Love is a funny thing that every human being seems to go through, some tend to find the love of their life quicker than others; for some it takes a few one-night stands and soon coffee and other things. They say that for everyone there is a a soul mate that is assigned to us and for some we are lucky to find that soul mate and for others we never find them. We just end up marrying someone who we think is perfect for us when they are not and have the regular nuclear family, but deep down we know that this isn't the husband that I wanted or this wasn't the wife that I wanted. We can feel that this isn't the one yet we conform and stay with them knowing that the final piece to their puzzle is possibly out there with another person thinking the same thing. In my case I have found my soul mate, time and time again I have watched the one that I love die and die time and time again. Why would I say that you ask? It is simple. I'm not a human being. I'm not like all of you out there; I can't grow old with my soul mate, I can never enjoy the feeling of being in their arms when I wake up in the morning. I can't have the feeling of growing old and having children with him. Every decade I see him, I see him growing from an adorable, energetic baby boy, to a handsome, strong-willed adult and each time I fall in love.
Yet each time we are always wrenched apart, it's excruciating really. I think those of you who have been in love and have your heart ripped apart will know. Every time I watch helplessly as those eyes that were once so expressive slowly dim to that void that I am now accustomed to, the void that I know I will have to wait another ten years before those eyes will look at me, but it's not as easy as you think. I spend most of my time searching for him. He always ends up in a different place and I always have to look for him before I can be with him, but I will always search for him. Even after all these years one must assume that having this repeat this same cycle over and over I would get tired, but no. I will always look, and each time I spend with him the love that I have for this man will continue to grow stronger and stronger. I will be by his side and I will have him by my side. Our love is forbidden, it is a rule that we have, but he is my apple. The apple that I decided to look at and take a bite of and before I knew it I suffered the consequences. I am selfish, I sit here now waiting for him to come out of his class. I always take a bite out of that apple and I always suffer the consequences. I can let him live on with his life and never interfere, but like I said we all have our soul mates, he is mine and I am his. I will be damned to see him with another in his arms.
Seeing him makes my world brighten, and here he is. I have waited another decade for him. I watched him grow from an adorable baby boy, to a strong-willed teenager. A wide smile is spread across his face a row of pearly whites showing as he throws himself in my arms. The feel of his lips on mine make the wait worth it. He pulls back and I stare at those beautiful eyes that always held love, mischievousness, and adoration. Each time I can see those eyes ever so slowly dim when I have been with him long enough. I see that light slowly become prisoner of a darkness, and each time I hold him in my arms as unbearable grief rocks through my body. I cry until I have to let go of his limp body and I then know that I have to wait once again for him to come back and so the search begins again, but this time it will not be like that. This time I will stay with him. This time I will hold him in my arms and grow old with him and have children running around wildly. He pulls back and once again that smile graces his lips, his eyes crinkling in amusement.
"Hey Cas."
"Hello Dean."
I am an angel, he is a human. Our love is forbidden and each time I have to watch helplessly as he is murder by my brethren, but this time it will be different. He will stay with me no matter the cost.
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