A/N: For Lexen. I hope this makes you laugh, if not at least smile.
Narcissa was in to the last month of her pregnancy. Lucius was skating around his wife, because due to her hormones, should he say or do the wrong thing his life was at risk, quite literally at risk. She'd threatened to kill him more than once lately for even attempting to get into bed with her.
"But Narcissa I can't very well sleep in the guest room, imagine how it would look to all our friends."
But his plea fell on deaf ears, for she launched a china jewellery pot she kept on her night stand at him. Lucius had dodged the projectile by quickly pulling the bedroom door too and it hit the door and smashed. Lucius had slowly opened the door to make sure his wife didn't attempt to throw anything else. He was just grateful he'd confiscated her wand earlier in the day whilst she'd been napping.
"Lucius where is my wand?" Narcissa hollered at her husband.
"I don't know my sweet," replied Lucius in what he hoped was a neutral tone.
"Liar."
She hefted herself up into a sitting position to see if she had anything she could throw at her husband. Right now she hated Lucius for what he'd done to her. Never mind it takes two to make a baby, reasonableness had deserted her and she hated being pregnant. There was nothing left on her night stand, so she hefted herself out of the stately four poster bed and waddled towards her cowed husband.
"Luc, give me back my wand now!" Narcissa demanded.
"Cissy, please go back to bed, you shouldn't be up."
"Wand!" Narcissa demanded again.
"Come now lets not get aggravated," said Lucius as neutrally as possible.
"Wand!" she demanded again.
"Cissy," said Lucius with a plea in his voice.
"Fine, if I get back in bed, will you give me my wand back?" pouted Narcissa.
"I... Yes I'll give it back."
Lucius tried to put his arm around his very pregnant wife and help her back to bed. But Narcissa wasn't having a bar of it and elbowed Lucius hard in the ribs, he released her with a hiss.
Finally Narcissa was back in bed, and Lucius figuratively wiped his brow for the moment. He would be glad when her pregnancy was over now, he really wanted his loving, good natured wife back. Not this crazy, hormonal specimen of womanhood.
"Now my sweet Cissy, is there anything Briney can bring bring you?" cooed Lucius.
"Yes, I would like a bowl of ice cream topped with chili sauce," said Narcissa, quite oblivious to her husband's retching.
He hadn't quite got used to his wife's new cravings.
"I would also like my wand back," demanded Narcissa again holding out her hand at her husband.
He looked at her, he knew she wasn't going to give up if he didn't give it back she would only rise from the bed and she needed rest as she'd been suffering high blood pressure and the Healers had warned not to let her get too wound up. He put his hand into the inside of his robe pocket and extracted his wife's wand and handed it to her, to which she promptly hexed him. He turned into a sleek white meerkat. He ran from the bedroom and headed for the study where he knew Bellatrix would be. This wasn't the first time this week she'd had to untransfigurate her brother-in-law.
"Again Lucius?" asked Bellatrix tiredly.
All Lucius could do was squeak in response. With a lazy flick of her wand she restored her brother-in-law to his natural state.
Lucius' pale skin was a brilliant shade of pink and his hair was far from being well groomed.
"Ring the bell Bella, I need a bottle of Fire Whiskey," said Lucius as he flopped into an armchair by the fire place. Once Bella had rung and Briney had her orders Bella went to see her youngest sister.
"Cissy, why are you punishing poor Lucius? That's the third time this week I've had to change him back, this game is getting rather tiresome now," said Bellatrix coolly.
"I hate him, he's made me fat and ugly," pouted Narcissa.
"You're not fat and ugly at all Cissy you're having a baby and more importantly a Pure blooded child, unlike that tart of a sister of ours," said Bella harshly.
"I've heard it all before Bella and I have no wish to hear it again," said Narcissa coldly.
"Tujours Pur!" shrieked Bellatrix.
Narcissa performed a silencing charm on her sister and put her in a full body bind for good measure. She'd heard it all before and wasn't in the mood to hear it again. At the moment Narcissa could have taken on the Dark Lord and not flinched a bit, if he'd started spouting his usual Pure Blood supremacy she'd have had him on the floor begging at her feet, or so she felt.