More than Love
Summary: Jacob spends the day with Bella and comes to a painful realization. Songfic to "More than Love" by Sweetbox.
Takes place during New Moon
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Jacob and Bella walked along the beach with hands clasped tightly but when he had grabbed hers, she had sent him such a strange look. He was worried she would pull away, but her face softened and she turned to face the shore.
I know your dreams
He remembered when he had first met her.
I know your cries
He was five and Bella had been visiting for a week. He barely had the courage to speak to her; instead, he had let his older sisters entertain her.
Each breath I've memorized
He had hid in the shadows and watched the beautiful girl. He had thought she was an angel with her pale skin and dark hair. He memorized everything about her and when she had stopped visiting, he would dream her face at night.
And I would do anything
To help you win your fight
Her breathing hitched so softly that had he been human he wouldn't have noticed the difference. She was worried about something. Possibly him.
But it's not enough to make you smile
As each wave crashed he felt as though they were traveling closer to the end of everything, whatever that meant. The strangeness of it all was about to make him scream.
It's never enough
But what more can I give?
"Let's go swimming," She suggested, breaking into his thoughts. Her voice an angel's call. He felt calm at once.
She finally turned to him with a soft smile and he realized….
More than love
That she wasn't happy.
More than this
Looking at the angry waves she wanted to play with…
More than what's in these two hands
He knew better than to let her in the water.
More than love
She should know this too.
More than me
The waves were about the size of a small car. One moment in the water and she would be pulled to the bottom.
But I can't give more than I am...
What could she possibly be thinking…
More than I am...
To want to face the danger?
"Not today," He shrugged feeling inadequate but shaking his head all the same, "The waves were too dangerous for a swim."
"I'm not afraid," He heard her mumble softly. It was obvious he was not meant to hear it.
I see the searching in your eyes
And I feel helpless by your side
He tugged on her hand trying to lead her back to her truck but she sent a last look over at the ocean before walking with him.
So many spaces I can't fill, but God knows how hard I try
She drove to his home in silence. Her eyes were fixed almost unseeingly at the road. He wondered what she was truly seeing.
Edward's perfect face came to mind and he knew she was thinking of him. He was ridiculous to think he could ever stand a chance against the bloodsucker. She was already in love with him.
You say you need more and I die inside
Jacob felt the unfairness of it all. When he dreamt of her face as a child he thought he felt love. He thought as long as she was happy with her mother in Arizona then he could be happy.
You always need more
When did he get selfish? He wanted to keep her for himself now. Her mother was not what made her happy anymore. It was the leach. It was Edward. It was he who could he who could make her smile genuinely.
But what more can I give?
It pained him to know this to be the truth. But he couldn't let her go. He had hoped with time he could fill her with happiness.
More than love
She pulled to a stop outside his tiny house but neither felt the need to leave the car.
More than this
For a moment the car was their universe and in it, there was only her and him.
More than what's in these two hands
She still stared out of the window, and for a moment he fancied the idea of Edward coming out form the trees.
More than love
He would take her in his arms and she would smile.
More than me
He would carry her home, and her smile would become warmer.
Cause I can't give more than I am
And he, Jacob, would be left alone.
No matter what I do it's never good enough for you
But Edward was not coming back, this Jacob was sure of. Bella cannot smile for him anymore.
Jacob remembered working on the motorcycles. He had been ignorant then. He thought that was Bella happy, but now he could see that there was a black hole in her chest, and it pulled the light deep inside of her.
I'm trying to be
Everything that you need
She was empty and he couldn't fill her. All his jokes, his touch, and all the rest of him wasn't enough for her.
And I'm barely breathing
And you're still not happy
She finally expressed that she needed to go home to make Charlie's dinner. He took it for what it was meant to be and exited the truck with a strange feeling of regret.
After all that I've done
He couldn't fill her and now she wanted be alone.
All I've become is never good enough for you
He mumbled a goodbye and watched her truck drive away. For some reason this truly felt like goodbye rather than 'C'yah tomorrow.'
For what's more than love
More than love?
He collapsed onto his bed and let the night wash over him.
More than love...
He could try again tomorrow.
More than this...
He would try every day, all the time for her.
More than what's in these two hands
He could make her smile….
Tell me what's more than love
With time.
That night he dreamed of her face. She was an angel again and her happiness was not some far off goal. In his dreams he could make her smile even just slightly.
Tell me what's more than love (more than this)
In his dreams she did not need Edward.
What is it that you need
In his dreams he was enough.
That I can never be
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