A Night of the Saints
By Silverbunnie
Chapter One
To Skittlehog, the writer who is discovering her dark side.
Swish. Bang.
Red. That was all she saw. Red everywhere. To be honest, it wasn't really red. The colour was orange. Not ginger, auburn, or even mahogany. It was an orange that was bright and lively and eccentric.
She raised her mug and exclaimed, "Cheers to the orange-y heads!"
The mug met her lips, and she chugged until there was no more to chug.
Hermione Granger was completely wasted.
Swish. Bang.
The empty cup was pried from her unwilling hands. Hermione was face to face with a green-covered Seamus Finnigan. The "orange-y heads" had apparently disappeared.
"Her-my-o-ninny," Seamus pronounced slowly. "You're so…spifflified."
"I'm sorry," replied Hermione with a straight face. "I don't speak Hungarian. But I do speak French."
"No, no, no. Spifflified. It's from the Middle Ages. It means…"
"Bienvenue la France."
"C'mon, Bookworm Herm, think! It means…"
"Don't call me that." Her response came late.
Hermione swatted Seamus on the arm, but he was too busy snapping his fingers repeatedly to notice. His face was scrunched up in thought. "It means…"
Swish. Bang.
"Hermione!" a familiar voice exclaimed.
She looked up and saw that vivid orange once again. For some reason she felt like a guilty child being caught doing something bad.
Suddenly Seamus, unaware of his new companion, said, "I got it! Spifflified means drunk."
And that was how Ron Weasley found them.
Earlier that day:
Hermione was in class with Professor McGonagall, learning how to transfigure plants into household appliances, when she heard, "Psst."
Even ignored, the calling was persistent. "Psst."
"What?" Hermione whispered loudly—well, as loudly as one can whisper and still consider it a whisper.
"Psst."
She stopped writing her notes, turned her head and repeated, "What?"
Now, if Hermione was expecting to get pinched on her sensitive forearm, she would have braced herself and not screamed as loud. But that was the point; she wasn't expecting it.
"Ouch!" Hermione yelped, consequently "disrupting the whole class" as McGonagall told her afterwards.
"Miss Granger, what is the matter?" the professor boomed.
"Sorry," she replied meekly. Although when Hermione turned to face Ron Weasley, who had a devious smirk on, she was not meek in the least.
"I'd like to have a word after class," said McGonagall.
Once Professor McGonagall turned her attention back to today's lesson and the rest of the students with her, Hermione whispered angrily, "What was that for, you jerk?"
That same smile appeared on Ron's face when he said, "You're not wearing green."
It had just occurred to her that today was St. Patrick's Day.
"Ron," griped Hermione. "You got me in so much trouble with McGonagall. She went on and on about me interrupting her in the middle of an important lesson, which I believe was very valuable for next week's chapter."
"Quit whining, Hermione," said Ron, sitting on the Gryffindor table.
"I don't whine," she pouted and sat down next to him.
"You have to admit, it was funny."
"Well, I didn't think so. And why did you do that anyways?"
"I told you. It's St. Patrick's Day, and you aren't wearing green."
"So long as I've known you, you've never done that before. I thought it was Muggle tradition."
"It is. Professor Maewyn was talking about it in Muggle Studies. I just thought it would be fun to try it out. So far I've got Parvati, Su, Hannah and a few others."
Hermione looked down.
"Their reactions were nothing compared to yours." Ron grinned a grin that lit up his freckled face.
"Y'know what?" said Hermione with a wily smile. "I don't see you wearing any green."
She quickly reached over to pinch him, but his swift reflexes caught her hand.
"No, I am. It's just not as noticeable." He used his other hand to lift up this un-tucked shirt. The lining of his boxers, which was dark green with shamrocks to boot, was showing.
Hermione pulled away, laughing. "That's nice Ron. Do you use that as an excuse to show your underwear?"
"Well, now that you put it that way…."
Just as Hermione was about to begin her lunch, Harry and Seamus came and sat across from them.
"Hey. What took you so long?"
Harry grinned. "Since it's an Irish holiday, me and Seamus were…."
"Seamus and I." Hermione corrected him.
"Right, well," Harry leaned in closer. "We were talking about sneaking out to Hogsmeade tonight."
"What! Why?" was Hermione's indignant exclamation.
Ron pulled her back down to their private conversation.
"Well, me cousin owns a pub there," said Seamus. "Said he could get us a few drinks."
"That's bloody brilliant!" said Ron while Hermione gasped.
"Oh no, Ron. I don't think so. Seamus, wipe that smirk off your face. And Harry, don't even think about it. You three, how could you even think of doing something so irresponsible? You're not even of age!"
"Actually, you're wrong. I'm of age and Hermione, you're of age," said Ron.
"But I'd never degrade myself to that level. The only people that drink are those whose lives have absolutely no meaning. And they can't find something to motivate them into doing something more productive with their time."
The three guys stared at her for a moment.
"Hermione, we're not binge drinking," said Harry. "We only want to have a few drinks, kick back, have some fun. You know."
"And I'm sure you've had some alcohol before. Wine, maybe?" added Seamus.
Hermione looked hesitant. "Well…yes. But that was different."
"How was that different?"
"I was wine tasting, with supervision."
"Aha!" said Ron. "Hermione's really a drinker after all. When were you planning to tell us, Herms? Huh?" She was glaring at him playfully. "Now that you've admitted your bad deed of the day, let us finish ours."
Hermione groaned. "Fine. Do what you want."
Ron, Seamus and Harry did a little victory dance.
"But, I'll have you know, you're breaking at least three school rules."
Harry shrugged. "Since when did that stop us?"
"And," she continued. "If McGonagall or anyone asks me about your disappearance, I'm denying everything. I had nothing to do with this."
"Wait, does that mean you're not coming with us?" asked Ron.
"Of course not."
"But why?" Ron was now the one whining.
"Someone has to cover up for you three."
"Make that four," said Seamus. "That is, once I've convinced Dean to detach himself from his girlfriend."
They all took a cursory glance towards Dean and Ginny. Dean was apparently saying something comic while a giggly Ginny played with their entwined fingers.
"Gag me," Ron said. He had gotten used to the fact that his sister was popular with the boys. Although, it had taken him a while to accept that Dean Thomas was dating her.
Harry quickly jumped back to their previous conversation. "Hermione, I really think you should come with us."
"And get piss drunk? No thank you."
"You don't even have to drink anything," added Ron. "We just want you to have fun with us. You've seemed kind of down lately."
Before Hermione had a chance to comment (or condemn), Seamus stood up and said, "Well, the offer's still on the table. I'll talk to you guys later."
Hermione watched as Seamus made his way to his best mate. Ginny looked up from her seat and threw him a friendly smile, then glanced back at Dean. Both seemed content in the other's arms.
Hermione sighed.
"Alright," she shushed the boys. "I'll think about it."
"Finally," Ron said with a lopsided grin, "you can have some real fun."
"You won't regret it, Hermione," replied Harry.
"So," started Hermione, in an attempt to change the subject. "I don't see you wearing any green today, Harry."
"Green's not my colour," he shrugged, busy with his meal.
Her eyes gleaming roguishly, Hermione rapidly stuck out a hand and nipped Harry's arm.
"Hey!"
As a way of explanation, Hermione said, "St. Patrick's Day."
Irritated, Harry used an index finger to indicate his emerald eyes.
"Oh," she stated, doing nothing to apologise for her actions.
A girl with a green ribbon in her hair walked past as Ron laughed at Harry's disgruntled face. "What is this? Like a pinch war or—YOUCH!" wailed Ron, like a little girl.
He jumped up as if something had bitten him.
"What's wrong?" Hermione looked to her friend.
Red in the face, Ron was tight lipped. "I, er, someone just…"
"Just what?" she asked.
As if the words were hard to get out, Ron whispered, "Someone just pinched my bum."
Harry was hysterical. He was crouched over his sourdough sandwich in loud guffaws. Hermione, on the other hand, turned hastily towards the green-ribboned girl who had only just walked by. She was lunching with Romilda Vane and a group of giggly girls. The suspect didn't turn around, but many of her friends were taking brief glances in Ron's direction and smirking.
"Yeah, this is a pinch war," said Harry, after his fits of laughter had subdued.
"I feel so violated," Ron joked, taking a seat back down.
But Hermione didn't hear him; she was still staring at the other end of the table.
They had figured that with Harry and Seamus under the Invisibility Cloak ("Wicked!" said Seamus), and Ron and Hermione posing as prefects doing their rounds ("Yes, Hannah, I'd be glad to take your shift tonight"), that sneaking out of Hogwarts would be a breeze. They were right.
The four Gryffindors made their way towards the hump-backed, one-eyed witch; Ron and Hermione smiling innocently as professors walked past, and invisible Harry and Seamus slinking by with their backs to the wall. Once they had reached the statue, Harry muttered, "Dissendium," and one-by-one slipped into the hidden hole of the witch's hump.
Hermione landed on the earthy ground with a, "Oomph!" and Ron not far behind.
"Lumos."
"So this is what it's like being part of the Golden Trio. You guys have to take me on more adventures," said Seamus, who was still underneath the Invisibility Cloak.
"The Golden Trio?" asked Harry. He had fallen out of under the cloak when he slid down the stone slide. "I thought only Malfoy called us that."
Seamus shrugged, but it wasn't as if anyone could see him. "How did you find out about this secret passageway?"
"Ways and means." Harry, not wanting to reveal more of his secrets, said, "It's this way."
Ron walked ahead and bumped right into Seamus.
"You can take that off now, you know. I can't even see where you are or where I'm going," said Ron.
"I would, but this Invisibility Cloak is fantastic!" said the voice of Seamus, ahead of Ron and Hermione.
Ron left plenty of room between him and Harry so that there would be no more run-ins with unseen objects.
"Why didn't Dean come with us?" asked Hermione.
Seamus scoffed, "Three guesses."
"Ginny?" Harry said, with an edge to his voice.
"Bingo."
After five minutes of twists and turns, low walls, and a lively, talkative, invisible Seamus, they finally came to the foot of stone steps. By this time, Hermione was out of breath and lagging behind the three quick moving boys.
As Harry, Seamus and Ron ascended up the stairs, Hermione leaned a hand on a wall to rest.
Ron, not hearing the continual footsteps behind him, turned around. "All right, Hermione?"
"Yes. I just need to catch my breath," she said, inhaling deeply. "I think the dust is getting to me."
Ron descended a few steps down and waited until she was breathing normally again.
"C'mon," he said, gingerly taking her hand. "You can make it. Only a few more steps to go."
"Yes, if you call that a few," Hermione replied, looking up to the hundreds of steps before her. Ron squeezed her petite hand in his, encouragingly, and led the way up, where the other two were far ahead.
As the couple took step by step, Hermione kept sneaking curious glances at Ron. Was he aware that their hands were still touching? Hoping beyond hope that her hand would not get clammy, she tried to stop her stomach from fluttering and her heart from making the most rhythmic palpitations. Ron was only glad that by wand-light, she couldn't make out the deep shade of crimson that his face was turning.
The trap door in the cellar of Honeydukes lifted ever so slightly, and a pair of green eyes surveyed the crate-filled room.
"All clear."
They shuffled out of the cramped quarters to the more spacious cellar, Ron and Hermione reluctantly letting go of their hands.
"How are we going to do this?" pondered Harry, more to himself. "How will we get out of here?"
"Easy," said Hermione, and she explained her plan to him. "Since only two of us can fit under the cloak at one time, one person—that should be you, Harry, since it is your cloak—you need to take us out of Honeydukes one at a time. Then, leave that person in a secluded place (it would look weird if we just popped up in the middle of the street) and come back for the others."
"You are brilliant, Hermione," said Ron, fondly stroking her back. She beamed at him, pleased.
The imprint of Seamus' footsteps walked just behind Harry, and suddenly, Harry was gone. Ron and Hermione heard the creaking of stairs and light showing through as the door up top opened and closed.
The darkness had not quite settled when the door was shoved open again. Surprised, Hermione looked up, and seeing the shadow a large bald man, she seized the bulk of Ron's arm and pushed him behind a crate forcefully, ducking as the figure approached.
"I didn't know you liked it rough," mumbled Ron. Hermione smacked his leg lightly, as a way to shut him up, but couldn't control the heat in her cheeks.
"So what if I do?" said Hermione, a hint of challenge in her voice.
Ron was too surprised to say anything. He couldn't anyways, because the bald man had finally made it to the landing.
He was shuffling through some boxes on the other end of the cellar, muttering, "Twenty kilos of peppermint humbugs missing! A second time, too. Ruddy thieves…pricey…if ever I get my hands on them…."
There were sounds of shifting and various movements that Hermione and Ron listened to. Crates were being pushed around, and plastic containers were being lifted and inspected, by what Hermione heard.
Ron, getting a little antsy, peeked around the box and saw the bald man's enormous backside. The man turned his head sharply at the sound of Ron's scuffles.
"Evanesco!" cried the man. Ron's misplaced sneaker disappeared into thin air.
Ron shot back behind the box, placing his head inches away from Hermione's. Both had eyes wide as Bludgers.
"And we have bloody rats, too! Wait till I tell Mike…!" the bald man exclaimed. He grabbed two bags of sherbert balls, hastily waddled upstairs and went back into Honeydukes.
"Ron! That was so close. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I'm just missing a shoe."
Harry came back in a few seconds later.
"Ladies first," said Ron. And Hermione covered herself in the cloak behind Harry.
Hermione observed the Honeydukes shop. Although there were some customers dawdling around, it wasn't as crowded as it would be on a typical Hogwarts' Hogsmeade weekend. Honeydukes was void of students.
Harry and Hermione stealthily avoided the two men working behind the counter, making their way to the exit.
"—giant rats, Mike. Enormous!"
Harry snuck her out into the fresh air and into an alley to the left of the sweet shop. There was Seamus sitting on a broken crate.
"Just wait here," said Harry. "I'll only take a second."
Hermione left the cloak to join Seamus. And the imprints of Harry's shoes went back into the shop.
"You'll never guess what happened," said she.
Hermione reiterated what happened in the cellar to Seamus.
"—that obese man nearly vanished Ron from the face of the earth!"
"I'm sure he would have turned up eventually."
There was a loud BANG! that came from the shop, and Hermione jumped in fright. Shouts and screams were echoing in the alley.
Seamus and Hermione rushed to the scene, but stayed fairly hidden from view. They looked through the window.
The fat man was hovering in rage over Harry and Ron, who were on the floor, surrounded by peppermint humbugs. They were completely visible, with no cloak in sight.
"YOU CONNIVING, FILTHY THIEVES!" cried the man Hermione had seen down in the cellar. "CAUGHT RED HANDED!"
"But, sir, we didn't—," Harry pleaded.
"DON'T EVEN TRY TO TALK YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS!"
"You're seeing this all wrong!" said Ron.
"Mike! What do you want me to do?" the man seethed, wand pointed directly at the intruders.
Mike walked around the counter and said, "Tie these two up, Billy. I've already contacted the MLE. They should be here soon."
"Incarcerous," said Billy, with a snarl on his usually jovial face. Ropes bound around Ron and Harry's hands."Thieves aren't welcome in this establishment."
"You don't understand," Ron started again, but Billy waved his wand and both trespassers were unable to speak another word.
Hermione looked at Seamus and bit her lip. The hole they had fallen into was a deep one.
Author's Notes: This was supposed to be a one-shot but I've split it in two. This was a challenge from Skittlehog. Please Review!
March 17, 2006