Author's Note: This is my first Flash story and it is a WestAllen one so if you don't like them then I don't know how you got here or why you're here, but if you stay, thank you and please no hate…I wrote this story for fun because I love the show and the characters/actors. I own nothing except the plotline, but hey if the CW and DC want to give me the rights then they can by all means!
I apologize for any grammar errors. I don't have a BETA so if you see any mistakes then please let me know or tell me if you want to be my BETA!
This is set after during 2x13. ENJOY!
(Iris's POV)
Iris laid there on her bed not sure what to do with herself. Dinner was a bit much for her, more than she had bargained for. She pretended that everything was okay except nothing was. Barry was going to Earth-2 to be a hero and she was being left behind with her thoughts on Earth-1. She asked her father if she could stay the night. She didn't want to be alone and he understood, he felt the same. One son of his was going into the unknown while the other son's whereabouts were unknown. They were going to have a father-daughter night to fill the silence and ease their worry, but then Caitlin called about Geomancer causing a ruckus. He may be her father, but to Central City he was Detective Joseph West. He had a duty to fulfill and so he left her. She could've gone with him. She was part of Team Flash after all, but there was no Flash to be a part of at the moment. She didn't have the skill set to take down a meta-human. There was a time when she wanted to be a cop, but that was another life, another dream she had. She was a writer now. Besides, she wasn't even in the right mind state to be of any help so she stayed home. What was she going to do there anyway? Write a story about it? Barry's voice came to her, "They say the pen is mightier than the sword." She smiled to herself. He always had that effect on her.
She stared at the ceiling replaying her conversation with Barry in her head over and over again like a broken record.
"Dad, can you give us a minute?" She asked her father. She couldn't talk freely to Barry if he was there. She knew that he would just mediate and she couldn't have an honest conversation with Barry if that happened. Her father left the room understanding the weight of the situation. She didn't want to have this conversation with Barry, but she was worried about his well-being. Even he knew how dangerous this mission was to the point that he didn't even tell his father, Henry. He didn't want to be talked out of doing it, but someone had to talk to him and Iris took it upon herself to be that person.
"Look Iris I know that this is…Nuts is the only word that I can think of but it's not like I've never done anything dangerous before," he said. It was as if he knew what she was going to say. He shared her sentiment of how ridiculous this mission was. He tried to reassure her, but it only heightened her anxiety. None of them knew anything about Earth-2 outside of what Wells and Jay said and if she was being honest, she wasn't a fan of who came out of there either — those two included. She had her reservations about Jay, but that was because she didn't want to see Caitlin get hurt again. Ronnie's death did a number on her. Then there was Wells who was trouble no matter how she spun the tale. He stole Barry's speed for the bastard. She could only trust him as far as she could throw him, which wasn't very far. Even the meta-humans from Earth-2 were a pain in the ass, but Zoom took the cake. He was downright scary like a never-ending nightmare, but she couldn't tell Barry that. She couldn't plant a seed of doubt in his head. He didn't need that kind of negativity before he left otherwise he might not return. He might not return to her. She couldn't live with that. She couldn't live without Barry.
"Look I—I get why you're doing this. Innocent people are in danger. That's always been the direction you've run in even – even when you ran a little bit slower," she said smiling trying to diffuse the tension between them. Lucky for her, he was buying it. Barry was always naïve like that. He was always too good natured and too trusting to really question the motivations of those around him. It wasn't that she was manipulative, but rather she was a glass empty kind of gal while Barry was the opposite. She needed him to fill her glass and make her whole. "I just—I want to make sure you're not doing this because you think you don't have anything left here anymore."
Barry was always on the run and she didn't want him to run away from her. She wanted him to run into her if anything. Iris just needed him to know that she was here for him and that she would always be. That she was worth staying here on Earth-1 for, but she couldn't find the words or will power to.
"This isn't about Patty." Her heart sank. Patty Spivot meant a great deal to Barry and she had only herself to blame for that. Iris was the one who encouraged them to be together. She said she was okay with it, but she wasn't. She just couldn't deny Barry the normalcy he craved and deserved. She wondered if in doing so, she missed her chance to be with him.
She remembered how she had been decorating the Christmas tree when he came in and just hugged her as he told her he loved her. She reciprocated thinking nothing of it in the moment, but he loved her romantically and he made that quite clear. Their relationship changed. She couldn't help, but look at Barry in the same manner and it had put a strain on her relationship with Eddie. She kept telling herself that she wanted to be with him and even convinced herself of that, but she wasn't so sure. Barry shook up her world and then when Eddie died, her world was in shambles. She wasn't ready to jump into another relationship even if it was with Barry. It wouldn't be fair to either of them. She needed time to heal and she couldn't ask Barry to wait for her to be ready. That would be cruel.
But then Patty happened and Iris's role changed. She was no longer the object of Barry's affection. She was his family and someone he cared deeply for, but in what capacity she didn't know and she couldn't ask. So what did she do? She made herself his friend. She supported his decision to be with Patty. He deserved to be happy even if it wasn't with her. Maybe her Earth-2 counterpart had better luck. If not in her Earth, then maybe in another Earth she and Barry were together. The thought comforted her, gave her hope. "I mean of course I miss her a lot but I know what I have here. I love my life. I love my job… being The Flash." She knew how much he loved being a CSI. She always adored how lost he would get talking about crime scenes and the science behind it. When she was younger, she imagined a future where they would be working alongside each other. She would be at the crime scene as a detective and he would be her CSI. They would be a dynamic duo. She recognized that teamwork he and Patty shared, which was why she envied her. She was living a dream Iris once had, but she couldn't be completely upset at how things turned out. She knew about The Flash's identity and worked alongside Barry in a different way. And even more than that, she loved him for being The Flash. It wasn't an easy road for her to accept Barry as The Flash because he was just Barry to her. He was her loveable geek. He was her friend and family. To see him as something more was hard for her... She didn't want to share Barry, let alone with all of Central City.
He was hers. He was her little secret. And that was when she finally realized, her feelings for him weren't just platonic. But she didn't have the right to claim him.
He wasn't hers.
He was his own person as Barry Allen and Central City's hero, The Flash. She had no choice, but to share him and it killed her, slowly and painfully. She could never show that side of her to him. "I love you and Joe. I'm not trying to escape. I promise." There it was again, those words. Those words she never thought she would hear. Those words that made her heart race. Those words that changed her life. She held back her smile. It wasn't the time or place to gloat.
"Go win Barry and then come home."
And wait she would for his return as she replayed his words over and over, "I love you." It didn't matter what capacity he loved her in. He loved her and that was all she needed to hear. Her mind could do whatever it wanted with that information and her heart would just have to deal with the consequences.