Author's Notes: This was written in response to a one-hour challenge: "One of your 'Couple' gets dead drunk, thinks they are Superman and attempts to fly off a five story building!" It was easy enough to imagine actually writting for this in the Lois and Clark universe and this story was born. I really don't normally approve of alcohol, especially not in large quantities, so please, no one behave like Lois does in this story. I care about my readers too much to find out that they got drunk and believed themselves a superhero.

Flying Lesson

Lois Lane was depressed. Truly, deeply, spiritually depressed. She had never known anything as painful as this. First, she'd realised that she couldn't get married to a man she didn't love while she was confused about a man she may indeed love. Then she'd broken off her wedding to Lex Luthor, at the altar, telling him that she couldn't go through with their marriage. Then, before anyone had a chance to even realise what she'd said, the police had arrived to arrest Lex, he'd thrown himself off a building and Superman hadn't arrived to catch her ex-fiancé. Then, just when she thought things were starting to look up, what with the rebirth of the Daily Planet, Clark took back his declaration of love for her, stating that he'd only said such a thing to keep her from Luthor.
And to top it off, Lois hadn't seen Superman in a week. Of course, she was still mad at him for rejecting her, and the other hurtful things he had said, but the least he could have done was come and checked to see if she was all right. Even Clark had done that.
Clark. Lois was so miserable about Clark and the fact that he'd taken back what he'd said. Actually, no. That wasn't it. She was miserable because he'd lied to her, and she hated liars more than anything else on this planet. Claude had been a liar, and the same with all her previous boyfriends.
All of a sudden, Lois began to wonder why she had ever even considered thinking of Clark as anything more than an acquaintance. That was what he was: an acquaintance. A work buddy, someone she bounced ideas off and had fights with about him editing her copy. Someone who would quite happily sit around all night with her at her apartment eating pizza and helping her finish off their next award-winning piece of journalism. Someone who would not only anticipate her moods, but conquer them.
Lois sighed again. Clark Kent was more than just the Farmboy she had thought he was, and he was certainly more than just an acquaintance. Clark was her best friend, and she loved him, in her own way.
And so it came to pass that Lois Lane was depressed, sitting at home in the dark, watching her favourite (well, her only) soap opera and thinking horrible thoughts about how miserable she was.
When the final credits started to roll, Lois turned the television off and walked into the kitchen, seeking something to distract her. As she had expected, there were a few snacks in the fridge, but not much else. She had been planning to move into Lex's penthouse, and so hadn't thought she would need any more groceries. And despite the fact that it had been a week since the wedding disaster, Lois couldn't bring herself to find the energy to go for food, especially considering how terrible her cooking skills were. Ordered-in takeout was good enough for her.
But there, on a shelf at the back of the refrigerator, nicely chilled and ready for her enjoyment, was that bottle of champagne Lois had bought to celebrate her engagement to Lex. She'd never gotten around to drinking it before, and it really did seem to bring back a few too many painful memories. After all, she had had to dip into her savings to buy such an expensive bottle of wine, and it wasn't as if she'd ended up marrying the billionaire who could have replaced that money without a second thought.
So, gingerly, Lois removed the bottle from the fridge and opened it, searching quickly through her cupboards to find a champagne flute. Failing to discover one easily (they must have still been in one of the boxes she hadn't as yet unpacked), Lois grabbed a normal milk glass instead, and filled it with the bubbling liquid. She walked over to the window she normally left open for Superman and sighed in the direction of the night sky.
"Here's to you, Lex", she said, taking a small sip, "For making me feel like my only worth as a person was to be possessed by you." Feeling suddenly inconsolable, she blinked back a handful of tears and downed the rest of the glass. It really was good champagne, she managed to note, even as a tear escaped her control and slid down her cheek.
Grabbing the bottle, Lois poured herself another drink. Once again, she raised it to the sky, thinking up an appropriate toast. "Here's to you, Superman", she said, wishing he was here to hear this, "For thinking me shallow enough to only love you for your powers."
She drank again, enjoying the taste of the bubbles in her mouth. A few went up her nose, causing her to giggle. Right, she had one more guy to toast. The bottle was looking a little worse for wear, but Lois had no intention of wasting any of this quality drink.
"And to you, Clark", she whispered to the sky, ignoring the suddenly dizzy feeling that was sweeping over her, "For letting me believe you really did love me." Openly weeping now, Lois polished off her drink.
"Here's to the three men in my life and the federal disasters they represent." Not bothering with the glass, Lois took a swig from the bottle, only to be interrupted by a knock on her door.
Wiping a frumpy sleave across her face, but not letting go of the bottle, Lois made her way to the door. She was not really surprised to see Clark standing on her doorstep. "What do you want?" She demanded in a petulant tone.
"I came to see if you were alright, Lois." There he was again, trying to take control of her life by pretending to be her friend. Well, she didn't need him and his just wanting to be friends, he had lied to her and that was unforgivable.
"I'm fine", Lois pushed past him, headed for the roof. "I just want some fresh air."
"Lois, you're crying", he stated it in that simple manner of his that always drove her wild.
"So what?" she screamed, "My ex-fiancé is dead, the guy I love doesn't love me back and Superman thinks me nothing but a flighty blonde. So, I'm crying. Big deal." She stomped towards the staircase and it was relieved when her hand grabbed hold of the banister to pull her up to the roof.
Clark just stood there for a moment, looking stunned. Lois wasn't surprised, Clark never understood her. He could sometimes anticipate her, but that didn't mean he understood. Her dizzy brain was able to pick the moment exactly when he noticed the bottle of alcohol in her hand.
"You're drinking", his tone was flat, uncomprehending. She turned at a flight of stairs and disappeared from his sight.
Lois took another swig at the bottle, only to notice that it was empty. "Nope", she shouted, throwing the bottle over her shoulder, "I'm done drinking."
Following her up the stairs, Clark caught the bottle deftly and deposited it on a landing before continuing up after his partner.
After what seemed an eternity of stairs and turns, Lois finally was able to open the door to the roof and stomp out into the night air. The cold, coupled with the darkness and her deeper misery, led Lois to the conclusion that her fuzzy head was clearing up, which could only be a good thing. She walked over to the edge and looked out.
Metropolis was beautiful by night. Lois had known this even before the alcohol had taken effect. If Superman had had the guts to take her up on her offer, she could be out there flying among the twinkling city lights right now. But no, he wouldn't do that, would he? That would be too logical for a dumb alien to comprehend.
Feeling angry and hurt, Lois climbed up on the balcony, holding her arms out for balance. It was then that she noticed the Farmboy standing next to her, looking as if he wanted to pull her back.
"Go away, Farmboy, I don't want you here."
A flash of hurt darted across his face. Good, now he knew what it was like. "It's not safe for you up there, Lois." He always spoke in such a reasonable tone, what was up with that?
"I'm safe enough", she muttered in reply, walking along, "I'm more indestructible than Superman. I survived what Lex and he and you did to me, after all. You know", she was thinking aloud now, but didn't care, "I really meant it when I said I loved him, Clark. I would love him even if he was human." Somehow she heard Clark's almost inaudible snort of disbelief. "You don't believe me", the words were small and full of pain. "It's the human part of him I loved. I loved the way he believes in those strict morals of his, his stupid boy scout attitude and the way he always looked out for me."
Lois turned away from Clark and breathed out to the city below, "I loved him the way I love you."
She spun around suddenly and grinned at Clark. "Hey Clark", she said, almost bouncing in her excitement and sounding very drunk, "I'm Superman." She spun around again and nearly lost her balance. When she recovered she stood stock still, assuming a classic Superman pose, arms crossed over her chest, with a Lois pout for dramatic flare. "Watch me fly away from all my troubles", she grinned at him and stepped backwards off the balcony.
The alcohol leeched away almost immediately and she came to her senses as the wind whipped her hair around her face. But by then it was too late. She looked up to see Clark jump off the balcony after her.
"Why?" she whispered in a moment that lasted forever as she realised that Clark would also fall to his death here. She wanted to call for Superman, but something held her back.
"I love you", Clark whispered as he held her hands in his and gently flew the two of them back to her room.