"I don't want any secrets between us, Donna. My mother, she's a writer – of slash fan fiction."
"That's too weird, James."
"I know. She goes to a small town, shacks up with booze and blokes for a week-long orgy of total excess – apparently it helps her work process."
"And I thought my mother was perverse. Last week I heard her screwing Ben Horne going up and down on her stairlift, the old whore. I swear I'll never get the words, "Make me come before we reach the ground floor, Benjamin," out of my head for as long as I live!"