Chapter 1

Why?

Elliott stood outside as thunder rumbled. Rain soaked his jacket. He felt as though he couldn't breathe. She was his air, his life, his best friend, his soulmate. And she was gone, along with the light in his life and world. This early and I would never meet her dark chocolate brown ones. She would never smile again.

No longer the badass cop duo. He would never get to tell her that he loved her. He loved her with every fiber of his being. He wanted to hear those three words escape her lips. Olivia Benson was dead, and so is he.

He received a letter the day after her death.

Elliot,

I've been trying to get in touch with you for months. But Porter has been nagging me about protocol. I didn't plan on being undercover this long. But I will be home soon. And I want to talk to you about something important. I should be home by September 5th.

See you soon, Liv.

He carried that letter in his wallet. When he had a rough case or he just missed her, he would take it out and read it. Elliot looked over at his calendar on his desk. September 5th.'She would have been home today.' Elliot remember the day his life went to hell.

THREE WEEKS EARLIER

Elliot just finished his last piece of paper work. "I'm finally done. I haven't seen my desk empty in months." Fin laughed. "Good for you. So have you heard from that partner of yours?" Fin asked. "No, but I know she's undercover."

Elliot looked up and Dean Porter was approaching them, Cragen following, frowning. Cragen. "What's up? Where's Liv?" Asked Fin. Dean cleared his throat. "At 7:30 this morning, Detective Olivia Benson was pronounced Dead on Arrival from a gunshot wound to the chest."

Elliot's heart stopped. It felt like he was suffocating. Tears stung his eyes. But soon Elliot was overcome with anger. Elliot grabbed Dean by the throat and slammed him into the wall. "Why?! How?! We trusted you!"

"And now you're telling me that my partner, my best friend is dead?! What the hell did you do?!" Elliot yelled. "Elliot! Put them down. Now!" Yelled Cragen. Fin and Munch try their best to get Elliott off. Elliott backed off and punched a file cabinet in Anger.

CcWhy!? How could you let this happen Porter?! Dean looked at them. "We were meeting to discuss your findings. A guy entered the cafe and pulled a gun. Olivia yelled 'gun' and push me to the ground."

"I sat up and looked over and she was hit. I was told later that she was DOA" Elliot grabbed him again, this time by a shirt, again slamming him into the wall. "And why didn't you call us then?! At least Cragen!?"

Why should you be the only one who can say goodbye to her!? You need to put me down Stabler. You are assaulting a federal agent." Elliot got into his face. "I don't give a damn. You are the one who fucked up."

"Elliot, let him go. You don't need what he can do to you." He pushed in hard from him. "I hope you rot in hell for this." He turned to walk out of the squad room. "Do you think you were the only one who had deep feelings for her?! I did too!"

Elliot turned to look at him. "You only have known her a year! She has been a part of our lives for nearly 10 years. And I don't care if you had feelings for her. You are the one who let her die." Dean got angry.

"I didn't see the gun! You're acting like I just sat there and watched her get shot." Elliot looked at Porter. "But that's your responsibility! You are responsible to have her back just like she's supposed to have yours."

"That's what Partners do! And because of your negligence, Olivia is dead." Elliot turned his back. "And you always watched her back!? What about Gitano?" No one moved. No one spoke about that. It was the case that almost cost Elliot and Olivia each other.

Elliot turned and walked quickly over to Porter, he cocked his arm back and punched him to the ground. Porter looked up at Elliot, holding his bloody nose. "I hope you do something. File a complaint or whatever. I don't regret it."

He stormed out of the room. Cragen looked at Porter shook his head, and walk to his office. Fin walked over to the bloody Dean. "You know you really did screw up. You cost our family her life. You deserve much worse than what you got."

He stormed out as well. Munch got up and shook his head, walking out of the room. That left a bloody Dean. He quietly walked through the squad room. Then something caught his eye on Elliot's desk.

It was a group picture. Elliot had his arm around her waist. Cragen was on the other side of her, Fin was leaning on Elliot, Munch was mid laugh on Finn's other side. Olivia look genuinely happy, her smile full of life and love.

Dean droped to the chair, tears filled his eyes. Elliot walked into his empty dark apartment. Anger and sadness feel him as he threw stuff and punched the walls. He dropped to the floor, sobs over taking his body.

He gripped the sides of his head as grief overcame him. "Dammit!" He yelled and anger. The love of his life was gone. And she was never coming back.

PRESENT

"El? Elliot?" Elliot snapped out of it. "You okay?" Asked Fin. "Yeah, just thinking." Fin nodded. He looked at his hand. "What's that?" He gestured to the paper in Elliot's hand. Elliot handed the letter to Finn.

"Oh, Elliot, man." Said Finn. Sadness filled Elliott. "She would have been home today. And I think she was going to tell me. There's a possibility that we could have been together." Finn put a hand on his shoulder.

"I know, I'm sorry man. This isn't fair to you. To either of you." Elliott stared blankly. "I don't want to believe that she's really gone Fin. But I know I can't live in denial either." Finn sighed. "No you can't."

"We are all dealing with her death in our own ways. It's only natural that you are taking it the hardest. You and Cragen have known her the longest. But just know that you are not alone we are all here for you."

Elliot nodded. "I know. Thank you." Fin nodded and walked away. Elliot eyes left the letter and rested on her obituary. He had slipped it into the picture frame. 'Why? Why did you have to leave Liv? Why? When we could have been happy together.'

Silent tears down his cheeks, not caring if anyone saw. Nothing mattered to Elliot anymore. He's only thinking about Olivia. The opening of the door brought Elliot back to reality. His blood boiled and he stiffened as he saw who entered the squad room.