped looking into mirrors a long time ago, shameful at my own reflection screaming at the abuse I had inflicted. I knew I couldn't keep on for much longer. Every fiber in my body screamed for the needle, the essence that was pure bliss. The faux solution to all my sufferings, it was as if mama had been there, beside me, singing me the old lullaby. Even in my drug induced state, I knew that wasn't possible.
There wasn't a way to go back. There was only forward. What lay in the future was less than lazy. At best, at this state, I gave myself at tops another few months, eventually I'd end up on some street corner body bag. Just another mislead runaway, then she found me.
In the unusually spacious surrounding, the single bed where I'm seated upon looks to be an oasis in the ocean of emptiness. She hands me the glass of Sauvignon Blanc as if to calm my nerves before sitting down beside me.
"Just tell me who to kill!" After the prep talk about something to 'live' for the next logical thing in my mind was revenge. Now that I have something to live for, I will make sure my enemies suffer a fate that would rival my own. My mind was heated. Switching gears from despair to vengeance, I wasn't sure for a moment if my heart was still beating.
She doesn't reply right away. "It's not that easy Alex."
"Just tell me, what needs to be done." I pressed on. Forward was the only way to go. Only she turned to face me with an unreadable look on her face, somewhere between cold and nurturing, stuck between choosing which mask to don on. I looked stubbornly into those cryptic eyes. Just tell me.
"You should rest." She finally said breaking off the eye contact. She stood up swiftly, hands smoothing out the cotton covers. "Your training starts tomorrow. You'll need plenty of rest for that."
It was the most alive I've felt without smack. Before I knew, my arms were acting on a mind of their own and I was smiling from ear to ear with my chin rested against my sensei's shoulder in a tight embrace. Soon, I felt a pair of strong hands on my shoulder blades embracing me tightly. This was probably the first genuine human contact I had in a long time. I missed what it felt like. "Thank you," I finally managed. It wasn't after the incident that I recall the quirkiness of the scene. She probably wasn't expecting that. Truth be told, I wasn't expecting that from myself either. I was never a contact sort of person, never the most cooperative either. But it was then I realized she was the only one I had in the world. She jumpstarted my heart from its inevitable flat line, she'd given me a new life, new meaning, new sense of self and let's not forget, something to live for.