"What'll ya have sweetheart?"

The bartender's somewhat raspy, low voice caught me off guard. I sighed, swirling the leftover froth in the bottom of my beer bottle. I let the last of the swill drain into my mouth before I answered.

"Tequila, straight," I said. He just gave me one solemn nod and whisked away my second beer bottle. It was strange, the silent understanding relationship between patron and bartender. I'd been talking to Rob for about half an hour now, and he already knew something was wrong when I walked in. I'd started out with the boys, but they'd quickly found women to plaster themselves on, leaving me alone at the bar with its only constant civilized companion.

I didn't mind going to bars with the boys. Usually it was routine after a hunt to celebrate the life-saving and us not-being-dead one more time, but my emotions always got the better of me in here. The boys and I would order one round of drinks, talk for a bit, and then they'd both slip away to flirt like they always did. It didn't bother me much to begin with, but after living with them for a year and a half now, my feelings on the matter had shifted.

I wouldn't deny that I had feelings for Dean. That much had always been clear to me, and it was put in a spotlight when we went to a bar. Seeing him, giving those doe eyes and that trademark flirty Winchester smirk to another woman made my blood boil. I knew him better than any one of these strangers, and he sauntered on past me every time. But I was used to it, he thought of me as more of a friend now anyway and I was just going to have to live with that. I thought I could, until he started making out with these other women.

Let alone when I would be on my way home, always empty-handed, rarely accompanied by Sam. I knew exactly what was going on in a motel room somewhere. Dean, with a curvy, usually red-headed girl that only saw his looks and the carefully constructed front he put on for everyone else. When that started happening after every hunt, I'd usually elect to stay at the bar long after he'd left with another girl. And the fact that they were usually all redheads just like myself, didn't make anything any easier.

"Tequila, straight up," Rob said, placing the shot in front of me. "And I'd leave the bottle like always... but you need someone to talk to tonight. I can tell."

I gave Rob a weak smile, slowly rotating my shot glass. "Just the usual stuff Rob," I muttered. I knocked my head back, alcohol burning down my throat as it went and I put the glass back down with a thump. "Same shit, different day."

Rob smiled apologetically, pouring me another shot. "Worse than usual?"

"I might actually carve my own heart out tonight Rob, fair warning."

He raised his eyebrows. "No, no, no. We can't have that Katie."

I downed another shot, letting it bring tears to my eyes. "Then maybe you should talk to him for me, because Hell knows I'm never gonna work up the nerve to fucking do it. Not about this."

Rob laughed and started pouring more tequila into my glass with a nod from me. "If you keep up this pace with the sauce, you just might."

"Ha," I said, downing the shot as soon as he finished. I swallowed, tearing up again. "Only way that would ever happen is if I lost my mind. I'd have to be completely nuts to try and hit on Dean Winchester now, let alone tell him I still have feelings for him from when we were teenagers. Not to mention the fact that I get insanely jealous when he leaves with other women, and more than half the time I wish it was me."

The words just came spilling out of me, and Rob said something along the lines of, "Maybe he wishes it was you too." But I wasn't listening to him anymore, I was just focused on the impossible fantasy in my head. Dean and I getting physical, or him even having any kind of romantic feelings toward me anymore was a completely ludicrous notion. And it didn't help that I'd seriously sifted through all the times we'd been together before either. Well, not together together. That'd only happened once, and it was a long time ago. Nothing about my situation was any kind of helpful. At the rate I was going, I was going to drink myself stupid and get cirrhosis before I worked up the courage to talk to Dean again.

"Kate, if you take one more shot I'm going to fucking kill you."

I had just let my fourth shot slide into my mouth when Sam's voice caused me to choke on it. I coughed a bit, keeping the liquor down, and looked over at him, utterly horrified. Had he heard what I'd been saying not five seconds ago? Jesus H. Christ, how could this get any worse?

"Sam, what the hell are you doing here?" My voice came out a little more harsh than I'd meant it, and I interrupted him as he tried to respond. "Sorry, sorry. What're you doing here?"

"I'm here to stop you from drinking yourself into a coma," he said, taking me by the hand. He laid a few bills out on the counter for Rob and gave him a polite smile before pulling me out of the bar. Outside it was drizzling lightly, fog swirling in the humid air. Sam practically marched me across the parking lot before we reached the sidewalk. I nearly planted my face in the asphalt three times on the way there, the tequila hitting me hard. What was that phrase? One, two, three, floor. I probably shouldn't have ordered tequila, it always got the better of me.

"What the hell are you doing Katie?" he asked, letting go of my wrist and walking at a slow pace next to me. I looked up at him and felt a pang in my stomach. Even when I was emotional like this, Sam was there to steady me back to myself, like always. And as I looked at him, tears started to form in my eyes. He knew how I felt without me telling him, he'd been in Dean's shadow more than a few times. Things were obviously different now, but I knew he remembered what that felt like. Plus, I hadn't outright told him about my past relationship with his brother, but he was smart enough to figure it out.

"Sam... I..." I trailed off, choking on what I wanted to say next. The crying started then. I fell into his chest, tightly wrapping my arms around him in a hug. He hugged me back, running his fingers up and down my back, just waiting for me to stop. He didn't care that I was soaking his t-shirt, or that we were both getting rained on. Sam knew me well enough now to know how to calm me down once I got this emotional.

"I'm sorry, I just..." My breath hitched, and I breathed deeply, steadying myself. "I'm just not having the best night."

Sam rolled his eyes as we started to walk. "Bullshit Katie. This is about Dean and we both know it."

I stopped short, my eyes wide. I swayed as I stood there, the warmth from the alcohol heating me up more than I liked. "How- what?"

Sam gave me a small, knowing smile. "It's kind of glaringly obvious if you pay attention."

I shook my head, walking again. My eyes scanned the pavement, stopping briefly on each shiny fleck of rock I found. Half of me didn't want to tell Sam about my persistent feelings for Dean, and the other half wanted to spill everything I'd been feeling lately. I knew he wanted to help, but part of me felt rude just dumping it on him. I sighed and he prompted me a bit.

"I can guarantee Dean's clueless, you're very sneaky about it. I'm just observant," Sam said, rubbing my shoulder a bit. "That's all."

"Sam, what the hell am I doing?" I asked, my resolve not to tell him caving like an eggshell under a five pound weight. "I stay at the bar, drink until I can barely walk, and then stumble back to the motel or the bunker, and cry myself to sleep. What part of that is any kind of intelligent?"

Sam gave me a slow sigh. "Not much of it. But you're only human, so we can give you a break."

"I want to tell him, I really do. But admitting that I never really got over him would be... terrifying."

Sam laughed now. "Oh come on Katie, you know Dean as well as I do. He'd be stoked about it."

I raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

Sam nodded. "Are you kidding? He told me about the time he drove over five states to come see you." My eyes widened and he continued. "Made me promise to keep it from our dad. He would've been furious. Here's the thing about my brother. We both know he can pick up almost any girl at a bar and get her to come home with him. But when it comes to the women he actually wants, he doesn't do a damned thing about it. That's just what he does."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Dean... he's not good with emotions. You know that as well as I do. Every relationship he's been in has ended poorly, so he opted out. He's not done anything serious with a girl for a very, very long time. And he pretends he's happy about it, like it's some achievement. But I know he misses it. He was the happiest I've ever seen him when he was with somebody else." Sam paused, trying to find the right words. "When it comes to showing his feelings for someone, regardless of how long he's known them, he doesn't really know how."

I processed what he'd said for a moment, half leaning on his arm as we walked. If he hadn't been helping me, I would've fallen over by now. It made sense. I hiccuped before I said, "Are you saying he never got over me either?"

Sam laughed at my wobbly tone of voice and I scowled at him. "If I know Dean, he didn't get over you." He paused again, contemplating something. "I caught on when he started looking at you all the time. It's always when you aren't looking. It was the same look he gave to Lisa."

I looked at him incredulously, trying to balance myself.

"He thought I didn't notice, but without a soul you notice everything. Apparently." Sam rubbed the back of his neck and ran his hands through his hair, leading me gently by the elbow down the sidewalk again.

"You're... you're sure?"

Sam nodded, looking down at me.

"What do I... do?"

Sam laughed now, a full bodied kind of laugh. He threw back his head and clapped his hands together, the guffaw coming out of his throat causing tears to form in his eyes. I hit him playfully on the arm and he tried to catch his breath.

"Oh... wow Katie. What do you think? Let him know!"

"That's not gonna be... weird?" I paused. "For you I mean."

"Weird? For me? Hell no," Sam smiled, rubbing my back a little as we walked. "I think... I think being with you would probably be the best thing for Dean. He's more like himself when you're around." Sam paused, the smile fading from his lips. "And after all of this... stuff, he needs that. More than he's willing to admit."

I just nodded and we walked the rest of the way home in silence. I had a green light from Sam, and my own internal crowd cheering for me to tell Dean about my feelings. For once, the aftermath of the hunt didn't seem so depressing.

Sam went to his own room, adjacent to mine and bid me goodnight, promising that we'd get breakfast in the morning. I thanked him for his advice and gave him a hug. I watched him go into his own room and shut the door before I turned to unlock my door. Sure, it was more expensive for each of us to have our own rooms, but Sam was definitely not going to walk in on his brother again. He'd had the discomfort of doing that once before, and never wanted to repeat the experience again.

Apparently now, it was my turn.

I let my door swing open wide and flicked on the light to a sight I wish I could've avoided. Dean was on the bed with the busty redhead he'd walked out of the bar with. The sheets were barely covering them and they both looked sweaty and disheveled. The nameless woman's hair was a tangled mess all across my pillow and her clothes were lying on top of my suitcase. Dean's clothes were probably on the other side of the bed, but I didn't look long enough to know for sure. I stood there for a moment, shell shocked, before I muttered, "Sorry." and ducked back out the room.

I let the door shut and Dean's face was burned into the back of my eyelids. His expression had gone from horrified, to shocked, to concerned and finally rested on something I couldn't quite place. My heartbeat sped up as I practically ran to Sam's room, tripping in the process.

My hands skidded across the pavement but they weren't quite enough to break my fall. I heard my own head crack against the pavement and felt the skull-splitting headache engulf my brain. I moaned in pain a little, trying to roll over. I had gone down hard and both my hands, knees and arms were definitely skinned. The alcohol I'd poured into my system earlier was starting to catch up to me now, and I rolled on my side. Images of Dean in bed, in my bed with that other woman flitted across my eyes and I started to feel sick. The nausea got worse just as I heard a door open.

Vomit passed my lips and I was thankful it went in the grass and not all over the pavement I was lying on. I braced a hand on the untainted grass and propped myself up, heaving the rest of my stomach contents onto the lawn. A hand was on my shoulder and I knew it belonged to Sam when he spoke.

"Katie, are you okay? What happened? You're bleeding."

His fingers found the spot on my forehead where I'd hit the pavement and I was more aware of the blood trickling down my face now that I'd finished throwing up. Sam helped me to my feet and I wiped my mouth with my jacket sleeve, taking a shaky breath.

"Dean... he must've..." I felt another lurch in my abdomen and I moved back from Sam, dry heaving over the grass again. I took another deep breath and used his outstretched arms to steady myself. "He must've grabbed my room card... by mistake."

Sam's look of concerned confusion turned into an empathetic one once he realized what I'd said. He led me back to his room and sat me down at the small table by the window, going into the kitchen to get me a glass of water. I took it from him gratefully and slowly sipped from it, catching my breath. Sam unzipped a pocket in his bag and scooted his chair next to mine, carefully mopping up the blood from the cut on my head.

"The look on his face Sam..." I mumbled after a moment.

Sam let out a sigh, his hand rubbing my upper arm as he finished with the bandage. "Katie-"

"I know he was drunk... and he didn't mean to get into my room... but..." Tears rolled down my cheeks and I closed my eyes, his face still staring at me. I looked at the image burned into my lids and slowly realized what Dean's expression had been.

"He looked... ashamed."

"Ashamed?"

I nodded slowly, my head still pounding. "Like he was disappointed with himself."

"He fucking should be. Drunk or not, he should've checked-"

I held up a hand and Sam cut himself off. "Can we... not?"

Sam just nodded, swallowing his sentence and getting up from his chair. He elected for me to sleep in his bed while he took the sofa. I rejected his suggestion immediately, there was no way he was going to even remotely fit on that two cushion brick. But he insisted.

"Listen Katie. I love you like a sister and I'm not going to let you sleep on a sofa when you clearly feel like shit. You need a bed, and you're taking mine. Is that clear?"

I just nodded, hugging him again. He squeezed me a little and I crawled into bed, kicking off my shoes. Maybe tomorrow would be better, maybe it would be worse. I didn't know. All I knew is that sleep would hopefully free me from this nausea and the constant thought of Dean in bed with someone else. I drifted off to sleep, still thinking about it.