Mission Impossible : Clash of the Blondies
Authoress: iTomo
Summary: "Woah, wait just a minute. You want us to escort a necklace? A single necklace. You're going to deploy all three of us at such a crucial time? And you're going to drag the Sand Nation into this?" Temari visits Konoha at a wrong time. TemaShikaIno triangle.
Chapter: One
Published: July 5, 2012
Notes: I abuse italics.
Disclaimer: iTomo doesn't not own Naruto. She only owns the retarded plot built of cheesiness and the romance this homely authoress will never have. She also would like to express the fact that since she has no sense of humor, you should not expect to find creative disclaimers every chapter.
Amateur Authoress' Office
From the Desk of iTomo
Dear you nice readers,
Thank you for clicking this story. I hope it's to your liking, but I was never good at writing romance due to the fact I, as a pathetic 14 year-old, have experienced no more than reading Princess Diariesand fantasizing about high school. I just felt the need to convey my imagination into the form of an anime couple I love!
Another disclaimer here! I have not finished the Naruto series, because it's just way too long for my attention-span to manage. The info in this fanfic is solely based on what I have watched, what I am inferring, and what I dreamed. So if you read something and think, "Wait, what, didn't Miss Blah die already?" forgive me because from what I know, Miss Blah is healthy and alive.
.
The passage above was what I wrote when I actually started this chapter, LOL. Now I'm 16. And still as dorky, if not more so. Still without any first-hand experience at romance. So this is kind of AU in which everyone is pretty much happy and alive and hormonal.
Love,
iTomo
Temari was skilled. She was rarely unprepared, rarely caught off guard. She, in short, had everything under control. The Sand kunoichi was reliable, independent, and just bad-ass. Temari was the kind of girl no one played pranks on in kindergarten. (She did the prank-playing, actually.)
So when her ah-dorable younger brother asked her if she could go to Konoha, as Suna's ambassador, to relay a message regarding the whereabouts of the last of the Akatsuki to Tsunade-sama, she shrugged and started packing simple necessities for her trip.
She covered the distance in a little more than two and a half days, as planned. When she arrived at the gates of Konoha, the ever present Chuunins guarding the entrance/exit merely gave her a nod of acknowledgement; she casually strolled to the Hokage's tower.
As expected, a rough "Come in!" greeted her when she knocked on the door high up in the tower. Like always, Godaime-sama was drinking sake and lazily flipping through pages of a magazine. Temari planned to engage in quick conversation, stop for some dango, then maybe purchase some of the famous Leaf Village mochi for Gaara and Kankuro, and return home.
Her plan was ruined. This didn't even come close to happening.
Before the duo even had a proper conversation regarding the Akatsuki, Shizune came stomping in at that precise moment, right hand viciously clutching a scroll, her face set into a horrified scowl.
"I just got this," she shook slightly as she handed over the scroll.
Tsunade's concerned expression slowly melted into confusion, disbelief, and then pure exasperation.
"This man has a stick up his ass, I swear. How does he manage to shit?"
Temari smirked. Tsunade's head snapped up suddenly, though, as an expression of did-I-leave-the-oven-on-disbelief dawned on her face. She pushed all paperwork off her messy desk, and from her sleeve, withdrew a sheet of paper.
"Shit, shit."
Shizune took this as a cue to run to her master's side and ask, "Tsunade-sama! Is something wrong?"
If Temari knew better, she would've turned at that moment, open the damn door, and ran to safety. Forget about Akatsuki! What was going to happen was much worse than a questionable group of men running around in black robes that strangely looked like female kimonos. . . !
But she was a polite woman and knew the duties of being an ambassador; she was also determined to talk to Godaime about Itachi, and furthermore because she had no clue what Fate (also known for her part-time occupation as The Bitch) had in store for her, Temari stood there, continuing to twiddle her fans. What a mistake that was.
"The man, he requested at least four chuunin-level guards!"
"Oh. Is something wrong with that?"
"We don't have any to spare! Shizune, go get what's left of Asuma's team, now!"
And after a hurried, "YES," and some clomping from the said assistant, the Fifth Hokage turned to the Sand kunoichi with the careful and calculating eyes of a hawk.
"Temari."
". . .Yes."
"We're allies."
". . .Yes. We're bound by obligation."
"Then listen to my request, please."
Just when Temari was about to inquire what her request was, loud steps resonated outside the door, leading to the ultimate bang that left her speechless.
Shikamaru Nara, oh god, Shikamaru, slightly breathless, stood at the entrance, eyes alert for trouble, with the newly boob-clad Ino Yamanaka right behind, with the murderous intent of Sakura Haruno times fifty, ready to crush any enemy she was assigned to, well, crush.
"Is there anything wrong, Hokage-sama? Has the enemy attacked?"
The said Hokage twitched before sighing, "No, but it's pretty bad. I do require your help. Now if you'd kindly step in and shut the door, I have to talk to all of you—That also means you, Temari."
Temari jumped at the mention of her name, still quite unsure how she fit into this whole matter, but nonetheless remained planted into her spot as Shikamaru and Ino stepped into place next to her.
"Have you guys ever heard of the Feudal Lord of the Flower Province?" she asked them, before hurriedly answering her own question, "I suppose not; with all this fuckery going on, no one would remember such a frivolous man, but -You see, he was, still is, and forever will be the biggest pain in the ass known to man."
Uh, that's nice.
"He's wealthy, extremely wealthy actually, and that has made him extremely paranoid about being attacked or robbed every second he is breathing. Despite this though, there are actually two, well, three things in the world that are important to him. One, Necklace of Hana, and two-three, his twin daughters. We don't hear much about his daughters, other than the fact that they bare an uncanny resemblance to their deceased mother, but the Necklace. . . . I haven't really seen it myself, but it's rumored to be made out of the largest, whole chunk of red diamond, which is extremely rare, if you guys have not already concluded by my way of speech."
Ino's eyes glistened at this.
"Anyways," Tsunade waved this off, "He is at the County of Sound, more specifically, at Otogakure, which is Orochimaru's lair."
She paused to let this sink in before going on, "He's supposedly on a tour and has just found out that they are hosting a National Treasure Exhibit in two weeks, probably one of Otogakure's ways to locate national treasures and steal them. He plans on showing off the Necklace, because he's stupid, of course, but it is still back at the Hana Province, which is by the outskirts of Iwagakure."
"I know what's going to happen," Shikamaru cut in, tone very bored and considerably tired compared to his appearance at the door earlier, "Man, I'm getting a headache just thinking about him."
"So you're up for this, team leader?"
The realization hit Temari the same time it did Ino.
"Woah, wait just a minute. You want us to escort a necklace? A single necklace. You're going to deploy all three of us at such a crucial time?" Ino threw a glance at Temari, "And you're going to drag the Sand Nation into this?"
The blond leader sighed, "He wanted four Chuunins, and I know what I'm doing. All of you shut the hell up and let me finish."
Silence.
I didn't even say anything!, Temari argued silently.
"Now, we are not just talking about some damn necklace here. Think about it. The exhibit is in Otogakure—And what's more, who would actually hold an exhibit at this time anyway? It's fishy, you know it. . . ."
"God, there has to be some other Chuunin willing to do this. Why not Naruto? He was the last of us to become a chuunin anyway," Ino pouted.
Shikamaru sighed, "You're missing the point here, Ino. Tsunade-sama wants us to keep an eye on everything during the exhibition as well. There is a good chance someone related to the Akatsuki will show up."
Tsunade gave him a weak smile.
"It's untimely, but it's a great opportunity to do some reconnaissance. See if you can get any information out of fishy exhibit-goers. If all goes well, I want you three to do a brief mapping of the area and see if there are any signs of new supporters. Naruto's running off somewhere with Jiraiya, that geezer; Sakura's needed at the hospital with all this injured ninja, so on, so on. Everyone else is gone. Isn't Chouji at a beef convention with his dad? I don't know. I don't care. I need capable people to go on this mission, and all I have left are Konohamaru and you guys and our wonderful ally. I'm sure two jounins and a blossoming chuunin will cover it."
Shikamaru massaged his forehead, "If we say no?"
Her eyes narrowed, "Don't."
Temari snapped her fan shut menacing (not that she was threatening the Hokage).
"Don't I get a say in this? Gaara might need me for something."
"He doesn't. You're all leaving tomorrow morning. Besides, I heard he pays really well."
Temari is unbelievably fucked, not because she is unable to handle this Flower Prissy Pant (hell, she could probably take this mission alone if Gaara was in charge), but because for an indefinite amount of time, she is going to be stuck with two of the only four people she has a problem with in Konoha.
She has a problem with (1) Naruto Uzumaki because he reminds her way too much of the neglect and abandonment she put Gaara through. She has a problem with (2) the guy she met at the dumpling shop because he messed up her food by adding negi even though she specified otherwise. She has a problem with (3) Ino Yamanaka because she is too girly and freakishly loud. But she is also not too fond of Ino because she is good friends with (4) Shikamaru Nara, who bothers her simply because it's him.
Well, Shikamaru's okay actually.
Temari is dauntless and nineteen-going-on-twenty and ultimately too old for the pair of seventeen year olds, one who too much (un)friendly competition in her blood and one who spends all his free time playing shogi and coming up with the most farfetched yet cohesive plans on a whim. She doesn't want to spend time leaping through trees and being the damned third wheel in their happy little duo-ship. She doesn't want to deal with their immaturity while she is very much mature and cultured.
But that's exactly what happens.
The morning they leave Shikamaru gives them a quick debriefing on the situation and a list of goals.
TEAM: Ino Y., Shikamaru N. (leader), Temari
MISSION: To safely and quickly escort the Hana Necklace to Otogakure within two weeks.
TIME SPAN: 3 weeks, give or take. (1 for reconnaissance.)
THINGS TO COMPLETE: (1) Try famous seaweed ramen on the way there. (2) Update map of Otogakure. (3) Attempt to infiltrate the Lair. (4) Document information on the Lair. (5) Prevent Ino from touching the red diamond because she will surely grow attached. (6) Get information of the whereabouts of ****.
REWARD: Lots of money.
It's when they are half outside of the forest that Shikamaru easily falls into step next to her, and for a moment it's like they're back in Konoha a few years back, when he was assigned to be her guide.
"How are things back in Suna?" he asked.
"Good," she smirked, "Missed me?"
He scoffed, "As if, you troublesome bitch."
"I know."
And that's how their friendship is. It's easy and honest. And truth to be said, if you got Temari really drunk one night, she might tell you that she was actually quite fond of Shikamaru in the way he never pried, or in the way she forgot about her family problems when she was in Konoha (though she desperately loves Kankuro and Gaara), or in the way their conversation was pure wit and sarcasm.
Not that she like-liked him. He was a little boy, two years younger than her, for Buddha's sake.
"Guys," Ino said after a while, "I'm really hungry."
"Ino, we ate just before we left the village."
"Not me!"
"Why not?" Shikamaru countered, "And aren't you supposed to be on stupid diet of yours again?"
"Are you calling me fat?"
"What? NO. Dammit, we're not even a day in and my head is already pounding."
And just like that Temari slowly withdrew from the conversation. She was only acquainted with Ino, and just slightly better friends with Shikamaru. Nara and Yamanaka were tight family friends, she knew, but she had no idea how she was going to survive listening to their closeness and dealing with their cheesy friendship. Gah, she thought as she pushed the mental nausea down.
"You guys are slow," she gave them a look, "I'm going to keep a look-out up and ahead."
And with that she leapt up a tree and started sprinting. From behind her she heard them following her lead, with Shikamaru quietly cursing and Ino complaining that she was still damn hungry. But she didn't stop to wait for them.
They took a quick break at a neighboring village to get something to eat ("Jesus," Ino had muttered). If anything, Temari only complied because they got to cross Number (1) off the list of things they had to complete. Seaweed noodles didn't taste half as bad as they looked, though.
It was just her and Shikamaru when Ino excused herself to go to the bathroom.
"Does she ever shut up?" Temari uncharacteristically heaved a sigh.
Shikamaru thought for a bit. "Nah. You get used to it though."
"Of course," she snickered, "Haven't you guys been playing together since you were in diapers?"
"Listen, Te—" he started, but Ino made her appearance.
"I'm done! Let's go," she chirped.
Shikamaru groaned.
Amateur Authoress' Office
From the Desk of iTomo
Dear you nice readers,
That's all I have done for this chapter. I'm not so sure where this is going, but hopefully you enjoyed it and give me some ideas with a nice review? (;
Seriously though. It's obviously going to be eventual TemaShika. Cuz dat's kyootz.
Love,
iTomo