'Sup guys? Wait. Rhetorical question, don't answer that. This is Akheilos and Delphin Inc. writing for BeginningTheREVOLUTION. Now my dear readers, remember, this is a PARODY. Yes, I know, it is a hard thing to grasp for all you Mary-Sue writers out there, but I am actually MAKING FUN OF YOU.

I don't own PJO and HoO. I do own Ocean, Diana, Thyme and Raven so don't steal them!

*OCEAN*

Listen, I didn't want to be a demigod. Demigods have a hard life, are chased by monsters everywhere and generally don't live long. My name is Ocean Jackson and this is my story. My mom is the most wonderful person in the world who has the worst luck. I am fourteen with no friends, no boyfriend, and every one hates me, which is okay, because I'm really good and crazy with my friends. I could be the most popular kid here at Goode High, but why bother?

So I had gotten to camp by means unknown with my satyr protector. Naturally, after having fought off the minotaur and passing out at the end of the last chapter, I woke up in the infirmary. Of course I knew what it was.

*Nico POV*

I had never seen anyone so beautiful. Ocean had dark tanned skin, black hair and green eyes. She was the perfect one. If only it weren't such a mystery who Ocean Jackson's father is. I sighed, gently stroking a strand of hair out of her perfect face as she lay in the bed in the infirmary, in a total unlike me way. I sighed. True love. And I smiled.

*Ocean POV*

When I woke up I saw deep black eyes peering down into mine. I got so lost in them I forgot who or where I was. True love. Love at first sight. I gulped, blushed and smiled.

It's Ocean again. I didn't get claimed yet because… because my dad doesn't love me *sob* *wail*. I mean, how could the idiot not claim me? I have long luscious black hair and emerald green orbs for eyes. I have perfect pale skin. I could be popular if I wanted to. I get straight A's even though I have ADHD and dyslexia. WHY IS LIFE SO CRUEL TO ME?

*DIANA*

Hi, my name is Diana Luna Selene. I have auburn hair and silvery grey yellow eyes. I love wolves and I have this weird connection with the moon. I learned shadow travelling from Hades because I lived with him for a while.

My name is Diana, as you already know. But what you don't know is my painful past. I was abandoned by my mother when I was born and left in front of a house. My step parents are evil. My step mother is a slut and a bitch and my step dad rapes me because I'm too beautiful to resist. I never knew my real dad or my real mom.

Hey, it's Diana again. Now that you know all about me and my torment ridden past, I'll tell you the real story. I was in class, studying Greek mythology. I really liked the teacher, Mr. Brunner, even though he was an old guy in a motorized wheelchair. When class started, Mr. Brunner was in front of the class with a boy next to him.

"Class, this is Nico di Angelo. Uh… there is a place next to Diana, Nico. Why don't you sit there?"

My heart missed a beat. Nico was amazingly hot, with black ripped jeans, a Greenday t-shirt, black Converse All Stars and black shaggy hair. His eyes were dark and his skin pale. This was my true love.

It's Diana. Again. Look, here's a quick recap of my life: I am an abused and raped gothic girl with a horrible past, auburn hair and silvery yellow eyes. One day when I was twelve, I battled the Minotaur and passed out, only to awaken and fall in love with Nico di Angelo. Now comes the mysterious part- I get claimed.

I was walking towards the pavilion for dinner, thinking about my depressed life and Nico. I got to dinner and sat down, and then got up again to throw some food in the fire. I could tell everyone was watching me because that day was my thirteenth birthday. My hand brushed Nico's and we both blushed. Then everyone gasped.

I looked above my head to see a crescent moon there, with a bow forming the crescent.

"All hail Diana Luna Selene, daughter of Artemis," Chiron said. Everyone gasped.

You know me, Diana, by now, right? All about my miserable past and my miserable future and my miserable claiming and my true love with Nico. I was going to sword training, naturally, and Percy Jackson was there. Oh. My. Gods. He was hot, but not as hot as Nico. After pairing everyone else up, only I was left.

"You'll be training with me," he said, smiling cheerfully at me. He handed me a sword and told me to take a swing at him. I swung the sword and his clattered to the ground. He frowned. "Do that again," he said, smiling at me again. I did it again, and again his sword clattered away.

"Wow," a voice said from behind me. "It looks like we have a new best sword fighter in camp." A girl was standing there, about Percy's age with long blond hair and stormy grey eyes. Behind her stood Chiron, looking at me approvingly and fatherly.

*RAVEN*

My name is Raven Night. My hair is black and long and I am goth, like no one else in the suck-ish school.

I am a very gothic and depressed person. I got to Camp a few days ago, but no one has claimed me gasp! So I was in the Big House at a meeting of cabin counsellors, when everyone gasped. I looked above my head and there was a skull there!

"All hail Raven Night, daughter of Hades."

*THYME*

Hi, my name is Thyme Sapphire. I have golden eyes and brown hair. When I first met Percy Jackson, it was like we were natural enemies. Then I met him. Nico di Angelo. We didn't feel like enemies at all. In fact, I found myself strangely attracted to him… could it be love? At first sight?

*NICO POV*

Her name was Thyme, and apart from my other five million, ahem, sorry, apart from no one else in my life, she was the most beautiful, perfect human I had ever seen. Love. Most definitely. If only she loved me back….

*THYME POV*

I wish my dad would stop being such a jerk. I mean, I have gotten to camp, fallen in love with Nico and STILL he doesn't claim me? What in Hades is wrong with him? I am the most beautiful and talented girl there is. I have long mocha locks that go to my waist and never get in the way of anything. I have deep blue clear eyes that pierce your soul.

And so you get the first glimpse of our dark and depressing characters. But who will be the first to have their cheesy destiny revealed? Who will claim Nico? Percy? Jason? Edward Cullen? Will Solace? All of them? Stay tuned!