Rick had spent the entire day at the precinct again, his eyes left weary from another round of poring over everything they had on Kate's shooting, which, though it never curtailed his efforts or his drive, still amounted to little at all. After electing to walk the city's streets most of the way home, he stepped into his building's elevator for the loft, his eyelids falling gently shut in one of the rare moments of quiet his hours and days now afforded him, before the image of Kate's wounded body in the grass once again pierced the calm like the crack of a summer storm's thunder against the night. It haunted him with a savage ache, the vision of the tear that'd trickled from her eye as she'd screamed without a sound for his help, but that's what he had now, that and a declaration of love lost to the darkness at the hand of vengeance. Kate was gone from her job, from her friends, from her home - from him.
The chime noting his arrival chased the unwelcome rumination from his mind and Rick stepped out into the hallway, his body nearly colliding with another as he moved. "Sh-I'm sorry," he huffed as he fumbled for balance. "My fault, I wasn't paying attention." Once he managed to straighten up and regain focus, he realized who he'd almost knocked over.
"Hello, Rick," Jim said, more coolly than it seemed the near mishap called for.
"Mr. Beckett," Rick replied with a measure of audible surprise. "Is everything all right? Is Kate-"
"Katie's fine, Rick," Jim interjected, noting the rapid turn towards worry. "I apologize for just showing up like this, but I was hoping we could talk if you can spare a few minutes."
"Of course, of course, come on in," Rick agreed, leading the way towards the loft. "I was down at the precinct today, actually," he said, as though that day had differed from any other. "Have you been waiting long?"
"Just a little while," Jim said as the two headed inside. "I thought I'd give it a few minutes, just in case. I was actually on my way back out when you…well, when we met at the elevator." The grin in his words was most obvious and most appreciated.
"Well, my splendidly graceless form aside, I'd give that meeting a ten," Rick joked with a shaky chuckle. "Can I offer you some water or something else to drink?"
Jim politely declined and followed him over to the bar as Rick grabbed a bottle for himself, his throat already uncomfortably dry from the surprise of the visit. The last time Kate's father had appeared at his door, Rick had done what was asked of him, foolishly believing his words might actually change her mind. He'd confronted her and it'd ended badly, and at the end of all of it was a bullet with her name on it. Now he knew she was alive, and that was it. That was it because she wanted it that way - to be away from him.
"Katie's having a tough time, Rick," Jim said, forgoing any further small talk. "She'd never come out and tell me that, but she doesn't have to. I may not know everything that goes on in my daughter's life, but I do know her, and I can hear it and I can see it."
Rick set down his half-empty bottle and leaned back against the edge of the bar. He knew nothing at all about what was going on in Kate's life, not anymore, and it had his insides in knots. "I thought you said she was fine. Are the doctors-"
"It has nothing to do with doctors," Jim interjected with a mix of concern and frustration. "It has nothing to do with her physical recovery from the shooting at all. She's actually beyond what they'd expected by this point." He exhaled a soft chuckle. "Katie's just like her mother, driven and defiant."
"Don't I know it," Rick concurred, reverent but playful.
"She needs to see you, Rick," Jim said with a brisk change of tone. "She's in that house alone every day with nothing to do but think about what happened. I don't want that moment to be her life now. She's already carrying her mother on her shoulders. From what I've heard, you've been able to let some light in when she needed it. "
"Mr. Beckett, I-"
"Call me Jim, please," he insisted. "I hear how she talks about you. I know what you must mean to her."
Rick swallowed hard, did his best to push down the pang of anger he felt every time he thought about her being gone. "Jim, look, I wanted to help her through all of this. I wasn't sure how the hell I was going to do it, but I was going to be there to try, and then she left." He drew his hand through his hair, an outlet for his frustrated energy. "She left without a word about when or where or why, so, apparently, she doesn't need me." It killed him to say those words out loud, but he believed them to be true, absent any contradictory evidence. "And, to be honest, I'm not sure she ever has."
"Rick, you've done more for Katie than I could hope for. You're a smart man. I know you can see that," Jim said, brushing off the foolishness of the notion. "If that wasn't the case, I wouldn't be here right now." He reached into his pocket and pulled something out. "Whatever her reasons for leaving the way she did, whatever did or didn't happen between the two of you, please take this and think about it. She may be angry with me for doing it this way, but I can live with that because she's what's most important."
Jim extended a small piece of paper and Rick took it as he considered his words. Kate had become more important than almost anything else in his life, and no matter how much hurt he felt, he understood that he was powerless against that reality. "It's beautiful up there," Rick said, studying the address written on the page.
"Tell her I love her," Jim said, sensing he'd accomplished what he'd set out to.
xxxx
"Are you sure about this, Richard?" Martha asked as he crossed the room towards her, duffle bag in hand. "Oh, well, I see you've packed a bag, never mind," she followed without a beat, answering her own question with a mark of discernible dubiousness.
"You're an actress, Mother, try and act supportive," Rick replied gruffly, dropping his cargo onto the bar and his phone and keys into his pockets.
"Hey, kiddo, you listen to me," she bit back, commanding his attention with her tone, "you're looking at the head cheerleader of Team Richard, so you can go ahead and save that attitude for your next book chapter, all right? It's a mother's duty to ask such questions and now I have, so that's that."
Rick slid around the counter and planted a kiss on her cheek. "I'm sorry, Mother. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and my head is poundi-"
"You're in love, Richard. There's no need for further explanation. I know what it's like and what it can do. I was young once, too."
He wasn't sure about any of it was the truth. He wasn't sure why Kate had left or why he hadn't heard from her when she said she'd call or why her father had shown up at his house last night and insisted she needed to see him. What he was certain of was that if what Jim had said was true and he didn't go, he'd never forgive himself. "You'll always be young, Mother," he assured her with as much of a grin as he could muster. "Tell Alexis I'll call later."
"I will, darling. You be careful, all right?"
Rick grabbed his bag from the counter and kissed her cheek once more. "I will, Mother. I'm an excellent driver, don't worry," he said, heading for the door.
"That's not what I meant, dear boy," Martha spoke softly as he moved away.
Rick heard the words, but never turned.
xxxx
Rick finally drove slowly up the driveway towards the house after sitting idle for a long moment at the mailbox out front, the crackle of the rocks beneath his tires no match for the echoing thump of his heart. The weeks without Kate had felt like a lifetime, one, since the day he'd met her, he never wanted to experience, and the realization that she was right there, behind walls he could now see, in that moment made all the pain vanish.
He pulled up out front and turned off the car, stepping from it with marked gratitude of his muscles, and he let the warmth of the summer sun ease some of the stiffness from his shoulders. The cabin was just he'd imagined from Kate's recounted stories: modest and welcoming - from what little he knew of Jim, a perfect reflection of its maker - and the silence that enveloped it near divine. The city felt like another world already, and as far as Rick was concerned, that was a blessing.
He felt the butterflies in his stomach as he approached the short staircase to the porch, much as he had as he'd pulled open the door to her hospital room weeks ago. Nothing about the minutes that'd followed had been what he'd wished for or expected, and there he was now, facing the very real possibility of a like outcome, though, this time, with diminished hope already settled into his heart.
He knocked and waited, his breaths rapid and shallow as he heard the footsteps breaking the stillness. "Castle?" was all Kate managed to verbalize, any remaining shock from seeing him left written all over her face.
She looked achingly beautiful - still, somehow - but Rick didn't say it. He just let it wash over him as he always had. If he'd been seeing her for the first time in that moment, he'd never have believed she'd just walked through such an unfathomable hell and come out the other side. "Hi," he said, his voice soft with affection. "You know, I was just driving by and thought it'd be rude if I didn't at least stop by and see how you were doing," he teased, humor ever the comfortable fallback. She smiled gently, though he could tell she tried not to. "Hi," he said again, taking her in after too much time apart.
"Just driving by, huh?" she echoed with a deliciously familiar sarcastic timbre. "All those bestsellers and you can't afford a GPS that works?"
Rick traveled her up and down as subtly as he could. "Actually, I think it worked perfectly." Kate hummed in playful acquiescence yet said nothing. "Okay, well, may I at least use your bathroom before you point me in the right direction and send me on my way?" He could feel the sun on his back, but all the warmth radiating through him was the result of her eyes locked on his. She turned and stepped back inside, the door left open for him to follow.