Death of a Gentleman
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Summary: He's back! But not for long…
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"Ah! It's good to be back," said Mr. Gentleman, who had five minutes earlier been brought back through means best left undisclosed.
"Y-yes, good to see you back, Sir," said Joker, who had been doing a lot of thinking lately.
"…" said Wendy, who didn't want to be too talkative and interrupt what Mr. Joker called 'important man talk'.
Damned arrogant bastards, both of them, thought Wendy viciously, standing carefully back from the cliff from which Mr. Gentleman was busily surveying the majesty of creation.
I wonder why it didn't occur to me earlier to simply tell everyone that Mr. Gentleman had been reborn in me, and rule the world myself, thought Joker, his placid smile beginning to wilt slightly.
Oh, look; a cute little duckie, thought Mr. Gentleman delightedly, peering over the cliff and into the water below.
Joker inched back from the cliff.
"Wendy," he called quietly. "I've just had a brilliant idea."
"This is either going to be very bad, or a lot of fun. However, since we just did that a few minutes ago in the car on the way over, I have a feeling that it'll be the first," she murmured.
Mr. Gentleman turned from the cliff.
"I say, Joker, you must come and look at this fantastic view!"
"All it would take is a little shove," Joker muttered. "Just one little shove, and we could rule the world ourselves."
"But, Sir…"
"What a long drop!" the old man exclaimed.
Joker leaned over slightly and said beneath his breath,
"Honestly, Wendy, it seems like fate to me."
"But, Sir…"
"I don't think anything could survive that fall!" Mr. Gentleman continued. "Not even me! Dare I say, especially not me!"
"It's a sign!"
"Sir, it is not a sign!"
A startled shout from the old man made both flinch slightly
"I think I'm losing my balance! Touch of vertigo, I think. Come over for a moment and help me, will you, Joker?"
"Alright, maybe it's a sign," Wendy sighed reluctantly.
"I knew it was," Joker said smugly, and then raised his voice. "I'll be over to help you in a minute, Sir. Alright, Wendy, this is it. I don't want anyone to see this. If anyone happens past in the next few minutes, kindly shoot them for me, will you?"
"Yes, Sir."
As he started over to the edge of the cliff to take Mr. Gentleman's arm, Wendy rolled her eyes slightly.
Shoot this, shoot that, fetch my tea…why do I have the feeling things can only get worse once he's the ruler of the world?
Then, as a group of cyclists happened past, she sighed and drew her weapon.
Alright, then. Off to work. After all, orders are orders, she thought, trying to fight off a very pleased grin.
"Joker, what on earth was that noise?" Mr. Gentleman asked, alarmed. "It sounded like seven bicyclists being shot directly in the head by a .357 calibre shell fired from a Walther PPK, held in the left hand of your secretary!"
Amazing…he could tell all of that just from a few bangs, but he missed our evil plotting, and we have to shout to make him hear anything we say to him, Joker mused.
"I'm sure it was just the wind, Sir."
"Right," Mr. Gentleman agreed. "Can you lower me over the side a little? I want to have a look at this rare Tasmanian rose-fern golden leaflet. The rarest flower in the entire world, you know; there's only one, and I just found it!"
"Lower you over the side a little," Joker repeated, rather floored.
Mr. Gentleman chuckled gently.
"Oh, Joker, I trust you."
What…what is this strange feeling? It's almost like guilt, but that isn't it. It feels as though this is all too easy. Will I really feel good about it in the morning if I don't have to work a little? Joker wondered. Then he frowned. Hold on a minute…Mr. Gentleman is the smartest man ever to live! This is probably all a plot! He's waiting for me to spring my vile trap, and then he's going to turn around and throw me off the cliff! Oh, what a foul and dastardly, evil mastermind he is! Truly why I admire him so! Oh, well.
With this final thought, he shoved the old man directly in the center of the back in a sudden, sharp motion.
"Joker! This is not helping! I missed the flower!" Mr. Gentleman's voice floated back up. "I wanted a longer look at it, to be honest! Now it's up there, and I'm down here! And rapidly getting more down here! It is not pleasant, I must say! Now, I know you wouldn't do such a thing on purpose, and so I will accept your apology, although I suppose it doesn't matter, as I am going to hit the ground at some point, upon which I shall promptly die. However, I must confess, I am a little annoyed with you right now, m'boy. Though, you have been like a son to me. Ah, that takes me back. Do you remember when I taught you how to fish? Those were certainly good times. We would go to the lake, like the one down there. Well, now I'm a little depressed, to be honest."
To be sure, due to the rapidity of the man's descent, all Joker heard of this was,
"Joker! This is not help—"
The blond man peered over the cliff and watched as the man who had been his idol and mentor for well over half his life became little more than a rapidly vanishing speck. After all, he preferred not to dwell on what he would become after the speck – altogether too messy.
And so, he turned from the cliff and smirked.
"I've done it. I am now the absolute, supreme rule of the univer—the world!"
And with that, he let loose a maniacal laugh of triumph.
"AHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Oh, what a wonderful acoustic up here! AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!"
"Deed's all done, then?" Wendy asked cheerfully, starting over with seven bicycle helmets dangling from her hand. Helmets save lives. Although, not always. I could've been an action hero. Or at least, an action villain…
"Ah, Wendy. Good; I've been looking for you. Would you go rule the world for me?"
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End Notes: The fact that Joker hands over the rule of the entire planet to Wendy reflects the fact that, over the course of the series, he seems to delegate more and more of his work to her. We get this, and we think it's hilarious. Hopefully, you at least sort of agree. :o)