Here's the truth about the truth: it hurts. So we lie. I knew that I still loved Draco the moment I broke up with him, but did I tell him? No. I let him go off with some other woman. I bet she's prettier than me. I bet they have more fun than him and I did. I feel like I'm going crazy. Every time I go to sleep I dream about him. I confess my love for him and he takes me back. But it's not that easy in reality. I wonder what's so special about her. How could he have loved me so much at one point and then fallen in love with her? She's nothing like me. In fact, we're exact opposites. Maybe that's why he likes her. I did 'break his heart' after all.
You see, I broke up with Draco to be with a different man. He's a gorgeous, caring and loving person. But I never get to see him. He lives an hour away from me. Sometimes he can be the nicest person in the world. Sometimes I actually picture our life together. We talk about our children and what their names will be. He wants our first boy named after him. We talk about going to college together. And other times he treats me like I'm no more insignificant than a blade of grass. When he calls me, we talk for hours about everything. He's perfect in that moment. And then he ignores me.
And to top it all off, it's my fault. I'm the one who's not good enough for either of them. I have never felt like killing myself before. It's an odd feeling. It's like your heart is going to pound out of your chest. Your cheeks get flushed and you feel like a train is running over your lungs, ripping them into a thousand pieces. I've always said that killing oneself is a way of giving up. I've always said that I'm too happy to ever feel this feeling.
I've never actually cried over a man. A tear here, a tear there. I've never actually broken down and cried. "Hermione Jean Granger, cry over a man? Fat chance." I used to say. But I was naïve then.
I try to act like everything's okay. Because when everything's okay people leave me alone. No one prods and suffocates me with questions. "Are you okay?" "What's wrong?" I've learned to keep my emotions inside to avoid questions like those. I can say a million things in response to "What's wrong?" Or I can sum it up in one word: everything. Here's the truth about the truth: it hurts. So we lie.
A/N: This is probably the most pessimistic thing I've ever written. This is non-fiction. Everything but the names is about what has happened to me in the past week. Ever since New Year's Eve I've felt so alone. I don't know if I'll continue this. It depends on how events play out in the next week or so. Can anyone relate to me? Please give me advice.