Disclaimer - I do not own Homeland. That pleasure belongs to Showtime. No copyright infringement or money making scheme intended. This is purely for reading enjoyment.
A/N based on S2 info and something Quinn said in S5
"Where were you?" Julia's mother questions coldly as soon as he is through the sitting room door.
"Mom, please." Julia pleas for her to leave it alone. She is tired, defeated and does not wish an argument.
Her mother stares between the two of them for a few seconds, not bothering to hide her contempt for him. "Fine, I'll go." She makes a fuss of getting her bag and jacket eventually barging past him, out into the hallway and towards the door. He follows.
"She deserves better." The words are spat at him as he viciously shuts the door behind her. He leans his head back on the door for a few moments. It is true.
Julia is moving around in the kitchen when he finally manages to move himself from the hallway. She doesn't even look at him as he joins her. She just continues cleaning.
"We need to talk." It sounds cheap to his own ears, but he doesn't know what else to say.
"Talk about what, Johnny? About why you were not there today? You've known about it for a few weeks. About why you are never here, always disappearing off somewhere?"
The anger he can deal with. It's the suspicion that is the problem. She's a cop and he knew it could be dangerous to stick around longer than he should have. But he liked her and she had been an escape from the burden that is starting to weigh him down. He'd almost started to believe he is Johnny and Johnny is going to be a daddy in 6 months, but Peter Quinn can't be a daddy.
Julia slaps something down on the counter in front of him. She moves back over to the sink, but he can feel her watching him. He picks it up. It's the sonogram. This black and white picture is his child. He's afraid. More afraid than he's ever been before. This child is in danger before it is even born by virtue of being his. He can't be a father. He's not fit for it. He knows that more surely than he's ever known anything. This morning is proof of that.
"Are you here? Can you be here?"
He looks up to meet her questioning eyes and watches them harden coldly as she realises that he can't.
"Then you need to leave." Julia throws the dish towel down on the worktop and leaves the kitchen. He hears the bedroom door bang shut seconds later.
It is over. Just like that. No big shouting match, but he guesses she hasn't the energy and he doesn't have the desire for one. She hasn't done anything wrong except for stupidly falling for him. He runs a hand over the sonogram. It is hard to believe that this little blob on this picture is a tiny human being. He had reminded himself yesterday morning that he had to make this appointment no matter what, but it had been pushed clear out of his mind by someone else's screaming child. That screaming child is the reason he knows he cannot, has no right to be bringing up a child of his own. A mother or perhaps another relative will be left to deal with the hysterical child who arrived to play just as the bullet flew between daddy's eyes, splattering blood all over the boy as he watched his father crumple into a lifeless heap. The knowledge the man was a horrible piece of scum gave him no comfort from the screams of the child that followed him home.
He can't stay.