Coding: Roslin/Tigh, Tigh/Ellen, Lee/Roslin, Lee/Kara… yes folks - it's a love quadrangle! Guest appearances by Adama and Billy also.
Timeline: Set during/after 'Secrets and Lies'
Spoilers: Colonial Day
Disclaimer: If wishes were ponies… but Ronald D. Moore and Universal Studios own everything BSG. I own my imagination. No infringement intended.
A/N: This it totally A/U, it's also a sequel to 'Restless Heart'. Shout out to Heather for being my beta - girl, you know I love ya more than my luggage! Occam's razor: no more things should be presumed to exist than are absolutely necessary.
Occam's Razor
Roslin blanches. "What?" she grips the arm rests of her chair.
"Tigh's wife, she was found… She and Tigh were reunited last night and have spent most of today together," repeats Adama.
Laura stares at the Commander; her mind not registering this…
Adama watches her closely. He didn't want to have to do this, but Tigh had spent the whole day with Ellen and not given Roslin a second thought. Adama knew how it felt to be the last to know and he didn't want that to happen to her.
"Um," she finally manages. She takes a breath and then licks her lips nervously. "It's her – I mean, you're sure?" the President asks.
Adama nods. "Yes Ma'am. Ellen Tigh is very much alive and well…"
This changed everything. What must Tigh be feeling? She knew he had loved Ellen; she knew because he never spoke of her; as if talking about her was a sacrilege to her memory, only she isn't a memory – now she's a factor.
And now came some difficult questions. Should Laura back off? Should she fight for him? Does he want her to fight for him? What they have is tentative at the best of times…
Adama stands, Laura's attention comes back to focus on him. "I thought you should know," he says kindly.
She nods and the Commander exits her office.
Laura hesitates and then calls out to Billy. "Get the XO on the phone."
Billy gets a secure line through to the CIC where the Colonel was currently on duty. He puts the President straight through.
"Ma'am," Tigh greets formally.
"You didn't tell me, why didn't you tell me?" her voice is soft and filled with hurt.
This unexpected vulnerability from her throws Tigh.
"Tell you what Madame President?" he asks, trying to buy time because Ellen's re-emergence had been like a dream… suddenly she was there before him, full of life and energy… Ellen had swept him up as she always did and he had let her… and Laura… she's like a distant memory.
"Don't give me that! I know you spent yesterday and today getting reacquainted with her."
Tigh lowers his voice. "She is my wife!"
"Was." Laura corrects. "She's your ex-wife… you're divorced, remember? You've moved on… haven't you?"
He doesn't answer. He thought he had, thought his future lay with Laura, but with one look at Ellen, he knew his heart could never escape her clutches. And if he could choose who to love, it would be Laura every time but his feelings have no respect for logic.
"We need to talk about this properly," she says.
Tigh grips the phone tighter. "My shift ends in an hour, I can meet you then, Ma'am."
"Okay," she consents.
There's a long pause and then they hang-up simultaneously.
Billy enters her office to see her staring at the phone. He puts some files in front of her. "Problem?" he asks, his tone apprehensive.
Roslin looks up at him. "No problem," she replies lightly and he knows she's lying.
ooooooooooooooooooo
In her quarters, they keep a distance; physical proximity has always been their undoing.
"She wants to try again," the XO says quietly.
Laura folds her arms across her chest and nods slowly. "And what about us?" Roslin presses, suddenly afraid. "What happens to us?"
There's a long silence. He can't bring himself to say the words, can't bring himself to want to leave her.
"Paul?"
"I think that… Ellen and I could make it work this time. She's not the same, things are going to be different."
Roslin bites her lower lip. "Fine," she manages.
Tigh takes a step towards her. Automatically, Laura takes a step back.
"Is that all?" she asks. She can't bring herself to look at him. Can't bare the idea of breaking in front of him.
He doesn't answer, just gazes at her. He knows he'll regret this but he belongs with Ellen; they're a match and Laura was always too good for him anyway.
The silence continues and Tigh doesn't want to hurt her anymore, so he says sadly. "Goodbye Laura." Then turns and walks out of her room.
Laura sits down on her sofa. She wants to cry but no tears fall. She wants to hit something but reins her temper in. Sometimes she wishes she weren't so in control of herself, but right now she hangs onto her constraint as if it were a lifejacket.
ooooooooooooooooooo
And they were never officially together, so no one is careful about her feelings when they mention the Colonel's happy reunion with his wife. No one censors their latest tid-bit of news about the Tighs… Laura soaks it all up. Lets it perforate her defences and eat at her.
Laura wants to forget him. But as she lies awake in her room at night, imagining him with Ellen; whispering things he had once whispered to her, she feels as if part of her has been removed. Like she's slowly bleeding out…
She never thought she'd fall for someone she didn't want to love - no one warned her about the sleepless nights filled with torment and self-doubt. Laura hates this feeling of restlessness… and she's surprised by the extent of her own grief. Had he really become that important to her?
Roslin spreads her body out across her bed; she can do that now that his bulk isn't there to obstruct her. She starts to list Tigh's bad qualities in her head and when she turns to gaze at the clock on her bedside, she realises she has been thinking up reasons not to love him for most of the night.
ooooooooooooooooooo
"Ma'am?" Lee says, interrupting her thoughts.
Roslin stirs out of her rumination to look at her personal advisor. "Yes?"
"Are you okay? You seem distant lately," he states.
Laura feels over-loaded. She leans forward, rests her head against her desktop and groans her discontent.
Apollo watches her with concern. "Ma'am?"
"It'll go away one day," she says. "One day I'll wake up and it won't hurt so much…"
"The cancer?" he asks, suddenly panicking.
"No," she replies and looks up at him. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to drag you into my personal problems - "
Lee holds his hands up in the air. "You're not dragging me anywhere – I'm going willingly!"
Roslin can't help but smile.
"Come on – whatever it is, you can tell me," the pilot encourages.
Laura fidgets. "I just… got used to having something around and then it was gone. I'll get over it."
Lee raises a questioning eyebrow. "Was this something valuable to you?"
Roslin holds his eye. "Yes. It was."
They exchange an unspoken understanding.
Aside from Billy, Lee Adama is the only other living soul she could call a friend. Tigh could make her scream the rafter's off Galactica, but he couldn't hold a civilized conversation with her for longer than two minutes! She grins.
Lee looks confused. "What?" he asks.
"Just a memory resurfacing," she explains.
Apollo nods. He had known she had a lover, he still didn't know who. The list was short, what with her position and limited time to indulge in a romantic dalliance… and he doesn't want her to be lonely, but he can't cope with the image of her with a man. Can't bare the thought of her in someone's arms, kissing him, touching him… Lee shakes his head to block these thoughts.
"What's wrong?" the President asks.
"Uh…" Apollo mumbles. "Nothing Ma'am."
Billy enters her office. "The dinner's all set, tonight at 19:00 hours," he informs her.
Roslin grimaces.
"Do you want me to be there?" Lee offers.
Billy knew Lee had a crush on Roslin, knew that in meetings he sneaked occasional looks in the Presidents direction thinking no one noticed; but they all did, well – everyone except Roslin. But Apollo's infatuation could come to nothing, so everyone kept silent, waiting for him to get over it and concentrate fully on Kara Thrace.
Laura turns to Lee and smiles warmly. "Would you?" It was going to be difficult to witness Paul and Ellen in all their happiness; with Apollo there she might actually make it through the evening.
Lee nods.
Billy feels relieved; he's watched Laura struggle to hold it together over the last week and he fears that being confronted with Tigh and his wife at this dinner could send her spiralling, but with Captain Adama to look out for her, Billy feels reassured.
"Thank you," the President says.
"Glad I can help," Apollo replies sheepishly.
ooooooooooooooooooo
Dinner was a nightmare. Adama watched as his son spent the entire evening gazing at Roslin, who tried desperately not to look at Tigh, who only had eyes for Ellen, who flirted mercilessly with Lee.
'What a fraking mess!' the Commander thought. He felt like he was trapped in a farce… only it was too tragic to laugh at.
They made it through dinner, survived desert and went through way too much alcohol. As Tigh and Ellen stumble from his quarters, Adama turns to see Laura stacking the empty plates. She looks serene and he's not sure if she's okay or if she's just too damned good at pretending to be okay. Lee takes the plates from her and they smile at each other, and Adama wonders when his son will get over this little… whatever it was.
Adama moves over to them to help clear the table. He worries sometimes - Lee is strong, but he's also a little lost. And as much as the Commander was growing to like Roslin, he doesn't want her as a daughter-in-law.
As Laura collects glasses she hopes that Paul doesn't have his heart broken by Ellen. She has an unsettling feeling about Mrs. Tigh, that the blonde is a time bomb just waiting to go off… She only hopes Tigh is sensible enough to get out of the way when Ellen does detonate.
Apollo watches Roslin closely, she seems more relaxed now than she was through the entire dinner. He starts to wonder if the XO could be the one that Roslin… then decides it's impossible. The President would never be attracted to someone like Tigh, would she?
With everything cleared away, Roslin smiles graciously at her host and his son. "I'd better be making my way home. Thank you for an interesting evening, gentlemen."
Both Adama's smile in amusement at her carefully selected wording, then the Commander walks her to the door and opens the hatch.
He smiles warmly. "You're sure I can't walk you to your shuttle?"
She holds his eye. "Thank you, but no. I'll walk alone," she says plaintively.
Adama understands and sees no remorse or self-pity; she states it as a fact.
"Goodnight."
"Night Ma'am," Lee bids.
Adama nods and Roslin exits the Commanders quarters.
Laura walks down the corridor, glad to have a moment to herself. She realises that she does love Tigh, but she doesn't and never did want to share her life with him. She just isn't designed for that kind of commitment. Laura had felt restricted by Tigh's claim to her and now, she's glad Ellen is back because now she doesn't have to push him away in order to reclaim her independence.
Roslin enters the hanger deck and walks towards her shuttle. She boards and takes a seat by the window, a smile spreads across her face and she leans her head back against the headrest, suddenly over-come with a great sense of relief. She was free once more. She belonged to herself again; no more second-guessing his behaviour or worrying about being caught or making excuses or trying to balance her workload with a love affair.
Laura closes her eyes. She imagines herself in the backyard of her home on Caprica, she pictures her ocean-view, the scent of her prize-winning orchids fills her lungs and she can almost feel the gentle rays of the sun, almost hear the sound of ice tinkering in her glass of lemonade as she sits in a garden chair, a book resting on her lap… One of her favourite pastimes had been reading in her garden on Sundays… Laura drifts off to sleep, free of thoughts of him for the first time in days…
ooooooooooooooooooo
Tigh sits at the table in his quarters, drinking. They were supposed to be spending his evening off together and Ellen's not here. She's two hours late. Laura was never late. Tigh downs his glass of ambrosia and grits his teeth.
Ellen breezes into the room. "Hey Saul," she says cheerfully and kisses his cheek; she smells of alcohol and another man's cologne.
He moves away from her. "You're late!" he barks.
She pulls a face at him. "So I'm late, Mr. Grumpy Pants! You've been hanging round Bill too much – you need to lighten-up!" she teases and puts her arms around his neck.
Tigh tries to move away and she starts to kiss his neck. "Let me make it up to you…" she murmurs and bites his ear.
But it feels wrong - Ellen's too ungainly; he's used to Laura's grace. Used to Laura's subtle perfume, not the pungent mix of liquor and cologne his wife seems to be permanently drenched in. Ellen paws at his uniform jacket and Tigh puts his hands over hers and pulls them away.
Ellen holds his eye. "What now?" she asks, irritated.
Since she's been back he's no fun. Always moody, always chastising her – she can't get round him like she used to. And it's as if he's not really with her… as if he's continually comparing her to someone else and that grates her. She always possessed him; no matter what she did, she knew Tigh would still be waiting for her… but now, now she's not so sure of her power over him.
ooooooooooooooooooo
The left wing of the viper skims the wall of the hanger deck as he lands. Sparks fly and he comes to a halt, swearing under his breath. He releases the hatch and pulls himself out of the cockpit.
Starbuck rushes forward. "What the hell was that?" she yells. "You nearly cut-up the deck and wrote-off a viper we can't afford to lose!"
"I'm sorry – I couldn't get a - " Apollo begins.
"Your mind's not on the job!" Starbuck reprimands sharply.
Lately he appears tired and seems to be in a state of perpetual confusion. She waits for him to join her on the deck before lowering her voice. "Lee, what's going on?"
Apollo studies her for a moment, he can't explain that he's in love with two women at the same time - both of whom he can't pursue. So, he gives a false smile. "Just having an off day, is all!" he says lightly.
She looks unconvinced but decides not to push him. "Fine – then get the hell out of here until you're having an 'on' day, okay?"
Lee nods and heads for the exit; he has to prep for Roslin's tutorial anyway.
ooooooooooooooooooo
Tigh paces up and down the corridor. He's trying to think of a valid excuse to see her. He wants to talk to her, hear her voice… he misses her voice. The only tone Laura uses around him these days is aloof and business like. He rubs his face. What was he doing? He had chosen Ellen. He was happy with –
He wasn't happy. He didn't even know where his wife was right now, probably with some built buff marine in a bunk somewhere… He sighs to himself. Why had he let himself believe things would be different this time? Why had he pushed Laura away when he should have clung to her?
He straightens his uniform and gathers his courage. The guards let him past and he steps into her outer office. It's late and Billy isn't at his desk. Tigh takes a deep breath and then moves towards the Presidents office, he hears her laugh heartily and feels a glow. He smiles instinctively and steps forward, he goes to draw back the curtain but freezes when he hears Lee Adama's voice.
Tigh peers through a gap in the curtain; he sees Laura and Apollo sitting side-by-side at the workbench in her office. They're leaning over a shared textbook and talking quietly. He can't hear what they're saying; just a low murmur punctuated by the odd laugh from her or smile from him.
And it feels like whiplash… like the shock of being in an accident. Tigh steps back quickly. He turns and hurries away. What was he thinking? He didn't need her! He had Ellen back - Ellen was fun, Ellen was full of life… he didn't need Laura… he didn't. He storms off down the corridor, what he needed another drink.
ooooooooooooooooooo
Roslin is in a conference room with Billy, Adama, Apollo and Tigh. They're sitting in silence; soaking in the disbelief that Ellen Tigh is a Cylon. That she had been caught in the act of slitting the wrists of the assassin hired to take Roslin out at the Vice-President nominations. She was currently being held in the brig, having given up the act of protesting her innocence.
Silence lingers in the room.
"Well, at least we know now…" Lee finds himself saying.
"Is that supposed to be consolation, Captain?" Tigh asks snappily.
Laura gives Tigh a sharp look. "Well there's no point throwing around recriminations!" she remarks in Apollo's defence. "The Captain is right – now we know we can do some damage control. Find out what her objective was and take measures to prevent something like this happening again."
Lee gives her an appreciative look and Laura smiles reassuringly at him.
Tigh stands up, incensed because Laura is sitting so close to Apollo, smiling at him too tenderly… and because his mistake in letting her go has never been more evident, more painful. "Oh – I see. So, this is my fault is it? For not noticing the difference between the real Ellen and this… this copy of her - "
"That's not what I said - " Roslin begins.
The XO shakes his head and laughs humourlessly. "I'm sorry, Madame President," he says contemptuously. "But I think that's exactly what you're implying and I don't appreciate the connotation that I – that it was a lapse in security. The Cylons knew they needed to put a Cylon agent in a position of authority – or with access to a position of authority. For all we know – anyone of us in this room could be a copy… even you!"
Lee doesn't like the Colonel's aggressive focus on the President. "This was a unique circumstance that isn't likely to be - " Apollo begins.
"I wasn't addressing you!" the Colonel snaps.
The room falls silent. The Commander leans forward in his seat and looks at Roslin; her eyes down, gritting her teeth, then his eyes return to Tigh. "I think we should break for lunch," Adama suggests.
Lee and Billy stand, they wait for Roslin.
Laura gets to her feet and turns to follow them out of the room when Adama calls out, "Madame President, may I have a word?"
She nods and indicates for Billy and Apollo to go ahead without her.
Tigh heads for the door.
"This involves you as well, Colonel," the Commander claims.
Roslin and Tigh stand before Adama, feeling like naughty children.
"I don't know what's going on between you two and normally I wouldn't delve into your private lives - but you make it my business when you let it interfere with your responsibilities. Whatever it is – when you're on duty - leave it at the door."
Laura folds her arms across her chest. "It won't happen again," she promises.
Adama nods. "I know," he replies, then looks at Tigh before leaving them alone to discuss it.
When the Commander exits the room. Laura and Tigh face each other.
"What's going on?" she asks.
"I could ask you the same thing!" the XO retorts.
She sees his jealousy. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You and your Captain, all cosy-cosy. Heart-warming, really. Except he's half your age and drooling over him in public makes you look ludicrous!"
Laura reels. "First of all – it's none of your business who I do or don't get cosy with. Second of all, I don't "drool" - Captain Apollo is my friend, a gentleman – something you'd know nothing about!"
"If I was such a disappointment - then why were you ever with me?" he demands.
Roslin stares at him. "I really don't know sometimes!"
He glares at her. She puts her hands on her hips and meets his fierce look, not flinching.
The Colonel shakes his head and averts his eyes. "I'm sorry Laura… I didn't want it to be like this. But, when I see you with him… It just makes me so – it makes me want to…"
"There's nothing like that between us. I need a friend, not a lover," she says softly.
Tigh nods. "I'm just not happy."
Roslin folds her arms across her chest again. "I'm sorry Tigh, I really am. But you made your choice and you can't have a tantrum because you don't like how closely I sit to my military advisor - it's not acceptable behaviour and you're better than that… at least, I thought you were."
Tigh looks at her and smiles. "I should have chosen you."
Laura smiles sadly. "But you didn't."
He takes a step towards her and Laura holds his gaze. "Whatever you're thinking of doing – don't," she warns.
He reaches out and cups her cheek, slowly brushing her lips with his thumb. Laura takes a breath, she doesn't want to fall back into old patterns, doesn't want to give herself to him again. He leans forward and kisses her. Laura feels her arms circle him, feels Tigh press himself into her and she knows this is goodbye.
He draws back from the kiss and she smiles at him, strokes his face. Then he turns and walks out of the room because leaving is what he does best.
ooooooooooooooooooo
It's the end of the day and they're alone, again. Lee spends more time with Roslin than anyone else, he realises.
She's hunched over some papers, studying and scrutinizing them: absorbed. He gazes at her, legs crossed, flipping her left shoe on and off, pen in one hand, flicking it in time with her shoe. She's sexy when she's like this: completely immersed in a task.
Roslin glances up to find Apollo looking at her again. He smiles and peers back down at his paper work. Laura leans towards the pilot. "Captain Apollo?"
He looks up, quietened by her closeness.
"Is there something you want to ask me?" she enquires.
An expression of panic engulfs his face. "No, Ma'am."
She nods. "Okay."
She leans back in her seat and her eyes return to the page in front of her.
Lee shifts forward in his seat and gulps back his trepidation. "Ma'am?"
Laura looks at him. "Yes."
"It was Tigh… wasn't it?"
"Yes."
He nods. "I'm sorry it didn't work out."
Roslin shrugs. "Some things just aren't meant to be."
As they hold each other's gaze, Lee reaches out and takes her hand. She smiles at him. After a moment, he releases her and without words, they resume their paper work.
The End