A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED SPOOFING!
A Closet Comedy in Two Acts
by Leslie Rampey
Although inspired in part by actual incidents, the following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event. (In other words, folks, it was "ripped from the headlines!")
CAST OF CHARACTERS:
Det. Lennie Briscoe
Det. Mike Logan
Lt. Anita Van Buren
EADA Jack McCoy
ADA Abbie Carmichael
DA Adam Schiff
Det. Anthony Profaci
Sharon Coley, a secretary
Tiffany Fountain, a cocktail waitress
Denise Morton, an attorney and the victim's wife
Lawyer, Mrs. Morton's attorney
Various CSU personnel and detectives of the 27th Precinct
ACT ONE
SCENE ONE: Lawyer's office, not a fancy one.
[Secretary, young and pretty, enters with open file folder that she is looking at as she talks and walks toward desk.]
Secretary: Mr. Morton, you need to sign this as soon as possible, or that DA's gonna have a cow. [When she gets no response, she looks up from the folder to the desk where she obviously expected Mr. Morton to be sitting.] Mr. Morton? [She turns around to check the rest of the office, but finds no one. She glances at a halfway open bathroom door, waits a moment, and then goes to tap on it.] Mr. Morton? [No answer. She slowly pushes open the door but finds no one. Perplexed, she turns back to the room and calls out once more.] Mr. Morton? [Then to herself...] Now, that's funny! Where on earth? I know he didn't leave... [Now knowing something is wrong, she looks around the room more carefully and screams piercingly when she sees a pool of blood at the side of a sofa that is turned away from her.]
END SCENE ONE.
SCENE TWO: Same lawyer's office, this time with the body of Mr. Morton revealed on the floor in front of the couch. Much blood. CSU personnel swarming.
[Enter Detectives Lennie Briscoe and Mike Logan.]
Mike: What've we got here?
CSU Person: One very dead lawyer.
Lennie: Oh, that's just too easy! [Glances at Mike.] You take it.
Mike: [Rolls eyes at Lennie.] What happened?
CSU Person: As far as we can make out, the late Mr. Morton here was sitting on the couch when someone clubbed him.
Lennie: From behind?
CSU Person: Doesn't look like it. From the angle of the blow, I'd say the assailant was standing right about here. [Indicates a spot less than two feet in front of the couch.]
Mike: Weapon?
CSU Person: Didn't have to go far to find it. [Points at a heavy cast metal statue still on its side on the carpet. Quite bloody, it's about six inches high with a wide base.] Dropped it right there. From the dust marks on this table [indicates an end table at the arm of the couch], I'd say it had been sitting there before someone grabbed it and put his lights out.
[Lennie and Mike go to examine the statue, not touching it.]
Mike: Wow, is that Buddha?
Lennie: Yup. I'd say Mr. Morton had a very enlightening day!
Mike: Imagine getting killed by Buddha!
Lennie: Imagine finding a perp that easy.
[Straightening up, they look around the room and notice the secretary sitting huddled in her boss's chair at the desk. Her eyes are staring straight ahead.]
Lennie: Who's that?
CSU Person: [Consults notepad.] Sharon Coley. The secretary. Called it in. She's pretty shook.
Lennie: Thanks. [Approaches secretary who doesn't notice him. He touches her gently on the shoulder.] Ms. Coley? I'm Detective Lennie Briscoe and this is Detective Mike Logan. Do you think you could talk to us for a few minutes?
[Sharon doesn't speak for a long moment, but then blinks a few times.]
Sharon: [whispering] How can there be so much blood?
Lennie: Head wounds -- there's a lot of blood with a head wound. Listen, I know this is very upsetting, but we need to ask you some questions. OK?
[Sharon nods.]
Mike: You found, um, Mr. Morton? Your boss?
Sharon: [Nods.] Yes.
Mike: Who was in here with him?
Sharon: No one.
Lennie: Someone had to have been.
Sharon: Before, yes. Not when I found him. He was alone then.
[Lennie and Mike exchange their "It's-gonna-be-a-long-day" looks.]
Lennie: Okay. Well, before. Who was the last person in here with him?
Sharon: Client. Miss Fountain.
Mike: [Taking notes.] Miss Fountain have a first name?
Sharon: Um, Tiffany.
Lennie: How long before you found Mr. Morton did Miss Fountain leave?
Sharon: I don't know. Half hour -- maybe more. I was working on...
Mike: [Calling to CSU person.] How long's it been?
CSU Person: Recently, very recently. Three hours tops -- probably less.
Lennie: Ms. Coley, are you sure that Miss Fountain was the last person in here before you found your boss?
Sharon: Yes. No one else.
Lennie: And you definitely would know, right? You didn't maybe go to the bathroom or out to get some coffee or something?
Sharon: No, nothing like that. I was at my desk the whole time. Then I came in here, and he -- he was...
Mike: Lennie, there's no other way in or out of here.
Lennie: Right. So, looks like Tiffany Fountain is a good bet. Ms. Coley, do you have an address for Miss Fountain?
Sharon: Yes, at my desk. [Makes no move to get up.]
Lennie: We'll get it before we leave. Now, I have just a couple more questions. This Miss Fountain -- she was alone in here with Mr. Morton?
Sharon: Yes.
Lennie: How long?
Sharon: She was his one o'clock. It was about an hour, I guess.
Lennie: Did you hear anything while she was in here?
Sharon: [Shrugs.] Just the usual.
Mike: What's "the usual?"
Sharon: Client prep session. They get noisy. I don't even hear it anymore.
Mike: [Taken a bit aback.] Noisy? Why should they be noisy?
Sharon: Well, Mr. Morton always says -- said -- that most of his clients don't -- well, know things.
Mike: And sooo...?
Sharon: They don't know things. Like how to behave in front of a judge. Things like that.
Lennie: [Regarding Sharon more carefully now.] So, he'd, like, what, teach them?
Sharon: Uh, yeah, that's it.
Mike: And this would get "noisy?"
Sharon: [A bit evasively now.] Sometimes.
Mike: Well, did Miss Fountain's session get "noisy?"
Sharon: [Definitely wanting to clam up now.] Like I said, about the usual.
Lennie: [Sighing.] Okay. Well, one more thing. Did you talk to Miss Fountain when she left?
Sharon: Not really. Just, you know, maybe "'Bye." Like that. She seemed in a bit of a hurry.
Mike: [Under his breath.] Yeah, I'll bet.
Lennie: Did you notice anything about how she looked?
[Sharon shrugs and says nothing.]
Lennie: Ms. Coley?
Sharon: Well, I guess she was a bit...
Lennie: A bit what?
Sharon: Um, "di-shev-eled" maybe you would say. [Says that slowly, as if it is a new word she has learned.]
Lennie: "Disheveled?" Is "disheveled" maybe what you would say?
Sharon: [Shrugs again.] Just the usual.
Mike: [Impatient now.] Again with the "just the usual?" What the hell goes on here anyway?
Sharon: [Starts crying and wringing her hands.] Don't yell at me! I come in here, and there's all that blood! And Mr. Morton -- he's...
Lennie: [Pats her on shoulder.] You've been a big help, Ms. Coley. You want to go get us that address now?
[Sharon gets up and leaves room quickly.]
Mike: She knows more than she's telling.
Lennie: Yeah. Let's look around a bit more, Mike. There's something going on here that we don't know about yet.
[Lennie and Mike systematically search the office.]
Mike: [Pulling open cabinet under bookcase.] Lennie, look here! Videotapes -- rows of them. And [pulling open another cabinet] here's more!
Lennie: I'm guessing not Jurassic Park?
Mike: No, they're homemade. Labeled with initials and last names.
Lennie: [Goes to door to outer office.] Oh, Ms. Coley? Would you join us back in here for a moment?
Sharon: [Enters reluctantly and leans against doorframe until she sees Mike with the videotapes.] Hey! You're not supposed to be in there! Mr. Morton wouldn't like that at all!
Lennie: Believe me, Mr. Morton is way beyond caring. Now, you tell us -- would these tapes by any chance be the famous "noisy" client prep sessions?
[Sharon glares at Lennie and says nothing.]
Lennie: [Sighs.] And if we matched the names on these tapes against a list of Mr. Morton's clients?
Sharon: You can't have that. It's -- privileged, or something.
Lennie: Yes, we can have it, and, no, it isn't privileged.
Mike: Ms. Coley? S. Coley? Isn't this your name on this tape?
Sharon: You can't see that! [Lunges across room towards Mike, but Lennie restrains her.]
Lennie: [Hands her off to one of the uniforms.] Take her out of here! And make sure we get that address!
Mike: Whoa! Sure hit a sore spot!
Lennie: Yeah. Well, we don't need her. We just need to watch the tapes. Let's bag 'em.
Mike: Right. Hey, but Lennie? If there are all these tapes, don't you suppose that he was taping this afternoon, too?
Lennie: Our murderer on tape? Oh, that would be too good! [To the uniforms.] Tear this place apart! We want the recording equipment!
END SCENE TWO.
SCENE THREE: The 27th Precinct, Lt. Anita Van Buren's Office. Very late afternoon, the same day.
Anita: Okay. The dead lawyer Morton. What do we know?
Mike: [Flipping notepad pages.] Tiffany Fountain, cocktail waitress. Morton's client. According to the secretary, last person alone with him. We went by her apartment where neighbor said he'd seen her leave for work about half an hour before. We went to the work address on the lawyer's records, but no Tiffany Fountain. Seems she had quit and taken another job a week ago, but no one knew for sure where. Schlepped back to apartment...
Lennie: ...where the incredibly helpful neighbor had neglected to tell us the first time that, oh yeah, she's been leaving in a different uniform the last few days.
Anita: Could you make the uniform to a specific restaurant or bar?
Lennie: White blouse, black skirt? Not likely. So, we left a couple of guys there to pick her up when she comes home.
Anita: Prints?
Mike: The lab has the Buddha statue that was the weapon, and Miss Fountain's prints.
Anita: They were in the system?
Lennie: Being in the system is, or was, apparently the route to Mr. Morton. Client list is all shoplifting, bad checks, possession, et cetera, et cetera.
Anita: And what about the videotapes you took from the office?
Mike: All we have are the ones that were already on the shelves. We were hoping there would be one of this afternoon in the hidden camera we found, but no such luck. Either he wasn't taping this afternoon or Fountain took it with her. The lab has the camera.
Anita: And what's on the other tapes?
Lennie: [Groans.] Lieu, come on. We just got back in. Fountain's probably not gonna be home for hours, and I'm hungry. [Stands up to leave.] We're going to go have something to eat.
Anita: Nice try, Lennie. Ever hear of "Dinner and a Movie?" Order takeout.
END SCENE THREE.
SCENE FOUR: The 27th's conference room a short time later. Mike is fiddling with a VCR.
Lennie: [Morosely.] Great. Just the way to spend an evening -- watching a lawyer on TV.
Mike: Lennie, you saw how weird that secretary was acting. Aren't you curious about what's on these tapes?
Lennie: Hey, the only thing I'm even remotely curious about is what time Tiffany Fountain is going to show up so that we can arrest her and wrap this up.
Mike: Okay, hand me one of those tapes.
Lennie: Want to start alphabetically or by date?
Mike: Whatever. I don't care. We don't even know what we're looking for yet.
Lennie: [Idly selects a tape from the stack and tosses it to Mike.] I know what I'm looking for -- I'm looking for dinner. Where the hell is Profaci with the food?
Mike: Just watch.
[Mike and Lennie settle into chairs at the table as Mike clicks a remote. Unintelligible voices are heard from the VCR. Mike and Lennie look bored. Suddenly they both start with interest and look more intently at the screen.]
Mike: What in the hell is he doing?!?
[Squeals are heard from the VCR.]
Mike: You believe this, Lennie?
Lennie: No. Fast forward, Mike. Let's see where this is going.
[Mike points remote at VCR. Lennie and Mike stare at screen a minute or so more, their eyes growing wider and their mouths falling slightly open.]
Mike: That's it.
Lennie: Let's look at another. Here, try this one.
[Mike hastily switches tapes. Sounds similar to the first tape -- squealing and some yelling, punctuated by what could be a pounding or slapping sound.]
Lennie: Another girl -- same thing. Try another.
[Mike puts in a third tape. Same reactions from Lennie and Mike and same sounds.]
Mike: I friggin' don't believe this!
Lennie: Put in another, and let's try to listen so that we can figure out what is going on.
Mike: I can see what's going on! And who can listen with all the yelling? Now I know what the secretary meant by "noisy."
[Profaci enters as Lennie and Mike are watching the fourth tape. Sees TV screen and drops takeout bag to floor.]
Profaci: What the hell?
Mike: Shut up, Profaci. We're trying to listen.
Profaci: Does the Lieutenant know you're watching this stuff?
Lennie: She told us to. We gotta watch it. It's evidence.
Profaci: [Goes to door of conference room and calls out.] Hey, guys -- c'mere! Ya gotta see this!
[Room fills with several curious male detectives. Once they see the screen, there is general uproar -- whistling and catcalling.]
Detective: Hey, man -- way to go!
Mike: Hey, guys -- knock it off! We're trying to listen!
[Unnoticed, Anita enters room.]
Anita: WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?!?
Lennie: [Waves at her.] Hey, Lieu! We're watching the evidence - just like you said.
Anita: Okay -- anyone not connected with the Morton case, out of here! NOW! [Herds detectives out of room amid general protests.]
Detective: [Grumbling.] Briscoe and Logan -- they catch all the good cases.
Anita: Profaci!
Profaci: Hey, I brought the food!
Lennie: [Still not taking his eyes from TV screen.] Yeah? Where is it?
Anita: [To Profaci.] Out!
[Profaci leaves, reluctantly.]
Anita: Lennie, Mike -- turn that thing off!
[Mike clicks remote.]
Anita: [Characteristically sighs and squares her shoulders. Confronts Lennie and Mike.] Do you mean to tell me that these were just porno tapes he had in the office? And you're sitting here watching them? You better have a good explanation!
Mike: No, not "just porno tapes." [Clicks the tape back on.] Look.
Lennie: [Gesturing at screen.] See the guy there? Meet our vic, Mr. Morton -- and all his lovely young clients.
Anita: You mean...? All these tapes...?
Lennie: Yup.
Anita: Unbelieveable. [Sighs.] Well, keep on watching - see what you can pick up. And don't let anyone else in here. [Turns to leave.]
Lennie: Hey, Lieu! [Raises styrofoam coffee cup to her.] Bottoms up!
Anita: Not funny, Briscoe! [Leaves, slamming door.]
END SCENE FOUR.
SCENE FIVE: Anita's office, where she is on the phone.
Anita: Abby? Glad you're still there. I know it's late, but we have -- a situation. I think you better get over here.
END SCENE FIVE.
SCENE SIX: Anita's office a short time later.
[ADA Abbie Carmichael enters.]
Abbie: Okay, Anita -- I'm here. Where's the fire?
Anita: It's this case. [Hands her a folder.]
Abbie: [Flips through file.] Dead lawyer. Looks like there's a likely suspect. If she doesn't skip before you pick her up, I don't see a problem.
Anita: Take a look at the inventory list.
Abbie: Hmmm... What's with all the videotapes?
Anita: That's what I want you to tell me. Let's join Briscoe and Logan.
END SCENE SIX.
SCENE SEVEN: Conference room, where Lennie and Mike are still watching tapes.
[Anita and Abbie enter.]
Abbie: [Blinks at screen.] What in the hell is that?
Mike: [Apparently mesmerized; in a monotone.] Spanking. Lots and lots of spanking.
Lennie: And then some.
Abbie: I can see that. But why? Who are these people?
Anita: What have you guys found out?
Lennie: Well, according to the dialogue, such as it is, it's pretty much like the secretary told us. Mr. Morton is preparing his clients for their court appearances.
Abbie: Bare-bottomed?!?
Mike: Seems he has -- had -- a theory that a sore behind would help them remember things.
Abbie: Such as? Look, can you turn that thing off while we're talking?
Mike: [Winks at her.] Oh, come on, Carmichael, give it a chance!
Lennie: Yeah. It may not be Oscar material, but it has potential.
Anita: Knock it off, guys. This isn't funny.
Lennie: Okay. If you say so.
[Lennie and Mike are obviously trying hard not to laugh.]
Anita: Look, Abbie asked you a question. Uh, what was it again, Abbie?
Abbie: What is this Mr. Morton trying to accomplish with this?
Lennie: Well, see, he rehearses them for court. If they screw up...
Mike: And they always screw up.
Lennie: ...then they're staring at carpet fiber from across his knee.
Abbie: Screw up how?
Mike: Chewing gum seems to be a no-no.
Lennie: Forgetting to answer a judge with "Sir" or "Ma'am."
Mike: Bad grammar -- he's big on that.
Abbie: Sounds like common sense.
Lennie: Well, trust me, that's something in short supply in this group.
Mike: Yeah. I mean, face it -- if common sense were these girls' strong suit, they wouldn't have needed Mr. Morton in the first place.
Abbie: [Staring at screen some more.] This is outrageous!
Lennie: [Shrugs.] Whatever. Seems to work.
Abbie: [Turns on Lennie.] And what in the hell do you mean by that?
Mike: Calm down, Counselor. Watch a tape. All Lennie's saying is that there's a big difference in these girls afterwards. Like it or not, they seem to learn the lessons the lawyer's teaching.
Abbie: [Glares at them.] Oh, that's great -- just great. Two New York City cops who can't recognize an assault when they see one?!?
Lennie: What assault? They're none the worse for wear. A little redder, maybe...
Mike: And, ya know? No one really seems to be very surprised. Looks to me like they knew about this up front.
Abbie: I've got news for you, Detective. Your observations or opinions don't matter. The only thing that matters is New York state law -- which, I remind you, you are sworn to uphold -- and New York state law says that no one can consent to assault.
Anita: Come on, Abbie -- lighten up. They didn't even know about this until after the man was dead.
Lennie: No one can consent to assault, huh? Ya know, maybe I've missed it, but I haven't seen the DA's office out shutting down S&M clubs lately.
Mike: Or boxing matches.
Abbie: [Snaps.] That's different.
Lennie: Yeah? How?
Anita: How is any of this relevant?
Abbie: Well, I'll tell you, Anita. If this is what was happening to Tiffany Fountain just before Mr. Morton died, she's going to have a good case for self-defense. That's how it's relevant.
Lennie: Self-defense? You gotta be kidding! She crushed the guy's skull, for crying out loud!
Abbie: She used means immediately available to defend herself against a violent sexual assault.
Mike: Violent sexual assault? He was slapping her a...
Anita: Detective!
Abbie: Look, this isn't getting us anywhere. Let's just agree to disagree on this for now and figure out what we're going to do next.
Lennie: I was gonna watch another tape.
Anita: No, you're not.
Abbie: Does Mr. Morton have a wife?
Mike: Yup. She's also a lawyer with a much more upscale practice than his. She's out of town, and no one's been able to get in touch with her yet.
Abbie: Stay on that. I want you to talk to her as soon as she can be located and find out what she may know about her husband's interesting little theory. And let's have a chat with that secretary. Bring her in now.
Lennie: [Groans.] Now?
Abbie: Yes, now. I'd like you to find out more from her about Morton's clients and practice before we arrest Tiffany Fountain. Meanwhile, I'm going to have a look at the records of his court appearances.
Mike: I guess it's no more movies for us.
Lennie: [Sighs.] Well, it was fun while it lasted.
END SCENE SEVEN.
SCENE EIGHT: Outside interview room of 27th Precinct. As Lennie enters with coffee cup, Anita is watching Mike and the secretary Sharon Coley through the one-way glass.
Anita: She sure doesn't like you guys very much. What did you do to her?
Lennie: [Sipping coffee.] Discovered her boss's little secret.
Anita: By the way, the lab called while you were out. Fountain is a winner for the prints on the statue -- no contest.
Lennie: All we've got to do now is hope she goes straight home after work.
Anita: If she's even at work.
Lennie: You think she skipped? I mean, if she were going to do that, why did she take the time to go home and change into her work clothes? And the neighbor said that she didn't have anything with her but a purse.
Anita: To throw us off? I don't know... If she does just show back at her apartment, there's just going to be something that's too easy about all of this. Why would she kill the man, go home, change, go to work, and walk right into our arms?
Lennie: Well, you saw the tapes. That guy's clients aren't exactly what you would call a brain trust.
Anita: True, but something just isn't tracking here...
Lennie: It's not every day a guy gets himself murdered mid-spanking, that's for sure.
Anita: We're not certain yet that that's what happened. And if it is, it could be self-defense, like Abbie said.
Lennie: Abbie's full of...
Anita: [Interrupts him.] Do not start that again, please.
Lennie: Well, I don't want to stay up half the night to arrest Tiffany Fountain and then have Miss Bleeding Heart Carmichael pat her on the head and say, "That's all right, dear. It's perfectly understandable that you would splatter your lawyer's brains halfway across his office."
Anita: Hey, no one's ever called Abbie Carmichael a bleeding heart before.
Lennie: That's what I mean. From a judge, it wouldn't surprise me, but a ADA?!? What's with her?
Anita: Look, it's a decision that's going to be made higher up the food chain. We'll just do what we do. Meanwhile, it doesn't look like Mike is getting anywhere with Ms Coley.
Lennie: Bet her boss could straighten her out. In fact, he did. She was on one of the tapes, you know. If it worked once...
Anita: You better not even be thinking what I think you might be thinking, Lennie! Just go help Mike.
END SCENE EIGHT.
SCENE NINE: Interview room. Mike is slumped back in a chair. He's tapping a pencil on the table and regarding a very stony Sharon.
[Lennie enters.]
Lennie: Everyone having fun?
Sharon: What are you doing here?
Lennie: [Evenly.] Me? I work here, remember?
Sharon: I thought you went away.
Lennie: Just to get some coffee. Would you like some? Maybe a soda?
Sharon: No.
Mike: Now, that wasn't very polite, Sharon. Det. Briscoe here very nicely offered you some refreshment, and you don't even say, "No, thank you"? Would your boss have approved of that? We understand he was very big on ladies' behaving politely.
Sharon: Polite? What do you know about polite? You come and drag me here in the middle of the night. You call that "polite?"
Lennie: It's only 8:30, Sharon -- not the middle of the night. And we did very politely ask you if you wanted to help us find out what happened to Mr. Morton. You agreed, and here we all are. So, what's your problem?
Sharon: If you want me to, like, identify someone, fine. But I can't tell you this other stuff he's asking.
Lennie: Can't or won't?
Sharon: I'm not allowed to. Mr. Morton said so.
Mike: [Throws up his hands.] You try, Lennie. I'm not getting through.
Lennie: Look, Sharon, we appreciate that you feel loyal to your boss, but, unfortunately, he's dead. And we have to figure out why. We can only do that if you tell us about what went on in his office.
Sharon: I told you already. Tiffany Fountain came in, she left, and I found Mr. Morton dead. That's what went on.
Lennie: [Patiently.] But, see, we don't mean just today. We need to know about what went on on a daily basis.
Sharon: [Primly.] I work for a lawyer. I have to be discreet about that.
Lennie: [Very calmly.] Discreet -- okay, discreet is good. Did Mr. Morton teach you that?
Sharon: [Nods.] Yes.
Mike: Sharon, did Mr. Morton teach you a lot of things?
Sharon: [Sadly.] Yeah, he did. I'm really gonna miss him. I was in trouble, and he... Well, he helped me a lot.
Lennie: What kind of trouble were you in, Sharon?
Sharon: [She looks down, embarrassed.] Shoplifting. Got caught one too many times. I really thought I was going to go to jail.
Mike: [Prompting her.] And...
Sharon: Mr. Morton... Well, he fixed it up so that the court thing went real well. I got probation. And then he even helped me go to secretarial school.
Lennie: Back when you were in trouble, how did you find Mr. Morton?
Sharon: What do you mean? I found him at his office, of course.
Lennie: [Sighs.] I mean, how did you find out about him? Did you look in the yellow pages?
Sharon: No.
Mike: Well, how then?
Sharon: A friend.
Lennie: How did your friend know about Mr. Morton?
Sharon: She was in trouble too, but Mr. Morton helped her.
Mike: So, you went to Mr. Morton and told him you were a friend of one of his clients?
Sharon: Yeah, sure.
Lennie: Okay, Sharon, this is important. Before you went to see Mr. Morton, did your friend tell you anything about how he had helped her?
Sharon: [Uncertainly.] Well, yeah.
Mike: Did she say that there was anything unusual about how he had helped her?
Sharon: [Confused now.] Um, I don't think I'm supposed to...
Lennie: No, it's okay, Sharon. See, you're still being discreet, just like Mr. Morton taught you. You're not telling us about anything that you know about happening in his office. You're just telling us what your friend told you before you went to see him.
[Sharon is processing this -- slowly.]
Mike: And you know what else, Sharon? You'd really be helping us figure out how this happened to him. Mr. Morton did a lot for you, and he didn't deserve to die like that. I bet he'd be real proud of you for helping out.
Sharon: [Slowly.] Well, I guess if you put it like that, it would be all right...
END SCENE NINE.
SCENE TEN: Outside the interview room where Anita is watching and listening.
[Abbie enters.]
Abbie: That the secretary? Get anything useful from her?
Anita: She's finally talking now, but Briscoe and Logan really had to go around the mulberry bush a few times -- using all one-syllable words. What a ditzy girl! What'd you find out?
Abbie: That Mr. Morton was very successful at what he did. He really pulled some hopeless looking clients out of the fire.
Anita: Yeah, by setting some somewhere else.
[Abbie glares at her.]
Anita: I'm sorry, Abbie -- I couldn't resist.
Abbie: Anyway, the judges were always really impressed. One even stated that it was a pleasure to have Mr. Morton and his clients in his court. Makes ya sick, doesn't it?
Anita: I'm not getting in the middle on that one. No comment!
[Lennie and Mike enter.]
Lennie: Well, there you have it, Counselor. Mr. Morton did a completely by- word-of-mouth business. Every client he had knew the drill going in.
Mike: Just like we thought from the tapes. Still sticking with your assault theory?
Abbie: I told you, it's not a theory -- it's the law.
Lennie: Maybe Mr. Morton down at the morgue would be interested in hearing that -- if he had a brain left to comprehend it.
Abbie: He was a lawyer. He should have known better.
Lennie: First time I ever heard you blame a victim.
Mike: Look, Abbie, all we are saying is that a little spanking just doesn't stack up against a bashed-in skull. Forgive us if we don't feel too sorry for Tiffany Fountain.
Abbie: Boy, you guys just don't get it, do you?
Anita: May I remind everyone for about the third time that we still don't know what happened? It could be that it didn't have anything to do with all this spanking nonsense.
Abbie: Anita's right. We've got to get Tiffany Fountain. Anything from your uniforms?
Anita: Not yet. If she went to work around four, it's still going to be another hour or two before she might get off a shift.
Abbie: Right. Well, meanwhile keep trying to track down the wife. Maybe it's late enough that she's gotten back to wherever she's supposed to be.
Lennie: I'd like to be where I'm supposed to be -- home.
Abbie: Call me when you have something.
[Abbie leaves.]
Lennie: DAs -- ya gotta love 'em.
Mike: Or spank 'em.
Anita: [Leaves with hands over her ears.] I didn't hear that! I didn't hear that!
END SCENE TEN.
SCENE ELEVEN: 27th Precinct's squad room. 12:30am. Lennie and Mike are propping their heads up on their desks, barely awake.
[Anita enters.]
Anita: Guys, up and at 'em. Tiffany Fountain is just entering her apartment building.
Mike: [Mumbling.] Are they sure it's her?
Anita: They have her mug shot, remember?
Lennie: [Stretching.] Well, the uniforms will bring her in.
Anita: No, you will. You are the ones who know what you're looking for.
Mike: [Wearily.] And what is that again?
Anita: The tape that may have been recording.
Lennie: Nah, that's okay. I've seen enough spanking for one day. Maybe tomorrow.
Anita: [Glaring.] It's the murdering part we're interested in -- not the spanking!
Lennie: Speak for yourself.
Anita: You guys have about ten seconds...
Mike: Okay, okay -- we're out of here.
[Lennie and Mike grab their jackets and leave.]
END SCENE ELEVEN.
SCENE TWELVE: Tiffany Fountain's apartment. Lennie and Mike are knocking on the door. A pretty but very vacant-looking young woman opens the still- chained door.
Lennie: [Holds up his badge.] Police! Are you Miss Tiffany Fountain?
Tiffany: Yeah. So, you guys are the cops, huh?
Mike: Yes. Open the door, please.
Tiffany: Sure. No prob. Just a sec. [Unchains door.]
[Lennie and Mike enter apartment.]
Lennie: Miss Fountain, we have a warrant for your arrest for the murder of Mr. Edward Morton and a warrant to search this apartment.
Tiffany: Well, ya know, I didn't know whether to go ahead and go to bed or not.
[Lennie and Mike exchange puzzled glances at this apparent non sequitur.]
Mike: Miss Fountain, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense.
Tiffany: That is so cool. You say that just like on TV.
Lennie: [Grasps her shoulder.] Miss Fountain, look at me -- let me see your eyes.
Mike: Have you been taking anything? Smoking anything?
Tiffany: Oh, you mean like drugs?
Mike: Yes, I mean like drugs.
Tiffany: Yeah, I did -- once.
Lennie: Tonight?
Tiffany: A long time ago. I didn't like it.
Lennie: Her eyes are clear. I don't think she's high.
Tiffany: [A bit confused.] Uh, I didn't think I was supposed to be in trouble for drugs.
[Lennie and Mike, a bit disoriented, miss a beat.]
Mike: No, we're not interested in that. What we do want to know about is a videotape.
Tiffany: Oh, you mean the one from Mr. Morton's office?
Lennie: That's the one. Will you give it to us?
Tiffany: Well, duhhhhh. Yeah, sure. That's the whole deal, isn't it?
Lennie: [Clearly confused.] Deal? What whole deal?
Tiffany: It's, like, evidence and stuff, isn't it? The self-defense? I thought you guys would know that.
Mike: [Trying to process her apparently incriminating reply.] Miss Fountain, are you sure you understood your rights as I read them to you?
Tiffany: The TV stuff? Yeah, I get it about that. And I sign something, too, right?
Lennie: Yeah. I guess you remember that from last time you were arrested?
Tiffany: Uh, were you supposed to know about that?
Lennie: You thought we wouldn't find out?
Tiffany: I don't remember that part. Oh, well, I guess it's okay.
[Lennie and Mike exchange rather helpless looks.]
Mike: Look, Miss Fountain, we're going to have to cuff you to take you to the precinct. You understand?
Tiffany: [Holding out her hands.] Works for me.
END SCENE TWELVE.
SCENE THIRTEEN: 27th Precinct squad room. Lennie and Mike are escorting Tiffany Fountain.
Lennie: Lt. Van Buren, you will be pleased to meet the long-awaited Tiffany Fountain.
[Tiffany giggles at that.]
Anita: [Taken aback.] Miss Fountain, are you okay?
Tiffany: Yeah, sure. You?
Anita: [Slowly, regarding Tiffany with some puzzlement.] Yes, thank you. [To Lennie and Mike.] Did you get the tape?
Mike: Right here.
Anita: Det. Profaci, will you take Miss Fountain to the interview room? We have a little business to take care of first.
[Profaci leads Tiffany away.]
Anita: What in the world is the matter with that girl?
Lennie: You mean besides making the secretary look like a rocket scientist?
Mike: I don't think she's entirely competent.
Anita: Oh, great. How are we going to get an evaluation at this time of night?
Lennie: We don't need one. She's competent, all right.
Mike: [Gives him a surprised look.] She hasn't said two words that make sense.
Lennie: Think about it, Mike. She wasn't surprised to see us, she was tossing around words like "evidence" and "self-defense," and she seemed to be trying to stick to some sort of script but not doing a very good job of it.
Anita: What are you saying, Lennie?
Lennie: She's not in this alone. There's someone else out there.
Anita: You really think so?
Lennie: I'd bet on it. And it's someone with some brains -- not one of Morton's dimwits.
Anita: [Sighs.] I really didn't want this to get complicated. Well, okay -- let's take a look at that tape, get a statement from the girl, get her booked, and wrap this up at least for tonight.
Mike: Amen to that.
END SCENE THIRTEEN.
SCENE FOURTEEN: The 27th's conference room. Anita, Lennie, and Mike are watching the videotape. Sounds from the screen similar to those of the earlier scene.
Anita: So far, it's pretty much like the others.
Lennie: Yeah. What a ho-hum routine. Imagine having a boring job like that.
Mike: Wait a minute -- she's fighting back. None of the others did that. Hey, she is really fighting!
Anita: And he seems surprised.
Mike: Look, she's loose, and... And she's got the statue...
[The moment of Mr. Morton's death registers on their faces.]
Mike: [Whispering.] Wow, she's got some swing. Must work out.
Lennie: And good aim. But something bothers me here.
Anita: That a man got killed?
Lennie: Yeah, that. But it kind of looked to me like he was going to let her up. Run it back a minute.
Mike: That would sure toss the self-defense theory in the crapper. Here it is... I don't know -- it happens pretty fast. What do you think?
Anita: I think I'm glad that's for the DA's office to figure out. Well, let's go talk to the little slugger.
END SCENE FOURTEEN
SCENE FIFTEEN: 27th's interview room. Anita, Lennie, Mike, and Tiffany are seated at the table.
Tiffany: ...and I saw the statue. I grabbed it. And, well -- well that's pretty much it.
Mike: Tiffany, you've got to know that there's a lot here that doesn't add up.
Tiffany: I don't understand. It's all on the tape. What's the problem?
Lennie: For openers, why'd you do it?
Tiffany: He was attacking me. He wouldn't stop even though I was yelling for him to stop. It was self-defense.
Anita: Miss Fountain, was Mr. Morton really hurting you that badly?
Tiffany: Oh, well -- you saw the tape, right? It was terrible! Terrible!
Lennie: So terrible that you had to kill him?
Tiffany: He was attacking me. It was self-defense.
Mike: Well, you know, there's something kind of interesting... This wasn't your first visit to Mr. Morton, was it?
Tiffany: No.
Mike: How many times had you been to see him before?
Tiffany: Twice -- I think.
Lennie: And didn't he "attack" you then also?
Tiffany: Yes, that's right.
Lennie: Why didn't you kill him then?
Tiffany: Because I thought he would stop.
Lennie: Why did you ever even go back to see a man who had "attacked" you?
Tiffany: Uhhhhh, because I thought he would stop.
Lennie: [Under his breath.] And I think the needle's stuck.
Anita: You talked to someone about this, didn't you, Tiffany?
Tiffany: Oh, no.
Lennie: You're lying, Tiffany.
Tiffany: I told you what I'm supposed to. He was attacking me. It was self-defense.
Lennie: Who told you what you were supposed to say?
Tiffany: No one.
Mike: Try the truth, Tiffany. You're not a good liar.
Tiffany: I don't know what you mean.
[Frustration level obviously rising when there is a tap at the door, and a very confused-looking Profaci opens it.]
Profaci: Lieutenant, I'm sorry, but this wom-... Mrs. Mor..
[A woman in a business suit pushes her way past Profaci.]
Mrs. Morton: I'm Denise Morton.
Anita: Mrs. Morton?!? The victim's wife?!? [Stands up.] PROFACI! What in hell were you thinking??? Mrs. Morton, I'm so sorry. This shouldn't have happened. Please, let's go...
[Mrs. Morton and Profaci speak at the same time, making it difficult to sort out what's going on.]
Profaci: I couldn't help it, Lieutenant. She said she's the lawyer for... Mrs. Morton: You don't understand, Lieutenant. I'm not...
Anita: Quiet, everyone! You first, Mrs. Morton.
Mrs. Morton: I'm not here as the grieving widow. I'm here as an attorney.
Anita: Whose attorney?
Mrs. Morton: Miss Fountain's, if she'll have me. [Turns and extends her hand to Tiffany.] Miss Fountain, I'm Denise Morton. Do you want a lawyer?
Tiffany: Uh, I get to have a lawyer. They said so. Yes.
Anita: Now, just a damn minute! This can't...
Mrs. Morton: I think I have a client, and I want your questions to her to stop now. Please leave us alone.
Anita: Mrs. Morton, why in the world would you want...
Mrs. Morton: I have my reasons, and they need not concern you.
Anita: But you can't...
Mrs. Morton: I assure you, I can. Now, please leave me alone with my client.
END SCENE FIFTEEN.
SCENE SIXTEEN: Outside the interview room. Mrs. Morton and Tiffany are conferring within. They can be seen but not heard through the one-way glass.
Mike: [Swiveling his head as though in whiplash.] What in the hell just went on in there? Can she do that? A victim's wife?
Anita: [Clearly frustrated.] What do I look like -- the damn Ethics Committee? I don't know.
[Lennie says nothing; seems to be thinking.]
Mike: You seem awfully calm, Lennie. Don't you get what just happened?
Lennie: [Thoughtfully.] Actually, I think I do get it. It's her -- it's Mrs. Morton.
Mike: You think she set this up?
Lennie: Yeah. It's perfect. She wants hubby dead for whatever reason, and she has a ready-made pool of likely suspects, many of whom are probably stupid enough to be talked into doing it for her. Then she shows up as the lawyer, and the doer can't talk to anyone but her. And, bingo, the two of them pull off the self-defense crap. Like I said -- perfect.
Anita: That's pretty incredible, Lennie. Would she really think she could get away with it?
Lennie: [Gestures to the window.] Apparently, she does.
END SCENE SIXTEEN.
END ACT ONE
A Closet Comedy in Two Acts
by Leslie Rampey
Although inspired in part by actual incidents, the following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event. (In other words, folks, it was "ripped from the headlines!")
CAST OF CHARACTERS:
Det. Lennie Briscoe
Det. Mike Logan
Lt. Anita Van Buren
EADA Jack McCoy
ADA Abbie Carmichael
DA Adam Schiff
Det. Anthony Profaci
Sharon Coley, a secretary
Tiffany Fountain, a cocktail waitress
Denise Morton, an attorney and the victim's wife
Lawyer, Mrs. Morton's attorney
Various CSU personnel and detectives of the 27th Precinct
ACT ONE
SCENE ONE: Lawyer's office, not a fancy one.
[Secretary, young and pretty, enters with open file folder that she is looking at as she talks and walks toward desk.]
Secretary: Mr. Morton, you need to sign this as soon as possible, or that DA's gonna have a cow. [When she gets no response, she looks up from the folder to the desk where she obviously expected Mr. Morton to be sitting.] Mr. Morton? [She turns around to check the rest of the office, but finds no one. She glances at a halfway open bathroom door, waits a moment, and then goes to tap on it.] Mr. Morton? [No answer. She slowly pushes open the door but finds no one. Perplexed, she turns back to the room and calls out once more.] Mr. Morton? [Then to herself...] Now, that's funny! Where on earth? I know he didn't leave... [Now knowing something is wrong, she looks around the room more carefully and screams piercingly when she sees a pool of blood at the side of a sofa that is turned away from her.]
END SCENE ONE.
SCENE TWO: Same lawyer's office, this time with the body of Mr. Morton revealed on the floor in front of the couch. Much blood. CSU personnel swarming.
[Enter Detectives Lennie Briscoe and Mike Logan.]
Mike: What've we got here?
CSU Person: One very dead lawyer.
Lennie: Oh, that's just too easy! [Glances at Mike.] You take it.
Mike: [Rolls eyes at Lennie.] What happened?
CSU Person: As far as we can make out, the late Mr. Morton here was sitting on the couch when someone clubbed him.
Lennie: From behind?
CSU Person: Doesn't look like it. From the angle of the blow, I'd say the assailant was standing right about here. [Indicates a spot less than two feet in front of the couch.]
Mike: Weapon?
CSU Person: Didn't have to go far to find it. [Points at a heavy cast metal statue still on its side on the carpet. Quite bloody, it's about six inches high with a wide base.] Dropped it right there. From the dust marks on this table [indicates an end table at the arm of the couch], I'd say it had been sitting there before someone grabbed it and put his lights out.
[Lennie and Mike go to examine the statue, not touching it.]
Mike: Wow, is that Buddha?
Lennie: Yup. I'd say Mr. Morton had a very enlightening day!
Mike: Imagine getting killed by Buddha!
Lennie: Imagine finding a perp that easy.
[Straightening up, they look around the room and notice the secretary sitting huddled in her boss's chair at the desk. Her eyes are staring straight ahead.]
Lennie: Who's that?
CSU Person: [Consults notepad.] Sharon Coley. The secretary. Called it in. She's pretty shook.
Lennie: Thanks. [Approaches secretary who doesn't notice him. He touches her gently on the shoulder.] Ms. Coley? I'm Detective Lennie Briscoe and this is Detective Mike Logan. Do you think you could talk to us for a few minutes?
[Sharon doesn't speak for a long moment, but then blinks a few times.]
Sharon: [whispering] How can there be so much blood?
Lennie: Head wounds -- there's a lot of blood with a head wound. Listen, I know this is very upsetting, but we need to ask you some questions. OK?
[Sharon nods.]
Mike: You found, um, Mr. Morton? Your boss?
Sharon: [Nods.] Yes.
Mike: Who was in here with him?
Sharon: No one.
Lennie: Someone had to have been.
Sharon: Before, yes. Not when I found him. He was alone then.
[Lennie and Mike exchange their "It's-gonna-be-a-long-day" looks.]
Lennie: Okay. Well, before. Who was the last person in here with him?
Sharon: Client. Miss Fountain.
Mike: [Taking notes.] Miss Fountain have a first name?
Sharon: Um, Tiffany.
Lennie: How long before you found Mr. Morton did Miss Fountain leave?
Sharon: I don't know. Half hour -- maybe more. I was working on...
Mike: [Calling to CSU person.] How long's it been?
CSU Person: Recently, very recently. Three hours tops -- probably less.
Lennie: Ms. Coley, are you sure that Miss Fountain was the last person in here before you found your boss?
Sharon: Yes. No one else.
Lennie: And you definitely would know, right? You didn't maybe go to the bathroom or out to get some coffee or something?
Sharon: No, nothing like that. I was at my desk the whole time. Then I came in here, and he -- he was...
Mike: Lennie, there's no other way in or out of here.
Lennie: Right. So, looks like Tiffany Fountain is a good bet. Ms. Coley, do you have an address for Miss Fountain?
Sharon: Yes, at my desk. [Makes no move to get up.]
Lennie: We'll get it before we leave. Now, I have just a couple more questions. This Miss Fountain -- she was alone in here with Mr. Morton?
Sharon: Yes.
Lennie: How long?
Sharon: She was his one o'clock. It was about an hour, I guess.
Lennie: Did you hear anything while she was in here?
Sharon: [Shrugs.] Just the usual.
Mike: What's "the usual?"
Sharon: Client prep session. They get noisy. I don't even hear it anymore.
Mike: [Taken a bit aback.] Noisy? Why should they be noisy?
Sharon: Well, Mr. Morton always says -- said -- that most of his clients don't -- well, know things.
Mike: And sooo...?
Sharon: They don't know things. Like how to behave in front of a judge. Things like that.
Lennie: [Regarding Sharon more carefully now.] So, he'd, like, what, teach them?
Sharon: Uh, yeah, that's it.
Mike: And this would get "noisy?"
Sharon: [A bit evasively now.] Sometimes.
Mike: Well, did Miss Fountain's session get "noisy?"
Sharon: [Definitely wanting to clam up now.] Like I said, about the usual.
Lennie: [Sighing.] Okay. Well, one more thing. Did you talk to Miss Fountain when she left?
Sharon: Not really. Just, you know, maybe "'Bye." Like that. She seemed in a bit of a hurry.
Mike: [Under his breath.] Yeah, I'll bet.
Lennie: Did you notice anything about how she looked?
[Sharon shrugs and says nothing.]
Lennie: Ms. Coley?
Sharon: Well, I guess she was a bit...
Lennie: A bit what?
Sharon: Um, "di-shev-eled" maybe you would say. [Says that slowly, as if it is a new word she has learned.]
Lennie: "Disheveled?" Is "disheveled" maybe what you would say?
Sharon: [Shrugs again.] Just the usual.
Mike: [Impatient now.] Again with the "just the usual?" What the hell goes on here anyway?
Sharon: [Starts crying and wringing her hands.] Don't yell at me! I come in here, and there's all that blood! And Mr. Morton -- he's...
Lennie: [Pats her on shoulder.] You've been a big help, Ms. Coley. You want to go get us that address now?
[Sharon gets up and leaves room quickly.]
Mike: She knows more than she's telling.
Lennie: Yeah. Let's look around a bit more, Mike. There's something going on here that we don't know about yet.
[Lennie and Mike systematically search the office.]
Mike: [Pulling open cabinet under bookcase.] Lennie, look here! Videotapes -- rows of them. And [pulling open another cabinet] here's more!
Lennie: I'm guessing not Jurassic Park?
Mike: No, they're homemade. Labeled with initials and last names.
Lennie: [Goes to door to outer office.] Oh, Ms. Coley? Would you join us back in here for a moment?
Sharon: [Enters reluctantly and leans against doorframe until she sees Mike with the videotapes.] Hey! You're not supposed to be in there! Mr. Morton wouldn't like that at all!
Lennie: Believe me, Mr. Morton is way beyond caring. Now, you tell us -- would these tapes by any chance be the famous "noisy" client prep sessions?
[Sharon glares at Lennie and says nothing.]
Lennie: [Sighs.] And if we matched the names on these tapes against a list of Mr. Morton's clients?
Sharon: You can't have that. It's -- privileged, or something.
Lennie: Yes, we can have it, and, no, it isn't privileged.
Mike: Ms. Coley? S. Coley? Isn't this your name on this tape?
Sharon: You can't see that! [Lunges across room towards Mike, but Lennie restrains her.]
Lennie: [Hands her off to one of the uniforms.] Take her out of here! And make sure we get that address!
Mike: Whoa! Sure hit a sore spot!
Lennie: Yeah. Well, we don't need her. We just need to watch the tapes. Let's bag 'em.
Mike: Right. Hey, but Lennie? If there are all these tapes, don't you suppose that he was taping this afternoon, too?
Lennie: Our murderer on tape? Oh, that would be too good! [To the uniforms.] Tear this place apart! We want the recording equipment!
END SCENE TWO.
SCENE THREE: The 27th Precinct, Lt. Anita Van Buren's Office. Very late afternoon, the same day.
Anita: Okay. The dead lawyer Morton. What do we know?
Mike: [Flipping notepad pages.] Tiffany Fountain, cocktail waitress. Morton's client. According to the secretary, last person alone with him. We went by her apartment where neighbor said he'd seen her leave for work about half an hour before. We went to the work address on the lawyer's records, but no Tiffany Fountain. Seems she had quit and taken another job a week ago, but no one knew for sure where. Schlepped back to apartment...
Lennie: ...where the incredibly helpful neighbor had neglected to tell us the first time that, oh yeah, she's been leaving in a different uniform the last few days.
Anita: Could you make the uniform to a specific restaurant or bar?
Lennie: White blouse, black skirt? Not likely. So, we left a couple of guys there to pick her up when she comes home.
Anita: Prints?
Mike: The lab has the Buddha statue that was the weapon, and Miss Fountain's prints.
Anita: They were in the system?
Lennie: Being in the system is, or was, apparently the route to Mr. Morton. Client list is all shoplifting, bad checks, possession, et cetera, et cetera.
Anita: And what about the videotapes you took from the office?
Mike: All we have are the ones that were already on the shelves. We were hoping there would be one of this afternoon in the hidden camera we found, but no such luck. Either he wasn't taping this afternoon or Fountain took it with her. The lab has the camera.
Anita: And what's on the other tapes?
Lennie: [Groans.] Lieu, come on. We just got back in. Fountain's probably not gonna be home for hours, and I'm hungry. [Stands up to leave.] We're going to go have something to eat.
Anita: Nice try, Lennie. Ever hear of "Dinner and a Movie?" Order takeout.
END SCENE THREE.
SCENE FOUR: The 27th's conference room a short time later. Mike is fiddling with a VCR.
Lennie: [Morosely.] Great. Just the way to spend an evening -- watching a lawyer on TV.
Mike: Lennie, you saw how weird that secretary was acting. Aren't you curious about what's on these tapes?
Lennie: Hey, the only thing I'm even remotely curious about is what time Tiffany Fountain is going to show up so that we can arrest her and wrap this up.
Mike: Okay, hand me one of those tapes.
Lennie: Want to start alphabetically or by date?
Mike: Whatever. I don't care. We don't even know what we're looking for yet.
Lennie: [Idly selects a tape from the stack and tosses it to Mike.] I know what I'm looking for -- I'm looking for dinner. Where the hell is Profaci with the food?
Mike: Just watch.
[Mike and Lennie settle into chairs at the table as Mike clicks a remote. Unintelligible voices are heard from the VCR. Mike and Lennie look bored. Suddenly they both start with interest and look more intently at the screen.]
Mike: What in the hell is he doing?!?
[Squeals are heard from the VCR.]
Mike: You believe this, Lennie?
Lennie: No. Fast forward, Mike. Let's see where this is going.
[Mike points remote at VCR. Lennie and Mike stare at screen a minute or so more, their eyes growing wider and their mouths falling slightly open.]
Mike: That's it.
Lennie: Let's look at another. Here, try this one.
[Mike hastily switches tapes. Sounds similar to the first tape -- squealing and some yelling, punctuated by what could be a pounding or slapping sound.]
Lennie: Another girl -- same thing. Try another.
[Mike puts in a third tape. Same reactions from Lennie and Mike and same sounds.]
Mike: I friggin' don't believe this!
Lennie: Put in another, and let's try to listen so that we can figure out what is going on.
Mike: I can see what's going on! And who can listen with all the yelling? Now I know what the secretary meant by "noisy."
[Profaci enters as Lennie and Mike are watching the fourth tape. Sees TV screen and drops takeout bag to floor.]
Profaci: What the hell?
Mike: Shut up, Profaci. We're trying to listen.
Profaci: Does the Lieutenant know you're watching this stuff?
Lennie: She told us to. We gotta watch it. It's evidence.
Profaci: [Goes to door of conference room and calls out.] Hey, guys -- c'mere! Ya gotta see this!
[Room fills with several curious male detectives. Once they see the screen, there is general uproar -- whistling and catcalling.]
Detective: Hey, man -- way to go!
Mike: Hey, guys -- knock it off! We're trying to listen!
[Unnoticed, Anita enters room.]
Anita: WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?!?
Lennie: [Waves at her.] Hey, Lieu! We're watching the evidence - just like you said.
Anita: Okay -- anyone not connected with the Morton case, out of here! NOW! [Herds detectives out of room amid general protests.]
Detective: [Grumbling.] Briscoe and Logan -- they catch all the good cases.
Anita: Profaci!
Profaci: Hey, I brought the food!
Lennie: [Still not taking his eyes from TV screen.] Yeah? Where is it?
Anita: [To Profaci.] Out!
[Profaci leaves, reluctantly.]
Anita: Lennie, Mike -- turn that thing off!
[Mike clicks remote.]
Anita: [Characteristically sighs and squares her shoulders. Confronts Lennie and Mike.] Do you mean to tell me that these were just porno tapes he had in the office? And you're sitting here watching them? You better have a good explanation!
Mike: No, not "just porno tapes." [Clicks the tape back on.] Look.
Lennie: [Gesturing at screen.] See the guy there? Meet our vic, Mr. Morton -- and all his lovely young clients.
Anita: You mean...? All these tapes...?
Lennie: Yup.
Anita: Unbelieveable. [Sighs.] Well, keep on watching - see what you can pick up. And don't let anyone else in here. [Turns to leave.]
Lennie: Hey, Lieu! [Raises styrofoam coffee cup to her.] Bottoms up!
Anita: Not funny, Briscoe! [Leaves, slamming door.]
END SCENE FOUR.
SCENE FIVE: Anita's office, where she is on the phone.
Anita: Abby? Glad you're still there. I know it's late, but we have -- a situation. I think you better get over here.
END SCENE FIVE.
SCENE SIX: Anita's office a short time later.
[ADA Abbie Carmichael enters.]
Abbie: Okay, Anita -- I'm here. Where's the fire?
Anita: It's this case. [Hands her a folder.]
Abbie: [Flips through file.] Dead lawyer. Looks like there's a likely suspect. If she doesn't skip before you pick her up, I don't see a problem.
Anita: Take a look at the inventory list.
Abbie: Hmmm... What's with all the videotapes?
Anita: That's what I want you to tell me. Let's join Briscoe and Logan.
END SCENE SIX.
SCENE SEVEN: Conference room, where Lennie and Mike are still watching tapes.
[Anita and Abbie enter.]
Abbie: [Blinks at screen.] What in the hell is that?
Mike: [Apparently mesmerized; in a monotone.] Spanking. Lots and lots of spanking.
Lennie: And then some.
Abbie: I can see that. But why? Who are these people?
Anita: What have you guys found out?
Lennie: Well, according to the dialogue, such as it is, it's pretty much like the secretary told us. Mr. Morton is preparing his clients for their court appearances.
Abbie: Bare-bottomed?!?
Mike: Seems he has -- had -- a theory that a sore behind would help them remember things.
Abbie: Such as? Look, can you turn that thing off while we're talking?
Mike: [Winks at her.] Oh, come on, Carmichael, give it a chance!
Lennie: Yeah. It may not be Oscar material, but it has potential.
Anita: Knock it off, guys. This isn't funny.
Lennie: Okay. If you say so.
[Lennie and Mike are obviously trying hard not to laugh.]
Anita: Look, Abbie asked you a question. Uh, what was it again, Abbie?
Abbie: What is this Mr. Morton trying to accomplish with this?
Lennie: Well, see, he rehearses them for court. If they screw up...
Mike: And they always screw up.
Lennie: ...then they're staring at carpet fiber from across his knee.
Abbie: Screw up how?
Mike: Chewing gum seems to be a no-no.
Lennie: Forgetting to answer a judge with "Sir" or "Ma'am."
Mike: Bad grammar -- he's big on that.
Abbie: Sounds like common sense.
Lennie: Well, trust me, that's something in short supply in this group.
Mike: Yeah. I mean, face it -- if common sense were these girls' strong suit, they wouldn't have needed Mr. Morton in the first place.
Abbie: [Staring at screen some more.] This is outrageous!
Lennie: [Shrugs.] Whatever. Seems to work.
Abbie: [Turns on Lennie.] And what in the hell do you mean by that?
Mike: Calm down, Counselor. Watch a tape. All Lennie's saying is that there's a big difference in these girls afterwards. Like it or not, they seem to learn the lessons the lawyer's teaching.
Abbie: [Glares at them.] Oh, that's great -- just great. Two New York City cops who can't recognize an assault when they see one?!?
Lennie: What assault? They're none the worse for wear. A little redder, maybe...
Mike: And, ya know? No one really seems to be very surprised. Looks to me like they knew about this up front.
Abbie: I've got news for you, Detective. Your observations or opinions don't matter. The only thing that matters is New York state law -- which, I remind you, you are sworn to uphold -- and New York state law says that no one can consent to assault.
Anita: Come on, Abbie -- lighten up. They didn't even know about this until after the man was dead.
Lennie: No one can consent to assault, huh? Ya know, maybe I've missed it, but I haven't seen the DA's office out shutting down S&M clubs lately.
Mike: Or boxing matches.
Abbie: [Snaps.] That's different.
Lennie: Yeah? How?
Anita: How is any of this relevant?
Abbie: Well, I'll tell you, Anita. If this is what was happening to Tiffany Fountain just before Mr. Morton died, she's going to have a good case for self-defense. That's how it's relevant.
Lennie: Self-defense? You gotta be kidding! She crushed the guy's skull, for crying out loud!
Abbie: She used means immediately available to defend herself against a violent sexual assault.
Mike: Violent sexual assault? He was slapping her a...
Anita: Detective!
Abbie: Look, this isn't getting us anywhere. Let's just agree to disagree on this for now and figure out what we're going to do next.
Lennie: I was gonna watch another tape.
Anita: No, you're not.
Abbie: Does Mr. Morton have a wife?
Mike: Yup. She's also a lawyer with a much more upscale practice than his. She's out of town, and no one's been able to get in touch with her yet.
Abbie: Stay on that. I want you to talk to her as soon as she can be located and find out what she may know about her husband's interesting little theory. And let's have a chat with that secretary. Bring her in now.
Lennie: [Groans.] Now?
Abbie: Yes, now. I'd like you to find out more from her about Morton's clients and practice before we arrest Tiffany Fountain. Meanwhile, I'm going to have a look at the records of his court appearances.
Mike: I guess it's no more movies for us.
Lennie: [Sighs.] Well, it was fun while it lasted.
END SCENE SEVEN.
SCENE EIGHT: Outside interview room of 27th Precinct. As Lennie enters with coffee cup, Anita is watching Mike and the secretary Sharon Coley through the one-way glass.
Anita: She sure doesn't like you guys very much. What did you do to her?
Lennie: [Sipping coffee.] Discovered her boss's little secret.
Anita: By the way, the lab called while you were out. Fountain is a winner for the prints on the statue -- no contest.
Lennie: All we've got to do now is hope she goes straight home after work.
Anita: If she's even at work.
Lennie: You think she skipped? I mean, if she were going to do that, why did she take the time to go home and change into her work clothes? And the neighbor said that she didn't have anything with her but a purse.
Anita: To throw us off? I don't know... If she does just show back at her apartment, there's just going to be something that's too easy about all of this. Why would she kill the man, go home, change, go to work, and walk right into our arms?
Lennie: Well, you saw the tapes. That guy's clients aren't exactly what you would call a brain trust.
Anita: True, but something just isn't tracking here...
Lennie: It's not every day a guy gets himself murdered mid-spanking, that's for sure.
Anita: We're not certain yet that that's what happened. And if it is, it could be self-defense, like Abbie said.
Lennie: Abbie's full of...
Anita: [Interrupts him.] Do not start that again, please.
Lennie: Well, I don't want to stay up half the night to arrest Tiffany Fountain and then have Miss Bleeding Heart Carmichael pat her on the head and say, "That's all right, dear. It's perfectly understandable that you would splatter your lawyer's brains halfway across his office."
Anita: Hey, no one's ever called Abbie Carmichael a bleeding heart before.
Lennie: That's what I mean. From a judge, it wouldn't surprise me, but a ADA?!? What's with her?
Anita: Look, it's a decision that's going to be made higher up the food chain. We'll just do what we do. Meanwhile, it doesn't look like Mike is getting anywhere with Ms Coley.
Lennie: Bet her boss could straighten her out. In fact, he did. She was on one of the tapes, you know. If it worked once...
Anita: You better not even be thinking what I think you might be thinking, Lennie! Just go help Mike.
END SCENE EIGHT.
SCENE NINE: Interview room. Mike is slumped back in a chair. He's tapping a pencil on the table and regarding a very stony Sharon.
[Lennie enters.]
Lennie: Everyone having fun?
Sharon: What are you doing here?
Lennie: [Evenly.] Me? I work here, remember?
Sharon: I thought you went away.
Lennie: Just to get some coffee. Would you like some? Maybe a soda?
Sharon: No.
Mike: Now, that wasn't very polite, Sharon. Det. Briscoe here very nicely offered you some refreshment, and you don't even say, "No, thank you"? Would your boss have approved of that? We understand he was very big on ladies' behaving politely.
Sharon: Polite? What do you know about polite? You come and drag me here in the middle of the night. You call that "polite?"
Lennie: It's only 8:30, Sharon -- not the middle of the night. And we did very politely ask you if you wanted to help us find out what happened to Mr. Morton. You agreed, and here we all are. So, what's your problem?
Sharon: If you want me to, like, identify someone, fine. But I can't tell you this other stuff he's asking.
Lennie: Can't or won't?
Sharon: I'm not allowed to. Mr. Morton said so.
Mike: [Throws up his hands.] You try, Lennie. I'm not getting through.
Lennie: Look, Sharon, we appreciate that you feel loyal to your boss, but, unfortunately, he's dead. And we have to figure out why. We can only do that if you tell us about what went on in his office.
Sharon: I told you already. Tiffany Fountain came in, she left, and I found Mr. Morton dead. That's what went on.
Lennie: [Patiently.] But, see, we don't mean just today. We need to know about what went on on a daily basis.
Sharon: [Primly.] I work for a lawyer. I have to be discreet about that.
Lennie: [Very calmly.] Discreet -- okay, discreet is good. Did Mr. Morton teach you that?
Sharon: [Nods.] Yes.
Mike: Sharon, did Mr. Morton teach you a lot of things?
Sharon: [Sadly.] Yeah, he did. I'm really gonna miss him. I was in trouble, and he... Well, he helped me a lot.
Lennie: What kind of trouble were you in, Sharon?
Sharon: [She looks down, embarrassed.] Shoplifting. Got caught one too many times. I really thought I was going to go to jail.
Mike: [Prompting her.] And...
Sharon: Mr. Morton... Well, he fixed it up so that the court thing went real well. I got probation. And then he even helped me go to secretarial school.
Lennie: Back when you were in trouble, how did you find Mr. Morton?
Sharon: What do you mean? I found him at his office, of course.
Lennie: [Sighs.] I mean, how did you find out about him? Did you look in the yellow pages?
Sharon: No.
Mike: Well, how then?
Sharon: A friend.
Lennie: How did your friend know about Mr. Morton?
Sharon: She was in trouble too, but Mr. Morton helped her.
Mike: So, you went to Mr. Morton and told him you were a friend of one of his clients?
Sharon: Yeah, sure.
Lennie: Okay, Sharon, this is important. Before you went to see Mr. Morton, did your friend tell you anything about how he had helped her?
Sharon: [Uncertainly.] Well, yeah.
Mike: Did she say that there was anything unusual about how he had helped her?
Sharon: [Confused now.] Um, I don't think I'm supposed to...
Lennie: No, it's okay, Sharon. See, you're still being discreet, just like Mr. Morton taught you. You're not telling us about anything that you know about happening in his office. You're just telling us what your friend told you before you went to see him.
[Sharon is processing this -- slowly.]
Mike: And you know what else, Sharon? You'd really be helping us figure out how this happened to him. Mr. Morton did a lot for you, and he didn't deserve to die like that. I bet he'd be real proud of you for helping out.
Sharon: [Slowly.] Well, I guess if you put it like that, it would be all right...
END SCENE NINE.
SCENE TEN: Outside the interview room where Anita is watching and listening.
[Abbie enters.]
Abbie: That the secretary? Get anything useful from her?
Anita: She's finally talking now, but Briscoe and Logan really had to go around the mulberry bush a few times -- using all one-syllable words. What a ditzy girl! What'd you find out?
Abbie: That Mr. Morton was very successful at what he did. He really pulled some hopeless looking clients out of the fire.
Anita: Yeah, by setting some somewhere else.
[Abbie glares at her.]
Anita: I'm sorry, Abbie -- I couldn't resist.
Abbie: Anyway, the judges were always really impressed. One even stated that it was a pleasure to have Mr. Morton and his clients in his court. Makes ya sick, doesn't it?
Anita: I'm not getting in the middle on that one. No comment!
[Lennie and Mike enter.]
Lennie: Well, there you have it, Counselor. Mr. Morton did a completely by- word-of-mouth business. Every client he had knew the drill going in.
Mike: Just like we thought from the tapes. Still sticking with your assault theory?
Abbie: I told you, it's not a theory -- it's the law.
Lennie: Maybe Mr. Morton down at the morgue would be interested in hearing that -- if he had a brain left to comprehend it.
Abbie: He was a lawyer. He should have known better.
Lennie: First time I ever heard you blame a victim.
Mike: Look, Abbie, all we are saying is that a little spanking just doesn't stack up against a bashed-in skull. Forgive us if we don't feel too sorry for Tiffany Fountain.
Abbie: Boy, you guys just don't get it, do you?
Anita: May I remind everyone for about the third time that we still don't know what happened? It could be that it didn't have anything to do with all this spanking nonsense.
Abbie: Anita's right. We've got to get Tiffany Fountain. Anything from your uniforms?
Anita: Not yet. If she went to work around four, it's still going to be another hour or two before she might get off a shift.
Abbie: Right. Well, meanwhile keep trying to track down the wife. Maybe it's late enough that she's gotten back to wherever she's supposed to be.
Lennie: I'd like to be where I'm supposed to be -- home.
Abbie: Call me when you have something.
[Abbie leaves.]
Lennie: DAs -- ya gotta love 'em.
Mike: Or spank 'em.
Anita: [Leaves with hands over her ears.] I didn't hear that! I didn't hear that!
END SCENE TEN.
SCENE ELEVEN: 27th Precinct's squad room. 12:30am. Lennie and Mike are propping their heads up on their desks, barely awake.
[Anita enters.]
Anita: Guys, up and at 'em. Tiffany Fountain is just entering her apartment building.
Mike: [Mumbling.] Are they sure it's her?
Anita: They have her mug shot, remember?
Lennie: [Stretching.] Well, the uniforms will bring her in.
Anita: No, you will. You are the ones who know what you're looking for.
Mike: [Wearily.] And what is that again?
Anita: The tape that may have been recording.
Lennie: Nah, that's okay. I've seen enough spanking for one day. Maybe tomorrow.
Anita: [Glaring.] It's the murdering part we're interested in -- not the spanking!
Lennie: Speak for yourself.
Anita: You guys have about ten seconds...
Mike: Okay, okay -- we're out of here.
[Lennie and Mike grab their jackets and leave.]
END SCENE ELEVEN.
SCENE TWELVE: Tiffany Fountain's apartment. Lennie and Mike are knocking on the door. A pretty but very vacant-looking young woman opens the still- chained door.
Lennie: [Holds up his badge.] Police! Are you Miss Tiffany Fountain?
Tiffany: Yeah. So, you guys are the cops, huh?
Mike: Yes. Open the door, please.
Tiffany: Sure. No prob. Just a sec. [Unchains door.]
[Lennie and Mike enter apartment.]
Lennie: Miss Fountain, we have a warrant for your arrest for the murder of Mr. Edward Morton and a warrant to search this apartment.
Tiffany: Well, ya know, I didn't know whether to go ahead and go to bed or not.
[Lennie and Mike exchange puzzled glances at this apparent non sequitur.]
Mike: Miss Fountain, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense.
Tiffany: That is so cool. You say that just like on TV.
Lennie: [Grasps her shoulder.] Miss Fountain, look at me -- let me see your eyes.
Mike: Have you been taking anything? Smoking anything?
Tiffany: Oh, you mean like drugs?
Mike: Yes, I mean like drugs.
Tiffany: Yeah, I did -- once.
Lennie: Tonight?
Tiffany: A long time ago. I didn't like it.
Lennie: Her eyes are clear. I don't think she's high.
Tiffany: [A bit confused.] Uh, I didn't think I was supposed to be in trouble for drugs.
[Lennie and Mike, a bit disoriented, miss a beat.]
Mike: No, we're not interested in that. What we do want to know about is a videotape.
Tiffany: Oh, you mean the one from Mr. Morton's office?
Lennie: That's the one. Will you give it to us?
Tiffany: Well, duhhhhh. Yeah, sure. That's the whole deal, isn't it?
Lennie: [Clearly confused.] Deal? What whole deal?
Tiffany: It's, like, evidence and stuff, isn't it? The self-defense? I thought you guys would know that.
Mike: [Trying to process her apparently incriminating reply.] Miss Fountain, are you sure you understood your rights as I read them to you?
Tiffany: The TV stuff? Yeah, I get it about that. And I sign something, too, right?
Lennie: Yeah. I guess you remember that from last time you were arrested?
Tiffany: Uh, were you supposed to know about that?
Lennie: You thought we wouldn't find out?
Tiffany: I don't remember that part. Oh, well, I guess it's okay.
[Lennie and Mike exchange rather helpless looks.]
Mike: Look, Miss Fountain, we're going to have to cuff you to take you to the precinct. You understand?
Tiffany: [Holding out her hands.] Works for me.
END SCENE TWELVE.
SCENE THIRTEEN: 27th Precinct squad room. Lennie and Mike are escorting Tiffany Fountain.
Lennie: Lt. Van Buren, you will be pleased to meet the long-awaited Tiffany Fountain.
[Tiffany giggles at that.]
Anita: [Taken aback.] Miss Fountain, are you okay?
Tiffany: Yeah, sure. You?
Anita: [Slowly, regarding Tiffany with some puzzlement.] Yes, thank you. [To Lennie and Mike.] Did you get the tape?
Mike: Right here.
Anita: Det. Profaci, will you take Miss Fountain to the interview room? We have a little business to take care of first.
[Profaci leads Tiffany away.]
Anita: What in the world is the matter with that girl?
Lennie: You mean besides making the secretary look like a rocket scientist?
Mike: I don't think she's entirely competent.
Anita: Oh, great. How are we going to get an evaluation at this time of night?
Lennie: We don't need one. She's competent, all right.
Mike: [Gives him a surprised look.] She hasn't said two words that make sense.
Lennie: Think about it, Mike. She wasn't surprised to see us, she was tossing around words like "evidence" and "self-defense," and she seemed to be trying to stick to some sort of script but not doing a very good job of it.
Anita: What are you saying, Lennie?
Lennie: She's not in this alone. There's someone else out there.
Anita: You really think so?
Lennie: I'd bet on it. And it's someone with some brains -- not one of Morton's dimwits.
Anita: [Sighs.] I really didn't want this to get complicated. Well, okay -- let's take a look at that tape, get a statement from the girl, get her booked, and wrap this up at least for tonight.
Mike: Amen to that.
END SCENE THIRTEEN.
SCENE FOURTEEN: The 27th's conference room. Anita, Lennie, and Mike are watching the videotape. Sounds from the screen similar to those of the earlier scene.
Anita: So far, it's pretty much like the others.
Lennie: Yeah. What a ho-hum routine. Imagine having a boring job like that.
Mike: Wait a minute -- she's fighting back. None of the others did that. Hey, she is really fighting!
Anita: And he seems surprised.
Mike: Look, she's loose, and... And she's got the statue...
[The moment of Mr. Morton's death registers on their faces.]
Mike: [Whispering.] Wow, she's got some swing. Must work out.
Lennie: And good aim. But something bothers me here.
Anita: That a man got killed?
Lennie: Yeah, that. But it kind of looked to me like he was going to let her up. Run it back a minute.
Mike: That would sure toss the self-defense theory in the crapper. Here it is... I don't know -- it happens pretty fast. What do you think?
Anita: I think I'm glad that's for the DA's office to figure out. Well, let's go talk to the little slugger.
END SCENE FOURTEEN
SCENE FIFTEEN: 27th's interview room. Anita, Lennie, Mike, and Tiffany are seated at the table.
Tiffany: ...and I saw the statue. I grabbed it. And, well -- well that's pretty much it.
Mike: Tiffany, you've got to know that there's a lot here that doesn't add up.
Tiffany: I don't understand. It's all on the tape. What's the problem?
Lennie: For openers, why'd you do it?
Tiffany: He was attacking me. He wouldn't stop even though I was yelling for him to stop. It was self-defense.
Anita: Miss Fountain, was Mr. Morton really hurting you that badly?
Tiffany: Oh, well -- you saw the tape, right? It was terrible! Terrible!
Lennie: So terrible that you had to kill him?
Tiffany: He was attacking me. It was self-defense.
Mike: Well, you know, there's something kind of interesting... This wasn't your first visit to Mr. Morton, was it?
Tiffany: No.
Mike: How many times had you been to see him before?
Tiffany: Twice -- I think.
Lennie: And didn't he "attack" you then also?
Tiffany: Yes, that's right.
Lennie: Why didn't you kill him then?
Tiffany: Because I thought he would stop.
Lennie: Why did you ever even go back to see a man who had "attacked" you?
Tiffany: Uhhhhh, because I thought he would stop.
Lennie: [Under his breath.] And I think the needle's stuck.
Anita: You talked to someone about this, didn't you, Tiffany?
Tiffany: Oh, no.
Lennie: You're lying, Tiffany.
Tiffany: I told you what I'm supposed to. He was attacking me. It was self-defense.
Lennie: Who told you what you were supposed to say?
Tiffany: No one.
Mike: Try the truth, Tiffany. You're not a good liar.
Tiffany: I don't know what you mean.
[Frustration level obviously rising when there is a tap at the door, and a very confused-looking Profaci opens it.]
Profaci: Lieutenant, I'm sorry, but this wom-... Mrs. Mor..
[A woman in a business suit pushes her way past Profaci.]
Mrs. Morton: I'm Denise Morton.
Anita: Mrs. Morton?!? The victim's wife?!? [Stands up.] PROFACI! What in hell were you thinking??? Mrs. Morton, I'm so sorry. This shouldn't have happened. Please, let's go...
[Mrs. Morton and Profaci speak at the same time, making it difficult to sort out what's going on.]
Profaci: I couldn't help it, Lieutenant. She said she's the lawyer for... Mrs. Morton: You don't understand, Lieutenant. I'm not...
Anita: Quiet, everyone! You first, Mrs. Morton.
Mrs. Morton: I'm not here as the grieving widow. I'm here as an attorney.
Anita: Whose attorney?
Mrs. Morton: Miss Fountain's, if she'll have me. [Turns and extends her hand to Tiffany.] Miss Fountain, I'm Denise Morton. Do you want a lawyer?
Tiffany: Uh, I get to have a lawyer. They said so. Yes.
Anita: Now, just a damn minute! This can't...
Mrs. Morton: I think I have a client, and I want your questions to her to stop now. Please leave us alone.
Anita: Mrs. Morton, why in the world would you want...
Mrs. Morton: I have my reasons, and they need not concern you.
Anita: But you can't...
Mrs. Morton: I assure you, I can. Now, please leave me alone with my client.
END SCENE FIFTEEN.
SCENE SIXTEEN: Outside the interview room. Mrs. Morton and Tiffany are conferring within. They can be seen but not heard through the one-way glass.
Mike: [Swiveling his head as though in whiplash.] What in the hell just went on in there? Can she do that? A victim's wife?
Anita: [Clearly frustrated.] What do I look like -- the damn Ethics Committee? I don't know.
[Lennie says nothing; seems to be thinking.]
Mike: You seem awfully calm, Lennie. Don't you get what just happened?
Lennie: [Thoughtfully.] Actually, I think I do get it. It's her -- it's Mrs. Morton.
Mike: You think she set this up?
Lennie: Yeah. It's perfect. She wants hubby dead for whatever reason, and she has a ready-made pool of likely suspects, many of whom are probably stupid enough to be talked into doing it for her. Then she shows up as the lawyer, and the doer can't talk to anyone but her. And, bingo, the two of them pull off the self-defense crap. Like I said -- perfect.
Anita: That's pretty incredible, Lennie. Would she really think she could get away with it?
Lennie: [Gestures to the window.] Apparently, she does.
END SCENE SIXTEEN.
END ACT ONE