A/N: This is a story me and my best friend, PhantomEvRose put together one day when we were bored. It evolved into our biggest inside joke ever. This is my first shot at a comical story...so be kind. It's meant to be totally ridiculous and hyperbolized. :)
DISCLAIMER: I feel obligated to do this. We do not own any of these characters, they are property of: Gore Verbinski, Jerry Brucheimer, Joel Schumacher, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Gaston Leroux, and Walt Disney. We do however, own most of the ridiculous, perilous events these characters get themselves into out of their own stupidity. :)
"They're right behind us!" Elizabeth shouted over the roar of the pursuers. Jack looked behind him to check the Dutchman's crewmembers progress. He was alarmed by their speed.
"Agh!" he yelled.
"Told you!" Elizabeth screamed back.
"Here's an idea, DON'T LOOK BACK AND RUN!" Will shouted with gusto at Jack.
"Well so-rry!"
"SHUT UP!" Elizabeth shouted against their cries of rage. "Where's Norrington?!"
"Who cares?! RUN!" Jack screeched back. Will turned around and scanned the area quickly for idiot Norrington. Ever since being discharged from being a Commodore for the Queen's Navy, he's really gone down the tubes. No sign of him. Suddenly, Elizabeth screamed. Will's head spun back around to face the direction in which he was running, and saw Norrington standing a few yards ahead of them.
"Look!" he shouted excitedly.
"We don't have time!" Will bellowed.
"No, LOOK!" he gestured down at the white sand on which they were standing.
There was a small opening in the sand right in front of them.
"Wanna-?" Will started.
"GO!" Elizabeth shoved Jack into the hole first, resulted in Jack letting out a warbled scream. Elizabeth followed, grabbing Norrington by his lapels on her way in. Will glanced around once more, and then dove in head first.
What happened next they did not expect…at all.
The hole opened up into a large and dark chamber, with no bottom. They fell, and fell, and fell some more. And guess what happened next? They fell some more. All were spinning head over heels and they spun into the deep and endless abyss.
Then there was a splash, as they fell into dark and tepid water. They surfaced, and sputtered for a few minutes, assessing the situation.
"Where-are-we?!" Jack spluttered, squeezing the water out of his dreadlocks.
"The water's only about waist deep." Will observed.
"Really?" Jack said sarcastically. Will rolled his eyes.
"Now, now you two. This is already miserable, and I don't want to have to deal with you two the whole time." Elizabeth said in an annoyed tone. The water in which they had fallen was surrounded by tall stone walls, lit with sconces.
"Are we…in a tunnel?" Elizabeth inquired.
"I don't know. Should we find out?" asked Will. Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders, and with one last wrench of her shirt, began to trudge through the waist-deep water. Jack noticed their walking away, and decided to follow. Norrington on the other hand, was staring at the numerous sconces lining the walls.
"Norrington, COME ON!" Jack bellowed down the hall. Because of the stones lining the walls, his voice was projected multiple times and echoed loudly, leaving a ringing in all of their ears. Norrington jumped several feet, and then followed quickly behind them. Norrington sloshed quickly through the water, and grasped Jack's arm in terror.
"Jack…I heard all of these demonic voices a second ago…" he whispered.
"…GET OFF ME!" he roared. Norrington fell backwards into the water when Jack lifted his arm to try and free Norrington's grasp.
"Honestly…" Will whispered impatiently.
The time passed by in silence, and the only sounds were the occasional grunts or surprised squeals of slipping or almost falling in the water again. (Norrington gave most of the outbursts.) Their upper bodies had dried completely, (except for Norrington's, because he kept falling in, the idiot…) after what seemed like an eternity of winding in and out of the endless web of tunnels, Will stopped walking, and straightened up, as if listening to something.
"Hear that?" he whispered.
"Why are you whispering?" Norrington said at normal volume.
"Shut up!" they all hissed. Distantly, there were voices. Singing, voices.
"Singing? Will, where are we?" Elizabeth whispered urgently.
"Do I look like I know?" He said in annoyance. He walked a few cautious, almost silent steps towards the next merging of the next two tunnels. He spun around suddenly.
"Hide!" he hissed.
"Why?" Jack whispered back.
"JUST HIDE!" Will whispered-shouted back.
"Where?!" Elizabeth screeched quietly. Norrington ducked abruptly under the water for a good 'hiding place'.
"Um…." Will looked around anxiously. The singing voices were getting closer, there were two, a man's deep and enticing and a woman's, high and beautiful. Will looked forward, there was a portcullis covered by velvet curtains on the inside, it was only a few yards ahead…they could make it. That was their only shot. "Come on, to that portcullis!"
"How are we going to get in it?" Jack asked skeptically as he followed Will.
"I haven't thought about it yet!" Will snapped. "Oh Elizabeth, get Norrington will you?" he asked her, turning over his shoulder.
Elizabeth groaned with a roll of her eyes as she reached under water and yanked Norrington upwards by his collar. He whined at her for pulling him about but was silenced by threats of the most intense tickle attack in the world.
They were only about six feet left towards the portcullis when they heard the voices…very close behind them. The man and woman slowly were becoming visible, they were in a gondola, the man was rowing and the woman sat at his feet. They were beginning to the round the corner into the cave-like structure which led to the portcullis entrance.
"Oh no! Who knows, those people could be evil with all our luck!" Elizabeth cried.
"Try to get in!" Will commanded. They all lunged forward, ready to start banging and pulling at the portcullis, but the moment they arrived in front of it, it opened.
"Oooh! Magic!" Norrington clapped his hands with childlike appreciation.
"There's not time for your idiocy right now! Come on!" Elizabeth wrenched him forward.
Behind the portcullis was the strangest thing our four buccaneers had ever seen. And they'd seen a lot. It was sort of a…house. There were three stone grottos, separated into rooms by curtains. Hundreds of candles lit the place and as they walked through the water even more of them rose out of it and were immediately lit.
"Hey Will…AHHH!" Norrington yelped at almost being skewered by a rising water-candelabra.
"THEY'RE COMING! THE SINGING IS GETTING CLOSER!" Jack screamed loudly.
"YELL ANY LOUDER, WHY DON'T YOU?" Will yelled back, equally as loud.
"SHH!!!" Elizabeth shushed with such intensity, that saliva was spewing from her mouth, and hitting Norrington.
"EWW!!!" he squealed, brushing the saliva frantically off of his worn-out commander's jacket.
'The Phantom of the Opera is there,
Inside my mind!'
"HIDE!!!!!!!!" Will shouted. They all ducked behind the closest object. Jack dove behind the massive organ sitting in the center grotto, Elizabeth shuffled underneath the large bed sitting on the highest grotto, readjusting the skirt of the bed to hide the disturbance, and Will ducked behind one of the many red velvet curtains. He pulled it back, and shut it behind him.
Turning his head quickly to survey his surroundings, his wrist hit a life-like doll, and her head flew off as a result.
He muttered a string of expletives, as he caught the head, and frantically tried to reattach it to the body. He listened intently for any sound of the two people in the boat. He heard someone step out of the boat, and onto the stone steps of the grotto. The man made an irritated noise.
"I could have sworn that I shut that stupid portcullis…" he was muttering to himself, before silencing, and turning around and beginning to sing to the woman still sitting in the boat.
I have brought you,
To the seat of sweet music's throne
To this kingdom where all must pay homage
To music…music!
Elizabeth's head shot out from underneath the bed, trying to get a look at the man who held the most beautiful voice she'd ever heard.
You have come here!
For one purpose, and one alone!
Since the moment I first heard you sing,
I have needed you with me to serve me, to sing.
For my music…my music.
Will parted the curtains minimally to see the positions of the visitors. The man was wearing a well-tailored suit, with a long tail, and his hair was smooth, and black. But the oddest thing about the man was that he wore a white mask on the one side of his face, and wore leather gloves on long, bony fingers. He touched everything as if it was going to spontaneously explode or something. He glanced over, and noticed the woman. She was a rare beauty, with long, curly, brown hair, and colossal brown eyes, unblinking and still. Her skin was like porcelain, smooth and even. Her nightgown was well-textured, lacy, elegant, and sparkly. The man took her by the hands, and lifted her up out of the boat, escorting her through the maze of candles. He could obviously tell that the man was completely enthralled, and in love with this woman.
The man and the woman stopped on the grotto containing the organ…and Jack. Oh, no…the man began to dramatically circle the candelabras, without taking his eyes off of the woman, and Will could see exactly what was going to happen. He cradled his head in his hands, as not to see the upcoming accident. Jack saw this too, and began to scuffle away as quickly as he could, but he couldn't go fast enough…
Let your mind start a journey,
Through a strange new world!
Leave all thoughts of the life you knew before!
Let you soul take you where you want to-
The man let out a 'AUGH!' as the back of his legs hit Jack's arched back, and the man toppled, backwards, over Jack, causing the man to do a complete back-flip that any gymnast would have been proud of. However…he didn't land it. Jack's face screwed up into a petrified 'I'm going to die' look. The man stood up, and Jack stood up too, and they both came face-to-face with each other.