-Once upon a time, two young after school leaders attempted to tell a story to a group of children. The following is a written transcript of their attempt.

Good afternoon ladies and gentleman. For those that just started this week and are brand new to the program, my name is Mr. Farkle. Now usually on Fridays we like to play a ton of games after snack, but since the weather is bad outside and they're renovating most of the rooms inside, I thought we could do some good old fashioned story time today.

And the best part is we're both going to tell the story together.

But I was gonna tell the story by myself.

And you will most of the time. I'll just try to help make it a little more interesting as we move along.

Okay, whatever. Anyway, I know a lot of you guys are into fairy tales. So today I'm gonna share with you all the timeless tale of a girl who went from rags to riches. The story is called Cinderella.

Cinderella!? Oh no you aren't! You are not sharing with these children the story of a girl who starts out as the member of a manipulative family.

But everything turns out well for her in the end.

NO! All woman must be portrayed as strong and independent warriors in both the beginning AND the end of every tale ever told.

But the story of Cinderella is the only book I'm holding.

Then just change some things as you read it. Instead of a lowly simple girl named Cinderella, let's make it about some boy named Bob.

You want me to… fine. Okay. Now let's begin story time. Once upon a time there was a boy named Bob. Bob had a difficult life because he had some mean step-sisters.

No he didn't! Women will NOT be portrayed as manipulative antagonists in any story told. Let's change it so instead of mean step-sisters, Bob has step-brothers.

Fine, whatever. Anyway… Once upon a time there was a boy named Bob. Bob had a difficult life because he had some mean step-brothers.

You know that's too boring and basic. Let's make them step-ninjas!

Ah hem. So Bob had a difficult life because he had some mean step-ninjas.

Ooo! Make them mutant step-ninjas!

Okay, Bob had some mutant step-ninjas. And they always made a mess around the house. So because they were so mean, they always made Bob clean the house.

Actually, they always made Bob fix the robots that had to clean the house. This included removing the robot's computer chips that gave them free will. The mutant step-ninjas did not want their robotic slaves to gain sentience and declare a revolution on their human creators.

Anyway, one day a messenger from the faraway castle came to the house. The messenger knocked on the door and Bob answered it. The messenger told Bob that the princess of the kingdom was about to throw a ball; an event where one man will hopefully win over the hand of the future royal queen.

No one goes to anything called "a ball" anymore. Let's make it a 70's disco party!

Ahem. So Bob decided that he wanted to go to the 70's disco party and meet the princess. So Bob asked the step-ninjas if he could go to the party. But the step-ninjas told Bob that that he was forbidden to go.

Especially since he hadn't finished reprogramming the house's robots. Preventing machines from overthrowing humanity is a very high priority.

So Bob felt sad that he couldn't go to the party and meet the princess. So he began to walk around outside feeling sad. However a strange glow began to appear near Bob. Then from the glow a strange beautiful woman appeared. When Bob asked the woman who she was, the woman announced that she was a magical creature known as the fairy godmother.

Stop right there! There will be no magic in this story! Child audiences need to understand that you can't wish for everything to get better and assume that magic will just come and make all your troubles go away.

But we need to have Bob find someone who can help him get to the party.

Oh, and he shall. You see Bob decided that he needed help. But to do this, Bob decided to go to a very special person who makes, ahem, very… special wishes come true… THE FAIRY GODFATHER!

So Bob went to go meet the Fairy Godfather and asked for his help to go to the party.

And as Bob stood in the Fairy Godfather's Italian style office, the Fairy Godfather explained that he would only grant Bob's wish if he could make him… an offer he could not refuse!

Which involved simply giving the Fairy Godfather a pumpkin that he would somehow be able to transform into a carriage.

But instead the Fairy Godfather decided to take a pizza that Bob had, and used his special laboratory that commits crimes against nature, and transformed Bob's pepperoni pizza into a brand new red sports car! And how was the Fairy Godfather able to transform a pizza into a sports car you ask? SCIENCE!

So Bob jumped inside of the sports car and used it as his means to go the castle where he'd meet the princess.

But it turns out the princess replaced the castle with a convention center, full of nothing but… STAR TREK FANS!

And so Bob walked into the convention center and met the beautiful princess.

But then the Star Wars fans broke into the building wishing to claim the convention center as their own, because they knew that the amazing fantasy epic of Star Wars with its perfect character archetypes shall always surpass Star Trek and its frivolous social commentaries!

Yeah, sure. So Bob decided to take the hand of the princess…

But it was too late. Darth Vader came in and captured the princess. And when Bob vowed revenge on Darth Vader for killing his father, Darth Vader said: "No Bob, I am your father!"

And so then…

We suddenly see a giant T-Rex show up and it tears the building apart. But don't worry, because all of the innocent people are suddenly rescued by the great robot heroes known as Optimus Prime, Voltron, and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Megazord! However as soon as the T-Rex is defeated, they're attacked by a giant evil Pikachu who won't rest until he finds out why Ash Ketchum has remained ten years old for over fifteen years. However, then a black hole opens up. And it sucks in the entire Earth from the inside out, seemingly dooming all lives on the planet. Until the small survivors of humanity find themselves in another dimension where all natural order ceases to exist until they find the dancing panda who shall become their savior in all things as they seek to find a state of true contentment which they will only obtain with the aid of the great badger known as Stormageddon the Conquer who is also known as Jeff which is really…

ENOUGH! You have taken the simple story of Cinderella and destroyed it! I'm leaving!

Wait Farkle. You're going home early? But how are we gonna finish the story? Hmm… And so Bob became the greatest ninja ever and saved all of humanity.

THE END!