A/N This is a tribute to my best friend who's amazingly clucky. This one's for you, Lex. Happy Birthday!

I am and always will be the optimist

the hoper of far-flung hopes,

and the dreamer of improbable dreams

The Eleventh Doctor-

Dream of Me

"C'mon, Ana. You're going to be 20 in September and you've never had a boyfriend or any friend who coincidentally happened to be a boy who was not into other boys. Live a little!" she ranted mentioning José, our not so straight friend. Kate was getting in one of her moods again telling me why I needed a boyfriend. It's not my fault that Kate looked like a freaking supermodel with her emerald green eyes and her Rapunzel blonde locks. She always looked alluring even when she didn't try so she brought lots of attention with her. Everyone just drooled a little and started eye-fucking when Kate walked in the room.

"I don't need a boy to live, Kate, I need air and food and water. I'm pretty sure that I didn't see the word 'boyfriend' in Maslow's hierarchy of needs in my psychology classes" I rolled my eyes at her.

"Don't you get sassy with me, missy! You know what I mean. A boyfriend will bring you out of your shell. You need more confidence, babe" she said exasperated.

"I have lots of confidence, let me tell you" I lied with my chin held high. She narrowed her eyes at me. She could always tell when I lied, but then everyone could because my stupid blush always betrayed me.

Traitor! I thought that you were supposed to take my side…

"Oh really… Then why do you always look at the ground when you're walking?" she made a good point but that was Kate… Sigh..

"I'm clumsy and you know that! Don't you remember when the oven door wouldn't close correctly and I tried to fix it?" I reminded her. I tried to fix it with a hammer and a screw I had found in the apartment. That wasn't a good idea in hindsight, I screamed when I saw the blood on the floor and Kate ran to the kitchen where she found me clutching my arm to my chest lying on the floor. She rushed me to the ER where I required 10 stitches, it hurt like shit. After that day I felt a lot of sympathy for Jesus hanging at that cross.

Ouch..

"Fine, whatever, but we're going out tonight and we're going to drink. No more you being the designated driver! It's time to let loose!" Kate shouted the loose part in a shrill voice and I visibly cringed a little.

"Kaaaaaaaate! We can't! we both have to get up early in the morning and besides, who goes out on Thursdays?" I said really not in the mood to go to a party where I would just end up being deserted by Kate who had found her flavour of the week again.

"There's simply no winning with you, is there? Fine, we'll stay inside but there will be drinking. Lots and lots of drinking, Ana" the latter was for my protesting expression.

Don't look so smug, bitch…

"But I don't want to wake up hungover tomorrow…" I whined and pouted hoping that it would work but I was the one who couldn't resist the puppy eyes; Kate practically invented that look.

"No buts, 'Nana! Jesus, even my grandmother is livelier than you are and she's old and doesn't like anyone!"

"Fine, then. I guess we'll be drinking tonight. Oh, and no dressing up. If I'm going to be wasted, I'd rather do it in my granny panties than in a thong that keeps giving me wedgies" I said holding up one finger to shush her.

"Great!" she squealed and started jumping.

Oh, dear. Kate is hyperactive. It will be a very productive evening!

"Okay, don't go anywhere. I'll go and get the tequila, vodka and Ben & Jerry's! This is going to be so much fun!" I could hear her holler as she got in her Mercedes and left speeding through the street.

I better clean in here because it's only going to get dirtier and dirtier and nobody wants to clean when they're hungover…

"Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink!" I made an ugly face as I downed my sixth tequila… Or was it my eighth? Anyway, it was fun.

Why don't I do this more?

"Because you're a stuck-up bitch who also happens to be a prude" Oh shit… I said that out loud. Kate started to slur her words and I was wondering how I sounded… probably very bad.

Shit…

"Ooooh, Kate. I've never played a drinking game. Can we do one of those? Pretty please?" I asked. It sounded very clear in my head but I was quite sure that I was pronouncing her name as 'Kaht'. God, why do I drink again? Oh yeah, 'Kaht'…

"Bananie, sometimes I don't get how you became my friend" she said while shaking her head, "but thankfully for both of us, I've played plenty of those in all kinds of situations. Let's start off with something fun, 'kay?"

"Hmm, okay"

"The game is called Power Hour and the goal we have to reach is to drink 60 shots of beer in one hour, so that's basically-"

"2 shots per 10 minutes" I cut her off and whooped while fist bumping the air.

"No, dumbass… That's a shot per minute" she said triumphantly with a shit-eating grin on her face.

"Kaaaaate," I gasped, "do you want me to die? What am I going to tell my dad if I die? He'll kill me if I die! I don't wanna die….. I'm too young. Oh my god, you're to kill me, aren't you? You're trying to steal my inheritance! That's a cr-"

Kate shut off my word vomit by holding my lips so that they made a duck pout.

I hated that trend…

"Nobody's going to die! Nobody's killing nobody!" She yelled.

"Oh my god, Kate! We have to save nobody! We can't let him die! Wait… or is nobody a she?" I pondered this for a while until Kate got that smug grin on her face again.

"What?" I asked while feeling a little scared.

"I know.. Why don't we play Truth, Dare or Drink? Oh wait, you won't be able to play that game. Maybe we'll need to play Spin the Bottle to start off easy" she was goading me and boy, I loved a good challenge. At least when I'm drunk, that is.

"No, we'll play Truth, Dare or Drink! Us Steeles do not shy away from a good game!" I held my chin up high and may or may not have beaten my chest.

My boobies hurt!

"Okay, since you want to play this game, you can go first"

"Truth, Dare or Drink?" I asked.

"Truth"

"Shit, let me think… I know one! Where did you lose your virginity?" I questioned.

"In the back of my prom date's car, Ana, you know this one" She laughed.

Damn…

"Okay, Ana. Pick one"

"I feel very brave tonight so….. dare" I exclaimed after I held the suspense.

"So, Ana, I dare you to make a profile on a dating website and go on a date with a guy" she demanded in a disturbingly high-pitched tone.

"This was a trap! I don't want to go on a date, Kate" I whined.. but at least I whined while rhyming.

"You have to now, it was a dare" she bellowed.

"Fine, but I'm not doing this alone. You have to come with me!" I pulled her along to my desk in my room where my laptop sat. I powered it and waited till it welcomed me.

"What if he turns out to be a serial killer, Kate? Do you want my death on your conscience, huh?" I tried to change her mind but she was so stubborn. Once she set her mind to something even the hottest guy on earth wouldn't be able to convince her but that's my Katie. I wouldn't want to change anything about her? Well, I wanted to change lots of stuff actually ..

"That's why I'm going to pick your next date, Bananie"

"What? No! your standards are like ridiculously high. I'm not going to find the next the next Jamie Dornan on a dating site. Guys like that already have a girlfriend or a wife, they do not need a website to find a girl. They probably have a hot guy whistle to signal the next girl in line.." I trailed off a little.

After an entire lifetime Kate found a picture that she deemed hot enough to put on my profile. It was of me in a bikini with my favourite book but the book was not important enough, it was because my breasts were on show.. The slut..

"Okay, Banana, Let's do this. Let's click on 'submit' together" I pushed the button with her finger on mine, probably to prevent me from deleting everything. I browsed between many profiles with Kate's hungry eyes behind me and I saw things I desperately wanted to unsee. I shuddered again when my brain showed me Captain Banana hammock's photo again.

But then my breath hitched and I stared in awe at his picture. He looked like a god. A god I wanted to do nasty, nasty things to. I clicked on his picture to lead me to his profile. God, even his name was perfect.

Christian Grey

"Wow, Ana. You hit the jackpot, girl. That man is hot with a capital H" I turned to look at Kate and I swear that I saw her drooling a little. He's mine, bitch!

"I'm going to send him a request" I blurted out, seems like my brain wanted him too. Katie was twerking behind my chair singing 'Ana and Christian, sitting in a tree'. I focused myself on his picture and began writing.

Dear Christian

I looked forward to this day for a long time. Christian and I were finally going a real date after having chatted, texted and called nearly every day. He quickly became a huge part of my life. It felt weird not to be able to hear his smooth and sexy voice every day or at least read his I-am-trying-to-be-funny jokes that I secretly loved. How couldn't I, it was part of him after all. It turned out that is brother set up that profile of his on that dating website to annoy him since he rarely went on a date. He apparently was always too busy to satisfy a teenage girl's whims.

He arranged for us to meet in the Six Seven Restaurant. I looked it up on Google images and it was very romantic, it came with a magnificent view on the Sound; of course it was romantic. I got a little worried when Kate said that it was a little pricey. I didn't want to end up broke when I still had to last an entire month on my meagre student wage. She assured me when she said that Christian was a total gentleman and probably wouldn't let me pay for my own meal. Then I got even more worried because I didn't want Christian to be broke because he was going to start his own company and I knew that you couldn't just spurge on random and very expensive meals.

Kate insisted on driving me to the restaurant. She said that I would be grateful afterwards but I didn't really get her mumbling. She parked her Mercedes into one of the spots near the front where an elderly couple just exited. I thanked them silently in my head because I had to cover less distance on these torture heels that I borrowed from my friendly roommate. They didn't seem so high and uncomfortable in her shoe heaven.

Then why the fuck are they cutting the circulation off my feet..

I guess, I just wanted to impress Christian. At least he'll be impressed while Kate's shoes will be coated in a thin layer of my blood.

Kate looked at me with an evil smile and hugged me saying that she was proud of me having a date. She said to, and I quote 'be safe and don't do anything I wouldn't do'. As handsome as he is, I wouldn't give him my virginity on the first date.

Would I?

Damn it, Ana, you're not a floozy! Behave yourself!

I quickened my pace to the front to check in. I was going out of my mind here and the butterflies in my gut weren't helping at all.

"Reservation under Grey" I told 'Samantha' who had been eyeing me as soon as I got in. Thank god that Christian told me what to say. I had a feeling that the whole evening would be a disaster.

"Your party has already arrived, ma'am. If I may take your coat." Before I knew it she had my- Kate's- coat in her arms and gave it to the girl next to her.

Holy shit, he's already here…

"Please follow me" she started inside and the view was truly magnificent. It looked so tranquil.

There he was, Christian, sitting next to the window looking magnificent. No one was allowed to be that perfect. It should've been illegal but alas, it wasn't. The photos really didn't do him any justice but he seemed to be as nervous as I was feeling. The actual thing was that he wore that nervousness with a certain grace. Damn him and those etiquette classes that he had to take. He looked up when we approached and I got lost in his stormy eyes. He got up and kissed my cheek.

"Ana" he breathed rather than said, as if he was relieved. Christian then pulled out my chair for me.

"How are you?" I asked him rather timidly knowing that my ever-present blush was still showing after that stunt he pulled with the cheek-kissing.

"Great, now that you're here." That comment didn't help my blush, it only grew hotter and I heard him chuckle.

"You told me all about you blushing easily but I get what you mean by it being a traitor." He teased me.

"Do you not know how difficult it was for me to steal the chocolate chip cookies my mother made when I was younger. I couldn't even lie about it, not even by omission" I huffed and hid my face in my hands.

"Don't, don't hide your face, never from me." I looked and bit my lip because his stare was so intense. it was burning me from the inside; and I liked it.

"Well, you're making it hard not to hide it with all those compliments"

"Ana, beautiful, if you let me, I'll shower you with compliments for the rest of our lives" he whispered but it was still oh so audible.

Does that mean what I think he means?

"What, I-I.. I don't k-know.." I stuttered.

"Welcome to Six Seven Restaurant, my name is David and I'll be your server today. What can I get you to drink?" The server interrupted our conversation and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing. Besides, he was eye-fucking me.

Jerk…

"Yes, we would like a bottle of the Pascal Jolivet Sancerre." He said brusquely but I kind of melted a little when he pronounced the wine- at least I think it was wine – in French. I knew he could speak the language but I thought he just took it in high school. He didn't even have that stupid American accent.

"Certainly, sir" said 'David' with a grin towards me.

Doesn't that guy get a hint? I'm on a bloody date here…

"So, what have you been up to these days?" I asked desperate for a way out.

"I have been studying for finals while Ross and I have found a couple of companies that are interested in doing business with a students. I'll be using the money from my trust fund to start GEH.

"Wow, I'm sure that you'll be the next Steve Jobs." I said, having heard that name on the news.

"Thank you for that, Ana, but Apple is a technology company that sells electronic devices. My field is communication technologies and I hope to expand it to eco manufacturing and next generation farming solutions."

"I love that you're so passionate about what you want to do. I only like books, there is nothing else that really interests me."

"Oh, Ana. Not a lot of people have the courage to pursue the thing that they love. You know best what you want to do. I'm good with numbers and you understand books like no one else. I admire people who can get lost in a good book. Be proud at who you are. I wouldn't change it for the world."

"Thank you, Christian. I really needed that. I wasn't sure whether I chose the right major, I was doubting my decision. I know there isn't much job security in that field but at least I enjoy what I do."

For the first time, I felt secure and confident in my life and it was all because of Christian.

I hadn't laughed this much in a very long time. I was happy and had this ridiculous smile on my face that wouldn't go away even if I wanted it to. Christian paid for our dinner- like Kate said- because he didn't want to be emasculated and because his mother raised a gentleman. I scoffed at the former.

The valet brought his beautiful, expensive looking Audi around. My Wanda looked like a piece of junk next to his sophisticated car. I tried not to think about it. The valet tried to open my door for me but Christian was there first. I hadn't had a lot of dates but no guy had ever done that for me. My soared a little in my chest when I sat in the car. He was like my own personal Mr Darcy.

I loved the way Christian drove. Everything about him screamed 'man', from the way his muscles flexed when he changed gears to the way he smiled that smile that was only for me. I knew it was early but I had a feeling that he was going to be the one for me. There hung a comfortable silence in the car and it seemed like we both didn't want the night to be over. It was that special and I wanted to remember it always.

Before we knew it, we got to Kate's apartment even though Christian tried to drive as slow as he could those last couple of miles. He even parked slowly and when he looked at me, he chuckled nervously and we both started laughing at his attempt to keep me a few minutes longer.

"Stay" he pointed at me and got out of the car. He walked around the car and went to open my door. He held out his hand and gently pulled me out of the Audi and walked me to my door.

The short walk didn't make me less sad but I had to let him go, right? If I was lucky, I'd dream about him.

"Ana." He spun me around by my shoulders. His eyes were as melancholic as I was feeling. Suddenly I was engulfed in his arms and he buried his face in my hair. I turned my face and laid my cheek against his heart so I could hear his heart beating. I could have fallen asleep in his arms and I don't think he would've minded. I wanted to stop time and stay there forever. I had only read about moments like those and I wasn't sure whether I'd ever experience one like that again.

I didn't know how much time had passed, it could've been minutes or hours. Christian sighed and reluctantly pulled away.

"This is it, I guess."

"Yeah, I guess so." I really wanted to kiss him right then but maybe he didn't want to yet. Fuck it! If that made me a floozy, then so be it.

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him softly. His lips were soft and smooth. He blinked 3 times before he launched into action and crushed me against the door and kissed me as if there was no tomorrow. Christian tasted like fine wine and I could smell his body wash and cologne on him which made me crazy and caused me to pull his hair. His groans encouraged me and I slipped my tongue inside his mouth. A loud horn somewhere made us jump apart and he leaned his forehead against mine as we got our breath under control.

He kissed me lightly again but I could feel his smile against my lips.

"Wow." I was totally speechless and wow was the only word left in my vocabulary.

"Yeah, wow." He gingerly scratched his head and let me go. "Laters, baby"

I blew him a kiss and he pretended to catch it. I had to laugh at his childish antics and shook my head entering the apartment and leaned against the door. I saw Kate in the kitchen looking at me with round eyes.

"And?" she drew out the a.

I squealed and jumped like a teenage girl- frankly, I was a teenage girl- on her first boyband concert. Kate put down the glass of water she was drinking from and squealed too, she embraced me tightly and kept saying how proud she was that her little 'Annie' was finally growing up.

"I'll tell you in the morning, Katie. I just want to go to sleep right now." She skipped to her room singing 'Ana and Christian' making me roll my eyes. I kicked Kate's shoes off and ran to my room and flopped face-down on my bed sighing. Right then my phone pinged alerting me to a text.

*Thank the lords for meddling brothers and roommates.

Goodnight, beautiful. Dream of me tonight x *

There wasn't a thing in the world that would keep me from dreaming of him.

I'm standing there with my dress on facing the garden against the windows. I have never felt this nervous before, not even when I had Kate drive me to my date with Christian. Even though I was ready, I didn't feel that way; at least not completely.

"Ready, Ana?" Asked Kate. Kate had been wonderful these past couple of years; from getting me ice cream when Christian and I fought to midnight gossip sessions. She was still nosy and bossy as ever but she was my Katie.

"Yes- no, I don't know" my hands were shaking and I couldn't hide them from Kate.

"Are you having second thoughts? Or are they wedding jitters?"

"If I knew, I would have been able to tell you when you first asked, Kate!" I was getting all worked up.

"Relax, Banana, you love Christian. Remember how happy you were when he finally manned up and proposed to you. You were showing off that ring for at least a month and trust me when I say that I almost threw that gorgeous rock away."

She was right. Of course she was. I remembered how Christian was all grumpy in the week he proposed. I thought that he'd grown bored of me, turned out that he was just nervous and would nearly wet his trousers when he thought about it. He popped the question exactly one year ago and Mia suggested we plan the wedding on the same day, 15th of July, on the day of our anniversary.

"C'mon, Ana. I knew that you'd come to your senses. After all, Christian would probably blackball me if I'd let you escape from here and you won't let me sacrifice my career for you, will you?" Kate mocked me. She knew that there was no chance that I would leave Christian at the altar. I loved him too much to do that.

"Let's go, Katie. I'm getting married today." I saw her eyes tear up a little and it meant the world to me that she was with me now. She was for all purposes my sister. I gave her a final hug before we both exhaled to dry the tears in our eyes. After all, we didn't have time to fix our makeup. She assisted me to where Ray was standing, my daddy was looking extremely handsome in his tux although he wasn't so happy about wearing it.

"Ready, Annie?" He looked in my eyes as if searching for an answer and he smiled when he saw no doubt or lingering regrets. "That's my girl"

As the wedding processional started, my dad took my arm and hooked it on his bicep and we started walking down the aisle. I saw everyone looking at me and it didn't make me nervous because I was looking at Christian. The world faded around me and the only people left were me. And him.

Sweat is coating my skin when I wake up from my dream. I am disoriented when I notice a head between my legs. A Christian Grey birthday wake up call. Days like these make me realise what a lucky girl I am having a husband with a sexual prowess like that. A moan shoots out my mouth when Christian realises that I am awake and starts lapping harder on my clit. My hands shoot out to keep him there.

"Don't stop. Oh god, please don't stop." I hiss when he bites down lightly.

His finger is sliding inside me and he groans when he feels how wet I am. Christian brings his finger to my face and I open my mouth to let it in and suck. Hard. He loves it when I do that.

I could feel my climax building up and it is making my legs tremble. All of a sudden, his arms pin my hips to the bed when my back arches. I both love and hate this part when the trembling starts to become unbearable.

"Christian, please" as I say this, he starts to move his fingers rapidly inside me causing me to orgasm. He keeps licking through my climax waiting for it to pass completely.

I lay back, panting and sweating as Christian leaves a trail of kisses to get back up and he drops down next to me as he kisses me making me taste myself.

"Happy birthday, baby." He smiled my favourite smile, the one that was just for me.

"What a wakeup call, Mr Grey. A girl could get used to these" I loved our back-and-forth banter.

"Maybe you should get used to them, because I plan to give you lots of them today. You'll feel all the places where I've been before we've had lunch. Prepare yourself for a ride, Mrs grey because it's going to get very bumpy" he said crashing into me and pinning me to the bed. I loved his cheesy lines because it is what made him Christian and I wouldn't have it any other way. He starts to kiss me all over my face making me giggle.

"You know I love your giggle, Anastasia, but now is neither the time nor the place for it." He ends his sentence with a searing kiss that makes me lose my breath. He goes to pinch my nipple through my cami when I hear little footsteps running towards our bedroom door.

"You better handle that little problem you've got there, Mr Grey before anyone sees you."

"My dick is anything but little, Anastasia. I was going to show you but I was interrupted rudely by my own spawn." He shakes his head and passes me my pyjama trousers. As soon as he opens the door, little giggles, similar to my own fill my ears. I open my arms and hug my babies tightly as they jumped on the bed, with Phoebe needing assistance from Christian.

A chorus of 'happy birthday, mommy' filled the room even though my little girl's sounded like 'happy buttday'. I appreciated their enthusiasm and thanked them.

"Look, mommy, Phoebe an I made you a card. I drew this football on it and Phoebe did that" Teddy starts showing me how he made his card and how 'daddy' helped him out while Phoebe was quietly singing one of her favourite Disney songs. I flashed him a loving smile but he stood there with his camera taking photos that I never got to see.

"How old are you now, mom?" Ever-curious Teddy..

"I'm 27 years old now, baby" I said softly while trying to brush his hair with my fingers.

"I'm not a baby, mommy, I'm going to be 5 next year. I'm a big boy now and you're really old." He stood there scolding me while holding up his hand showing me how old he was going to be. Times like these show me again and again how much our son looks and behaves like his father.

"Okay, Ted. Maybe you should go and tell Gail that we would like breakfast in about 15 minutes. Can you do that?"

"Of course, I can. I'm a big boy." As soon as he says this, he's out running with little Phoebe cutely running behind him. She really adores her older brother and does whatever he does. It makes him crazy but he loves his Peebee.

"So, Mrs Grey… Did you dream of me?" my husband asks his signature sentence that he's asked me every morning since we started going out and he hugs me with his face in my hair.

"I don't know, Mr Grey. Why don't you tell me" I went back to our first date and the hug never got dull or less special. I had those picture perfect moments every day and it never got old. I've had lots of ups and downs in these 8 years that I've known Christian and one time I had nearly left him, but our love is strong and we've proven that to each other. And no matter what I do, I always dream of him.