"Oh Lucas," Lorelai said coming into the diner. "Oh Lucas."
"Don't call me that," Luke replied from behind the counter.
"How long have we been married?" Lorelai asked Luke as she sat down at the counter.
"Is this a trick question?" Luke replied eyeing her cautiously.
"No," Lorelai answered truthfully. "Just answer the question."
"Two years?" Luke responded and it came out as a question, he was sure that Lorelai was up to something.
"And would you agree that we are equals in this relationship?" Lorelai asked him. "That we should do something the other likes even if we might not enjoy it?"
"I guess," Luke agreed. "So what do you want me to do?" he asked with a sigh.
"Nothing," Lorelai answered. "It's something that I want to do for you."
"Really?" Luke questioned confused. "And what is that?"
"It's a surprise," Lorelai told him excitedly. "But you'll love it... think of it as finding your inner Kirk."
"Kirk?" Luke questioned confused. "I don't have an inner Kirk and even if I did then I don't think it's something I want to find."
"Okay, maybe Kirk wasn't the best choice of words... but you'll love it Luke," Lorelai said confidently. "And you will be glad that I'm sharing this experience with you."
"Okay, fine," Luke accepted. "Set it up, do whatever you need to do and I'll be there."
"Thank you Luke," Lorelai said leaning across the counter and giving Luke a kiss. "You won't regret it... now how about some coffee?"
"No," Luke told her firmly.
"Why?" Lorelai responded pulling out her infamous Gilmore pout. "I love you Luke."
"You're pregnant," Luke told her. "I do not want my child coming out with two heads."
"Please?" Lorelai asked him. "I drank coffee when I was pregnant with Rory."
"You didn't?" Luke asked her alarmed.
"No, I didn't," Lorelai replied. "But that's beside the point."
"Lorelai," Luke warned.
"Fine, fine," Lorelai relented standing up, smirking back at Luke. "I'll start making the arrangements for your surprise."
"I'm going to regret this aren't I?" Luke asked her.
"No, of course not," Lorelai responded as she headed for the door.
"Fascinating." Lorelai said to Luke after taking him to his surprise.
"Stop it." Luke warned her.
"No, seriously," Lorelai told Luke. "Fascinating."
"Lorelai!" Luke warned more forcefully this time.
"Oh, come on Luke," Lorelai pleaded. "I liked you better in Trekkie-mode, you were the pride of the..."
"First off, I was never in Trekkie-mode," Luke interrupted her as they exited the Black White and Read-movie theatre. "And second, if I ever was then you beat the Trekkie out of me and took it for yourself. Did you even watch the movie?"
"Why Mr. Danes, you offend me!" Lorelai replied in mock-hurt. "Of course I watched it."
"Prove it."
"Uh… It was in space?"
Luke sighed heavily. He had been suspicious when Lorelai wanted to take him to the movies, and when he saw what they were showing he knew that this couldn't end well. The new Star Trek movie had come to Stars Hollow, and he figured that Lorelai had made too much out of the Trekkie-revelation from a couple of years back and wanted to do something nice for him.
Admittedly yes, he might have been a Trekkie, keyword here being 'have been'. And yes, if he caught an episode of it on TV he didn't change channel, and yes, he had once gone trick-or-treating as a Klingon when he was a kid. But that didn't mean that he was a Trekkie now. Absolutely not. Or almost not. Oh what the heck…
"Wow Lorelai, what a revelation. Star Trek takes place in space," Luke responded sarcastically.
"You didn't ask me for specifics!" Lorelai protested.
"You're awfully vague about the general story behind Star Trek, and you think you could do better on the specifics?" Luke asked doubtfully.
"Absolutely, bucko. You can pop quiz me over a plate of chilli fries."
"Yeah, and then I can watch as your blood coagulates from all the saturated fat."
"Fries and a pop quiz, please Luke!"
"I can give you water and some crackers."
"Not funny!"
"Not supposed to be."
"Fries and a pop quiz or I'm dragging you back to see it again, complete with mocking, commentaries and the whole nine yards."
"I have no say in this, do I?" Luke questioned her, already knowing the answer.
"You're quick on the uptake." Lorelai chirped, and then proceeded to drag him across the town square towards the diner.
Back at the diner Luke relieved Ceasar of kitchen duty, and began making Lorelai some fries, all while trying to think up some questions about the movie. Lorelai on the other hand was too busy playing around with the salt and pepper shakers to notice anything else.
"One plate of fries for the woman with no food limits whatsoever." Luke said, as he put the plate of fries in front of Lorelai.
She glanced at the plate and then looked at Luke.
"What is that?" she asked him, pointing to the centre of the plate.
"Chilli fries." he answered, uncertain if this was a trick question.
"No! I see the fries, but what's the offensive green thingy that completely dominates this otherwise happy plate?"
"Its parsley. Completely harmless."
"And best picked off." Lorelai decided, pushing the tiny parsley branch off her plate and onto the napkin, then proceeding with pushing some of the fries off the plate and onto the napkin too.
"Now what are you doing?" Luke asked her confused by her actions. "Those aren't parsley."
"They were fraternizing with the enemy." Lorelai responded looking at each fry carefully.
Luke shook his head, watching how the woman he loved spear fry after fry on her fork, looking at it with squinted eyes, before either putting it back on the plate or disposing it onto the napkin beside the plate.
"You done now?" he asked her five minutes later, when all the fry-traitors seemed to be gone.
"Yeah, these ones are all fries, no greenies whatsoever." Lorelai replied, happily munching away. "You got the quiz for me?"
"Against my better judgment…"
"Hit me, Mr. Spock."
Luke gave her a dark look, before breathing in deeply.
"T. in James T. Kirk stands for?"
"Tiberius."
"Who was Tiberius?"
"His grandad."
"Whose granddad?" Luke asked trying to trick Lorelai.
"Kirk's grandad, keep up!"
"How did you..?"
"You truly underestimate my multitasking-capacities. Next question."
"McCoy…" Luke began.
"Bones." Lorelai answered before he could even finish the question.
"Are you gonna let me ask you the questions or not?"
"Fine. But admit it, I had the right answer."
"USS Enterprise registry number."
"Enterprise what?"
"The number on the ship." Luke said triumphantly.
"Oh, that… NCC… and… wait… 1701?"
"Pavel Chekov's age?"
"Seventeen." Lorelai answered happily, noticing how this frustrated Luke. "Boy, I wish Rory could've been that brilliant when she was 17…"
"Who programmed the Kobayashi Maru?"
"Don't know what you said, but if you're talking about that simulation, it was Spocky's pride and joy."
"Spocky?"
"Yeah. Black hair, pointy ears, a sucker for logic... oh and those eyebrows, I just love those eyebrows... is it wrong to fall in love with eyebrows Luke, because if it is then I don't want to be right?"
"What?" Luke questioned confused, but continued regardless. "Okay, Spock's mom…"
"Ooh! Klepto!" Lorelai exclaimed, managing to flip over her plate of fries in the process.
"Excuse me?" Luke asked her with a confounded expression, as he turned the plate back over.
"She's a klepto!" Lorelai repeated, as she shuffled the fries back onto the plate.
"Spock's mother is a klepto?" Luke questioned confused.
"You don't read many magazines, do you? The woman who played Spocky's mom is a klepto. Or at least they say so. Hey, you think that makes Spocky's mom a klepto in the movie? Oh, and while we're at it, why did Nero look so… non-Romulan. I thought those dudes where supposed to look like Spocky!"
"Okay first, are you really going to eat those? They were on the counter. Second, stop calling Spock, Spocky. Third, no, Spock's mom is not a klepto. Fourth, I have no idea why Nero looked the way he looked and… wait a minute, how do you know that Romulans should look like Vulcans?"
"Look like what?"
"Spock!"
"What about him?"
"He's a Vulcan!"
"That sounds… vaguely disturbing, but I'll take it." Lorelai reasoned, spearing a bunch of fries on her fork.
"How do you know Nero should look like Spock?" Luke demanded to know.
"Okay fine, I might have checked up on a few things…"
"Like what?"
"Like… Spock. He's totally cool. And why do they call it 'the Picard Maneuver' when that guy is tugging at his shirt? And can I have one of those outfits that Seven of something wears?"
Luke just looked at her, trying to ignore all the Star Trek-related questions that came shooting at him.
"Fascinating." he finally said, for lack of better words.
"What?" Lorelai said in mock outrage. "It's okay for you to say it, but not me?"
"You're nuts, you know that?"
"Do you know that?" Lorelai countered, with a diabolical smile.
"Unfortunately." Luke sighed.
"Fascinating."
"Stop."
"Am I your Number one?"
"Lorelai.
"Engage!"
"Lorelai!"
"Beam me up Scotty."
"Oh please…"
"Can I try the Vulcan death grip on you?" Lorelai asked Luke mischievously.
"No," Luke said firmly.
"Long live and prosper," Lorelai said to Luke, complete with Vulcan salute.
"Its 'Live long and prosper," Luke replied, using the correct blessing and Vulcan salute.
"Ha Ha, I got you," Lorelai said proudly. "See Luke, once a Trekkie, always a Trekkie."
The End
Written by ICanSeeYourFace and DC Nixon