Silence is Golden
by Adrienne Valentine
Summary: The daughter of Teryn Cousland had never met the King of Fereldan, or at least, not officially. So why would she grieve him as anything other than a lost King?
Pairing: Implied Calian/Cousland
A/N: I was playing through again as Lady Cousland and found it a bit odd that she had, according to the King, never met him. Because she is the daughter of one of the only two Teryns in Fereldan. So the idea popped into my head and refused to let go. I had a bit of fun with the tense in this, and I (tried) to only use past tense when mentioning the past. R&R! Hope you like it! (ONE-SHOT!)
Elissa Cousland had not been expecting what happened when she had been told that they would be arriving at Ostagar soon. She had not expected him. She caught a glance at him in his gold armor as he approached and her breath caught in her throat. The king approaches her and Duncan and she wonders why he had come to greet them. Did he know that she was Duncan's new Recruit? She tried to remember as best she could what Duncan had mentioned in his report, but she couldn't. She had only caught a small glimpse of the report before he had sent it off with the messenger. She cringed a little, trying her best to appear passive when the King stands before her, smiling. She shifts slightly as he opens his mouth to speak and she prays to Andraste that he doesn't mention anything...
But he greets her, and he greets Duncan, as if he has never met her. Asking if she was, indeed, Byrce Cousland's daughter, and claiming that they had never in fact, met. She feels a brief flush of relief, but doesn't know what to say. She nods and smiles a little, the look probably seeming a bit shy, but she's anxious, memories rising unbidden of the two of them, together. Outside of Highever, him with his arms around her, face inches from hers... And she shakes the memory loose from her mind and ignores it, not wanting to remember. Because she shouldn't. Because it never should have happened. He asks about her father and she freezes there, not knowing what to say and the grief rising up in her belly, cold and sickening, and he can read it on her, because his face turns questioning.
She whispers, her voice pained, asking him how he has not heard. She would have believed that he had found out, but with her words, his expression turns dark and there it is. She knows then, as he is taken aback and angry at the news, that there is more there than she knew. He promises swift vengeance for her, for her family, her parents who are surely now dead. As soon as the Blight is dealt with. The full force of his army will take down Howe's house. That is what tells her that he remembers as well. She feels the blush rising to her cheeks, and thanks him for his promise. Properly, she calls him your Majesty, though the words almost come out informal. She almost calls him by his name instead. Which would have given it all away.
He tells her that her brother is scouting and that he looks forward to fighting with her on the field and she knows what it means and she smiles at him and she bows as he leaves. Duncan gives her a look and she thinks that he suspects something more, but he doesn't say anything.
o0o
Duncan tells her to find Alistair and she nods and the name sounds familiar, but she can't remember why. So she searches the camp, dutifully ignoring where the King's tent is and where Teryn Loghain's tent is because she thinks he knows. That he knew all along. So she doesn't even go near the tents. Instead, she flits around the camp trying to find this Alistair, this Grey Warden she needs to speak to, but she stumbles on the other two recruits first. One who has more interest in the fact that she's a woman and one who knows that she is the daughter of a Teryn. So she flees them and finally, finally, finds Alistair, and one look at him tells her why his name is familiar.
He smiles at her and she knows that it is a smile he shares with his brother, but she says nothing. Only smiles back, making small talk with him. And wonders if he knows his lineage. She suspects he does, which makes her wonder if he knows that the King knows. And that the King wishes that he could treat him like a brother. She remembers Calian telling her, as they lay together in the bed. 'I have a brother, you know.' He had told her, and she had barely even been awake, but she had turned to him, propping herself on an elbow and looking over at him, the bed linens barely covering herself. 'A half-brother, truly, but...' And he paused there, and she had not said anything, but had wanted to reach out and comfort him, but he would have taken it as an offense for her to do so, so she had stayed still and silent. 'I can't acknowledge him as such, either. So it doesn't make much of a difference.' She heard the pain in his voice. She had known that he wanted to have a brother. He had told her, before, that he was envious of her relationship with Fergus. 'His name is Alistair.'
She tells Alistair that she looks forward to working with him, being polite, and he is surprised by this, and she wonders why, but says nothing. There is nothing to say.
o0o
She survives the Joining, and while still reeling from the Ritual, she is told that she is to follow Duncan when she is ready for a tactical meeting. With the King. She feels sick at the thought, and knows she must look it when Alistair hands her a water skin. She takes a long drink from it and says nothing, watching the other two Grey Wardens. The bodies of Jory and Daveth are gone and she doesn't know what to make of it. So she doesn't make anything of it. She ignores it. Standing carefully, she waits until her legs stop wavering before she moves to follow where Duncan had left. She comes upon a group around a long table. A mage and a priest are speaking when she arrives, their age old quarrel being played out. She tries to sneak past them unnoticed, but she fails, as she sees Calian's eyes follow her, and he speaks. He calls her the new Grey Warden and congratulates her. She simply thanks him and listens to the battle plan that is in store.
And then he tells them that they should send Alistair and herself to the Tower to light the Beacon. Out of the battle. And she knows why. Their eyes meet shortly after he says what they are to be doing and a flicker of emotion runs through his eyes and she can say nothing. She agrees, catching herself as she begins to say his name. Loghain seems less than pleased, but he says nothing to her. Though once again she suspects that he knows what went on between the two of them. The party breaks up and her and Calian are the last to leave. Him looking at the map with a small sort of smile and her simply staring at him. Once the others have left, she finally chooses to speak.
"Why don't you listen to Loghain's counsel and fight from a safer position?" She asks him, her voice quiet and for a moment she doesn't think that he heard her.
But he looks up at her with a small, confident smile.
"Because I am King. It is my place to fight on the front lines." He says to her, and she frowns.
"But you might get hurt." She believes she has always talked to him in a whisper, it's just so ingrained into her by now.
"You sound like my wife." But he realizes that what he said was the wrong thing to say as soon as it came out of his mouth, because his expression turns to one of slight shock and quickly, apologetic. He begins to murmur that he's sorry, but she says nothing. Her face has quickly become impassive as she steps back and moves to leave. He grabs her arm and for a second they stand there, before she disengages and excuses herself. Purposely calling him 'Your Majesty', something he flinches to hear.
o0o
She finds Duncan and Alistair and listens as Duncan tells Alistair what was decided. He complains, but she doesn't think he understands. The King, for all his confidence and bolster, cares for the ex-templar and for herself and wanted them to be safe. She winces slightly when he complains, thinking him a bit foolish, but the same complaints boil away in her own mind, wanting to bubble up to the surface, but she ignores them, letting him complain and not stopping him, but sticking with her duty. She feels no need to admonish him for being childish. He knows he is, or at least she believes so. When Duncan sets off to leave, she nods and stays silent as they make their way to the tower, her faithful mabari at her heels, Alistair leading the way.
The way to the Beacon is bloody, as she slashes her sword through her enemies. Darkspawn after Darkspawn assault them and her face is a grim mask mirroring her companions. She says nothing to them as they move besides warnings of enemies. The King had not anticipated these forces. Nor had anyone else. But they battled and killed and moved until they reached the top. An Ogre awaited them. Alistair was the first to move in, the soldier and her Mabari following closely. Herself, she carefully flanked the creature and attacked it while it's back was to her, dagger and sword swinging angrily as they bit into flesh. As it turned towards her, she grabbed a fistful of dirt and threw it at the best, blinding it. Soon it too fell to their blades and died. Hurriedly she lit the beacon, glancing out of the tower at the battle below, catching only small glimpses of the battle, but not knowing who was who from her viewpoint.
Soon there were noises, and Darkspawn rushed up to meet them. An arrow pierced her shoulder and another and she fell, the world going black around her.
o0o
She woke to see the witch she had met in the woods above her, not quite tending to her, but tending to where she was. She asked her what had happened and she was stricken by the woman's answer. Her heart felt wrenched from her chest, but she said nothing. She merely nodded, her face tightly neutral. As if the man who had been abandoned had not been more than just another man. As if he had not even been her King. Ignoring that once he had been more. She dressed quickly and left the small hut to see Alistair, and as surely as her pain is pushed down and eating at her very soul, his is on his face for all to see, and she wishes she could express her pain as he did. She barely listens as Alistair wonders what they should do because she knows. Her father raised her to know that just because you are outnumbered and alone, your duty is never done.
She had not left her parents to die for a Blight to overtake all the land. She would not let their deaths be in vain. Nor would she let Calian's. Her heart clenches at the thought. He had wanted a war that would be sung of, and he was dead, and the Blight was far from over. Which meant he would not truly get his bard's tale.
They take the witch with them as they travel, and that night, after comforting Alistair with kind words and promises of a funeral befitting the Grey Warden Commander, she sits by the fire and it is only seconds after everyone is asleep that it all hits her. And she weeps. She cannot tell Alistair why she weeps for a King she had not officially. A King that had been her lover for a time, even while he was married to his wife. Because she had ended it, and had told him, had promised him that no one would know of their affair. Not his wife, not her brother. Her dog came and snuffed at her, the only creature in all of Fereldan that knew why she wept.