Title: Fall to Pieces
Author: The Second Sky
Pairing: Horatio/Calleigh (as always!)
Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine, which is sad but I've learned to live with it.
A/N – This is the first piece of fic that I've put up here, so please be gentle with me!
'Fall to Pieces' is dedicated to Rhys, for being my muse and the Horatio to my Calleigh. You inspired this story, though I doubt you'll ever know it.
"Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love."
-Charlie Brown
It was impossible and she knew it. No matter how many times she tried she couldn't stop her heart from racing, her pulse pounding in her ears and her temperature soaring rapidly the second that he entered the room. He had never noticed or encouraged her response to him, yet she couldn't stop feeling that he was constantly watching her. It was all in her head, she knew but she just couldn't control it, the power he had over her was amazing.
She sighed into her ballistics report and tried to concentrate on the job at hand. Although within ten minutes she was daydreaming again. This particular dream involved her finally finding the courage to say "No" when he asked her if everything was ok, to be honest about how she felt about him. And in her dream, as in all the dreams before it he replied, "You feel that way too?" looking deep into her soul with those piercing blue eyes of his "Why didn't you tell me before?" she looked away from him and he took her hand, forcing her to meet his gaze again. Even though she knew that this was just a dream Calleigh could feel the sensation of his fingertips stroking the back of her hand. As the dream figure pulled her ever closer to him she felt his breath on the top of her ear and his arms around her waist, she could even smell his cologne…
She sniffed the air again and let out a gentle sigh, because all it could ever be was a daydream. She was brought back to reality with a thump when she heard someone cough behind her. Calleigh's eyes popped open in surprise and she quickly turned to face whoever was interrupting her. As she turned she could have sworn she saw a slight smirk on his face, which was quickly replaced by his normal serious posture.
"I'm not disturbing you?" He asked looking slightly concerned. "You looked pretty deep in thought. I've been standing here for five minutes already" She blushed and tried to hide it by turning back to her paperwork.
"I was just wondering what kind of monster could do this to a child." She turned back to indicate some of the pictures Speed had taken of their current crime scene and prayed her colouring had returned to normal.
"Well, that's what we're going to find out Calleigh." He nodded grimly to himself. "Have you found out where she bought the rope?"
"Yeah, the local hardware store gave me the Security Camera tapes. She knew exactly what she wanted. According to the receipt they printed she bought 6 feet of 5mm plaited pre-stretched marine rope made from polyester."
"The same kind used to kill Cody. Did we match the cut marks with the remaining rope?"
"Yup. Seems like we've got the mom all tied up for this one." She smiled at her own pun. Anything to lighten the atmosphere in the room, it was becoming more oppressive by the second. She made a decision, looked down at her watch and said in her best shocked and surprised voice.
"Oh my Lord, is that the time? I've got a Doctor's appointment in 10 minutes." He didn't seem convinced but let her leave the room without comment.
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Calleigh decided to drive downtown and parked in a quiet parking lot in front of a sandwich store for a while, to kill time while everyone back at the lab thought she was 'seeing the doctor' and to clear her head. She knew she couldn't continue like this, being so close to him constantly but not being able to touch him without feeling completely exposed and vulnerable was eating her up inside. Not only did it affect her, it was beginning to encroach on her work too, and that was a risk she couldn't take. She'd worked hard to climb the ladder and get enough respect within the forensics community to have her theories taken seriously. She couldn't afford to ruin that by doing sloppy paperwork or miscalculating simple calculations.
Mentally she gave herself a slap and forced herself concentrate on the problem at hand. She had two viable choices: Either she give up all hope of ever being more than friends with Horatio, or she pulled herself together and somehow found the courage to sit him down and say "I'm in love with you." Neither seemed like particularly easy options, but deep down she knew that she could never give up hope in him without looking into his eyes and being told that her feelings were not reciprocated. And hey, if he reacted too badly she could always get that job she'd heard about in Vegas, but she hoped it wouldn't come to that.
She brought her head down towards the steering wheel with such force that she was sure the internal airbag would release itself, cushioning her from a non-existent impact. Then she heard a soft tap on the passenger window. Slowly she looked up, and she was greeted by the sight of Horatio, concern lining his face. She sighed and unlocked the door.
"Bad News?" he asked, climbing into the passenger seat beside her.
"Oh?" She remembered that she was meant to be seeing her doctor. "Um… No, I'm just tired. It's been a long week."
"You should get a rest now that we've wrapped up that murder case."
"Well I was thinking of going home for a while, just for a holiday." Horatio nodded and smiled up at her. Calleigh felt herself being drawn to him again. She tried to work out in her head the best way to explain how she felt. Her Momma had always told her that honesty was the best policy so she took a deep breath and turned herself towards him.
"Horatio, there's something I have to tell you because if I don't I'm just going to explode or do something stupid or lose my job. The thing is I've been thinking about it for a while now I just didn't know how to say it but I couldn't tell anyone and I… um…"
She was very aware that she was babbling but she couldn't stop, until finally her verbal torrent slowed down and came to a faltering stop.
"Well I thought it was only fair to sit with you and tell you now because otherwise this would have gone on forever. The thing is I really like you, more than that. I think... I think I'm in love with you…"
She'd never seen so many emotions flick over Horatio's face at once, just to be covered as usual by his usual unemotional façade. She turned herself to face the front of the car again and closed her eyes. A voice inside her head repeatedly asked her 'what have you done? You couldn't just leave it could you, you had to tell him.' A tear ran softly down her cheek as the silence closed in on them. The tension was tangible as seconds turned into minutes and neither of them spoke. And finally after what seemed like hours Horatio cleared his throat.
"Well… Uh… Calleigh. I think we should talk about this, but not here. Come to my office later?" She nodded but didn't dare open her mouth in case something else that she didn't really want to share popped out of it. Either that or the sobs that were threatening to overwhelm her. He cleared his throat again and made a swift exit.
When she knew she was finally alone Calleigh wept. She cried for what could have been and she cried because she knew her life would never be the same. She wished that she had never said anything, just left everything as it had been. A happy flirty relationship with him and never anything more.
After two hours or so Calleigh was all cried out. She rubbed a hand over her tired eyes and tried to figure out where to go from here. One thing she knew for sure was that she was not going to his office to be told very politely by him that there could never be anything between them because he was her boss and she was one of the best CSI's he had on the team. He would suggest that they forget that afternoon had ever happened and they would just move on, a little more uncomfortable than before but still the same old Calleigh and Horatio.
'No more' declared the voice in her head, louder than ever. 'No more pain, no more longing glances across the DNA profiles. No more!' And with a start she realised it was right. She couldn't go back so the only way through this mess was forwards, with a new future and in a new place. She reached for her cell and dialled the number that she had picked up from the ad.
"Hello? Mr Grissom, this is Calleigh Duquesne from Miami. I heard about the job going at your lab…"
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It was hours later and Calleigh had returned to the lab to pick up some things she'd left in her haste that morning. She had an interview with Gil Grissom from the Las Vegas crime lab organised for the following Friday and had asked Alexx nicely if she would put in the holiday request for her with Horatio. Calleigh decided she couldn't face seeing him right now, in fact she was sure when she would be able to face it. The one thing she did know is that she wanted to get as far away from Miami as she possibly could. Every time she thought of the predicament she was in that vindictive little voice in her head would always pipe up 'and all of this because of a man…!'
The second that she entered the ballistics lab she felt his presence all around her. She knew he was there, sitting on a stool to her left, waiting. She refused to acknowledge him, pretending she couldn't feel the tension hit her like a heat wave when she passed through the lab's entrance doors. She walked towards her desk and shuffled her paperwork with her back to him.
"Calleigh." His voice was calm but concerned, his usual tone when dealing with her of late.
"Horatio." She nodded in his direction but continued looking at her papers.
"I can't just ignore it, you know. I can't forget what you said." She bit her lip and tried to concentrate harder on the paperwork, anything to fight the waves of sadness passing over her. He stood up and walked over to her, less than a foot away in true distance but to Calleigh it may as well have been miles. She stepped forward, still refusing to meet his eye. He reached up and put a hand under her chin.
"Calleigh" he said again and lifted it slightly until their faces were level and their noses were almost touching. Her sparkling green eyes met with his deep blue ones and she could swear she heard a voice whisper in her ear 'this one.'
Suddenly his arm was snaking around her waist, pulling her closer to him, she closed her eyes and when their lips finally met she swore that she saw stars. For one brief and wonderful moment the stars were aligned, the earth was moving beneath her feet and angels were singing a chorus on her shoulder.
When they finally pulled away she was flushed and breathless, but oh so incredibly happy. Joy was practically seeping from her pores, while he, in contrast, seemed withdrawn and melancholy. She looked down to see his hand curled happily around her waist and hers mirroring it perfectly. She smiled up at him, but this seemed to deject him further.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that. We can't do this again Calleigh; I'm your boss. It wouldn't work."
"I'll get a new job, I'll move to one of the other teams. I will do anything it takes Horatio." She uncoiled her arm from around him and stood facing him, looking for all the world like a petulant child.
"No Calleigh. This can never happen again." He took a deep breath and the words she had been dreading the most fell from his lips.
"I'm sorry. I just don't feel that way about you." She was stunned. Had he not felt the sparks too? Did the voice not speak softly into his ear telling him what she already knew? Quickly she pulled herself together.
"Oh. Well, I should go… Um… I have to get home." She practically ran from the room, grabbing her bag on the way.
Her footsteps echoed loudly down the corridor as she picked up pace. She just had to get away. As she turned a corner she slipped slightly and nearly careered into Alexx who managed to step out of the way just in time. Calleigh heard her friend's voice echoing down the corridor behind her.
"Where you goin' in such a hurry Calleigh? Calleigh?"
"Anywhere but here." She replied and muttered softly to herself: "It's time to go."
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"I still can't believe you're going all the way to Las Vegas Sugar." Alexx said to Calleigh whilst trying to put on a brave face.
Calleigh leaned over and hugged Alexx one final time before she left. She hated goodbyes and this one was especially hard after working for so long together with the rest of the team. One by one they hugged and said their goodbyes, promising to call and email often until finally she stood in front of Horatio.
He looked down at her with the same impassive face that he'd been using around her for the last few weeks, since the kiss. She tried not to dwell on it in his company. After all he could not help what he did or didn't feel for her. He reached out and took her hand.
"Take care of yourself Calleigh, you'll always have a place back here, no matter what."
"Thank you, but I really need to do this." He nodded again and stared at the floor. She made to turn away from him when he grabbed her arm, pulled her back toward him and hugged her tightly.
"What if I asked you to stay?" he whispered into her ear. She turned to look at him one final time, meeting his eyes firmly and shaking her head.
"It's time to move on Horatio." She whispered in return. Extracting herself from his arms, she leaned over and kissed his cheek softly, climbed into her car and quickly pulled away.
As the throng quickly evaporated back to work in the lab, Horatio watched the traffic flow and embrace Calleigh's car as she made her way to the airport he reached up and put a hand on his cheek where she'd kissed him. A voice behind him shook him out of his reverie
"She'll be back, Sugar." He shook his head. "You could always go and get her." He shook his head again.
"It's too late Alexx, I put the job first and I lost her."
"Horatio you told her you didn't love her, how is that putting the job first?" He shrugged.
"It seemed the right thing to do at the time. I just can't bear the thought of hurting her Alexx."
"Shouldn't you give her the choice instead of deciding for her? You only get one soulmate Horatio. Remember that." She wandered quietly back into the lab leaving him alone on the parking lot waiting and hoping against hope for Calleigh to return.