Hi folks! So. As my profile said, 2019 is a year of redos, rewrites and exploring.
This included 2 or 3 new, bigger stories. This is just the first. I wanted to have at least 5 chapters done before posting any of it but I felt it was just right to publish on May 2nd, because of the battle and all.
This will be different and darker than the original Deathly Hallows, which I do not own. Any quotes or excerpts I use are not mine(I'll try to point them out at the beginning of each chapter, but if you recognise it from the book, it's not mine.)
Formal warning: This story will continue dark themes- death being the biggest one, torture, graphic scenes, suicide, self harm.
This story will update once a week.
...
February 1998
A cat sprinted across the street at the sight of the man, disappearing into shrubs on the other side. The man didn't notice nor would he have cared about the cat, he had somewhere to be, and knew that if he hesitated, he would probably not continue.
The man followed the street to the end, where a forest began. Giant trees reached towards the sky, clumped so close to each other, the sky became nonexistent the deeper a person walked.
He knew the muggles that lived near here had made stories, warned their children to avoid it, that many dangers sat waiting in the dark trees, a monster waited to snatch unsuspecting children who wandered too close.
All of it was mostly false, there was only one danger and that danger was only here sometimes, but the man knew this was why his fate was here. This was Greyback's favourite forest to camp in.
Remus Lupin walked deeper into the trees, a strange sense of calm taking hold of him. The further he walked, the deeper the feeling settled.
He had always known, somehow, that his condition would cause his death, and he was at peace with it.
He wished there was a way to know when one was to die, or when they'd lose a loved one. Death was always so unexpected, and he hated it. He wished he knew, he wouldn't have wasted time with the ones he lost.
Remus hadn't been there when his mother died. She had been sick, and even though they knew she would never recover, her death still seemed unexpected.
Although it was summer, and he should have been able to be there, he hadn't been. She died two hours after a full moon rose, and while he had always hated his illness and what it caused, no event could have brought up more anger than the fact he hadn't been able to say goodbye to his own mother.
She had only been thirty nine, and Remus had been sixteen, and he felt that sixteen years simply weren't enough. However, now he realised sixteen years was better than nothing at all.
Now, he was mere months away from turning thirty eight, and he was calmly approaching his death, and he had never spent any time with his own child. He hadn't been given the chance.
Perhaps because he had chosen this path, he wasn't afraid. He almost felt like he was relieved, as if he was finally reaching the end of a long and tedious task. He'd relax once it was over.
It wasn't as if he had set out with this plan in mind, he hadn't spent years planning to kill himself in this way on this exact date, it had been a plan that formed slowly over the last few months.
Following the deaths of the Dursleys, Hestia Jones, Dedalus Diggle and unfortunately, Remus' own wife and unborn child, he had noticed how the Order seemed to keep him distant.
While there wasn't much to do, he wasn't given any jobs, not even small unimportant ones. Sirius seemed to be behind it all, even keeping the Horcrux hunt's progress secret. If Sirius left with Hermione and Harry, Remus wouldn't know until they were already gone.
Maybe Sirius blamed Remus for Tonks' death.
Remus certainly blamed himself.
When she had discovered her pregnancy, Remus was surprised to learn she had never intended to step back from the Order, but instead wanted to find ways to still help, whether it be patrols or spying. Already spiraling into a panic about their child certainly being infected, Remus had found this worsened it.
He had begged for her to be given the low risk patrols, but couldn't find it in him to admit why. Kingsley had assumed Remus was just being overprotective. He had listened, however- Remus had wondered if she had told Kingsley yet, Remus had not told Kingsley- and that had been the reason she had been at the Dursleys safehouse the day it was discovered. Weekly, an Order member would check on them, making sure everything was still safe, that there were no issues and that they had whatever they needed.
They never imagined the Dursleys would be found, it was supposed to be a safe patrol.
A massive fire wiped out any trace of the people who had been there, leaving the Order nothing to bury, as the charred bodies they had found were unrecognisable. They had then left, Kingsley going to a muggle phone booth to report that he had found the wreckage while out walking his dog. The remains were then taken into a morgue, and Remus knew the chance of them confirming any identities seemed slim to him.
While Remus wanted to hope that perhaps none of their own had died, he knew better. The Death Eaters would never leave the Dursleys alive, and Bellatrix would never let Tonks escape her for a third time. Even if Bellatrix hadn't been there, she certainly would find a way to be behind her niece's death.
Remus was destroyed. He spent nearly a week, refusing to accept her death. Another week was spent drinking, certain he was to blame. He could tell Kingsley was facing the same internal conflict- it had been Kingsley who offered her the patrol.
The alcohol had left his system, but the blame never did. She wouldn't have been there if it weren't for him.
Remus wasn't sure exactly when the blame shifted to his illness, but he was certain of one thing: if he hadn't been a werewolf, he would not have feared a relationship with Tonks. He would have had more time with her.
Sirius had remarked that Remus' reasoning made little sense. To Remus, it did make sense.
Had he not been a werewolf, he wouldn't have pushed Tonks away. He'd be able to have and hold a job. His only argument would be their age difference- something he would have been able to live with, if he wasn't as poor or a werewolf.
He could have had longer with her. Tonks had admitted her attraction to him a few weeks after Christmas of 1995, when they were on a patrol together. Remus had been petrified by her confession, but was certain she'd move on.
She hadn't, and he began to push harder, hoping to alienate her enough that she'd move on.
Still, she persisted, and he finally broke.
Remus couldn't find any more reason to deny her, once he realised that he didn't want to be alone. He simply couldn't be anymore.
Once he finally gave in, they had only had a couple of months together, and he hated it.
However, being with her had never included having a child. He had made it clear from the beginning and she had agreed, but for a different reason. She had to live a careful childhood to ensure her mother's family never came for her, and she could never bring a child into a world like that.
The agreement had filled Remus with relief, until a few weeks after their marriage when, despite their efforts, Tonks found out she was pregnant after all.
Remus realised this was where his regret began.
Had he not been a werewolf, Remus would have been thrilled. He loved Tonks, and loved the idea of having a child with her abilities, their own perfect being that caused trouble with brightly coloured hair.
That would never change the fact the war was in full swing, though. To bring a child into a dangerous world where they would be hated and targeted, and most likely suffer as Remus did... Remus hated himself.
He couldn't remember what the last thing he said to his wife was, but he knew he hadn't said he loved her. He wished he had, but he knew better. He hadn't been home since the big argument. He had threatened to leave and she told him to.
A brief moment of hope had appeared in September, a week after the fire. Harry, Hermione and Ron had broken into the Ministry and witnessed the very public executions of Percy Weasley and Dudley Dursley. If Dudley had been alive, perhaps others were too.
Unfortunately, nothing else surfaced and he sunk into mourning again.
That morning, before going to find Greyback, he had visited the spot where the house once stood, but it had been fenced off and it looked like the house had been partially demolished. There was no one there, so he slipped passed the fence, walking to where the kitchen had once been. He conjured flowers- he had always found it interesting that lilies were her favourite- and he stayed for a while before saying his goodbyes to her, promising to see her again soon.
He wanted revenge, but without knowing who had started the fire, he couldn't do anything. So, he chose Greyback.
He could take revenge on the cause of his condition. He knew it would never fix anything, never bring back the years of pain or his wife and their child, but he could die knowing no one else would be bitten by Greyback.
Remus walked to the north shore of the small lake that was hidden within the trees. He had managed to send Greyback an owl after four attempts brought his letters back(which, he figured, meant the owls had been unable to find Greyback), and said he'd be waiting here.
He just hoped Greyback would show. He sat on a fallen tree, studying a scratch on his knuckle that he never remembered receiving. He heard footsteps in the trees behind him and stood.
"What do you want, Lupin?" Greyback asked as Remus turned to face him.
"I want to make a deal with you."
July 1997
July had never been Harry's favourite month. This year seemed especially hard.
Usually, he left Hogwarts with the knowledge that he'd be going back. He'd celebrate his birthday alone, usually receiving owls with gifts, knowing he'd see his friends soon.
Last year, he had been at the Burrow, and while the day wasn't too grim, the same couldn't be said for the evening when Remus Lupin arrived. Harry was understanding, there was a war, after all.
And this year... it appeared that Harry would be spending it somewhere other than the Dursleys. He just wished he knew where.
He had received a letter from Kingsley with nothing but a strange word written in gold ink, and when he had muttered the word out loud in an attempt to understand, a letter appeared.
It had explained he was to remain at the Dursleys until the 25th, when an Order member would be there to Apparate with him. It also explained that he'd be expected to answer a security question, and provide one in return.
Harry felt that was unhelpful, considering he didn't know who would be coming to get him. He supposed he could figure something out. Hopefully.
As the 25th had neared, he had found himself becoming more annoyed by lack of action. What was the Order doing? Couldn't they have gotten him before? If he were seventeen, he would have left on his own to start finding Horcruxes.
However, he wasn't seventeen, so he was simply stuck with the Dursleys for a few more days. He generally stayed in his room all day, rarely making appearances downstairs. His Aunt and Uncle ignored him most of the time, which made Harry's days easier.
They were arguing amongst themselves, which Harry figured was the cause of why Harry could last days without hearing a word from them.
Their hatred of anything magic was at an all-time high, especially after Kingsley and Arthur visited, explaining they planned to move the Dursleys for their own safety.
Harry had never seen Uncle Vernon's face so purple as he screamed at Kingsley about 'their lot' making his life complicated. Kingsley was barely phased, and kept calm, which seemed an amazing feat to Harry. It had angered Uncle Vernon even more.
Harry couldn't help but feel bad for Hestia and Dedalus, who had shown up to escort the Dursleys half an hour before. After their departure, Harry had gone upstairs to pack a few more items.
Harry sighed, sitting on his bed, looking at his open Hogwarts trunk. He briefly thought of how Tonks had packed it with a quick spell, and wished he was able to do the opposite with a simple spell.
Cleaning out six years of rubbish seemed daunting. He suddenly wished Hermione was here, she'd probably know the exact spell to unpack a bag.
Harry wondered if he was making the right move to not involve the Order. Couldn't they be useful to him? Surely if they understood he had to be the one to kill Voldemort, they could help with finding the Horcruxes. Maybe they knew how to destroy them, because Harry wasn't entirely too sure himself.
Harry slid off the bed to the floor, pulling his trunk closer. He had already removed his robes and textbooks, which sat off to the side. A few textbooks had found their way into his rucksack, maybe they'd be useful.
He dug through rubbish, leaving it on his bedroom floor with a sock he was certain wasn't his, items that were quickly joined by old quills and ink jars.
As he removed more rubbish, he found a small paper parcel, buried beneath an old vomit green sweater Dudley had graciously donated to Harry. Harry picked it up, turning it over in his hands.
He couldn't remember where he would have gotten such a package, and considering how buried it was, it had been there a while. Harry untied the string holding the brown paper, and slowly opened the paper.
It was a mirror, Harry realised. A moment later, he remembered that Sirius had given it to him. Harry suddenly felt a mix of frustration and annoyance that he somehow managed to get this gift from his godfather and then simply forgot about it.
He wondered if Sirius ever tried to use his piece, especially in the last year when things began escalating further. However, Sirius hadn't mentioned the mirror to Harry, so Harry wondered if Sirius had forgotten as well, or perhaps no longer had his.
As Harry examined the mirror, there was a quick flash of blue, but before Harry could identify it as anything, it was gone, and nothing but the peach coloured wall behind reflected back at him.
Harry sighed, sticking the mirror into a loose sock and into his rucksack. Maybe it would be useful, he'd have to ask Sirius if he still had his.
Harry couldn't help but wonder if he'd ever return here. Not that he wanted to, and he was sure his Aunt and Uncle would be glad to be rid of him, but it seemed strange. He had spent nearly sixteen years living in this house, five in this exact room...
He'd be lying if he said he didn't find the feeling strange.
Harry pushed himself to his feet, gathering the rubbish and robes he wasn't bringing with him, dropping it all in the corner beside the desk. He figured the Dursleys wouldn't keep it, and he felt a little put out that he couldn't take any of it with him. He'd miss his Quidditch robes, but he'd have his broom.
He looked around the room, his eyes landing on Hedwig's cage. He looked at the clock beside his bed, and then crammed the rest of his belongings into the rucksack.
With just ten minutes until someone would arrive to Apparate with him, he felt nervous. This was it, he was leaving. Possibly forever.
Harry grabbed Hedwig's cage, opening the bedroom door. As much as he disliked the Dursleys, there were memories here. Not necessarily good ones, but memories nonetheless.
Harry went downstairs, setting his bag by the door. He turned, heading for the cupboard. It felt right, somehow, to visit it once more.
Now filled with different, unused items belonging to Dudley, Harry was amazed at how small this cupboard really was.
Harry closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against the door. It really didn't feel so long ago that he had woken up to Dudley's pounding footsteps overhead.
Harry opened his eyes and straightened up when he heard a loud knocking. He let the cupboard swing shut as he stepped away, setting Hedwig's cage down. He opened the front door, surprised to see Tonks standing there, alone.
Harry noticed her pink hair was gone again, but this time, replaced by dark brown, making him think this must have been a conscious choice. It was certainly more subdued than the bright pink.
"They sent you?" Harry asked, and Tonks raised an eyebrow as he stepped aside and let her in.
"Unfortunately, it seems." Tonks said, and Harry felt his cheeks become warm. "What did I tell you about my parents when I was helping you pack your trunk the first time we met?"
"That they can fold socks with a spell?" Harry offered, and she nodded. "Uh, I guess I have to ask you, don't I...? What colour was your hair the day of my trial?"
Tonks frowned slightly. "I think it was blond, wasn't it? I can't keep track, but I can prove who I am without questions being asked." Tonks said, and she concentrated, her hair shifted a deep shade of magenta.
"Right, I guess you could." Harry said slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. "So, are we Apparating?"
"Not quite." Tonks said. "Change of plan, unfortunately. Originally, Alastor was going to come Side-Along you on the 31st, but we had to change things, which is why you got Kingsley's letter. Besides, Remus really wanted you to be out of here tomorrow."
"Why?" Harry asked. "I've been stuck here all summer, I could have been stuck waiting a couple more days."
"Well, I suppose, but we both would like you to be at our wedding tomorrow."
"You and Professor Lupin are getting married?" Harry asked. "That's brilliant, congrats!"
"Thank you, we really want you there. It'll be small, so hopefully low risk. However, I do think Remus doesn't expect you to still call him Professor."
"Right, I guess not." He said as she checked her watch.
"Alright, everyone else should be in their positions in a few minutes."
"Everyone else?" Harry asked, frowning.
"A lot of people volunteered to help tonight." Tonks explained. "Which is good, we definitely need numbers..."
"Wouldn't it be easier if there were only a few-?"
"More deadly, Alastor said." Tonks said, shrugging. "So, the plan is that there will be Apparating, but not directly. Directly Apparating you to the safe house seems risky. So, you'll be Apparating with me to that park you first saw Sirius in. There, Ron is waiting with Remus. When we arrive, Ron is going to take Polyjuice Potion and become you. You'll continue on with Remus, I'll take Ron to a different location. Remus will Apparate with you somewhere, and you'll switch members again. With all the switching, any Death Eaters may lose you, and you'll eventually end up with Hagrid, who is waiting to move you to the safe house."
"Wouldn't they be able to track it? I'm under seventeen."
"Right, but you'll be moving constantly. We're hoping the Death Eaters follow who they see, as opposed to using their informants to follow the Trace, waiting for their informants will take too long. Once you're with Hagrid, you'll be traveling to the safe house in a more muggle fashion."
"Doesn't Polyjuice Potion need some of my hair?"
"Well, yes." Tonks said. "Are you going to be difficult about it?"
Harry sighed. "No, I guess not."
Tonks glanced at her watch again. "Remus should have sent me a signal by now." She muttered, frowning. "Oh, I hope nothing's happened..."
Harry felt a little awkward, watching Tonks walk to a front window and observe the skies. He would feel terrible if anyone was injured or killed by this plan.
A burst of light caught Harry's attention, and Tonks turned as a flash of silver flew through the garden door.
The light shifted and became a large wolf, which circled Tonks slowly.
"Death Eaters patrolling the sky, but we're in position. Be safe, and I'll see you soon."
It took Harry a moment to realise that was Remus' voice. He had never seen Remus' patronus before. "So, that's it? The signal?" Harry asked, and she nodded.
"We're going to go out the back. I wouldn't be surprised if Death Eaters were watching the house, so we have to move quickly. Out the garden door, let Hedwig fly out of her cage, she'll find you later. Once we're outside, we head straight for the far back fence and we Apparate. Got it?"
Harry nodded, following her to the garden door. She opened it, stepping outside and he followed, open Hedwig's cage. "She'll be safe at the Burrow." Tonks explained.
Harry nodded again, and Hedwig seemed to understand, stepping out of the cage and flying off. Tonks took Hedwig's cage, shrinking it and tucking it into Harry's rucksack.
"Are you ready?" She asked, and Harry glanced back into the house.
Harry shut the garden door, nodding. "Yeah, I'm ready."
Tonks nodded, and they walked across the backyard quickly. When they reached the fence, Tonks turned to him. "You don't vomit when you Apparate, do you?" She asked, and he shook his head. She seemed satisfied by this, taking his hand.
While Harry didn't vomit whenever he Apparated, he still hated the twisting and squeezing feeling, so he was relieved when they reappeared behind a thick line of shrubs that hid a thin walking path from the park.
Tonks was quiet for a minute, not moving. Finally, she nodded. "We weren't followed, that's good." She said, heading up the path towards the park entrance.
As they entered the park, Harry couldn't see anyone else in sight, which seemed odd- Tonks had said they were meeting Ron and Remus.
Tonks didn't seem to find it odd. Instead, she kept walking into the park, towards a row of benches. Two figures appeared as Disillusionment charms were lifted.
Ron and Remus stood, wands out. "What did you say to me before we left to start this mission?" Tonks asked.
"I told you to ask me what I said before we left, and then I told you to stop stealing my sweaters." Remus replied. "Can you morph your hair blond?"
"Are you into blonds?"
"Dora..."
Tonks smirked, but morphed her hair blond. "Has Ron been with you the entire time?" Tonks asked, and Remus nodded.
"Has Harry?"
"Since I questioned him, yes." Tonks said.
Ron walked up to Harry, clapping him on the shoulder. "Everyone's looking forward to seeing you, mate. Sirius hasn't shut up about it."
"For good reason, he misses Harry." Tonks said, turning to Remus. "Any word yet?"
"Nothing." Remus said, checking his watch. "Should be in the next minute or so."
Tonks nodded, pulling a vial from her robes, uncorking it. "Put your hair in, Harry."
Harry pulled out a few strands of his hair with a grimace. He wasn't exactly looking forward to having to do this a few times tonight, but he wasn't going to argue with everyone while they were trying to play out this plan without issue.
Ron drank the Polyjuice Potion, looking less than pleased with the taste. There was a silver flash which turned into a lion.
"We're in position, no Death Eaters. Make your move."
Remus turned to Tonks. "North and then west, back to your parents. We'll see you in one hour."
Tonks nodded. "I'll see you in one hour."
She took Ron's hand and they were gone, the loud crack echoing in the silent park. Remus took Harry's arm and they were gone as well, reappearing in a dark alleyway somewhere Harry didn't recognise.
"Why exactly were you seventeen hours late when you returned from a patrol three weeks ago?" A gruff voice asked and Remus didn't even turn around.
"I found myself being followed by two very persistent Death Eaters." Remus said. "What was the real reason you agreed to teach at Hogwarts?" Remus asked, as they turned to face Mad-Eye and George.
"To keep an eye on Potter during the tournament, Albus was sure something would happen." Mad-Eye said. "It just didn't go in my favour. Did everything go to plan at the park?"
"Yes, Dora's headed North right now." Remus said. "How about everything here?"
"So far, everything's fine." George said. "Really quiet."
"We spotted a few Death Eaters patrolling the sky above Privet Drive." Remus said. "Only about four or five, so I imagine they were simply there to report if the Order moved in. Don't know if they saw Dora or not."
Mad-Eye nodded. "Can never be too careful. I've heard from Arthur, Mundungus is trying to back out of the plan."
"What will we do if he does?"
"I'll sort him out when we get there." Mad-Eye said, pulling a vial from his robes. "Potter, your hair."
A silver flash flew by them, circling around and turning into a wolf. "Get Harry out of the streets. Now. They're catching up to us, they know where Harry is. We need help."
"Change of plan, take him, Remus. George, travel to the others. Get everyone back to the main safe house." Alastor instructed.
"What about the Trace?" Harry asked.
"I'll handle that." Remus said.
"You know what to do, Lupin. I'll head North to Dora. Go! Now!"
Remus took Harry's arm, Disapparating. They appeared in an alley way, Remus giving him only a minute to recover before taking him again. This time, they appeared in a forest. Harry was feeling ill.
Harry felt Remus grab his arm, the familiar twisting and pulling leaving him feel more sick as they appeared in a field. He wondered if it was because of how many times he had just Apparated.
"Go, inside the boundaries!" Remus said, still holding Harry's arm and leading him forward. They ran for a few minutes before a strange feeling passed over Harry and a house appeared in front of them. "We've jumped enough tonight that they may not follow this one. The boundaries were a mile away from where we appeared, they'll see nothing."
"We're not going to the Burrow?" Harry asked.
Remus shook his head, looking behind him. He waved his wand. "Enchantments are holding. Good." Remus said. "Come on, inside. Just in case."
"Where are we?" Harry asked as they entered a back door. The house seemed cozy, similar to the Burrow. Books and pieces of parchment littered tables. Shoes sat in a somewhat messy pile by the door next to the living room. He noticed there were scarlet robes on the hooks. "Is this your place? You and Tonks?"
Remus shook his head again. "Just Kingsley and Alastor's. Dora and I have been staying here since Dora's flat got broken into, she was attacked by a couple of Death Eaters so we knew it wasn't safe. Kingsley has erased this address from every file it could be on. It belonged to Kingsley's parents, but he and Alastor raised Dora in the city. Moved here when Alastor was abducted, that was when Dora moved out."
Harry looked around, nodding. There were quite a few pictures on the wall, all muggle, he noticed. "Will everyone come here, then?"
"Hopefully." Remus said. "It depends on if they can, I guess. I hope Alastor got to Dora in time."
"What can we do for now?"
"All we can do is wait."