It was a dark and ugly morning….who am I kidding, any morning you have to get up and go to work is dark and ugly. I was in the kitchen getting my lunch together when my equally unenthusiastic housemate came shuffling down the stairs. He usually didn't roll out of bed until around nine, so this was a little odd.
"Mornin' dear." I said quietly. Loki mumbled something in return, sounded like a similar sentiment.
He looked especially grumpy this morning. He went right on past me and curled up in an annoyed, lanky ball on the couch giving me a decidedly hostile look.
"What's wrong, Loki?" I assumed he was still pissed off about my manipulating the Thor-and-Jane-for-Thanksgiving situation, which was coming up in a couple weeks. He hadn't brought it up since it happened last week, but he has a way of...stewing.
"I detest having no purpose."
"Excuse me?" Now what was this about? I stopped what I was doing and came in to sit on the other end of the couch. "What are you talking about?"
"I hate that you leave and stay gone all the day long and I must stay here and do nothing."
This may sound stupid, but I'd never thought about what Loki does all day when I go to work. I know he has abilities I can't even wrap my mind around and figured he'd have no problem amusing himself all day. Everything seemed some semblance of…all right. I'd come home to find things in the house that hadn't been there before. Once, there was a large book in some bizarre language on his nightstand. Another time, there were several of them scattered in front of the fireplace. I'd found pages of weird scribbles under the sink in the upstairs bathroom. Odd jewelry would appear and disappear on the dresser depending on the day. There were at least three ornate daggers stashed at different places in the house. Weird places, like next to the washing machine and between the fridge and the microwave. I stopped peeking in his side of the closet after finding it empty one day and full of extravagant clothing the very next and empty again the day after. I never mentioned seeing any of that stuff, and it was better for my sanity to pretend I didn't notice it, but it was clear he was doing something. Was this normal though? A conqueror God lives in my house. There is no more normal!
"Loki, you know I have to go to work to make money so I can buy you shit you want….like all those soaps that smell pretty and shampoo and basically anything shiny that catches your gorgeous green eyes…"
"Stop speaking to me as if I am a pet!" He hissed and curled all the way up in the corner of the couch as far away from me as possible.
"I'm sorry, honey. That's wasn't nice of me. What I'm trying to get at is I have no choice but to go every day. I'd rather be here with you." He turned to glare at me. I reached out to touch his foot and was grateful that he didn't pull away, but he was still giving me angry-face. I felt a surge of affection for him and wanted to just hug him as hard as I could and tell him how much I cared about him but, that's not the way to handle a slighted Loki.
"Do you truly like what you do all day?" He said in a softer, less hostile tone than he'd used a minute ago.
I sighed. It was getting late, but I didn't want to rush out of here with him feeling this way. "Well, I don't utterly despise it, but it's not as much fun as being with you for the day. I feel useful and I'm good at it. Ya know?" I tapped his bare foot. "I get money for it, and that allows us to go do the fun shit we like. This is the day-to-day on Midgard, and you currently live with a Midgardian dumbass. So…" I tweeked his pinky toe. "It is what it is, sweetpea."
He didn't comment on any of this and looked down at the floor. He seemed so lost in that moment, it made my heart ache.
He suddenly looked up at me, "I should like to go to The Square tonight."
That was a little off-topic, but whatever. "K. Soon as I get home tonight, off we'll go." I glanced at my phone. "I gotta go, Loki. Gonna be late." He looked up and gestured at me. As I walked past him, I reached down and squeezed his shoulders and gave him a quick kiss on the head. "I'm thankful for every day you're here, I hope you know that." I whispered in his sleep-disheveled hair and then took off before he could get snarky.
I cried a little on my way to work. How do you make someone feel better when you have no idea what's even hurting them?
I tried not to think about Loki's face the rest of the day. I tried to think about how he'd look when we'd go out and do stuff, or when we'd be at home playing the game. I'd taught him how to play my favorite online video game, and then had to get him his own account so I could play too. I couldn't completely shake the odd conversation we'd had this morning though, and continued to feel depressed all day. I just wanted to go home and stay there with him. Deep down, though, I didn't think coddling was something he needed or would want. Loki was extremely proud. He'd probably consider me coming home to dote on him as a blow to his pride somehow.
Right before 2 o'clock on my horrendously unproductive, shitty day, I checked my personal email and found a reply on the one I'd sent a few days prior to Thor's gal pal Jane Foster. I was actually surprised to even GET a reply from her after telling her who I was keeping company with.
Jane's reply was pleasant and friendly. Another shock. I expected a guarded, hesitant tone if I indeed got a response. To the contrary, she sounded excited to hear from me. She said she had spoken recently with Thor and he was enthusiastic about getting together for Thanksgiving Day. OK, sounded like we were having company then! That was about a hundred times easier than I thought it would be. Jane went on to suggest I call her this evening if I had a moment, and gave her phone number. I replied in the affirmative, and sent my phone number along with it.
Well! That was that! Either this news will improve Loki's day or send him into such a pit of dramatic depression that not even 70% dark chocolate and Pinot Noir would pull him out, Gods help us all.
I arrived home in a much better mood than I'd left and called out "Hey Loki-Lou!" when I got in the door. I kicked my shoes into the closet and took off my coat, and realized I'd received no reply. Usually, Loki would ignore all the weird pet names I called him, but at least I'd hear him upstairs or he'd say something from the living room. Right now, the house was silent. My first thought was 'Is this the day? The day you leave and I never see you again? I'm not ready for this day...' my stomach knotted and I tried not to acknowledge the gnawing fear.
I slowly made my way through the kitchen into the living room and then saw him through the French doors outside in the backyard on his knees, fussily picking at one of the plants on the patio. I felt such an overwhelming sense of relief that I had to sit down. I just stared at him for a few seconds. This couldn't continue. Either he has an equally rewarding type of life here or I can't blame him for disappearing. I realized I had left him no way to communicate with the outside world besides one of my laptops. I had no home phone, and he had no cell phone. There was only one car in the household and it was with me most of the day. All this time he'd been here and I thought he was happy to just chill out all day…
"I'm so sorry, Loki." I whispered, as I watched him. "I'll do better by you, I promise." I wanted to sit there and let loose with a big flood of tears when he looked up and saw me. He raised his eyebrows, and then sighed and came in the house.
"See something you like?" He said silkily.
"Don't start!" I said, feigning mirth. No time for crying now. "You wanted to go to The Square?"
He nodded and smiled and seemed to see right through my act. He knew something was up with me. He always did.
"OK. Give me a couple minutes to decompress, let's have a glass of wine, and then we'll go."
"That is acceptable. I'll change into something more suitable." He brushed at the dirt on his shirt, and then disappeared upstairs.
In the meantime I pondered how and when to break the news about Jane and Thor actually coming for Thanksgiving. I wasn't sure which one of us had a weirder mood that day. He seemed a lot better off than I was. I decided not to mention anything at all from this morning. Sometimes with Loki living in the 'now' was the best way to handle things. I poured a couple glasses of wine and went out on the patio to wait for His Grand Majesty to make an appearance.
About an hour or so later, we meandered along Market Street checking out our usual haunts and enjoying the bustle of activity around us. This was one of Loki's favorite places to spend time. I always assumed that was so because of the stores full of expensive stuff, or maybe all the fountains and statues and excess reminded him somehow of Asgard. Whatever the case, he'd drift along like he owned the place.
We hit up Tiffany & Co., Michael Kors, Brooks Brothers, J. Crew and three other non-chain boutiques. Loki ended up with three new shirts and a pair of brown ankle boots. I bought some really great-smelling homemade soaps that Loki would probably appropriate later. We ended our whirlwind retail therapy session at Starbucks sipping skinny lattes on the patio with the other obnoxious assholes.
"I love the way you shop, honey. It turns me on." I remarked as I pushed some of his bags out of the way to make room for my purse.
He grinned at me over his coffee. Then sighed. "I AM good."
"You are, even if you make my bank account groan sometimes, I still adore you." I regretted saying that as soon as it left my mouth. That was just fucking mean, really. I'm the one that painted him into this corner leaving him essentially dependent on me. My earlier mood of fear came back. No, this situation definitely can't continue. Something needs to change for him…in a good way.
He was gauging my reaction the entire time. "What is bothering you? You've been strange this evening." he said tensely, eyes narrowing.
I didn't want to tell him I felt guilty about his situation, or risk him getting the idea I thought his presence a burden. I'd wished for him, after all. I'd wished for him so hard and on so many stars that Asgard actually heard my pleas and answered me. I'd wished to give him comfort and that he'd feel love and caring, and I felt like I was failing.
I decided to go for the lesser of two evils.
"I heard from Jane today."
Loki rolled his eyes and said, "Oh that."
"She said Thor was really looking forward to coming, and she was too." He quirked one eyebrow up in the 'fuck YOU' expression. "She also said for me to call tonight when I had a chance, so I figured I'd do that when we got home."
More eye rolling and pissy-sighing going on from across the table.
"Loki, you said you'd do this." I said sternly. I wasn't about to give in on this subject. He'd put me through a bit of an emotional roller coaster with the whole recipe book thing. It was his turn.
He looked down at his nails and then off to his left, throwing up his famous Avoid/Evade shield.
"I'm not cutting you any slack on this, man. You said you'd do it and I'm holding you to it." He was totally engrossed in something off to his left by now, down one of the short side streets.
"As soon as we get home, I'm calling Jane and getting this all set up. She sounds really nice, by the way. I thought I'd get some attitude from her, but no. Her email was friendly. I think it'll be a really cool evening."
He wasn't listening. His brow was furrowed and he stared intently at something down the side street. "Why not phone her now?" He said absently, hoping to get me to shut up, no doubt. "I would like to look at a shop I have not seen before." He got up and gave me small smile. "I shall return shortly." It was clear I was not invited to join him.
"Okaaaay." I said as he abruptly walked off across the street and then down the narrow side street across from us. I couldn't see what held his attention so strongly. There was a sign but I couldn't make out what it said. I thought there were two words, one starting with an 'S'. Whatever. I pulled out my phone to give Jane a call while Loki avoided.
After a few rings a breathless female voice answered "Hello?"
"Hello, is this Jane Foster?" I asked tentatively.
"Yes! Yes it is...is this Lynn?"
"Yeah...hi there! How are you?"
"I'm great!" Jane sounded like she'd been running a marathon and there were other voices in the background.
"Did I catch you at a bad time?"
"Oh no...I was just pulling some equipment in...excuse me, that's fragile? Thank you? Sorry...I was trying to get someone not to ah...drop something expensive." All of a sudden all the background noise disappeared and I heard a door shut. "Now." I heard her take a deep breath. "Thanksgiving! Still wanting us to come?"
I had to smile. Jane sounded as enthusiastic as a high school cheerleader on Red Bull. The happiness in her voice was infectious, and listening to it lifted my mood. I wondered if she sounded like that all the time, or if she was a really good actress.
"Absolutely! Loki and I are both looking forward to your visit."
"I think Thor mentions Loki at least once a day." She said. "Frankly, he was amazed that you emailed me, and really pleased. I am too. It's about time we all got to meet up under pleasant circumstances."
I had no idea what all had gone on the first time Jane had met Loki. Loki never talked about those events. He never mentioned New York or Asgard or the strange things that had gone on between his imprisonment and that strange evening Thor appeared on my doorstep with Loki. According to Thor, no one besides himself and Jane knew Loki lived with me. I had no idea what was true though. There were a lot of secrets and a lot of muddy water under the bridge. Loki might consider Thor a big dope, but I knew there was more to him than his brostyle let on.
I also wasn't sure what Jane thought I was to Loki. I knew she and Thor had a romancey thing happening. Maybe she thought Loki and I had the same? I might have romancey thoughts about Loki but I don't even know how he feels about me. He didn't hate me, that's about the best I could do.
"I totally agree. I've only met Thor like...twice. He encouraged me to get in touch with you, and I wish I had done that sooner. I just wanted to give Loki time to…settle in." That's about as far as I was going to go there. I didn't want to admit to Jane that I had to trick Loki to get him to agree with this, and that's NO small task.
We went on to discuss dates and travel and hotels and what food they liked and didn't like and then got off on a tangent about working and waiting in line and what shows we liked to watch on TV.
During our rambling phone conversation, Loki emerged from the store with a piece of paper in his hand. He tucked it into his coat and made his way back to me. He stood there impassively, listening to me as I yammered at Jane. She was easy and fun to talk to. While Loki was also fun to talk to, he required a little more thought process to deal with. He didn't much care for silly 'girl talk' unless it was about shopping or gossip. He ate that shit up with a spoon.
He tapped a finger on the table and I figured it was time to go. "Hey Jane, I better run. Loki's here...we're actually out shopping...and it looks like he's ready to go. Shoot me an email and I'll send you our address, and some info on the airport and all that. K?"
We hung up and Loki sat down slowly. "So. How does the Lady Jane fare? You spoke with her at some length."
"I think she's great! Very talkative, not at all what I was expecting. What's in your pocket?"
He got an annoying 'Who me?' look on his face. "Pocket?"
"I saw you put a piece of paper in your pocket! They handing out propaganda over there?"
He reached into his pocket and pulled out the paper, "I thought you might assist me with this. I am not familiar with all they ask."
OK, now that sounded odd. He gave me the paper and I had to read the heading of it twice, because what it said wouldn't sink into my brain at first. I looked up at him with my mouth hanging open.
"'Tis a formality, I am told, for I have already been offered and accepted this opportunity as you spoke with Jane." He said airily.
The heading on the paper read 'Sojourns Remembered'. Underneath that in smaller print 'Application for Employment'
"You got a JOB? Do you seriously know what that entails?" I asked incredulously.
He got up and gathered his bags, "Of course, dear! You leave me with the Internet all day. I know...all the things." I couldn't decide if the smarmy smile on his face was a satisfying or frightening sight.