The room was too white, Lily had decided
Too bright for her to even think about resting. God, she was scared, terrified, horrified, and she was running out of synonyms. She looked down at the chestnut brown-haired head of Sirius Black and sighed. This felt wrong, but at the same time it felt right. Ever since James' death, Sirius had been so sweet to her. He helped her take in the groceries, drove her to doctors appointments. He was perfect. She guessed he was trying to make up for James' absence, whatever that meant. Living with your best friend's widow while she was expecting his child couldn't be easy.
The war against Voldemort had come to a close all because, Dumbledore had said, James was dead. So, Lily had decided, maybe all was not lost.
"Sirius?" Lily touched his head gently.
"Unh. . ." Sirius moaned like a four-year-old, and Lily couldn't help but smile. His eyes opened slowly; his head jerked up.
"Lily, are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Lily answered. Sorry if I scared you."
"Scared? Me? No!" Sirius grinned and then frowned. He touched Lily's cheek. "Lils. . ." Lily averted her eyes, which were filling with tears. "Lily Flower, look at me."
Lily looked up sharply. "Don't you dare! Don't you dare, Sirius Black! Only James could call me that! Don't you—" She gasped as a sharp pain coursed through her. She pursed her lips. She felt Sirius' hand rubbing her back gently. She tried to pull away, but the pain had her immobilized. "Don't touch. . .owww." Her hands reached up, grasping handfuls of her fiery locks.
The pain subsided; her hands fell to her sides. She looked desperately at Sirius. She wanted to cry so badly; he'd probably mock her for it later. She let out a strangled sob. "Oh, God!"
Sirius wrapped his arms around her and Lily buried her face in his chest, sobbing. "I hate you."
"I know," Sirius whispered. "I hate me, too."
"It hurts. It always hurts! Make it stop, Sirius! Make it stop! Please!"
"I wish I could, Lily. You have no idea how much."
"Why does it have to be like this? Why did he have to die?"
Sirius was crying now. "I don't know Lily. I just don't know."
"Oww. Ow," Lily moaned. Sirius looked at her and made a move to stand up.
"I'm going to get a healer."
Lilly reached a hand out and grabbed Sirius' wrist. "No. No. No. No. No."
"Shh. . ." Sirius sat on the bed and took Lily in his arms. "I'm right here. I'm not leaving. Just relax. You don't have to be scared." He spoke as if he were talking to a small child. He stroked herhair, whispered soothing nonsense in her ear. She tried to concentrate on his voice, because he almost sounded like James. Almost. . .
"Sirius?" Lily lifted her face to look at him. "I'm sorry. Really."
Sirius shook his head. "Don't be. You're all I have."
That's when Lily realized: She may hate Sirius, but he was all she had.