You Can't Save Everyone

Meg Masters felt the demon leave her and though she was expecting the rush of pain because of the fall, she hadn't realized how bad her injuries were. She lifted her head slightly then felt the rushing assistance of the two men who had released the demon from her. As they started untying her from the chair, she gasped and whispered to Dean, "thank you", to let him know that despite her pain, she was grateful to be released and that he had done the right thing.

They tried to be extremely gentle and careful with her as they laid her on the floor, but she knew that nothing they could have done would have helped. Like the older man had told them, she was broken inside and knew that death was inevitable. She heard the older brother tell the man to get blankets and to call 911. She was sure that he knew she was in bad shape. She then told them that it had been a year since she had been possessed and had lost control of her body. It had been a nightmare.

Dean looked at Meg and couldn't hate the innocent woman dying in front of him. It wasn't her fault that the demon had possessed her and felt badly that he had hit her and yelled at her.

Dean looked at her and a veil of regret washed over his face.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't know."

Meg saw the look of guilt on his face and was moved by the sentiment. She was a stranger to him and one who had caused him and his family pain. She had seen it all, helpless to stop it and yet he was showing her compassion, maybe even forgiveness by his kindness.

"Don't be…I understand…you had to…rather die…been ready to for a long time." She said with difficulty. "I'm sorry for what I did."

"You didn't do it. The demon inside you did." He emphasized in a way that made her feel better.

Meg shook with pain.

"Can I do anything?" Dean asked.

She looked at him and trembled then nodded.

"Could…you…hold…my hand? I…won't blame you…if you don't. It's just that…I'm a little scared…" She said, her voice breaking.

Dean was surprised, but sympathetic. He nodded and took her hand gently into his.

"Thanks." She said.

She let out a sigh, as if his touch had relieved some of her pain. She felt the strength in his hand, yet it enveloped hers with gentleness. It felt almost loving in its embrace of her fingers. She was too weak to squeeze it, but he curled his fingers around just enough to let her know he was there and that he would give her his strength if she needed it.

Dean looked at her, his eyes welling up. Sam watched him and was amazed at how deeply he felt. He knew that Dean was on the edge so keeping his emotions in check was even harder to do. His protective instincts were being overtaxed to their limits, what with keeping Sam from falling apart after failing to kill the demon last night and now trying to save their father from whoever had him as well as trying to hold himself together and to the belief that their father was still alive. Yet despite juggling all that, he had enough left in him to offer comfort to someone who needed it. Sam was awed by his brother's seemingly endless capacity to continue giving when so much was already drawing on his strength.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stop it." She broke into tears even though the pain it caused was excruciating.

"I know. It's okay."

"I…don't…understand…how…you…can be so…k..kind to me…after…"

"It wasn't your fault. I don't blame you."

"Can you forgive me?" She asked, her voice clogged with emotion.

Dean thought for a moment and seeing her in pain, having her life taken over then taken away so young, it seemed wrong and unjust not to forgive her. He couldn't hold anything that happened against her and clearly she wanted to have some absolution. He was okay about giving it to her.

"I forgive you." He said softly and with complete sincerity.

Meg smiled shakily. "Thanks…I feel…better…knowing you don't hate me…" She took in a ragged breath.

"I don't." He confirmed.

Dean felt that by forgiving her, he was also forgiving himself.

"Do you believe in a heaven?"

Dean thought for a moment and then his thoughts strayed to Layla. "To be honest, I don't know what I believe other than there is evil in the world. I've been tracking it all my life." He then looked at her. "But there's good too. I see it everyday in my brother's eyes. Knowing that, seeing that in him, keeps me going, keeps me believing."

Sam was moved by his words. Dean had told him last night that he and their father were all that he had and that he needed them to hold him together. To hear him tell Meg that he had kept him believing that there was good in this world, took him by surprise. He had no idea that Dean had felt that way. Meg felt the conviction behind his words as well and it made her feel like he was talking about her too. That there was still good in her, that her soul had not been forfeited by the demon's actions.

"I don't know if I do either…but I hope so…and that they'll forgive me like you did."

"They will." Dean said with a certainty that came more from a gut reaction than anything spiritual.

"If there is one, I know you'll end up there." Meg tried to smile.

"I wouldn't pin my hopes on that." Dean smiled a little back, but it was lost quickly. "I've done my share of bad, done a lot of evil myself. I've killed things. I don't think I'll be getting an invite."

It saddened Sam that Dean had felt unworthy of heaven. In his eyes, if anyone belonged there, had a place waiting there for him, it would be Dean. He had saved so many lives, put himself in life threatening situations for strangers as well as for him. How could any higher power deny him? He shuddered at the thought of ever losing him, but as Dean had once said, what they did was a "rough gig" and that some day, one of them, despite their best efforts, would pull the "short straw". Dean had already experienced some pretty close calls. As they tried to reunite with their father, the thought of one of them dying seemed almost inevitable and even though Dean had said that killing the demon wasn't worth dying over, Sam knew that if either he or their father were in danger, Dean wouldn't hesitate to save them, but it wouldn't be about the demon, it would be about them, about saving his family. It was who he was. Saving people from what had happened to his family was the driving force to everything he did.

Meg looked into the pools of hazel green eyes that stared back at her and thought that in another time and place, he might have been someone she could have easily fallen in love with. Just knowing him for the few minutes she did, she had seen a good heartedness in him that she hadn't seen in a long time, even before the demon possessed her.

"You're a good man…I can see that." She said with the same certainty Dean had promised her forgiveness in the next life. "Thanks for saving me."

Dean looked at her surprised that she would consider letting her die saving her. He looked at it as releasing her, but she was seeing it totally differently and it made him feel better.

"Promise me something." She asked tiredly.

"If I can."

"Don't give up fighting. Don't let evil win…"

Dean's face took on a look of determination.

"I won't." He said so definitively that she completely believed him, that he would do it single-handedly if he had to.

"Thanks…"

"For what?"

"For giving me comfort…you had every right not to, but you did…it's more than I ever got in life. It's nice…to not die alone."

Dean squeezed her hand and all he could do was smile.

After a few moments, Bobby came back with water and a blanket. She struggled to tell them all that she knew then felt herself fading quickly. She squeezed Dean's hand for only a moment then went still, her eyes open, but looking unafraid.

He let her down gently and let go of her hand. He stood up and turned away from Sam and Bobby. Despite himself, he felt tears welling up in his eyes as if he had just lost a friend. Sam went over, concerned about him.

"You, okay?"

"Yeh, it's just I –"

"What?"

"It's just unfair sometimes, you know? Meg was an innocent woman, her whole life ahead of her. She didn't ask for this and –" Dean took a breath and rubbed his eyes. "Sometimes this job sucks."

Sam looked at his brother and he saw his frustration and compassion. Sometimes, he'd forget about the man that Dean was, not the hunter, the womanizer, or the fiercely protective brother, but the caring man that had provided a dying woman comfort. It was a side of him he always hid behind the other personas, but whenever it was needed, it was there at a moment's notice. He was ready to give everything he had. Sam had been the beneficiary of his strength more times than he ever acknowledged and he should appreciate it more often. He decided not to confront him with what he had said to Meg now. It was not the right time for what Dean loved to call a "chick flick" moment. He saw his concentration shift again to the next mission at hand, saving their father.

"I know," Sam agreed and comforted.

"Come on, we have to get to dad." Dean said, taking in a deep breath and putting back his no-nonsense, let's-get-the-job-done mask.