It has been forever since I last wrote, I know. I am battling a plot re-write/writers block/two weeks of constant testing. Things are getting written though, slowly but surely. This was written after some testing when I was doing my latin homework. I came across this Catullus quote and was suddenly inspired. Though my teacher kept wondering what on earth I was scribbling away at. Hahaha.
Enjoy my first story completely based upon romance! :)
Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requires.
Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.
I love and I hate. Perhaps you ask why I do this.
I do not know, but I feel it happening and I am tortured.
-Catallus LXXXV
Yes, I am tortured. I love her, and I hate her for it. Why can love not be simple? Why must it be such a complex and intricate weaving of thoughts, feelings, and actions? I want to tell her.
More than anything, I want to run up to her, spread my arms wide, and hold her in my embrace. I want to tell her that I love her, but I cannot.
What if she does not love me? What if she laughs in my face, or worse, if she were in love with another?
But what who am I kidding? She hates me, loathes me with every fiber of her wonderful being. And I have led her to feel that way.
From the first time I cornered her in the hallway and drew back my fist. To her, I am an enemy and worth as much as the dirt beneath her feet.
Her convictions against me are so strong, so decided. She is like that with everyone and everything she comes across. Behind her stony mask lies a fountain of conviction regarding all of society.
Some see her façade as a lump, as I once did. But she is no Yamani Lump. She is a Tortallan wonder; a warrior woven from the toughest cloth. A woman sculpted by the Gods themselves.
Each time I near her, each time our swords meet, my heart reaches out to her. Each time I land a hit on her perfect face, I cringe because of my cowardly ways. But I cannot reveal my feelings.
Whenever I open my mouth the three words I want to speak so dearly die on my lips. Then other words, hateful words—spiteful, course, demeaning—come out instead. I know they hurt her.
Though one can school their face to show no emotion, you can never hide the emotion in your eyes. It is the look within her beautiful eyes that torments me. I love and I hate. I want her to love, but will she forever hate?
In case you somehow did not catch it. This is from Joren's point of view and his thoughts on Kel. Hahaha. Wow. I seriously never thought I would write anything related to a Kel/Joren relationship, but here you go. The impossible really is possible. It probably isn't the best of writing, but hey, at least you all know I do still exist. ;)