Useless Desires
Rangiku knows she has to let him go.
It's hard, though; her whole life, she's been focused on him, all those cold nights in the Rukongai when she was too young to know any better, and then again, when she entered the squads and he found out. It was glorious, for awhile; the sneaking out by night to drink and laugh and once Shunsui or Kira or Hisagi or whoever she was going with was too drunk to stand straight, much less notice what she was doing, she would walk up to the silver-haired captain in the corner and he would take her back to his offices and his name, that never ever fell from her lips during the day, would be the only thing she could say, by night.
Gin said he loved her once, but Rangiku was too gone to remember.
Rangiku said she loved him so many times, and he never said it back.
And know, she knows hat all of that was useless, as her eyes lock on his, as her breath whooshes out and somewhere in the back of her mind she thinks fuck, that really hurt and half my side just got ripped off and why wont you catch me, just once?
Later, when it's her blade pricking his neck and he looks up and smiles at her and his lips form her name, she knows that this desire for things to go back to the way they were is useless. Behind her, she can hear Aizen taunting his own opponents, even though he's only narrowly avoiding the strikes that the newly-healed Ukitake and Shunsui keep aiming at him. She can hear Unohana-taichou and her lieutenant working feverishly to save the downed Hisagi. She can hear that ryoka boy shouting at the top of his lungs and the zip of Quincy arrows as they take down Hollow after Hollow, and she knows this is no time for mercy.
She looks into Gin's eyes and mouths her goodbye.
This desire is useless.