"Adumbro"

(Sketch out, silhouette, outline, represent; obscure; feign.)

Posted: 13/04/2008

Chapter one

It started during that calm Saturday afternoon. It was mid September, the beginning of one more school year at Hogwarts. It was still warm, and the wind blew peacefully, a gust of fresh air that ran around the students sitting throughout the grounds.

A group of three girls huddled underneath the shadow of an ancient tree. They were seventh years, and the cool, calm and collected figure they had most definitely showed it. Hogwarts no longer amazed them like it used to – it was now a home they were about to leave, and not so much a maze to explore.

One of the girls was the new Head. She was a muggleborn named Lily Evans, a girl that everyone knew a little thanks to the fiery red hair and personality, but mostly because of her eternal, gigantic fights with one James Potter.

Now, James Potter, an unruly dark haired guy with unforgettable hazel eyes, was Quidditch captain, HeadBoy, eternal Marauder and bachelor, pureblooded and handsome. He was known a little for obvious reasons, but mostly because of his former idea of a fun afternoon: hanging people up by the ankle in front of the entire school.

And, of course, his eternal, gigantic fights with Lily Evans, whom he was deeply in love. Most of the time, anyway.

James was sitting a few trees away from Lily, with his three closer friends. And though he played an important part in the conversation, his eyes were constantly turning to the girl with red hair and green eyes, reminding himself that their eternal fights were no longer eternal.

They simply didn't exist.

Not because they'd suddenly become friends, or come to some kind of truce due to the fact that they were now Heads together. Somehow, they had come to a point in which none of them could actually bother with the other's existence. (Or so it seemed to Lily.)

They were now just two people forced to work together. And that was it.

The girls under the tree laughed heartily and stood up, like some kind of force was pulling them back to the castle and away from the comfy space. Almost no one around them noticed, only the boy who couldn't stop staring. And he stared, right until she entered the castle doors.

Lily never looked at him, it seemed, not even to glare or with that usual angry stare. At least when they fought, James knew there was a part of her that cared. She cared to make him a better person, so she yelled, duelled, threatened, lectured him.

Now, he was just the person she worked with in order to keep the school safe.

Of course he knew why her attitude changed. He knew what he said, what he done. His mind kept going back to their last real conversation. The one when he thought it was time to be honest, and open his heart, tell her how he felt.

And he kept remembering how she laughed at him. And how he was so hurt he just wanted to hurt her back.

"Who is Lily Evans anyways?"

Who was she, that she thought she could just dismiss his feelings? Sometimes she was the most amazing girl he ever knew, more that he could ever hope to find in a lifetime. And then, like a switch went off, she changed. And he could no longer understand her or see the person he loved.

So he asked. Because all those different sides of her were driving him insane.

Lily never really knew how to explain herself. How to tell anyone who she was – she spent so much time lying to everyone, about her magic, about her parents, about her sister, about her school, about her feelings, that her automatic response was defensive and felt as if she was pressing the play button of tape.

"Don't be an idiot, Potter. I'm a seventeen year old girl, in my sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"And what else?"

"I was born and spent my summers in Spinner's End. Birth date the 30th of January, 1960.I have an older sister and muggle parents. Red hair and green eyes."

"That's it?"

"What do you mean, that's it?"

" All that you can say are dates and facts? Is that all you are, Evans?"

"What do you want me to say? Did you have too much firewhiskey or something?"

"I really think sometimes you're either joking or a joke, you know? Selfish little thing who can only see her smart little head in a sea of people."

He had walked away from her then, and didn't look back even though she kept yelling after him. James Potter made a decision that day – if she couldn't find herself and her own path, if she didn't even try to, he wasn't going to wait around for her anymore.

"Who is Lily Evans anyways?"

That was the question that had plagued her during the two long months she was away from Hogwarts. Who was she? If dates and facts weren't enough to describe her, than what would? She was a joke? What did he mean, she was a joke?

Who was she anyways?

When the new school year begun, a new assurance seemed to fall on her. She knew she was at least one thing was real about her, one thing that was not a joke: she was magical. And though that was very common in her new world, in her old world, her Spinner's End world, it wasn't. It felt like Severus telling her all over again she was a witch.

He was Head Boy. That was the first thing she found out when she finally arrived to the prefect's meeting, five minutes late due to a lost and scared muggle born first year she felt obliged to help.

When she entered, a holy silence reigned, as if everyone was expecting a bomb to go off. He didn't even smile when he saw her. He simply nodded in recognition, and she did the same. And although she told herself she didn't care that James Potter no longer gave her that open smile that reached his eyes – and maybe she didn't care – it just suddenly made their last conversation all too real.

And he was Head Boy. Fun.

The first weeks went on without a hitch. He never fought her anymore, and she didn't fight him either. None of her friends said anything about it, though she knew very well they spoke about it when she wasn't there.

But she didn't care – not quite. She was too distracted discovering new things about herself. In her bedpost, she had glued a list that so long only had "magical" written in it. It was a start.

She had to find herself. Find herself before anyone else could.

Find herself and make James see that she was fine. Just fine.

Author's note: there. I finished the first chapter. Do tell me what you think by leaving a review; polite criticism is always accepted.

Mistakes were probably found, I don't have a beta right now, and English is not my first language.

Thank you for reading so far,

Hannah