Hey! I don't know what to say to introduce this series of one-shots. They're just little things I came up with or old things forgotten among the documents in my pc which I decided to fix up and publish. They don't truly have a plot, most of them are slice of life or something of that kind... I don't even know myself! :)
Hope you enjoy, though!
I don't own Harry Potter and I'm not a native English speaker.
How to identify with a Devil's Snare
Severus Snape put his empty cup of tea on the table in front of him. He glanced quickly to the other two persons present that afternoon in the staffroom: Pomona Sprout and Rolanda Hooch. The one absorbed in reading and marking essays, the other sipping slowly her tea while eyeing the titles of Which Broomstick.
Good, maybe he could get a good escape without them noticing, Severus thought. He stood up heavily and walked toward the door, determined to slip down to his dungeons as soon as possible.
"Severus?" A voice behind him stopped his stride. Oh, great! "Severus, you don't want to go into hiding down in the dungeons, do you! Not with that beautiful sun shining out there!"
Severus slowly turned around to face Professor Sprout who had put down her quill and was now looking at him with a big smile on her round face.
"I'm not a plant, Pomona", he said coldly.
The other professor smiled sweetly. "Oh, I know", she said, standing up and moving close to her colleague, "but it happens that even the rude Potions teachers are in need of a bit of sunlight, every now and then".
Snape raised an eyebrow, piqued. He saw Rolanda Hooch was following their conversation but acted as nothing was happening. Her eyes were still on the magazine, but did not move.
"And what for?" He snarled back at Pomona. "I don't have to do photosynthesis. Why don't you just go to sing lullabies to your Mandrakes and leave me in peace? Thanks". He abruptly turned to leave, but Sprout held him back.
"Oh, Severus, cheer up!" She exclaimed and trotted around to put herself between him and the door. "The Mandrakes you mention are more dynamic than you, and do have a better complexion."
"And since when, pray tell, do you care about my complexion?" Severus harrumphed seeing his way out blocked and himself forced to deal with the jolly as insufferable colleague. Damned Hufflepuffs... always worrying about others, always ready to dispense compassion and optimism. Always meddling where they were not welcomed.
"You're always holed up in those damp and dark dungeons of yours... darkness's not good for you and moistness either. Sun. Sun's what you need", explained Professor Sprout analyzing Severus' face with inquisitive eyes.
"Looking for signs of etiolation, Pomona?" Severus hissed, annoyed by the way Sprout was inspecting him.
The Herbology Professor narrowed her eyes. "Etiolation? You know that similar symptoms may be warning signs of Contabesca learda in Venomous Tentacula?", she declared.
Severus looked annoyed and confused at the same time. Had he turned into a plant that night? Yet he had led his lessons as usual, had lunch in the Great Hall as usual, and so on... and no one had pointed out leaves growing from his ears, nor the greenish hue his skin had taken. Albeit this last thing actually happened to him whenever he had to mark Potter and Weasley's essays.
"Well, for clemency and fortune I am not a Tentacula," replied Severus finally, folding his arms over his chest.
"He's much worse..." he heard the barely whispered comment, between a sip of tea and the next, of Rolanda Hooch.
Severus arched an eyebrow dangerously and cast her a fierce look, but Pomona seemed not having heard the caustic comment of her colleague and smiled jovially at Severus.
"Promise me you'll make at least a walk in the sun, Severus" she said cheerfully.
The only answer she received was an irritated grunt.
"Honestly, Pomona, you have no other names on the list of "who to annoy today"? Minerva... the Headmaster... Neville Longbottom?", he pronounce the last name as he was talking about a poisonous snake.
Pomona scolded him: "The ones you mention are not in need of my care."
"I'm. Not. A. Plant," Severus growled and he tried to moved around Pomona to be a step, just one step closer to the blessed door.
"Really? And I thought he was a relative of the Devil's Snare..."
Severus stopped instantly and seized the moment: "You know, you do have a point, Rolanda: I may well be. I like the dark and damp. Good day, Pomona." Said that, he spun around and left the Staff Room, pretending not to notice the astonished gaze of Pomona. He was just happy having found a way out from that insane conversation and grateful to Hooch for giving him the right cue.
After the door had closed behind him, Pomona turned to Rolanda who was still sitting on the couch with her cup of tea in hand.
"Well, I tried" Pomona said.
Rolanda shrugged. "What did you expect? You know how he is, don't you? The next time we must try to make him identify himself with a Quaffle, though. That could turn out highly amusing". She smiled.
Ok, I invented the Contabesca learda. Contabescere in Latin means wasting away, wear out while leardo is the Italian adjective for a grey (meaning with black and white hairs) horse.