Title: Touchin' butts
Chapter: Oneshot
Series: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Pairing: Everyone x Cullen
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Butt touching
Summary: Friend gave me the prompt "touchin' butts" and no further information. So I had to fill it in with my own imagination.
= Cullen has the cutest ass in the entire Inquisition and everyone has to touch it.
"Ok ok, truth or dare Dorian?" The city elf snarked at the necromancer. Feeling the bubbles of whatever it was she was drinking on her tongue and sticking it out for shits and giggles. "I'm not going to fall for that one Sera, I choose dare. No one's asking me personal questions and especially not you." She had once succeeded into making him talk about his sexual endeavors while she fed him strong Qunari ale. She had that persuasiveness, being a rogue and all that.
A roar of laughter eroded the tavern. "You just made the best mistake possible Sparkler." The dwarf had placed himself between the elf and the Inquisitor. "You'll never live this one down. If, you do it of course." Dorian looked speechless for a good 5 seconds before regaining what was left of his thoughts. "What-what do you mean? What do you… have in store for me, Sera?"
"I dare ya to stroke Curly's commanding buttocks and give it a squeeze." Dorian's eyes turned to daggers. He knew Sera had a sick kind of humor and she was all in for pranks, but he reconsidered his answer from before and would have loved to just answer a question instead of doing… that. "And what if I don't do it." Trying to look smug and full of confidence, while it was failing badly. "Then you face the penalty that are in the RULEBOOK OF THIS GAME! WALK AROUND SKYHOLD, NAKED."
The tavern got louder at the idea of Dorian having to prance his Tevinter ass nude around the castle. "I wouldn't mind seeing that happen either" Bull whispered to Dorian, possibly aroused, who knew. "This is an outrage, you people are sick." Face blushing and fully flushed with the colour red he tried to regain whatever thoughts he was having and just got up ready to do whatever they asked of him. "Where you going Sparkler?"
"I'm going to… touch Commander Cullen's butt." Those last few words were a mere whisper and he sighed the sentence out. Not believing what he just said. "YOU GON' WHAT?" Sera acted like she was hard of hearing by cupping her hand behind her massive ears, hilarious. "I'm going to TOUCH HIS BUTT, leave me alone woman!" An uproar fell onto his words and he barely left before he could hear the chanting "TOUCH HIS BUTT! TOUCH HIS BUTT! TOUCH HIS-" and so it continued as he made his way up at the ramparts.
Afraid to knock on Cullen's actual door, he let himself in instead. The commander stood by his window, staring out at the mountains. Dorian almost felt guilty interrupting his free time. Or not. He decided to try and sneak up to the peaceful ex-templar. And it seemed to work perfectly. Cullen was so in peace he didn't notice the Tevinter mage crawling up to him, and his butt.
You can do this Dorian. You've done this before, to less attractive men for that matter. Just… DO IT.
He hovered over Cullen's templar ass and finally did the deed. Much to Dorian's amazement the commander's butt didn't feel like he thought it would. It was way more squishy and soft than Cullen, tight-ass commander, made it seem. The touch ended abruptly with the ex-templar turning around, surprised as hell, and slightly upset. "What the- MAKERS BREATH DORIAN!" Completely flushed and very much confused the commander stumbled backwards onto the window and Dorian just let off a small smirk, not expecting Cullen to act like that. "It was for a dare but now I'm happy I've done it, thank you commander, have a great evening."
And with that he left and ran back to the tavern. The chanting had stopped but the laughter was louder than before. "DID YA DO IT? DID YA REALLY?" Sera exclaimed as she saw the mage return inside. Dorian smiles slyly at her and she roared with pride. "You'd be amazed at how soft the commander's behind is Sera, even you would be excited." This spiked the interest of the rest of the group, especially Iron Bull showed his interest. "Oh, please, do tell us more. I'm always in for a great ass story." The rest of the night was filled with people asking Dorian questions about his quest to touch the handsome older man's butt, and feel of it.
The next day Cullen felt as if people kept staring at him, as if they knew what had happened the night before. Not knowing that there was an obvious truth or dare game that went on, he made his way to the war room, making sure not to have to pass Dorian in the library and going through the main hallway instead. A whistle came from Varric's corner as he passed the dwarf who only smirked in Cullen's direction and continued to shake his head. When the meeting was over the Inquisitor decided to go to the Hissing Wastes to search for mosaic pieces to complete the puzzle she started weeks ago.
She took her entire party and the advisors with her to make sure every little piece would be found. Having to share tents with other people was never a problem for Cullen, before everyone wanted to touch his ass that is. Even traveling to the Wastes he had heard whispers of what appeared to be plans to touch his behind. Flattered as he felt, still kind of annoyed at people talking like that about him. He should be respected, not seen as an object. He sighed and as they all made camp for the night dreaded having to share a tent with whomever.
The inquisitor made their way over to the Commander. "Cullen, I don't know if you have noticed, but people have been… talking about you. I want you to know that we can put up a tent just for you… in case you feel unsafe or anything." Almost chuckling at what they said, inquisitor Adaar assured the ex-templar that they'd be safe if needed. "I-I don't need protection, but thank you either way. I'll be fine." Trying not to get flushed once more he made his way past Dorian's tent, as the mage stood outside of it smiling at him while he passed. He quickly made his way over to the table that had the potions and tonic on it, looking for a sleeping potion, as he felt a hand slip onto his butt.
"Dorian didn't lie! Hello-o" The Qun's voice roared through the entire camp as he still had his hand in place. Cullen sighed and just stood there, slowly turning around. "What is this with everyone's obsession over… my behind? Don't we have bigger worries than this." Iron Bull let go of the glorious behind and made his way to Dorian's tent. "If it were any bigger, you should be the one worried." Winking he stepped inside the tent. "Can't get a moment of peace here" he whispered to himself, finding the potion he needed and making his way to his own tent, which he shared with Sera that night. Her being the safest choice out of all the party members at this point.
The beds were far enough from each other so that the commander and the city elf would feel comfortable in this heat. A slight breeze going through the tents at night. Cullen took the potion and waited for it to have its effect. Recently he had a lot of trouble falling asleep as everyone was out to grab his behind. Sera said a quiet goodnight as his eyes slipped closed and he started to pre-dream of a forest, thick with trees and misty looking. As he walked through the forest he felt the slight rain on his skin fall. It was most pleasant, maybe even, too pleasant. As he considered it might've been a spell he was disrupted by, what did you guess, someone squeezing his ass.
He shot up and faced the city elf, her chuckles spreading through the entire camp. "Sorry mister nice butt, I had to feel and make sure for myself. Hahahaha I don't know why I didn't believe Dorian, he surely made it sound so accurate." She ended her sentence with a slight laugh sigh as she turned back around to sleep. Cullen just stared at her, drowsily, the potion taking its effect, "You people will be my death." he exclaimed as he fell face first, butt facing upwards, not his pillow and he went into a drool like sleep. Not knowing who might touch his butt tomorrow.