Title: Reckless Abandonment
Author: Nesma
Disclaimer: Not Mine.
A/N: I deleted Perfect Consequences and I'm reposting the chapters under this new title. Also, chapters have been edited. It's less dramatic than before but... it's still mine and I still want to post it since it's been on my computer forever. I feel like I owe it to the younger version of myself to post it. Even if it is something I wouldn't write now. I'll edit it and finish it within a respectable time frame but... for now, here you go. Enjoy.
People like to believe that the love story of Lily and James was a pure one. Everyone knew how the tale was spun and it was told so many times that even the ones involved forgot the secrets that were buried within the tale.
Alice and Frank had a love story to be admired. Alice and Frank were friends for what felt like forever until one day, they were spotted holding hands and exchanging small smiles. They started going out sixth year, or maybe fifth, it was hard to tell since they always seemed like a couple, even before they were officially one. That was a love story that the girls in Hogwarts used to sigh about. Including Lily.
Lily thought she found her love story until she stumbled on, what she assumed at the time, was a plot twist. One that involved hazel eyes and late night walks around the castle. One that involved fights and heartbreaks. Lily thought that this bump in her planned life, that it was a test.
She failed to realize that it was the beginning of her real love story. The only tragedy of the story was that it took her so long to realize.
Her parents were always delighted that she was a witch. They loved it that they had a daughter that could do anything. Literally, anything she wanted with a swish of her wand. Weather it was stream of brightly red and gold fireworks to a funny jinx that would always make them double over in laughter.
Though, there were times where a sigh of relief seemed to escape their lips when something normal occurred in her life. Like something that they could relate to. For example, the day she started dating Steven Fiend, a muggle from a prominent family in the neighborhood.
Steven was the perfect gentleman. The first date he had with Lily, he knocked on the door and introduced himself to her parents. Then, on their third or fourth date (Lily could never remember numbers correctly in her head), he brought a bouquet of flowers, not for Lily, but for her mother. You can imagine the amount of points he scored with that simple act.
Steven Fiend, oblivious to the talents that Lily had, thought she was a pretty red head girl who disappeared to boarding school up north every year. Other than that, the only fact he knew was that he was madly in love with her. And he had a sneaking suspicion that Lily returned the feeling.
While her parents were in love with Steven Fiend, among her friends he was more of an outsider. Though he was friends with some of her friends' boyfriends, he was often seen as a nuisance. He chattered till someone's ears fell off or until someone was able to navigate the conversation in a different direction. He was also pompous and snobbish with people who were not in the same honors courses that Steven was in school. He felt the need to display his wealth and talk about all the talents he possessed.
Of course, these were things that Lily heard, not necessarily believed. But going up against these established beliefs about Steven made it that much harder for Lily to break the news to her friends. So Lily waited for the most opportune moment to tell them the news and to tell the truths about her late night dates.
That day, was today. The three of them were near the pool side. The sun was beaming down on them as they observed the busy summer life behind their sunglasses.
"Steven?"
"Steven Fiend?!"
"You can't be serious Lily, I mean… its Steven!"
Lily rolled her eyes at her friends while she lathered some sunscreen on to her pale freckled skin. "Yes, Steven, he asked me out… and I said yes!" She said, with a smile lingering on her lips.
One of the girls, Julie, laughed as stole the bottle of sunscreen from Lily and started to pile some of the lotion on her legs. Lily rolled her eyes at her friend putting on the sunscreen. While Lily's pale complexion required that she applied lotion every hour, Julie was one of those fortunate girls who just tanned. With her long, straight brunette hair and her hazel eyes, Julie was easily a beauty. Though she could steal any boys heart, she was pretty damn loyal to her boyfriend Mark at the moment; a boy who happened to be Steven's best friend.
"Still though, you'd think with all of the perfect boarding school guys up there that you'd find some bloke. But no! You had to come home and steal the one and only cute guy from my street!" Julie said in a joking manner as she continued to vigorously spread the lotion on to her legs. Lily just rolled her eyes and sighed as Julie wiggled about on her pool chair. Though she had the beauty, she lacked any sort of grace or coordination; which meant there was always lots of movement and accidents with Julie.
Next to Julie lay Michelle Brawn. Frighteningly skinny with her blue eyes that seemed slightly too large while freckles on created a constellation along her cheek bones. Her wavy blonde hung to her shoulders as she slapped Julie lightly on the leg, her chapped pink lips turned into a slight frown.
"Oy! How do you think Mark would feel if you were calling Steven the 'only cute guy on my street!'" Michelle stated as she retreated to her pool chair, taking the sunscreen bottle with her.
Julie just gave a small little smile as she fidgeted with the bowties on her bikini bottoms with her fingers, the nails had flecks of pale blue on them. "Mark doesn't need to know everything. Besides, Mark doesn't live on my street… and I wouldn't dream of going out with Steven, he's so… arrogant. He's nothing compared to Mark." She raised her arms and put her hands behind her head while crisscrossing her leg for the billionth time.
Lily let out a huff of annoyance. Memories of more arrogant boys filled her head,
A boy with a hearty laugh and a deep voice. A boy with a snitch and messy black hair filled her vision. Turning on her stomach with much more vigor then she intended, she snapped at her friends. "Arrogant? You should meet Potter…" She spat out as her friends continue to steal sun lotion.
At once, Julie started pulling at the bun in her hair while Michelle let out a noise of disgust. They had hear about James Potter in great depth. They had heard of his name calling and the bullying of Severus Snape (though they found the pranks they pulled on Snape hilarious, they would never let Lily know). They had heard far too much of Jams Potter; Lily dating Steven Fiend hinted that the Potter ranting days would be over. Or so they thought.
"Oh no, Lily, I'm sick and tired of hearing Potter stories. I get it, he's a 'bullying toe rag' . But honestly, Steven is a tad bit egocentric. Not as much as this Potter bloke you keep talking about. But whenever Steven is around you…" Julie trailed off as her and Michelle snorted into their hands while Lily looked at them in dismay.
While Lily was aware of the reputation that Steven held with her friends here, she never expected it to be such an upward battle. Though she was used to the questioning looks and intrusive questions from strangers and friends regarding her choice of company - Severus had prepared her well for this – she never expected it to be this hard.
"Don't be too harsh on him, besides he's a good catch…" Lily finished off, as she placed her sunglasses on her freckled nose and leaned back on the pool chair. Not wanting to look at the confused glances of her friends or their shrug of shoulders.
"A good catch? Of course he is! He's smart, funny, good looking, and athletic…" Julie said, her voice was a pitch too enthusiastic and she was rushing through the list before Michelle cut her off.
"Eh, he's a little skinny and scrawny – but he is a really good guy. You did good Lily" Michelle teased Lily as she gave her friend a side long glance and a smile before turning onto her stomach. Letting her bleached blonde hair fall over the pool chair, while the remaining strands were left out like a fan.
With the sun shining brightly upon the three sixteen year olds, the splashing and laughing of the kids surrounding them. Lily couldn't help it but feel perfectly content with her life.
Though Mr. and Mrs. Evans were head over heels in love with Steven Fiend; Petunia was less than impressed. He showed off far too much for her liking – couldn't he be normal and not bring attention to himself every few minutes? While Petunia was particular about 'being normal', she truly didn't like brag about herself. She could find many adjectives and sentences to boast about Vernon's talents or even about Lily's ambitions. But about herself? She was very humble.
When she graduated with honors from her typing school, she told no one except her parents and her best friend Yvonne, When she obtained a job at the prestigious drilling company in town, people only discovered where she worked from her parents. When she started dating Vernon, she was discreet about their lives. They indulged in PDA every so often but she didn't like to shove her life down other people's throats like Steven did.
And then, there was that slight disappointment that her baby sister – who could have dated a fabulous young wizard – settled for ordinary. Perhaps this was the biggest reason she was against Steven, Lily could be dating someone who matched her in her magical abilities, hell she could probably learn a thing or two from them! But instead, Lily was settling for a muggle boy who would never understand or appreciate the magic that ran through Lily's veins.
Petunia had a sinking feeling that this relationship would drag Lily from her wizarding life into the muggle world. While she may be jealous of her sister, she would never forgive her for giving up the world.
On a dull Monday morning when the heat was sneaking into the house through every crack and opening, Petunia was sitting serenely at the small kitchen table with a steaming cup of tea. Her toast was resting in her left hand as her eyes skimmed over the major headlines of the morning, she could feel the beads of sweat fall down the back of her neck. Though the Muggle newspaper was propped up to make it easier to read, her copy of The Daily Prophet was discreetly hidden underneath. Lily wasn't aware, and would never know the extent that her sister read the paper. Lily Evans would never know that her sister read The Daily Prophet everyday till November 1st, 1981.
In the mist of the heat, the toast, and the news, the tattered white phone rang shrilly in the kitchen; disturbing the peace that Petunia was enjoying. Dropping her toast to her plate and abandoning her news, Petunia rushed to the phone and picked up the receiver with an animosity that should truly be reserved towards living beings.
"Hello?" Petunia talked into the phone, leaning up against the kitchen counter, her barefooted foot was propped against the wooden cabinets below.
"Good Morning, this is Steven Fiend calling for Lily, is she home right now?" The confident voice flitted through the speakers. Petunia rolled her eyes and gritted her teeth. What an arse. Seriously, what did her sister see in this guy?
Not even bothering of giving Steven a reply, she merely placed the phone to her chest as she yelled, "LILY!" at the top of her lungs, pausing momentarily before adding, "ITS STEVEN! PICK UP THE PHONE!" She heard a dropping of a book and padded footsteps form upstairs, bringing the telephone to her ear and waited for the familiar click and the breathy 'Hello' from her sister before slamming the phone down.
"Lily!" Shrieked Petunia, "Its Steven! Pick up the PHONE!"
Lily hastily dropped the book she was reading and rushed out of her room and grabbed the phone from the hallway, "Hello?" A muffled click was heard as Petunia slammed the phone down. Merlin, her sister had anger problems.
"Lily! Hey! I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time…"
Wondering back in to her room, Lily quickly shoved the Hogwarts: A History under her bed. She even took quick glances around her disorganized room as if Steven could see it through the telephone.
"No! Not at all! I was doing some light reading, what have you been up to?" She asked, as she lowered herself in a cross legged position on her bed.
"Well, then, do you want to meet in the park in fifteen minutes or so? I'd love to spend the day with the prettiest girl in town" He whispered into the phone.
A blush sprung up on Lily's face, grinning into the phone she eagerly agreed to see him in a few minutes. As soon as she hung up, she looked up to see her older sister, Petunia sister leaning against her door frame. She held a smirk on her face and her nose was held up high.
"Does he know you're a freak? Or have you been giving him some love potion?" Petunia said, as she crossed her arms across her bony chest.
Narrowing her eyes at the jealous freak at the door way, Lily snapped.
"No. I haven't." Lily angrily brushed past Petunia as she stormed out of her room. But hot on her heels, Petunia followed her out.
"What's wrong? Hit a sore spot? And out of all of the guys… you chose Steven? Couldn't you find one of your own kind? Or do they not want to date you? I think Severus is available…"
Lily turned to face her sister, her hot temper was raising, and she could already feel her face getting flushed. "I'm still a human Petunia. I still can date whoever I want, whenever I want. Besides, why do you care? You're dating Vernon."
Petunia's eyes narrowed as she bit her lip. As if Lily saying her boyfriend's name was enough to curse him with the oggie boogies.
"You're dating Vernon. You're taken. And so are most of those sad pathetic girls you hang out with. I'm not stealing him from anyone- and why am I even defending myself to you? I have to go, tell Mom and Dad that I'm with Steven." With that, Lily grabbed her tattered purse and rushed out of the house.
The walk to the park didn't take long. And in the hot summer days, Lily didn't mind it too much. It gave her time to calm down before she met up with Steven. She was furious at Petunia, why did she have to say those things? Why did it matter if she liked a muggle? Lots of people in the wizarding world dated muggles, heck, they even married them!
And the Severus comment… it only gnawed at the missing parts of her heart. Many assumed that Severus ended the relationship with Lily the day he called her a 'mudblood' in front of the entire student body.
What many failed to notice was the increase of bickering between them leading up to the disastrous moment. These arguments were not petty, they dealt with blood status and death eaters. It dealt with dark magic and the ethics of dark magic. There were far more fights about what was to be done after graduation (Severus, censoring his answer while Lily huffed and puffed). Turning over these moments, it was clear that the strings that held the friendship together were breaking. Each fight, Severus took a little bit of her heart that loved him and cherished him. In the end, Lily was left with a heart that had gaping holes from where Severus' relationship used to fill.
Though Lily could stand holding a conversation about the current Severus, it was difficult for her to waltz down memory lane. It was hard to imagine that Severus viewed her as a friend when it was clear that she was now the enemy. And all over something so stupid as blood status.
She quickly sat on one of the many wooden green benches, and put her face in her hands. Rubbing her temples a bit as the hot sun shone down on her, hoping that her freak side wouldn't cause some accident.
'I'm not doing anything wrong.' she kept thinking to herself over and over until.
"Lily!"
She looked up to see Steven waving. He had such an enthusiastic wave, like his entire arm was going to fall off. It was cute. His straw blond hair was resting quietly on his head while his brown eyes lit up at the sight of her.
The way he got so excited when he saw her was adorable. The way he flashed that crocked smile with his straight nose. Well, there were a lot of things that Steven did that made Lily happy.
A smile fluttered on her face, as she stood up and wondered over to him. Her arms sneaking around his waist, as his found its way around hers. She was shorter than him, so her head rested comfortably on his chest, the fast rhythm of his pulse calming her down. They stood like that for a minute or so, each enjoying the warmth that comes from another person.
"Shall we get out of here? Take a little walk?" He whispered into her ear, sending chills down her spine.
Biting down her lip, as Lily pulled back to see the suggested grin on his face. With a small laugh and a nod, Lily pulled out of the embrace, and took hold of his hands. Her slender fingers fit perfectly with his calloused ones.
Mr. Evans liked his schedule. He liked having his breakfast on time with his Earl Grey tea. While he enjoyed the sweet breakfast items from time to time, he was a creature of habit and preferred his eggs and sausages. While Mrs. Evans was flitting about the kitchen, he spotted his youngest daughter darting out, yelling a quick goodbye and then she was out the door.
"Is she with that Steven fellow?" He asked his wife, his eyes following Lily walking down the street.
"She's meeting him for brunch." His wife replied, setting down his plate in front of him. He hardly noticed.
"He should have walked on over and picked her up." He said gruffly, pulling himself in closer to the small kitchen table. Mrs. Evans just chuckled at his answer, smoothing down on the blotchy red apron that clashed horribly with her own thin red hair.
"Oh, I'm sure there will be a lot things that you think Steven should do for Lily. No one is ever good enough for your girls." Mrs. Evans chided him, before sitting across from him at the table.
He snorted before turning away from the window. Yes, no one would be good enough for Lily or Petunia. However, Steven might be good enough for right now, he may be the answer to his prayers.
Time during the summer turned slowly. A week morphed into a month and a month into two months. The relationship between Lily and Steven was steady and picture perfect for everyone to see.
They never did anything in public except hold hands, they never fought in public, they never had little nicknames that made everyone around them sick, and nor did they scream their love out for each other to everyone they knew.
This isn't to say that things behind doors either were bad. They were two teenagers who had hormones that raged out of control every so often. There had been more than one instance when Steven's hand went up her skirt and Lily's fingers teased the waist line of his pants.
No matter what happened between them, Steven always called her beautiful and always made sure to tell her how special and precious she was in his life.
Every. Single. Time.
Granted, the first few dates like that were cute. Precious even. But after a while the words lost their edges and Lily felt like it was play more than a relationship. And every single time that Lily would hear these words, no spark of happiness went through her, no warming sensations at the bottom of her stomach and no beating heart proceeded. Of course, a smile always lighted her face and a small peck on Steven's lips to show her appreciation towards him.
After all, actions did speak louder then words.
At around mid-July, on perfectly ordinary Wednesday, Steven Fiend was over at Lily's house for their weekly brunch. They had made a habit about going to each other's houses every Wednesday to make breakfast or brunch. Lily was an avid fan of eggs while Steven would much rather have some sweets, like crepes. In the end, they always made too much that it turned into a brunch. This particular week, it was Lily's turn to host the breakfast/brunch extravaganza.
Lily was at the stove top working on heating the skillet to cook some bacon. Though Lily was wearing one of her cuter sundresses (pale blue), it was covered by the hideousness of the kitchen apron. The apron, as Lily referred to it, was bright red. Splotches of food in the past were splattered on the apron to give it some artistic flair. It didn't matter if the Evans put it in the washing machine a thousand times, a majority of the stains would not come out. So Lily wore the hideous apron to protect her pretty dress. In a hair pulled into a high bun, she would hardly consider herself pretty at the moment. But someone did.
"You're looking rather beautiful today." Steven told her.
Lily whipped around to give him a small smile. He was sitting at the kitchen table with the mixing bowl in his lap. He had spent the past five minutes furiously stirring the ingredients together to make the crepes. He was rather cute with the smudge of flour on his cheek.
"Aren't you full of compliments today?" Lily retorted, facing back to the stove top.
"Just being honest." Steven chirped behind her as Lily rolled her eyes, though a small smile lingered on her face. While Lily was about to place the first batch of bacon onto the skillet, there was a sudden crash from upstairs. The kind of crash that only an owl would make when stumbling into a room.
Oh my god. Is it the Hogwarts Letter? Lily thought to herself. She was hoping it was, for then the anxious wait of finding out if she failed her exams would come to an end (though, she wouldn't know if she failed if the letter never arrived…)
"What was that?" Steven asked in a bewildered tone. Lily could hear the mixing bowl being placed on the table as the chair scrapped against the floor for Steven to move.
"Wait!" Lily said, swiftly grabbing his arm and pulling him deeper into the kitchen.
"What? I was just going to check-"
"Let me do that, I have a feeling I know what it is." Lily said hurriedly as she started to untie the apron. Steven just looked at her curiously, as if trying to catch her in a lie.
"You sure? You were just about to start the bacon-" Lily's hands were trembling as she was working at the knot she put on the apron earlier.
"I know but-." Lily growled out, just about ripping off the apron
"I can easily go up while you finish down here." Steven butted in, turning slightly to go on his quest. Fortunately, Lily grabbed his arm again and drew him in.
"Steven! Please! I know what toppled over! Just let me handle it and you can deal with the bacon!" Lily barked out rudely, shoving the apron in his hand before dashing up the stairs two at a time.
If he said something, it was drowned out by Lily's own thoughts about grades, head girl, head boy, courses, grades, Slughorn, grades…
Opening the door to her room she was pleased to see that her predictions about the owl were spot on. Sitting at her ledge was one of the tawny owls from Hogwarts, a rather large letter attached to its leg.
Gulping, Lily wondered over to the owl and with trembling fingers untied the letter from the leg. As soon as she was able to get the letter off, the owl took off with a hoot.
The letter was heavy. Did they send letters of condolences if someone failed after the 6th year? God, she knew she should have studied harder…
Ripping apart the envelope, she pulled out several pages. Furrowing her eyes, she quickly scanned the letter. Her fear evaporated on the spot and a large smile spread to her face. She didn't fail. She did fine. She got into the courses she wanted. And she was Head Girl.
Attached to Dumbledore's letter was the badge. The Head Girl's badge. Her badge now.
She was the Head Girl.
"I GOT IT!" She shouted gleefully. Steven yelled something back but his voice was drowned out, yet again. Lily was dashing down the stairs and running at full speed towards Steven. It didn't matter that he was completely caught off guard when Lily ran into his arms and squeezed the life out of him.
"Erm, what did you get? What was up there anyway? I thought I heard an owl?"
"I got Head Girl!" Lily whispered happily into his chest, ignoring his previous question.
"Wait, how did you find out?" Steven asked, hugging her close, though she couldn't see it, Lily was sure that there was a smile on his beautiful face.
"Letter. Mum must have left it for me yesterday. Probably didn't notice since I was with you all day." The lie fell effortlessly from her mouth as she loosen the grip around his torso. She stood on her toes and kissed a spot on his neck below his jaw, moving her hands to lightly grip his shoulders; Merlin, she was so elated at this very moment and she was getting tingles all over her body.
"Well, that's great! Congratulations! That's going to look really nice for your resume." Steven whispered huskily, his hands gripping her hip as she continued to scatter kisses along his jaw.
Right, because she was totally excited about being Head Girl because it was something to put on her resume. With such an arousing thought, Lily gripped his shoulders a little tighter and giving a final kiss on his mouth before breaking away and heading towards the kitchen, Steven following her in her rapid steps, completely oblivious to the moment that had just occurred.
Once they had entered the question, Steven spoke out loud her greatest fear. "Do you know whose Head Boy? Oh! Is it Severus?" He asked excitingly, settling down on the kitchen chair and resuming the stirring of his mix.
The egg that Lily was cracked completely broke on the skillet, the yellow ebbing into the white as Lily stared wordlessly at the mess with the potential crisis playing in her head. Well, at least Lily got to enjoy the moment for a few seconds before that thought crossed her mind.
At the start of August, Michelle, Julie and Lily got together for a sleep over at a common friend's house – Anna. Anna, with her parents jetting around often had her house empty for small get togethers. Friendly to all, she was known to be the rebellious one in the neighborhood. She was the one who first threw a house party, had sex, and did drugs. While she fooled the adults with her studious side, her peers couldn't care less about her brains but the alcohol and fun that she provided.
Her parents were out of town, leaving the house free for three sixteen year old girls. Julie was able to secure some alcohol from her parent's stash, leaving the night into drinking and watching poorly made romance movies on the VCR.
After several hours of goofing off and laughing hysterically at each other's jokes, they all settled down in Anna's room, where the topics ranged within the gossipy confines of the latest within their girl world. Each story of these girls were either sluts, bitches, or back stabbing whores. It was all great fun.
Then, the topic came upon boys and since the girls seemed to have calmed down after sharing a bottle of whatever alcohol Julie brought. Though the drink itself wasn't as strong as Firewhiskey, Lily could still feel the buzz lingering on her. The false sense of security and happiness was all over her, and she was always a little bit more open when she drank.
"So, how far have you and Mark gone Julie?" Michelle started, pulling a bottle of bright red nail polish towards her. A silence filled the room and after a minute the question was asked, Michelle made gaping noises while Lily just giggled into her pillow.
"Julie! When did this happen?" Anna started, with Lily close behind her with, "Where did you guys do it?"
Julie blushed as her lips twitched into a wicked grin. "It wasn't too long ago, it was a few days ago – remember when I told you Lily that I couldn't come over when Vernon and Petunia was having their date? Yeah well, Mark was over and-"
"You did it then?! Oh my god! Why didn't you say anything? I wouldn't have called so often!" Lily cried as she lifted her pillow to smack Julie. Immense guilt and embarrassment flushed through her body. To think that her friend was doing that while Lily kept trying to persuade her to come out…
They were still at the age where they felt they were grown up enough to have sex and go drinking. They pretended that it was no big deal to be doing these things (which are certainly illegal in several countries), however, when it boils down to it, they were still a bunch of kids who had little supervision. Stupid things like sex and drinking was bound to mix in. It was always going to cause gasps and raised eyebrows.
"How was it?" Michelle asked slyly, as her and Lily bombarded questions about it. Was he good? Did it hurt? Was it quick? Was he big? Was there a condom involved?
The questions went on for a while, Julie laughing with each question and burying her face in the pillow when it got to the nitty gritty details of the experience.
After a half an hour of quizzing Julie, she suddenly turned to Lily. "What about you Lils? From what Mark has heard, you haven't been the innocent one…"
Lily immediately turned scarlet, as Anna let her jaw drop while Julie just snickered. "We haven't gotten as far as you and Mark… what have you heard?" She quietly asked Julie.
Julie's face soften for a bit, realizing that the information could have been taken several different ways. "Lils, Mark and Steven are best friends, they tell each other everything. Mark accidentally let it slipped. Honest. Steven isn't going around town saying that he's fucking you or anything like that…"
Lily let out a small sigh of relief and let the silence surround her. "Good. That had me a little worried. I mean, we're not screwing each other but… there have been a few times at his house when he… well, goes below the belt and I give him-"
Giselle immediately pounced on her, "Please don't tell me you've given him a blow-"
Lily's eyes widen, and shook her head quickly. "No, God no. I would never do that. That's disgusting… I mean… my mouth… ugh!"
"Well, if you truly love him…" Julie started.
"But I don't though!" Lily said exasperatedly. At once, an awkward silence filled the room. Lily realized that she let out something that she herself was afraid to admit.
Anna's nail polish brush was lingering over the bottle as she gave a quizzical look at Lily. "You don't love him… yet you do all these things with him? Why though?" She asked, as she proceeded to put a coat of red on her toe.
Lily looked at her friends in bewilderment. "I don't need to love him to do those things. I mean, I should love him to do things like that, but honestly at this age, do we even know what love is?"
"I know I love Mark." Julie stated plainly. "I mean, I slept with him the other day because… well, I trust him a lot. And I can't imagine experiencing that type of intimacy with anyone else then him." She said, then looked at her pillow, awkwardness filled the room.
"He makes me laugh and just being with him makes me happy. He's so cute, and when we're together… he makes it feel like it's only us. That there's no one else. He always knows exactly what to say when I'm down. And even when we fight, we always call up an hour or so after to apologize. I love him." Julie finished, as she started to play with the frays of her pillow.
Lily felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. She certainly didn't see Steven as any of these things. He didn't know what to say when she was upset. If anything, he made things worse. She always felt that she was in a competition in him, and more then once she felt like she was more as a trophy then as an actual human. They didn't fight. He always told her how much he liked her, he always made sure when they were alone he'd tell her she's beautiful.
Before, these words made her blush and cause a warm tingle sweep down her body. Now, she didn't feel anything. Then, when they were kissing, he always was so polite that it made her laugh when she got home.
When her hand neared the waist band of his boxers, she often asked him if it was alright. If he wanted her to go there, and his response was always 'Yes, please'. Though it was sweet that he used manners in such heated moments, it drove her mad. Even worse, he'd always make sure that what he was doing to her was alright and she wasn't 'aroused enough to cloud her decisions'. She couldn't put a finger why it made her crazy. It just felt so wrong to be oh-so polite and formal in moments which were suppose to be filled with passion and madness.
Lily let out a sigh and spoke out the words she thought she'd never say. "I'm going to break up with him"
At once, Anna dropped the brush on her duvet while the first time that night, Julie let her mouth hang right open.
"No!"
"Don't do it!"
"It's just the alcohol talking-"
"It's not though! I wanted to do this for a while now…"
"Lily. Don't, you have any idea how lucky you are to have him?" Anna stared off coldly as she stared at Lily.
"Of course I do! But I just don't think that the feeling is there anymore!"
Or ever. She thought to herself silently as Michelle still glared at her with such intensity.
"Lily. He's sweet and kind. He's funny and smart. And he likes you and respects you! Can you name me one good reason for you to break up with him?" Michelle started, as she turned to the box of tissues to clean up her mess.
It was Lily's turned to gape at her friends. She didn't know how to say she didn't like him. That she didn't want to be with him. That she would rather be with her friends or her guy friends then to be with him. She couldn't explain the whole 'yes please' to them, because they would find her strange. She couldn't tell them anything.
"He loves you. You know that?" Julie said quietly.
"What?"
"Yeah, he loves you." Julie let out a breath of air. "He was talking to Mark the other day and I happened to over hear it. If you break up with him… you're going to really break his heart in two. Besides, it's summer romance! You'll soon be off to school and you two will be broken up by then. Besides, you only have a few weeks left. Why not humour him for a bit?"
Lily stared at wonderment at her friends. Were they really telling her to continuing going out with Steven? Even though there was nothing between them anymore? Or to begin with? But it was evident on their faces that they thought that Lily was off her rocker.
With great hesitation and reluctance, Lily spoke, "You're right. It has to be the alcohol. I like him, I'll stay with him".
Michelle and Julie gave her a tight smile before turning the subject on Giselle who was currently eyeing one of the life guards at the pool.
Lily nodded and giggled along with them, letting the dreaded thought of her and Steven together linger at the back of her mind.
Lily woke up at 6 AM the next day. A slight ache in her head and stiffness in her joints, she lifted up her head to find the rest of her friends fast asleep. The early rays of the morning were passing through the yellow curtains of the ordinary living room, giving a glowing tint to the room. Pushing herself fully off of the couch, Lily stretched out her limbs as the ache in her head turned into a slight pounding sensation. Damn alcohol. Sitting up and drawing her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around her legs while resting her chin on her knees. A small sigh escaped her lips when she realized that she had to meet up with Steven in six hours.
Why did she care what her friends said about him? Why did she care what her friends thought of her and Steven? Doesn't it matter what she thought?
Ah, but it wasn't just her friends… the thought twisted in her head as she furrowed her brows. She knew her father was a big fan of the relationship. She knew that her mother adored Steven. She knew that her mother would like nothing more than to have a huge wedding with Steven (her heart stopped at such a thought). Her mother hinted at her coming home after graduation next year. Her mother has more than once mentioned getting a 'normal' job after graduation so that Lily could be with Steven. She has suggested to Lily several times to sever the ties with the magical world so as to have a happy relationship with Steven. Much to the discomfort of Lily.
She would be lying if she didn't think the same way herself. The headlines in the wizarding newspapers were terrifying. Kidnappings, murders, and attacks. The thought of coming home to her family's house destroyed with the mark hanging over was something that kept her up at night. Running away with Steven, giving up the world of magic, moving far, far away… it was tempting. It was safe. It was an idea that was far more serious then Lily would like to admit. For fuck's sake, she is a Gryffindor after all. But perhaps she didn't need Steven to run away.
It was hard. They were the picture perfect couple that many awed and fawned over. The amount of times the couple was complimented and admired was mind boggling. Just because Steven came from a wealthy family, meant that Lily had to share some sort of lime light. There was the pressure to be picture perfect with him, to make sure no fights broke out or any scandalous news pieces. There was this horrible sense that perfection was required to be the girlfriend of Steven Fiend. Lily bit her lip at such a thought. The quiet questions and doubts in her stomach… she was hoping her friends would give her the sense of confidence to break it off with Steven. She had thought her friends would understood, especially Anna of all people! But it appeared that they were just as fooled with the image that Steven and Lily created of perfection and happiness.
Turning her head from side to side to stretch out her neck, Lily mulled over her thoughts. This wasn't happiness. She wasn't happy. She was miserable. She felt as if she was trapped in a hole with weights on her feet so she couldn't climb out. She felt pressured to maintain an image so that everyone else could be happy. She felt like she was drowning in a sea of expectations. Who knew that dating in the muggle world would be so hard?
The soft ticking of her watch and the guilt in her stomach was her only source of company for an hour before her friends started to rustle about around her.
"Did you have fun last night with your friends?" Steven asked politely, as he held on tightly to Lily's hand as they were walking around the neighborhood with Steven's dog.
"I did." Lily said, guilt quickly cursing through her veins. "We mostly hung out, drank a little, gossip a little…" Lily said, taking a quick peek at Steven's face to see it darken.
"Ah. I forgot you're not too fond of me drinking." Lily muttered quietly under her breath.
Steven snapped, his hand squeezed Lily's quite tight. "It's so stupid! I mean people do the most ridiculous things while drinking. If I ever found you drunk, I would take you home to your parents." Steven said with such vigor that even the dog's ears shrunk back with fear.
Steven had some morals, to say the least. From conversations, Lily was under the impression that he viewed himself as the white knight who was pure at heart (except for those late nights). He thoroughly enjoyed looking down on his 'fellow students' for getting drunk on a Friday night instead of doing something to further their academic careers like studying for Chemistry. Though Lily would have liked to pretend that this was a joke (for who actually studies Chemistry in the summer, on a Friday night), it was far from it.
Lily resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Steven, we weren't in the clubs or anything wild like that. We were just relaxing. Besides, if you brought me home while I was tipsy or drunk my parents would probably never let me see you again…" Lily said in a teasing tone as she huddled closer to Steven.
"Oh boy, isn't that Severus? I haven't spoken to him in a while!" Steven said with a slight enthusiasm as he let go of Lily's hand to wave Severus over.
Lily swallowed quickly and Severus glowered while walking towards the couple. She knew for a fact that Severus hated Steven. Not enough to do anything dangerous but enough to be clearly annoyed at Steven.
"Hello Steven. Lily." Severus said darkly, nodding to each of them respectively.
"How's your summer been?" Steven asked, completely oblivious to Lily's fidgeting or Severus's narrowing eyes.
"It's been alright. I have been doing some work around the house and getting ready for next year." Severus replied dryly, barely containing the disgust in his voice.
Steven straighten up and puffed his chest out. He enjoyed such competitions of 'who is more productive'. It was so incredibly dumb, that Lily rolled her eyes as Steven blabbered on. "Sounds like a productive summer. I've been studying as well for the next year – getting my Chemistry into tip top form so that I can ace the class this year." Steven said boastfully. He was completely and utterly oblivious to the awkwardness that settled around the conversation.
Then, a small smirk crawled onto Severus's face. And Lily knew exactly what was coming out of Severus's mouth, but too late to prevent it.
"Chemistry, eh? Well, I know Lily is the top of our class when it comes to her Chemistry skills." Severus said in a teasing tone while Lily just blushed furiously.
Steven just looked at Lily with awe. "You never mentioned that you took Chemistry last year." He said with a slight shock in his voice.
"Right. Well, I didn't think it was a big deal. Nothing important. Besides, Severus beat me in the final exams by a few points so I really think that maybe you should talk to him about anything chemistry related." Lily fumbled with the words as Severus eyed her carefully.
"How do you know what score I got on the final exam?" He asked in genuine curiosity.
Lily gave a small smile and rolled her eyes in a teasing fashion. "Well, Slughorn did write to me to tell me that his best students were neck and neck for being the top in his class and that he was rather heart broken when I answered the third question incorrectly."
Severus' eyes widen with shock. Which was understandable considering the question had to do with poison antidotes and Lily wrote about ever antidote except for bezors. Though as insignificant as the bezor can be to anyone else it is a powerful resource against any poison. Any first year could have written a better response then Lily.
"Wow. That would explain the curt remarks made by Slughorn. I'm under the impression that he, uh, likes me less then you." Severus said politely, a small smirk tugging on his lips.
"What was the third question about? I wonder if I could have answered it…" Steven injected.
"Doubt it. As I said. Lily is one of the best Chemistry students in our year. She must have had a bad day or something during the exam." Severus quickly cut in, hardly sparing a breath to politely phrase his comment to Steven.
"Well. We better take off. But it was nice seeing you Severus." Lily said quickly, tugging on Steven's hand as they both parted ways. Lily didn't bother to look back as her and Steven walked on. If she did, she would have realized that Severus was sizing up the relationship and realizing the cowardice of Lily Evans.
Petunia was a keen observer thanks to her years of being an avid gossiper. She could tell the difference between an innocent glance and a look between lovers. She could read lips from far away. There was hardly anything that went un-noticed.
While sipping on some coffee, her wedding magazines fanned out in front of her, she was taking careful notes about the big day ahead. She annotated the magazines and jotted notes in her wedding planner notebook. Despite her planning, she noticed that outside the kitchen window, Severus Snape was walking slowly by the Evans household. For the third time that day. Honestly, couldn't the boy take a hint? And Petunia didn't really care that he was magical or potentially dangerous. She was the older sister of Lily Evans after all.
Taking a gulp of the cup of coffee, she abandoned her wedding plans and dashed out to the sidewalk. Severus took a backward glance at her, a glint of hope was all over his face before he realized who it was. He then tried to continue walking, as if he didn't stop before.
"Wait. Hold on." Petunia yelled out, and to her surprise, the boy did exactly that. Walking in long strides, Petunia was able to reach him and angrily crossed her arms.
"Going to the grocery store?" She asked sweetly, her head tilted to the side while Severus shuffled and scowled.
"Yes, I have to pick up some things for my mother…" He trailed off, his sentence dying when he saw the skeptical look on Petunia's face.
"Right, well, that's great but isn't this the long route?" Petunia asked pointed manner, Severus just looked away, his eyes fixed angrily on a crack on the sidewalk.
"You're not going to win her back by pacing in front of her house-"
"I'm not trying to win her back-"
"Well, good! What you did was awful! You know how sensitive she is to that sort of thing-"
"Listen. Petunia." Severus cut her off, directly facing her at this point. "I'm only going this route to make sure that your house is safe. You know as well as anybody that dark times lie ahead." He told her sternly.
Petunia pushed out the The Daily Prophet headlines from out of her mind. Feigning a look of nonchalant, she snorted. "Oh, Severus! Don't be so melodramatic-"
"I know that you have a subscription." Severus cut her off, a smirk sprawled across his face as the blood drained from Petunia's face. Severus knew Petunia's embarrassment and shame of not having magical blood… and her desire to be magical. It was embarrassing. But she wasn't about to let him control the conversation now.
"What are you talking about?" Petunia snapped at him.
Severus laughed, his eyes gleaming with mirth. "Oh, please. I see the two owls getting to your house every day. Your mother hates birds and your father is dreadfully awful at dealing with animals. You really expect me to believe that Lily gets two copies of the Daily Prophet every day?" Severus replied quietly.
Petunia shifted her weight from foot to foot. Now she was uncomfortable. This is why she couldn't stand Sevy, it's like he made sure that she felt as humiliated as she was on that platform all those years ago.
"And so what? I want to know what's going on in my sister's life." Petunia snapped.
"Funny. I thought you despised her. Just like I do." Severus pointed out, a confident grin on his face.
Who knew that these two would have something in common?
Lily would lay awake in her bed with the latest Daily Prophet on her bed stand. Each headline filled with the latest murders and kidnaps, all of them hinting at the cause.
Her years at Hogwarts were delightful; the protection that Dumbledore gave them ensured them a safe environment. However, the protection didn't stop the dreadful news hailing continuously on them. Throughout her years, she had seen more and more of her peers retreating with their family and entering in her seventh year – she had received plenty of letters from her mates, telling her that they went into hiding with their family, and hopes that they would see each other again.
She has been advised by several to drop out. To run far away from Britain, and blend into the muggle population, as a 'mudblood' she was one of the most targeted person on He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's list.
They've told her countless times to run, to forget the magic flowing through her veins. To forget the endless list of spells, to pretend that Hogwarts was nothing more than an imaginary place in her mind.
Even her parents were worried for her. They've seen her newspapers. In fact, her father made it a point to read it so he could understand the gibberish that spewed out of Lily's mouth.
While he silently read the newspaper, his eyes slowly moving from row to row; her mother fretted, made tutting noises and twisted her hands in a knot. She didn't want her daughter dead. She didn't want to ever come home to see a death mark over her house. She was terrified of this world that she knew nothing about.
That was why, she was standing in the door way of her daughter's, trying to force the words out of her throat.
Lily was folding her clothes and placing her books away into the faded wooden trunk that Lily took away every year. Every year Lily took off to Hogwarts, a school that as a mother, she used to think was this magical, beautiful place. With rolling green hills and a castle fit for a fairy tale. The ghosts, bewitched paintings, spells, and potions, all seemed too good to be true. Hogwarts was the perfect place.
Now, Hogwarts is this roaring monster that takes away her daughter every year. The jinxes, the hexes, the evil Slytherins, and you-know-who all came from this school, this Hogwarts.
Yet, she tried to get Lily to enroll into the local school. She cried and pleaded with her daughter to stay home; but Lily is as stubborn as a mule, she would never stay home, she'd much rather fight the battle then stay at home. But there was one last trick she had up her sleeve that may just save her daughter's life.
Out of the corner of Lily's eye, she spotted her mom hovering near the door way. She let out a sigh as she continued to work on her trunk.
Soon though, she heard the padded footsteps of her mother and watched as her mother sat on the bed.
Her mother wasn't young but couldn't be considered old. Her short blonde hair was curled inwards and reached mid neck. Her green eyes were lined with 'laughter wrinkles' and her lips were thin with parentheses around them. Currently, her mother was fretting with the diamond, pearl ring that Lily's grandmother owned.
At once Lily felt her stomach sank, as she realized that her mom wasn't here to help her fold robes but to talk her out of going to Hogwarts, to home.
"Did you get your dress robes out of the basket downstairs?" Her mother asked.
Lily nodded as she placed some books on the robes she recently packed. "Yes. I did, thank you. I don't know what I would have done without all of your help" She flashed a smile towards her mother, as her mother weakly smiled back.
"So… what are you going to tell Steven?" Lily's mother said gingerly, stepping into the room and taking deliberate steps towards Lily's bed.
"Not the truth" Lily muttered, stiffening up and walking towards the laundry basket.
"How are you two going to keep in contact though? I mean, I doubt he knows how to work an owl…" Her mother trailed off as Lily froze midway of placing another load of robes.
"I… wasn't going to keep in contact… I mean, I'm going to break up with him –" Lily stammered as her mother looked at her daughter wide eyed.
"You shouldn't break up with him. He's a good boy Lily, where are you going to find another boy like him? Certainly not up at that school"
"You mean Hogwarts?" Lily said coolly as she thrust her robes in the trunk, not bothering if they were placed as neatly as the others.
Her mother's eye twitched at the mention of Hogwarts but prattled on as if Lily said nothing. "Lily, it's unreasonable to think you're going to marry someone up there… I mean, how can we trust them? How do we know that they're not a death eater or-"
"Mom! I can tell!" Lily shrilly yelled as she started to thrust more of her things in a hazard state.
"Lily! Listen to me, this war, it's getting worse and… I don't think your father and I will allow you to live in your world after you graduate!" Her mother said firmly, not raising her voice nor lowering it.
Lily looked at her with shock. Her mouth was open and short gasps came in and out. She couldn't believe her ears, her mother was threatening her. Her mother, her father, the very people who praised her for being magical was now trying to turn her away from this practice.
"You can't stop me" Lily said softly, the courage the she once had in her chest was suddenly gone.
"Or what? You're going to apperate? You're not seventeen, you're not legal to do any sort of magic" Lily's mother said harshly.
"Afterwards I can. I turn seventeen in the winter. I'll be able to do whatever I want then!" Lily shouted as she slammed her trunk shut.
"If you choose to remain with that world, then don't consider yourself part of the family."
Lily and her mother swished their heads to where Lily's dad was, leaning against the door with his hands in his jean pockets. Complete silence envelop Lily's room as each member was staring at one another, not daring to believe what had just happened.
"This will be your last year at Hogwarts. We can't get you out of school now, it's too suspicious with all of the neighbors – they'll talk. Therefore, you're safe to go for one more year at the school. However, if you want to be considered a part of this family, then you will return to our world after your seventh year. I'm sure you can magic up some papers, claiming you graduated from some prestigious school and then you can snap your wand…" Lily's father continued, as he walked the room, his hand hovering where Lily's wand lay.
Lily's chest contracted painfully. Her breaths were shallow and she could feel the pool of tears that were collecting in her eyes. She bit her bottom lip painfully as she watched her father get close to her wand and mention the very snapping of it.
Her father's face soften as he saw his daughter quivering near her trunk, at once his heart reached out to her. "Lily, we're not doing this to be mean or cruel, but because we love you. Do you understand that? We can't protect you from these Death Eaters or Demenentors without spells or wands. But we can hide you in our world. That, we can do."
"You honestly think that will work? We're dealing with the most powerful dark wizards of our kind here! Do you not realize that if he wants to find me he will! I mean, just because I snapped my wand- "
"Steven would help" Her father cut her off.
"What? No, he won't! I'm going to break up with him as soon-"
"After he graduates from school, his father is offering him a position in his company. Pretty high up actually. Would require a lot of traveling, Voldemort wouldn't want to try find a witch like you in… Switzerland now, would he?" Her father finished off.
Lily stood dumbfounded with the information that kept getting hurled at her.
She wanted the magic. She wanted her freedom. She wanted the ability to travel and not be tied down. She wanted the excitement that would not be satisfied in a mundane muggle life. She didn't want a future with Steven.
Steven, with his self centered and polite ways. His formal questions, a future with him would be a perfect scenario. One, with a house on a hill, with a view on the lake and the mountains, little kids running about, cook books open to make the perfect meal, cleaning after her children and husband, satisfying everyone's needs except her own. The perfect future for the house maker, the perfect family with the darling kids; the perfect scenario for everyone but Lily.
But she wanted to stay with her family, she wanted to send letters to her mom and receive care packages. She wanted her dad to walk her down the aisle. She wanted her mother there when she needed help with the baby. She wanted her family apart of her life.
Even if it meant she had to give up something in return. Even if it meant she had to keep Steven. Even if it meant destroying herself in the process, revamping everything about her, changing her needs her desires so that they would fit in this perfect scenario.
"Okay" Lily whispered hoarsely, as her parents left the room.
Petunia was a major bitch. Lily could write an entire novel of why her sister was the spawn of the devil himself. Yet, at times, the jealousy and the hatred died down for brief moments. The sisters had an inexplicably ability to come together at times of crisis.
"I can't believe it." Lily heaved out, wiping her hand across her cheek. Her eyes felt swollen, and she kept having to sniffle. She could already feel the dull ache of a headache coming on.
"Neither can I" Petunia whispered hoarsely. They were sitting on the floor of Lily's room, back against the bed with Petunia's arm around Lily's body. Lily was sniffling and sobbing all over her sister's t-shirt; but she figured she wouldn't mind this one time.
"It's my whole life Petunia." Lily wailed quietly, fearful the floor boards would creak open for her parents to hear.
"It may kill you. And us! You've got to think about the rest of the family Lily." Petunia said sternly, rubbing her hand up and down Lily's arm.
Lily just laughed. "How can I protect you if I don't have a wand? Or go to school to learn everything possible? Petunia, we're dealing with magic this other side, this Voldemort guy has terrible, dark magic. He cannot be defeated with mere guns." Lily said stubbornly.
"Well, The Daily Prophet is hinting that a lot of muggle-borns are going into hiding…" Petunia trailed off.
Lily smiled to herself. "Glad to know you still read the newspaper."
Petunia shrugged, "I steal yours whenever I get the chance. Mom and dad usually grab it after me."
"Well, that makes sense why they're scared out of their minds."
Petunia looked down at her sister, a sense of pity was written all over her face.
"Lily, we just want what's best for you. This is the only way we know how to protect you. This Voldemort guy isn't going to find you in Switzerland and as far as for us? Well, we don't live in a flashy neighborhood, hopefully he goes for other places."
"You're taking a chance. For you to be safe we'd have to all move."
Petunia shrugged. "Not necessarily. The Daily Prophet is reporting that majority of the attacks are occurring when the muggle-born is at home or to complete and total muggle strangers in the street. Sure there has been some break-ins in Muggle homes – but Snape lives in this neighborhood."
"He's a bad person Petunia. I he's going over to the other side." Lily said quietly, tearing a part the tissue in her hand.
"I know. You told me. But you don't get it. Sevy still looks at you the same way he did as a kid. He may have called you mudblood but he would never actually hurt you. Or your family. He knows if he plays a move on us, then whatever happened between you two would truly be dead. He's still got hope."
"How do you know this? I haven't seen him in ages." Lily said, something strange getting caught in her throat as she further fidgeted with the tissue in her hand.
Petunia just started laughing. "You can't be that blind. Haven't you seen the say he stares at daggers at Steven in the grocery store? He walks pass this house a lot and he claims it is because it is on the way to the bus stop…"
"You talk to him? I thought you hated him!"
Petunia frowned at this. "Hate is an awfully strong word. I don't like what he called you but… There's something still there. I wouldn't worry about him Lily."
"Don't worry. I'm not wasting any breath on that stupid git." Lily mumbled darkly under her breath.
Petunia just took a huge sigh. "Look, this isn't over. You still have a choice. A horrible choice no doubt. But you still have it. You just need to figure what life you're willing to live with. One without the family, possibly throwing all of us in mortal peril, and you dying within a few years or… one with the whole family and you tolerating Steven. The choice is yours."
"If only it was that simple." Lily whispered, as her and her sister sat in silence as the sky started to darken.
AN: Like it? Love it? Review it!