Decompression Period

by Sarutobi

[Akira x Kaede] One day, Kaede wakes in a white house. But in this white house, is the glare of the light a mere drapery to something grand?

Title: Decompression Period
Author: Crystal
E-mail: kurohitenshi@hotmail.com
Pairing: Akira x Kaede
Setting: Future Tokyo
Genre: Shounen Ai, Yaoi, Mystery, Romance, Mature Subjects, Lime
Warnings: Adult Situations and Themes
Disclaimers: Slam Dunk belongs to Takehiko Inoue, etc. Not mine.

Note: Fic is dedicated to Jay. Her Christmas fic from me.

Here today gone today
Hurry up and wait
I'm never there for you or me
Can't you read the story of our lives
Death to me and life for you
Something isn't right
And I need some space to
Clear my head to think about
My life
And I can't be alone
Decompression
Depression period

Decompression Period
~Papa Roach

"You're going again?" Kaede asked, still lying on the bed, naked underneath the white sheets that covered him. He was looking at Akira who was already fully dressed, except for his shoes.

Akira smiled softly and came close to him. Watched him with a serene expression then leaned down to kiss him. Let their lips touch for a brief moment before separating.

"Don't go." Kaede whispered as he opened his eyes again, lips still tingling from the kiss they shared. Akira was already walking away from him towards the door.

"I have to go. You know that." Akira said. "Goodbye. Sleep well."

Kaede nodded, seeing Akira moving to leave the room then hearing Akira leave the house. Again. Like he always did.

"But I wish you didn't have to go..." he whispered before closing his eyes. To sleep once more...

Decompression Period
by Crystal

The lids of the eyes open. Slowly, they do. Brightness. Lots of it. Torrents, stinging his vision so much that he had to close his eyes again. It was like waking up to see the sun after a lifetime of blindness.

But what was the sun? What was blindness?

He shifted his position on the bed. Lay from his back to his front so that when he opened his eyes again, the light wouldn't be so severe. And then, the lids of his eyes opened once more. And the white world didn't hurt his eyes so much anymore. He was looking at the fabric of the pillow under his head, which was soft and smelled like honey and milk. But what was honey? What was milk?

Mere scents were familiar but made no sense. Words in his mind made no sense.

Who was he anyway? Where were his memories? What was his name? What was a name?

"You're awake."

His eyes snapped open some more, wider than before. Surprise beckoned him to push himself from the soft, comfortable sheets of the bed until those sheets pooled around his naked body like a nest. His eyes shifted, around him, above him - discovering. Where did that voice come from? It used a language he could understand. He understood the man.

Man. Because the voice had been masculine... Deep and familiar...

Had he heard that voice before?

"Good morning. Do you know who you are?"

That voice again...

He looked around the room once more. Saw again the bed he sat on, white with its sheets and soft pillows. White like the room's walls and doors and satin curtains. Its curtains which looked so bright because of the light that filtered in from outside. But what was outside? What did "outside" mean?

He opened his mouth to speak and answer the voice that echoed through the white room. His voice was hoarse, probably because of disuse. And it was soft, barely a whisper...

"I don't know...who I am..."

Who was he anyway? What was the reason behind his existence? Every person had a reason why they breathed, didn't they? What was his?

"I see..." Was disappointment present in that voice? "Your name is...Kaede..."

"K...aede..." his voice echoed softly. So, that was his name. But although he learned of it, it hardly mattered. He remembered nothing else. Besides, a name was only an identity not a personality. He still did not know who he was.

So, he asked a question. A question that nagged his mind...

"Am I dead?"

Silence.

The man did not answer him at first. Was the man in disbelief? Kaede didn't know. But then, laughter suddenly echoed in the room, breaking through the brief silence. The man was laughing, its sound deep and merry. Kaede was confused as he listened. For awhile, the laughter continued... But it stopped soon, after a few more seconds.

"You don't remember your name but you remember death. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised... But, to answer your question: no. No, you are not dead. Try to breathe. You can. Therefore, you are still alive."

Immediately, he tried to breathe.

Clean, sweet and fragrant air entered his nostrils and he opened his lips to exhale. Scent of baked bread and warm milk and honey had assaulted his senses, making his stomach growl loudly in the silence of the room. For some reason, he felt embarrassed. Especially when the man began to laugh at him in amusement. He somehow wanted to punch the man to keep him quiet. But that seemed improper. Not to mention impossible...

He couldn't even see him.

"Who are you?" Kaede asked, trying to look for the source of the sound. Were there built-in speakers in this room? Or were they so small that the eye couldn't see? But what were speakers anyway?

Kaede's question made the man stop his laughter.

"I am...a friend of yours... Akira is my name." There was almost gentleness in the man's voice. Something that implied something deeper - more meaningful... More special...

It made Kaede recall something in his mind. Something about a spinning world, music box like sounds, so many smiling people around him as he pouted, sitting beside a familiar man who had wrapped an arm around his shoulders. They were sitting in a carriage drawn by wooden horses. They kept going round and round as the music kept playing.

A carousel...

But what was a carousel?

"Are you feeling well?"

His eyes began to focus again. Focus back to the reality of the white room and forget the surreal, dream-like memory. Who was that man beside him in that half-remembered memory? What were they doing?

"You're holding on to your head. Does it hurt?"

It didn't hurt so much, really. It was just that everything felt confusing. So many thoughts bothered him, confronted him into thinking so deeply and so intensely. So much pressure to know so much in so short a time...

"You're hungry, I know. You should eat. The kitchen is nearby. There's food there. And also... A robe is in the closet. To cover yourself with... The closet is the door on the right on the wall across from you. The door on the left leads to the hallway, which leads to the kitchen. Try to stand up and walk, Kaede..."

The man sure could speak so much...

Kaede wondered why he had to do as the man said. Did he have to? The man also said that he had to cover his body. What was the purpose of that? There were so many things that he had yet to comprehend...

Despite the questions on his mind, he tried to do as the man told him anyway. There was no purpose just sitting here and wondering. So, instead, he unfurled his legs from under his thighs and pushed himself to the edge of the bed. He let his feet touch the smooth, shiny, white tiles of the floor and tried to stand. But when he did, he nearly fell down. He had to hold on to the edge of the bed to balance his body. And even then, his legs were shaky and it felt like he was about to collapse any time. Why were his legs like this? It was like his voice, unused for some time.

"It's been awhile since you had walked, Kaede. I suppose, for you, it's like walking for the first time again. I wish I could help but you must do this on your own. You have to try. And you have to never give up..."

Never give up... That made a lot of sense. He liked the sound of that. It was like a part of him, those words. Something that he believed in. And so, he must not give up.

Pulling his hands slowly from the bed, he straightened himself. And, despite his shaking knees, he lifted a foot and took a step. Smooth, warm tiles under that foot as it landed. He nearly fell. But he didn't. His legs were quivering from exertion but he didn't fall. And even if he fell, it wouldn't matter because he could stand up again. That was why he was never afraid of falling...

He took another step. And another and another until he reached the wall that was between two doors, one on his left and one on his right. The one on his right lead to the closet... The man said something about a robe located there. As he was now next to the wall, he placed the palm of a hand against it, using it to support himself as he began to walk towards the door on his right. He took the steps towards the closet. And with each step, his legs were becoming more stable than before. When he reached the right door, he held its knob and turned it, as if dictated by his instincts. The white door opened and revealed nothing but a cylindrical bar where clothes were usually hung...and a robe hanging from a peg at the back of the closet's door... Kaede retrieved it and pulled it on his arms. It felt cool and slippery against his body, its silk material as white as clouds on a summer day.

But what was silk? And clouds? And summer?

"You must tie the sash around you waist. The sash is still on the peg, Kaede..."

The sash...

Kaede looked back up to the peg and saw the sash. He retrieved it and tied it around his waist securely, not thinking at all about the process about how to do so. He just let his instincts rule him, and when he did, he was successful. He closed the door of the closet with a click and began to walk to the other door. His legs were barely shaky now, although he was beginning to feel dizzy. And his stomach ached because of hunger.

But what was hunger?

When he reached the left door, he opened it the same way he did the right. And when it was open, he exited it and saw that the hallway was not much different from the room. Everything was white and there were windows with white curtains as well. Everything was bright. And the sight of it began to spin in the line of his vision.

Like the carousel ride...

"Why...?" he tried to ask, clearing his mind and trying to not feel dizzy as he began to walk down the long hallway that lead to the scent of freshly baked bread and warm milk - the kitchen. "Why must I cover my body? Is this so important? Why do I feel this ache in my stomach and why must I eat?"

"Well..." the man began, pausing for a moment, perhaps to think about his answer. "For the first question, I suppose you have to go back in time and ask Adam why that is so. For the second question, we need food for energy so as to be able to exert effort and do things. You don't have much energy right now because it had been awhile since you had last ate - "

"Adam?" he muttered, pausing for awhile to just breathe. Then he moved slowly towards the wall, leaned on it for support. His surroundings were beginning to darken, like that of an old black and white photo.

"The first man alive, they said. The first man created by God."

"Who is God?"

"A Creature that is...like Divine Providence. Unseen but so powerful. Creator of all things. A lot of people believe in Him."

"Do you believe in Him?"

Silence at first as Kaede paused, side of his body against the wall beginning to slide, inch by inch, towards the floor. The spinning world beckoned nausea to assault him, to make him feel as if his stomach was turning upside down. He felt so tired, probably because, as the man said, he had not eaten for awhile, and therefore did not have a lot of energy...

"I don't know what to believe in anymore..."

Kaede couldn't take the spinning world anymore and thus collapsed to the floor with a thump. A rush of air flowed around him, made him swallow the lump on his throat. On his back, breathing deeply, he watched the world as the world watched him in return. The ceiling and the walls were darkening some more, white tainted by shades of gray. His eyelids were becoming heavy. But before darkness claimed him, he heard hollow footsteps echoing around him. Saw the dark shape of a person running towards him in panic.

God... Was that person a God? The moment reminded him of sitting alone in a chapel, looking at a man bleeding on a cross as a choir of soft voices sang hymns and praises to a God they never saw. Such a sad memory, but beautiful as well...

Reality came back in the shape of a face that looked worried. Worry lines on that face... Did he bring about that worry? He didn't mean to. Who was this man? Why was he touching his face so gently? Why were his hands so warm? Why did he look so sad?

"You look...familiar..." he whispered before darkness claimed him and he passed out.

***

The lids of the eyes open. Slowly, they do. Brightness. Lots of it. Torrents of it, assaulting him so that he had to blink his eyes again and again to get used to it once more.

Scent. That assaulted him too. Scent of familiar food being cooked. Breakfast. Somehow, he remembered that word. It was the meal eaten in the early hours of day...

He looked around. It was a different room now. He could hear the sound of frying. He was in the kitchen?

No... He was lying on an overstuffed white couch and a coffee table of the same color was nearby. He was in the living room. And the kitchen was probably at the back of the couch.

"You're awake."

His eyes snapped open some more, wider than before. That familiar voice...

He sat up from where he lay, looking towards the kitchen, somehow hoping that the person he saw earlier hadn't been just a mirage.

And there he was, in the kitchen, wearing a long, black robe, with his side to Kaede. Turning off the heat under a frying pan, placing the food he cooked on a plate...

Pancakes and ham...

Kaede wondered how he remembered that. And he wondered why that man smiled and yet, did not look at him...

"Why weren't you there when I woke up?"

The man looked up, still smiling. Their first eye contact. For some reason, the man's smile bothered Kaede. It seemed so fake...

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," the man said, looking away again. He focussed all his attention on setting the table, preparing the arrangements and such. Being so meticulous on things that weren't supposed to be so important...

"Were you afraid of me?" Kaede could not help but ask.

"Afraid..." That irritating smile again on the man's lips. It never faded. It was always there, like a permanent fixture. Kaede wanted to erase it. "I suppose I was. Because you might disappear."

"I'm not an angel." Kaede muttered, the man making no sense to him. "I can't do things like that."

Those words made the man look at him immediately, straight into his eyes, into the depths of his soul. Deciphering him, grasping the whole of his meaning in a way that even he could never do. Exposing him and making him feel defenseless. It made Kaede uncomfortable to know that a man could do such a thing. And worse, it was like the man had the right to do that.

"But you /are/." Akira stated firmly, as if his words were nothing but the truth. "You are an angel."

Kaede just stared at the man.

They ate after that. In front of each other, in that table for two in the kitchen... Pancakes and milk and ham... They were mostly silent as they ate. To Kaede, the taste of breakfast was familiar, so familiar. The sweet maple syrup and butter on the pancakes blended perfectly as they melted in his mouth. The warm cream of milk brought a comfort to his stomach that he couldn't explain. Everything felt new but in truth weren't. So confusing...

"I hope the meal is all right..."

Kaede looked up. The man was smiling at him. Again. Kaede didn't know what to say besides muttering a soft, "It's delicious."

"You used to love this before. You were such a sweet tooth although you always denied it. You pouted when I teased you. Cute pout... But sometimes, I also made you smile..."

Kaede said nothing, merely listening, watching the man. In the man's eyes were emotions of longing, guilt, happiness... So many conflicting emotions... What did it all mean to him?

"You looked so pretty when you smiled. But you also hated being called pretty. Or beautiful. But you were. You were both those things." The man smiled in half-amusement. Smile again...

This time Kaede couldn't take it anymore.

"I hate it." he said suddenly, his voice low and clear.

It made the man look at him in surprise.

"What do you hate, Kaede?"

"Your smile. It's so fake. If you smile, you shouldn't lie. Smile only when you mean it. It's annoying when you don't."

Immediately, the smile faded. It converted to a neutral line. Somehow, Kaede felt guilty suddenly because of such a reaction. But he didn't know why. Across from him, Akira stood from his seat, leaving his empty plate as he walked towards the living room. On the couch, he sat down. Now Kaede couldn't see his face anymore.

Unexplainable sorrow welled up inside of Kaede. Anger also. Something he couldn't explain...

"Is that why you had smiled so rarely, Kaede?" Akira asked, his voice deep and clear. "Because you never lied?"

The anger inside Kaede increased for some reason. He stood from his own seat and stared at the back of the man's dark head.

"Who am I? A lot of things make no sense to me. You don't make sense!"

Akira turned his head slowly to look at him. Smiling again like it was a force of habit. A smile so sad and happy at the same time. It made Kaede recall of sitting in front of a hearth yet still feeling very cold. There had been a snowstorm that night. But suddenly, the cold faded as familiar arms wrapped around him from behind and as he turned his head, he saw familiar features. And a genuine, familiar smile...

Conflicts. Warmth was appreciated the most on the coldest days, just as smiles were most memorable during the saddest moments...

Such thoughts made Kaede's head ache and pound so severely. He held his head with both of his hands and felt his knees buckle. He slowly slid to the white rug of the floor. Sitting there, trying to get rid of the ache...

The ache nearly vanished when he felt a hand touching his right shoulder. The foreign touch alerted Kaede and he slapped the hand away immediately, as if stung. "Don't touch me!"

It was Akira. And his reaction, Kaede did not expect. Akira, for some reason, looked torn. Eyes looking betrayed. Worry and pain clearly evident on his features. As if Kaede did something he should not have. And because of that, guilt hit Kaede as intensely as an ocean drying up to become a desert. It ached. His insides burned. He didn't mean to hurt Akira. But he hurt him anyway. And now, he wanted to comfort him. To do something. Anything...but what? He had no memories. He was so confused. What must he do then? What?

The only thing he could rely on really was... His instincts. Perhaps then, he should let it take over him. It only made sense. So, it was the best option.

He took a deep breath, let the oxygen seep deep into his lungs as he closed his eyes for a moment. What must he do now? What was the right thing to do? He tried to concentrate on memories he could not recall, tried to reach out for them, as if he was grasping blindly in the dark. And then, he saw it, heard it, as if it was there all along. A light. His instincts dictating to him clearly what must be done. When he opened his eyes again, it was as if he was a different person altogether. And this time, he knew what to do.

Looking at the man who sat before him, he knelt from his sitting position on the floor. He moved closer to Akira and as their proximity increased, the more sure he was becoming of his instincts. And what his instincts dictated was for him to place his hands on both of Akira's firm shoulders, open his legs a little wider and then sit on Akira's lap, his inner thighs on either side of Akira's waist. It felt so warm there and so right, especially when he wrapped his arms around Akira's neck and buried his face on Akira's shoulder. It felt...safe. Like home. Somehow, this felt right... So very right...

"I...missed you so much, Kaede..."

Especially after he heard that.

It all felt so right suddenly...

Felt so right and proper that it also made him lose control of all the confusion in his mind. Made him pull his head away slightly so he could glance up at Akira. To see the tears in Akira's eyes. It made Kaede let go of everything as he saw that. Of the questions in his mind. Of any kind of hesitation that still lingered. To feel the emotions while his heart began to beat so rapidly. It made Kaede close his eyes and lean up towards Akira. To touch their lips together and rock his hips downwards, against Akira's hardening groin...

Made Akira, in turn, lose his own control and kiss him so passionately, plundering his mouth with his lips and tongue and teeth. Undo his sash with impatient fingers and caress his nipples with his thumbs.

Kaede moaned and broke the kiss. Leaned back slightly and exposed his neck. Let that long, white neck be ravaged by eager lips...

Everything was sensation from then on. Kaede sucked Akira's fingers as his hands massaged Akira's tense shoulders. He welcomed Akira's digits, which poked inside him by eagerly rocking his hips down to meet them. Embraced Akira tightly when he felt Akira's thick volume entering him, touching him so intimately.

Everything was pleasure.

Kaede grinded his inner walls against Akira's length. Akira increased the pressure and friction even more by pulling Kaede's hips down with force to meet his hardness. Again and again, they repeated the same motions, moaning, gasping... Kissing deeply in between the thrusts... Making love...

Kaede's eyes opened wide when he came with a hoarse cry and, in turn, felt Akira's seeds washing with force against his inner walls.

But what was love?

***

His eyes opened to wakefulness for the third time that day. They slowly focussed, the blur in front of him becoming a nose, a pair of eyes and smiling lips. Familiar features.

He blinked his eyes. Akira had been watching him all this time. Watched him as he had slept on the couch. Watched him since he had blacked out after their union earlier on. Had been so close, just observing the way he slept. Why had Akira been doing that? There was nothing special in watching him sleep. He had probably bored Akira so much...

Embarrassment flooded him like a dam opening its walls. He felt conscious yet special too, in a grudging sort of way. How could a man give him so much attention? He wasn't anything special, not at all...

He pushed his upper body up from the couch and let his feet touch the rug of the floor. He looked down at himself. His robe's sash was tied again and he felt clean... Questions bogged his mind. He looked up at Akira who sat across from him, on an overstuffed white armchair, wearing the same long black robe from earlier on.

"What we did earlier..." He avoided Akira's eyes then and instead looked down, at the plush white rug. Sunlight that filtered in from a nearby window shined on his feet. Light gray shadows danced because of the way curtains moved as dictated by soft wind that blew in from the outside. "I..."

"You're bothered by what we did?" Akira assumed. "You shouldn't. We've done such a thing before..."

Kaede snapped his head up and looked at Akira.

"We were lovers."

"Oh..." Kaede muttered, for a lack of a better thing to say.

Somehow... Kaede had suspected something like that. The mere way that Akira had been looking at him, watching him, smiling at him... It seemed so different. Now, it made more sense. Although it made him more conscious than before... Although, there was also the feeling of being special somehow... Even just a little...

Akira smiled at him, made him feel all these conflicting emotions inside him all over again. Feelings of dilemma, fear, comfort, longing... The smile looked considerably happier than before. As if Akira was happier too. It made Kaede glad too, in a way. Just because Akira was happy...

Why was his heart beating so quickly? Was he feeling nervous? It didn't make sense. Suddenly, all these feelings were mingling inside him, creating havoc and panic. Why did he feel so happy and sad at the same time? Just looking at Akira smiling so genuinely at him...

Kaede tried to change the subject by asking new questions and finding out more information that he needed to know.

"I have some questions...actually..."

"Ask." Akira said without hesitation. "Know what you need to know."

Akira looked sincere... So Kaede did...

"Why am I this way? I remember nothing. Did I have an accident?"

The first and foremost thing. The reason for his condition right now. Perhaps it was one of the most important information that he needed to know.

"You lost your memories." Akira merely said.

Kaede frowned. That was all? Akira didn't say everything obviously. Why did he withhold information from him? What he said had been far from complete... That was obvious... But Kaede asked a new question anyway, not wanting to have to ask again, if only to get a similar response. It would only be a waste of time...

"Have I been sleeping all this time?"

"Yes."

"For how long?"

"A long time..." Akira said, with a longing glint in his eyes. "Far too long..."

"Oh..." Kaede muttered, seeing the longing quickly convert to yet another smile. Why did Akira keep on smiling? It was as if Kaede's mere presence was making Akira genuinely happy. Kaede wasn't so special. Didn't Akira know that? "...Did you take care of me all this time?"

"Yes..."

"Why the short answers? I feel as though you talked more than me before..."

"Because, for once, I prefer listening to you. And watching you. It's important for me to do so... Because I missed you so much, Kaede..."

"Oh..." To that, Kaede really didn't know what to say. Kaede barely had any memories. He had no words of wisdom to offer Akira and make him feel compelled to listen. And Akira had been watching him all the time when he was unconscious? If anything, Akira should be sick of him by now...

And yet, because Akira wasn't, Kaede felt confused. And it made his heart ache once more. Ache for something... Something he couldn't pinpoint nor understand. Yet.

He tried to focus on gathering information once again, ignoring what he felt.

"What year is it?"

"2009."

"I see..." 2009? But, it hardly mattered what year it was really. Inside this house that was so bright, it felt timeless as if the world mattered not. In here, there were only two people, Akira and Kaede. And that felt enough... Kaede shook his head very slightly, trying to not think of that. "How old are you? And how old am I?"

To this particular question, amusement danced on Akira's dark eyes. "I'm thirty-two and you're sixteen..."

Kaede's eyes widened. What did he just hear? He was just half of Akira's age? How could that be possible? Akira was just joking, right? Proof of that was the amusement on Akira's eyes.

"Are you lying?"

Immediately, Akira's eyes turned serious. Serious enough to never be questioned again. "I'm telling the truth. I'm not lying or joking."

Kaede looked at Akira for a few seconds and saw no flashing in the eyes or amusement anywhere. It seemed to be true. So it probably was. The problem now was...

Kaede hesitated as he asked, "Isn't that...illegal?"

"Do you think it's wrong?" was Akira's rebuttal.

Well, now that Kaede really thought about it, it didn't /feel/ wrong. Why should it be wrong? It was only the world out there that gave verdicts without seeing or feeling the situation. Because of what the world was used to. But inside this house, it was different somehow, Kaede was sure of that.

Finally, Kaede answered. "I don't feel it's wrong..."

Akira just continued to smile at him, making his heart pound harder than before. Made him feel nervous and confused...

"How did we meet?"

"You played basketball in your school. I always watched you..."

"High School?" It made Kaede wonder. "So that means that it wasn't that long ago that we..."

But Akira interrupted, "Not long ago? It felt like a lifetime to me."

"Oh..." Again, Kaede found himself at a loss for what to say. Another awkward moment. So he asked another question. "Where's my family?"

"You had none."

"I only had you then..." Kaede murmured to himself, trailing off. He could imagine it now, how it had been in his past. He played basketball in school, probably a loner who paid attention to no but himself because that was what he was used to. And then suddenly, one day, a man named Akira came to his life and...

Akira must have had a hell of a tough time trying to get to know him.

Maybe...

"You asked a lot of questions." Akira said suddenly, pausing Kaede's train of thoughts. "I have one too actually. May I ask it?"

"Okay..." Kaede said with a shrug.

Immediately, Akira's smile faded as he looked directly into Kaede's eyes. Serious, penetrating eyes boring into fox-like ones...

"When you look at me, what do you feel?"

Kaede said nothing at first. He tried to concentrate. What did he feel for this man? Akira was nice and kind but... At this point, Kaede didn't really know much about him. But then, earlier on, Kaede trusted Akira enough to let him touch him so intimately. To share himself, his body... It felt so right and so good when Akira was claiming him, taking him. It felt so right, so natural. As if there was no other way...

But then, what did Kaede /feel/ about Akira?

Somehow...

Somehow, when he looked at Akira, his chest burned. Ached, as if shards of glass had been plunged cruelly in his heart. He liked Akira but there was fear too. Like fear of losing him or even loving him too much. The danger of their bond was terrifying. The intensity of an unnamed emotion that Kaede felt for Akira was so strong that it almost made him breathless. Love...was that it? Was Kaede even capable of it?

And if this was love, it was different from other forms of love. It was not the happily-ever-after, lovey-dovey, sweet, romantic love. Rather, it burned and stung. It drew from him everything, to the last of his energies. To the last of his breath. It was the kind of love that ached. It was the kind of love he could die for and live for again and again...

He answered, "When I look at you, I feel ache. Lots of ache..."

When Kaede focused on reality again, on Akira, he was surprised to see that Akira was already standing from his seat, walking briskly away and going off to a direction away from him. Leaving him suddenly...

Kaede was extremely confused. And guilty as well. Why did Akira...? Did he say anything wrong? Was honesty a wrong virtue? It made no sense to be left like this...

It made no sense...

***

After just sitting on the couch for many minutes, feeling confused and worried, Kaede eventually got sick of being there. It was like he was waiting there, on that couch, for something that wouldn't return. Was Akira mad at him? Why would Akira be mad at him anyway? Akira had asked a question and he answered it, plain and simple. Was Akira not even capable of handling the truth? He only said what he truly felt. And what he felt when he looked at Akira had been ache. Ache because he felt so many emotions that it nearly consumed him. And now that Akira had suddenly left him... What was he supposed to feel? What was he supposed to do?

And so, he left the couch. Stood from it and began to pace, around the living room at first, bathed by light from bright curtained windows, then eventually, moved on to explore the rest of the house...

Now that he had nourishment in his system, his knees weren't so shaky and he now had the energy to consume. He could exert effort and he wouldn't collapse.

After leaving the living room, he walked through the hallway from earlier on. Now that he looked at it again, he noticed once more that it was long. He could recognize the door that was the furthest as the door that lead to the room where he had woken up; he didn't really want to go there. Also, he saw, aside from various bright windows, two other doors lined up on the side across from the wall full of windows. Rooms. But he didn't really want to go inside any of them yet. Akira had to be on one of those rooms. And somehow, Kaede didn't really want to see Akira yet...

So he glanced towards the wall of windows once more, taking note of curtains moving because of a warm wind ruffling them. Looked at that wall for a moment before finally noticing something. On that wall, aside from the windows, was also a door. A door that apparently lead to the outside.

/Outside/. A place of mystery for him for the meantime. A place full of answers perhaps. A place he was curious about and wanted to see...

Before he realized it, his legs were already moving, feet taking steps towards the door. The sight of the door was nearing per second, per step. And soon, he found himself standing in front of the door, its wooden surface painted in white. He looked at the door, glanced down at its knob and touched it with a hand. And then, he turned the knob, pushed the door open and revealed to his eyes the outside for the first time since he had woken up...

Garden.

That was the first word on his mind. And he found himself understanding the word. Understood it completely as he stepped outside onto green grass and took in the sight, sound and smell of his new surroundings...

Color. It blinked back at him, in light and dark shades. In varying hues of rainbow colors. In primary, secondary and other forms of color. In tones that mingled and separated, forming a picture of reality in front of his eyes.

He suddenly found himself sitting on the grass, looking up at the sky, down at the earth... Looking at /everything/. And concurrently, remembering things as he observed...

Gold. Gold of sky made him recall lazy days, which were spent just laying down on a harbor, his head on Akira's lap as Akira fished. Gold of sky that blinked back at him as he opened and closed his eyes again and again. It was like seeing the world through a clear glass of champagne. Everything looked gold. Bright like never before. And during those days when he just stared at golden skies, he could remember conversations. Silent conversations that didn't need many words to be understood. Conversations that lead him to stare from the sky to Akira. That made Akira lean down sometimes to give him a kiss to convey his feelings. Lazy days...

Green. Green of grass and leaves of plants and trees. It made him recall the season of spring. Of plant-life re-growing after a season of white death in the form of snow and cold weather. Of another school-year starting and of expecting to see a familiar face in the crowd outside his school, as opposed to days when he knew better than to hope or to long for any kind of companionship. And seeing that familiar face outside his school-gates, walking towards that person, nearing him until they were so very close, he could feel real and rare happiness engulfing his entire being and taking his breath away...

White. White clouds marring a golden sky making memories of bright days in the past flash back profoundly in his mind. Such bright days. They were such sunny days that the only clouds he could see in the sky were ones that were pure and white. During those days, Akira would usually drive them both near the local airport and they would have a picnic of take-out sandwiches, sushi or bento. They would just watch airplanes take-off and land again and again, in a never-ending process that continued daily. Across the sky of blue, besides the airplanes, the only other thing they saw were clouds of the purest white...

Gray. Gray of stones, which were artfully littered on the garden grounds. Gray that reminded him suddenly of rainy days when he tended to sit on the window seat and just stare outside as rain fell from the sky. Gray days that were full of rain. Rain that made him lonely for some reason. But, during those times, Akira would suddenly come close to him, to offer him a mug of tea or hot chocolate. And then they would both stare outside in silence, just drinking in silence. And he would no longer feel alone because Akira was so close...

Blue. Blue of the flower violet that bloomed and made the garden smell so fresh, clean and fragrant. Blue that made him remember beaches. Beaches that he never visited but just ran by before he met Akira. Because then, he had no reason to go to the beach and just enjoy himself. But when Akira came to his life, he found a reason to go there just because Akira loved to go there. And he even let Akira pull him to the sea. To walk through the waves, and eventually learn to swim because Akira was enthusiastic to teach him how to do so...

Yellow. Yellow, the color of small butterflies that visited flowers, sipping nectar and spreading pollen. Pollen to make more flowers. Flowers of the colors of the rainbow from blue, red and yellow. Yellow. Yellow that reminded him of the moon. The moon that glowed yellow sometimes when he and Akira walked during nighttime. Walking along the beach or going home after a dinner together in a restaurant or a movie. After those simple but meaningful night dates they had had...

Gold, green, white, gray, blue, yellow... Gold, green, white, gray, blue, yellow... Gold, green, white, gray, blue, yellow... Gold, green, white, gray, blue, yellow...

Again and again, such colors invaded his mind. More colors wanted to make him recall memories. Orange, red, brown... Again and again, memories crashed against his mind until he was beginning to feel dizzy from all of it. He held his head, tried to close his eyes from the world that began to spin once more. Like that carousel ride...

All he had seen inside the house had been black and white. He noticed nothing else in such a severe fashion, not even the color of pancakes or Akira's eyes. And now all these colors splashed against him like rain, drenching him until he could barely breathe. So many memories draining his mind, making him feel tired. He pushed himself off the ground, stood from his sitting position on the grass. Tried to block out the scent of fragrant flowers and pine trees, and the sound of birds chirping and bees buzzing. He slid his eyes open only slightly just to see where he was going, and quickly, as he was feeling so consumed, he headed back towards the door of the house, entering it then shutting the door behind him with a click.

He leaned for awhile against the back of the door. Breathed hard, felt tired and drained because of the mental stress. Wondered for a moment in his mind if Akira was aware of the stress of colors to him when he woke, and if so, had perhaps manipulated Kaede's initial surroundings to be grayscale hues so shock would not be too severe to Kaede...

Kaede closed his eyes. Tried to forget the garden. Forget its colors which made him dizzy even while he did not want to forget those precious memories that made him feel warm and tingly inside. He continued to breathe, again and again until he felt himself de-stabilizing and returning back to normal.

He opened his eyes once more. And finally, he saw reality once again in the form of white walls and doors. Doors that lead to rooms that he had yet to discover...

Curiosity defeating any other feeling inside him suddenly, Kaede pushed himself from the door that lead to the outside and glanced at the doors across from where he stood. Maybe other memories lay inside the rooms, waiting to be remembered. Maybe that was why Akira left him, for him to discover for himself why Akira acted the way he did, leaving him suddenly when he was in a point when he felt the most confused...

Kaede decided. Decided to just act and open a door rather than regret it later on because he was too afraid to discover what was inside those doors. And so he did. He opened the first door he neared and looked inside.

Inside, he saw as he stepped in, was a dark room. A familiar room. A room that seemed like a part of him. There was a singular bed on the side, near the window with dark curtains. There was one desk and one closet. And on the desk was a device. A CD Player. And under the desk was a round, orange thing. A ball of some sort. And leaning against the closet was a bike...

What were these things? Kaede wanted to learn what they were. They seemed important, as if a vital part of who he was. And so, he neared each one. One by one...

The bike first. Kaede neared it, reaching out a hand to touch it, to feel it. The tips of his fingers touched the smooth metal in between the handles. He touched the rubber handles then, and the metal switch that was probably the brakes... A bike. A bike that made him recall of feeling so sleepy that even a trip on the bike would make him doze off and thus lead him to painful falls and crashes on the road. A bike that made him crash one day into Akira's car and thus lead to conversations, negotiations, invitations and eventually closer acquaintanceship...

The CD player next. Kaede touched the headphones and made him, on instinct, put them on both his ears. And then he looked down at the CD Player again. And without thought, he pressed a button: the play button. Sound suddenly flowed from the headphones to his ears; to his mind. The sound of drums, bass, guitar, and other synthesis devices... Then vocals and even piano and violin. What kind of music was this? It sounded soothing for some reason because he liked the way it sounded. It was.../his/ music. It defined him, in its lonely tones and meaningful lyrics. It reminded him of standing in front of the sea after an individual practice and just listening to this kind of music. Watching the sunset. Then suddenly, Akira appeared behind him, talking to him about a simple thing like his music. The music he listened to. And Akira began to hum a tune he knew and made him press 'stop' on his CD player so that he could listen to Akira's humming. It had been the first time that anyone had spoken to him about one of the things that mattered to him. Music. Music that soothed him and made him feel out of this world yet part of this world. Made him feel a connection to something. And that afternoon, music also made him connect to somebody. A human, just like him. Akira...

The ball next. Kaede, after turning off the CD Player and taking off the headphones, leaned down under the table to retrieve the ball. He held it between his hands, looking at its orange color, its black lines. He felt its rough, rubbery texture. He turned it in his hands, spun it carefully, as he just looked at it. And suddenly...

It was as if he was there again, in that enclosed space that was so full of people. He was standing in the middle of that place and around him, he could see the crowd cheering. Could hear them shouting in excitement as he began to play his heart and soul out into the game he loved the most. Basketball. Yes, that was how it was called. He could recall every effort he made. Running so hard that he could barely breathe, jumping as high as he could as if he wished to fly, trying his best to score and steal and block like there was no tomorrow...

But that was not the most joyful part of playing basketball for him. And there had been no 'joyful' part in basketball really until he met a certain someone. The best times he spent on the court was not when the court was loud and full of people. Rather, it was when there were only two people fighting it out, sweating their best efforts and matching up so evenly as they played until they couldn't anymore. Those were the times when he had his one-on-ones with Akira, his mentor, his teacher, his nemesis. Akira who had taught him so well, made him mature in court, made him develop into a better person. Because of that one time when Akira advised him like no one else had ever done, extended a sense of care and guidance that he desperately tried to seek but also tried to deny to himself. And that one time of learning eventually lead to more games involving just the two of them. More games that meant more time together. More time together on court that involved silent moments afterwards that lead to friendship, companionship and eventually, love...

Love...

The ball suddenly dropped from Kaede's fingers and bounced, once, twice, on the floor. Kaede was looking absently forward, trying to decipher that word. Is that even true or is it all a disillusion? His heart kept pounding so quickly every time he thought of it. But...

No... Don't think too much. It hurt to think. He had to leave this room. Had to go to another room so as to try to organize his thoughts, which had overflowed and confused and pressured him all the more. He had to...

And so, again, he left. He exited the room through its door and shut it. Down the hallway, he walked. Walked absently as he held his head with one hand, memories blurring in and out of focus on his mind. All he could think of was Akira. Akira this and Akira that. It hurt his mind. It made him feel all these intense emotions in his heart. He wanted to take a brief break from it. It hurt him. Made him feel so much ache...

He paused suddenly. Because he saw that he was standing in front of something. And this something happened to be a door that his feet had lead him to as he walked. He placed a hand on its knob and stared at the white surface of the door. And then, he opened it the same way he opened all previous doors. And this time...

There was only one thing inside the room. And this room looked similar to the room he had woken from, the living room and the hallways. It was white and bright and the curtains fluttered from the wind that blew in from the outside. Kaede's eyes zeroed in then at the one thing that was inside the room. And that thing was none other than a white grand piano.

Grand piano... Kaede felt himself going near it, sitting on the seat before it. He felt compelled to open it and reveal keys of ivory and ebony, white and black. Had he played the piano before? Did he? Kaede closed his eyes. Memories... He had to recall them now. And he did. He recalled times when he decided to learn to play the piano because Akira always went to guitar lessons and he always had to wait for him. So, instead of waiting for him, he too decided to learn to play an instrument. And he had chosen the piano...

His eyes opened again. And he looked only once at the keys which were under his fingertips before he closed his eyes again. He took a deep breath. Then he began to play. Play as if the piano was an extension of him, a part of him. Like basketball had been. Like music had been. He played...

He really had no name for the piece he began to play. He couldn't recall that yet. But he remembered every key he had to press, every note, every sharp and every tone. This song he played was neutral at first and sounded like marching ants going off to battle. Marching, again and again... Before something occurred. And it wasn't anything grand like soldiers running head-on to attack the enemy. But rather, it sounded haunting. A tragic melody. As if there had been an ambush. As if, instead of fighting for glory and pride, honor was lost instead. Death was there instead. A sad, sad tune, like heroes going off to die...

When the song ended, he opened his eyes in surprise. For he realized he had played music and was successful in doing so. And he enjoyed the music he had made. Enjoyed it as he had enjoyed releasing a basketball in the air so that it went through the ring, touching nothing but net. Enjoyed it so much that he played again another song. And another and another, letting time pass him by, hours to flow around him, the sun outside making shadows appear and disappear in the room, the surroundings darkening as evening approached...

He didn't know what time it was when he began to play yet another song. But oh no, it wasn't just another song. But he felt a deep connection to it. As if it had a deeper meaning that he had yet to comprehend.

The song was soft, and lilting, like a bird's song. It sounded like a music box's tune actually. Or more like a lullaby. It was the kind of song that soothed any kind of ear and brought back memories of tenderness and vulnerability. Like the sound of snow falling. Or of warm arms wrapping around him on a night of snow storm...

There was a bitter ache in the pit of his stomach. A feeling of dread. A feeling of regret and longing and sadness that made him want to sit in front of a hearth suddenly and hope that warm, comforting arms would protect him from the harsh cold. The song was so lonely that it hurt to even hear it...

He slid his eyes open, stared down at his fingers which were moving automatically and gracefully across ivory keys of the piano. Watched those fingers as the song continued. Then he slowly glanced up as he felt something - something like an odd feeling. The feeling of a presence so near and yet so far. He lifted his gaze. And on the doorway, across from where he sat, lit by the last light of sunset, was none other than Akira looking at him so softly, so gently, as if an angel standing by. As if Akira had always been there, smiling at him, watching him...

Making all the doubt, fear and ache vanish from Kaede's mind...

Making Kaede, too, smile unconsciously for the first time since he woke up.

"Just like that..." Akira said, in barely a whisper. "Play that song for me..."

And Kaede did. With the best of his efforts, he did. He played the lullaby with the tips of his fingers. It continued, its melody rising and falling like water flowed through rivers then ascended to heaven to become clouds and eventually, rain. So sad, so beautiful...

When the song ended, there was silence. Kaede's fingers slowly drew away from the ivory keys. They instead settled on Kaede's thighs, resting there after hours and hours of creating music. Kaede was still looking at Akira, his smile no longer visible, as his heart was pounding once more, so quickly and so harshly against his chest. Akira, who had been leaning against the doorway, now pushed himself away from the door's frame and came inside the room. Akira walked towards him, nearer and nearer until Akira stood just behind him, unseen by his eyes.

And then Akira suddenly leaned down, wrapping his arms around his waist then letting his lips brush against Kaede's nape. It made Kaede stiffen for a moment before he eventually relaxed. It felt so natural, the lips on his neck, the arms around his waist...

It felt like all that he ever wanted...

All he ever needed...

***

They were in the room where Kaede had woken up earlier on. There was clothing on the bed, set there by Akira perhaps. It was the clothes that Kaede would have to wear for dinner. As Akira was now wearing his own formal clothes - clothes that Kaede hadn't noticed earlier on because he was too busy concentrating on Akira's face, emotions and smile - now, Kaede too needed to change.

Kaede glanced briefly from the clothes he was supposed to wear to Akira once again. Akira looked sophisticated in the suit that he wore, from its matching black jacket and trousers to its blue-gray shirt and dark gray patterned tie. And now, unlike earlier on, he had spiked his hair carefully, like he had done in Kaede's memories. Standing there, lit by white light that was lit in the ceiling of the room, Akira looked so tall, so handsome, so elegant.

And he, Kaede...

He looked down at himself. He was still wearing the robe he had worn since earlier that day. He must change too, of course. They were supposed to go out somewhere for dinner. In a restaurant outside the house. Where people other than Akira or himself were at. Where there was fine dining, wine and music...

Kaede glanced once more at the clothes he was supposed to wear. It looked the same as Akira's, black, except that it was a bit smaller, and the shirt was white instead of blue, and the tie was a patterned blue one instead of gray. Kaede went nearer the bed and began to undo his sash, conscious of Akira being so near, perhaps watching him, perhaps not. He didn't want to find out really...

As he slid off his robe and placed both it and the sash on the bed, he spoke suddenly, needing to ask a question to Akira.

"Were you mad at me...earlier on? You left..."

He picked up the boxers and slid them on, black silk covering him.

"I'm sorry if I left..." Akira answered, somewhere near his back, still standing since there were no chairs to sit on in this room. "I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at myself."

Kaede paused his motions of wearing his clothes, feeling surprised at that. Akira was mad at himself? It made no sense to him. It made him wonder but didn't make him ask. Instead, he was just quiet the rest of the time that he wore his trousers, buttoned his shirt and wrapped the tie around the collar of his shirt. But before he could tie the necktie, Akira came near him and took the tie from his hands; made his hands just lay passively on his sides. Kaede looked up at Akira briefly and saw that Akira was not looking at him but just concentrating on tying his necktie properly. It made him lower his gaze, hide his eyes behind his long black fringe. Not knowing what to say, what to think, what to do...

"Before..." Akira said suddenly, doing the talking for both of them. "Before I went to work, you always did my tie. You were so careful. You took so much care. I didn't notice so much... the effort that you took... I just waited for you to finish, then left. I'm...sorry... I should have been more grateful for what I had back then..."

Kaede blinked his eyes then looked up at Akira. Wondering. Barely realizing that Akira was already done doing his tie...

Akira looked down at him, smiling slightly, just admiring him. And then Akira lifted a hand, ran the back of that hand's fingers against Kaede's right cheek. Touching, an active gesture, but a longing one as well... Akira leaned down slowly, closer and closer until the sides of their noses touched, and their eyes were right in front of each other. Akira shifted his head then, a bit more closer so that his lips brushed against Kaede's, once, twice, in a soft and quick kiss. And then Akira pulled away, and Kaede sighed softly afterwards, oddly feeling that it wasn't enough...

But Akira compensated that quickly when he leaned down once more to place a gentle kiss on Kaede's forehead, smiling afterwards when that was done.

"More later, if you want Kaede." Akira said, grinning and winking with meaning. "But first, let's go get dinner, okay?"

Kaede, somehow feeling embarrassed to know that Akira had read him so easily, just nodded. It seemed as if the night would be a long one. After all, it had been awhile since Akira had last been with him, conscious. Not that Kaede was really complaining...

***

They rode Akira's car to downtown Tokyo where they were supposed to stay at a fancy, five-star hotel somewhere. The car was fast, a shiny, black Nissan Skyline, 2009 Version. Which made Kaede wonder what exactly was Akira's job. Or his job... No, wait. He was still a high school student. So, he wondered instead what high school he attended. But he didn't really ask those questions as he was too busy looking outside the car, watching the technology, advancements and buildings he could not recall in his still-imperfect recollections. And also, he was busy listening to Akira, humming a tune. A familiar tune - the one that Kaede had been playing on the piano earlier. The lullaby...

"Sadame..." Akira muttered, just as they were passing a bridge. The Rainbow Bridge that lead to the hotel that Akira was driving to... "If you were wondering what song you were playing earlier on, it was 'Sadame'. Sad song... It's a wonder you remember that song..."

Kaede looked away from the sight of Tokyo passing him by, towards the dashboard of the car, so he didn't have to look at Akira. "Is there anything significant about the song?"

Akira smiled, very slightly. "It was the first song that connected us together. You were alone, by the sea, watching the sunset as I was watching you. You were listening to music. It was the first time I really came near you to initiate conversation about something that wasn't basketball - so perhaps it was the first time I talked to you personally. I hummed the song. It made you stop listening to your CD and listen to me instead. I remember that I was ecstatic when you did that. Because you felt that I was worth your time. You loved music as I did. You liked the sad tune that I hummed. And you eventually learned to play it in the piano. You played it again and again. Every time you did, it reminds me of that time. That time when I stopped just watching you. But decided to be a part of your life..."

"You..." For some reason, Akira's words and the way he said it made Kaede bow his head, hide his eyes behind his fringe again like earlier on, as if it was a force of habit. "You said you always watched me..."

Akira nodded, continuing to drive towards their destination. "I was watching you today too... Hidden cameras... I'm sorry if it sounds as if I was being rude by doing such a thing. But I just wanted to watch you the whole day while I was away from you. From afar, looking at the monitor, watching your every move, wondering what you were going to do next..."

"Not being part of my life..."

The car paused.

Kaede looked up, towards the road, wondering if it was something he said. But he saw that it was just a stop light.

"I'm sorry..." Akira murmured, barely audible in his voice. "I was angry at myself... I didn't want to show you any anger. Not now. Not anymore..."

Kaede hesitated for a moment before looking briefly towards Akira. Akira looked serious now, no smile on his face, only a neutral line on his lips. Like he was on the verge of being angry...

Kaede looked away and glanced forward again. And saw that the stop light had become green. Kaede cleared his throat. "The light had turned green..."

"What? Oh, right..." Akira said before the car began to move again.

They were near the hotel now, a block away. They spoke no more words the rest of the way until they arrived and exited the car, the valet taking the keys from Akira so that the car would be parked for them. And then, as one, they walked inside the hotel, the hospitable manager nearing them and entertaining them. Akira told him about his reservations and the kind man called for one of the staff members to show them to where they would go.

The staff member was a woman in her thirties and she had a certain glint in her eyes - which could mean anything - when she saw them. She introduced herself as 'Thelma' and she looked and sounded like a half-African-American and half-Japanese woman. Smiling hospitably, she lead them to the top floor - the 50th floor - by riding a quick elevator that was meant only for the restaurant on the top floor. When they reached the 50th floor, they were showed their table, which was located near the window - the window that showed the perfect view of Tokyo, with its city lights, lit bridges, Tokyo Tower in the distance and Tokyo Bay nearby. It was a breathtaking view.

After they sat, they were given the menu while their waitress for the night - 'Thelma' - waited nearby, a little away from them, but in a place where she could easily be called. Both Akira and Kaede began to read the menu, trying to think what they wanted. In the end, they decided that Akira would order Lemon Chicken Rice and Kaede would order Shrimp Tempura. And champagne for their drink...

Silence was mainly the noise they had as they waited for their meals. Kaede spent most of his time looking out of the window, marveling at both the Tokyo lights and the view. A lot of things were new, although he wasn't sure if he'd seen such things before or not. All the memories he had accumulated since he had woken up were based on the things he had done with Akira and not really the spaces that had surrounded them. So...

The holographic lights that flashed on building's rooftops and presented advertisements for various products was new. Light, hovering crafts that watched the city from the sky for any disturbances was new. Speedy trains that dangled underneath bridges was new. So many things were new...

Kaede could recall none of them in his mind. Even the mere sight of them triggered nothing in his memories. He wondered if they had lived in Tokyo all their lives or this was a new place for him. Only Akira knew for now, and somehow, he didn't want to ask him yet...

Their meals arrived a few minutes later and they began to dine, silent at first, concentrating on the sumptuous meal of chicken and shrimps before their consciousness broadened and they realized that they had company. As if they had forgotten for a moment that instead of being alone, someone else was there now...

"How is your meal?" Akira then began to ask, watching as Thelma poured champagne on his glass and Kaede's. "I hope you like it. We've been here before and you liked it. This was the last place we dined in before we moved to America..."

America.

Kaede lifted his gaze from his meal and looked across from him, towards Akira's face. Akira too was looking at him.

America, Akira had just said. Why did that place seem important? What was so significant about it? Kaede could remember nothing though and silently, he hated himself for it. So, instead, he lowered his gaze again and began to use his chopsticks to pick up a shrimp.

"The meal is fine, thank you..." he muttered, meaning it. The Shrimp Tempura he had ordered was nothing short of great. It was crispy on the outside and once you bit into the shrimps... Nothing short but pleasure to the palate.

They were silent again. Kaede ate, quiet as ever, enjoying the meal and occasionally looking up, towards Akira who kept staring at him and observing him, as if it was the most important thing in the world. It made Kaede a little conscious, though not really uncomfortable, as if he was used to this. But sometimes, when Akira stared too much, he couldn't help but glance away and notice other things instead. Like their surroundings...

And in their surroundings, in the interior of the 50th floor, was an elegant restaurant that featured a Renaissance theme from its art-covered walls, arched ceilings, velvet curtains... Even the lighting seemed inspired from the archaic world of centuries past. The only light came from so many candles, white and tall, that littered the large room. They were scented in delicate smells: cinnamon, jasmine, and lavender, which gave the place a romantic effect, aside from casting a delicate glow to people's faces, heightening their attractiveness somewhat because of that. And also, there was music. Live violin music that played in the background, not so silent so that it was inaudible but not so loud so that it defeated the chance for lovers to converse their feelings or thoughts to each other...

And also, there was one more special thing about this restaurant, aside from its grand appearance and the mood it created. It was the fact that the couples were not only heterosexual but also homosexual, and whatever else kind of relationship there was. Men and women alike were dressed head to foot in personified sophistication. Men in suits or tuxedos. Women in evening gowns of velvet or silk. And the transvestites in their preferred elegant garments as well, which was that of the opposite gender's...

"You're wondering about this place?"

Akira's voice.

Kaede looked away from the sight of his surroundings and focused his attention back to Akira, seeing the older man staring at him again. What had Akira asked? About this place? This place that was elegant and wonderful and most importantly, catered to all sexes, and thus promoted equality...

Kaede spoke, "Everyone's equal here. It's nice."

A small smile lifted the corners of Akira's lips. "The restaurant's a breakthrough, I had thought when I first heard of it... A place that catered to all sexes, no matter who they were or what they were. Despite the rather expensive expenses in dining here, I think it's worth it to go here sometimes. Especially on special occasions..."

"You're rich." Kaede couldn't help but say.

Akira lowered his eyes slightly, glancing down at his food as he began to dine on it again. "I'm a workaholic, you always did say..."

"Is this a special occasion?"

"Well..." Akira said, after swallowing a mouthful of lemon chicken rice. "To see you once again after a long period of your absence... It's the most important event to me right now."

"Am I so important?"

Akira looked up, smiled a little as his eyes gleamed in joy. "More than you know."

"Oh..." Seeing that Akira was staring at him again, Kaede glanced down once more, into his own meal. He noticed his glass of wine and picked it up, drinking from it. The champagne entered him, cool golden liquid that satisfied him in a distinct way. "Tell me about it... About how we were to each other... I'm curious..."

"All right, sure..." Akira said, pausing his meal altogether and just watching Kaede. "I'll tell you everything you wish to know. But would you like me to narrate? Or would you like to ask questions? Your choice, Kaede..."

"Well, I..." Kaede trailed off, placing his wineglass down on the table once again. For a moment, he just stared at the golden light that passed through the champagne in the glass. It made him recall briefly of golden skies. Skies he looked at when he and Akira had spent time in a harbor, Akira fishing, him napping peacefully. Lazy days...

He decided, "Narration will do..."

And so, Akira narrated. Narrated in a voice that was like syrup, full of subtle emotion. Narrated as he looked across the table, to Kaede's evasive eyes. Narrated as the lights from candles cast dancing shadows on his face. Narrated as Kaede just stared at the golden liquid of champagne. Narrated as soft, melancholic violin music played in the background...

"I always watched you. You drew attention easily; people could not help but be drawn to look at you. I don't know what it was about you. I don't think it was only because you were a bit of a celebrity since you were a high school basketball star. At least not to me. I suppose it was the way you conducted yourself in the court. Explosive, lethal, dangerous. You had so much potential. So much strength and spirit. You made people turn their heads and give you attention. You made me turn my head and give you my attention. But I suppose I looked too much at you. Like those fan girls who loved to squeal excitedly at the mere presence of you. When I looked at you too much, I noticed things...

"Things like your unusual silence. Your solitude. The fact that you never smiled. The fact that after games, whether your team lost or your team were celebrating so jubilantly in victory, you were always apart. Apart from the crowd. I couldn't understand that. That wasn't like me. I'd smile with my team if we won. I'd share the emotions of my team if we had lost. But you... You were always alone. Apart from the crowd. Such a complexity...

"They say that a complex childhood makes a complex adult. You were not yet an adult then but you acted like one. You were always serious, and you always aimed high. You thought about your future. You even wanted to go to America. You wanted to be the best in Japan. You had ambition and dedication. You were mature in your actions and in the way you thought. You even approached me once, listened to me as if I was your mentor, and had matured even more from that mere brief lesson. You had substance. I liked that in you...

"I've always watched you, quietly in the crowd, whenever you were in the court. And when we began to play basketball together on a regular basis, afterwards, during the silent moments, I looked at you too, learned more about you. Our friendship developed. I began to understand more about you. Understand the way you acted, the way you thought... Until one day, that was no longer enough. Until I couldn't just watch you anymore. I wanted to be closer. Skin and soul and danger included..."

Kaede gazed up suddenly upon hearing that, looking at Akira.

Akira's eyes softened considerably, full of love.

"From the moment I met you, I knew I could love you. You brought out a hunger in me, a thirst, a need, a want... You made me love you. And I did... And I still do..."

Intense eye contact to one another was occurring. Blue eyes upon blue eyes. Sharing something, a spark of romance, a drop of light in otherwise dark lives. A hope... A proof that somewhere in the world, true love could possibly exist between two people despite gender, age...

And Akira took the moment one step further by standing from his seat and holding out a hand towards Kaede.

"I would like to dance with you. May I?"

Kaede was speechless, stunned still in his seat from what he had just heard, what he just saw in Akira's eyes. But, aware on instinct of the purity of Akira's intentions, knowing that tonight was truly a special one, he allowed himself to please Akira despite a thought in the back of his mind that dictated that he did not do such things such as dancing, especially in a public place. Placing a hand on Akira's, he too stood from his own seat. Then, he let Akira lead him to the center of the room where couples of various kinds of relationships were at, dancing solemnly...

Stopping as they reached the dance floor, Kaede felt Akira's arms wrapping around him. Such gentle arms, stable and secure. Such a peaceful atmosphere of soft violin music and romance. Kaede couldn't help himself then. And so he just let go. Let himself close his eyes and lift his passive arms from his sides. Lift those arms high enough so that, in turn, he too could wrap his arms around Akira's broader form...

And, for what seemed like ages, caught in a timeless moment, they danced...

They just danced...

***

Akira was in the shower; Kaede had already finished his. Kaede could hear the sound of water spraying from the bathroom. After they arrived home from the hotel, Akira had led him to a new room, a room that could be accessed only from a door in the garden. Akira's room, the placed where he slept. His abode...

As soon as they reached the room, Akira had told him to shower and right after he did, it was Akira's turn. Once Akira was in the bathroom though, Kaede found it hard to be so patient, just sitting on the bed, stuck in a dark room where the only light came from the moon outside. Although Kaede could choose to switch on the lamps on either side of the bed, he chose not to. For darkness was much more to his preference. As if it had always been there...

Three minutes into the boredom of waiting, Kaede stood, looking around the room once more. It was spacious and had wide glass doors that showed the view of the garden and also the night sky. Inside the room too were three wooden doors. Kaede had already seen two of them opened. One was the bathroom and the other was a closet where Akira had taken out two robes: a long black robe and a white one, both similar to the robes that the two of them had worn earlier on. Those were the contents of the closet, the second door. But the third door...

The third door was across from the wall that had the two doors. What was inside, Kaede didn't know. It was Akira's business though and although Kaede was curious, he didn't want to offend Akira by snooping on places that he wasn't sure he was allowed to see. And so, what he did instead, in the face of his boredom, was stand from the bed and go towards the glass doors that faced the garden. And he opened the glass doors and stepped outside, his bare feet caressed by the soft touch of green grass that glowed silver in the light of a crescent moon...

He didn't close the door behind him. He didn't need to. It wasn't a cold night. It was very temperate, like the weather in between Spring and Summer, or Summer and Fall. The weather couldn't be any more perfect, just like the night. And the night had been perfect so far. Kaede could still feel his heart pounding, his soul aching at the sheer intensity of what he felt as Akira had held him so close for what seemed like hours. They had been swaying slightly now and then - dancing - but for the most part, they were just close. So close that when they exhaled, they could feel each other's breaths and all they could smell were each other - scents so familiar - and an embrace so warm, romantic, intimate and almost desperate...

Their time at the hotel concluded after the dance and after dessert that comprised of blueberry cheesecake, apparently Kaede's favorite in the past. And then they had traveled back home in Akira's Nissan Skyline, breezing through Tokyo with their windows open, the soft wind blowing against their faces.

And now, they were back in this house, back to where it had all started, at least in Kaede's memory. What he had remembered in the flashbacks he had had in the garden and in the two rooms seemed like a dream, no matter how real they felt to him. Like a dream that was so pure, untainted by any kind of darkness. Like a pure white house...

"There you are."

Kaede started, hearing the sound of Akira's voice. He turned his head around, seeing Akira standing right behind him, close but not close enough. Akira was looking fondly at him, wearing his long black robe, his hair no longer with the spike again as it was wet, sagging across his forehead. A smile began to dawn on Akira's lips as he just stared at Kaede. And then, looking melancholic for a second, he looked instead at the sky, which was seen clearly above the garden they stood in.

"This is why I chose to build this house here..." Akira said.

"Build?" Kaede asked, before looking too above them, at the crescent moon that reminded him of a smile - Akira's smile - and at numerous stars that glittered like small precious stones across a black velvet blanket.

"I mean I designed the house but of course I didn't literally build the house. A construction company did."

"Oh... So why did you choose to stay in such a place?"

"Because..." Akira said. "When I look up during clear nights in this garden, even as I'm in Tokyo, I see nothing but stars. No hint of the Metropolis. No sound of the large population that comprises Tokyo. And if there was a passing car, it's masked by the white noise of the small waterfalls that was constructed here in the garden. This is like my own palace, my own sanctuary..."

"You're a loner." Kaede couldn't help but say.

"As were you. And you were so much more severe..." Akira just said. "One of the things that drew me to you. You and I were so different, yet so similar."

"This place..." Kaede murmured. "It's an escape, isn't it? You don't like the sound of life, human life. And so you constructed this place carefully to satisfy your need for solitude."

"I guess you could say that. But then, you also live here. With me. Perhaps I wanted to have you all to myself. I'm selfish sometimes, especially when it comes to you. I want only the two of us together, no interference from the world around us. I want the world to be comprised of only the two of us. What I feel for you is so strong. I could chain you to a bed forever if necessary but I know that that would draw you away from me instead. I could just watch you, worship you. You're really all I need to survive."

Kaede turned his head, looked away from the stars and instead glanced behind him towards Akira. Looked from underneath his fringe to Akira's face, which was bathed by moonlight, its contours shadowed and highlighted. Handsome, predatory...

"Come inside." Akira invited. "I want to make love to you."

Kaede just looked at Akira for a moment before the corners of his lips lifted slightly in a slight smile.

"I'd like that."

It wasn't so quick this time, not like their union in the morning. After Akira lead Kaede to the room, Kaede noticed something peculiar. The room was no longer dark. For now, it was like the restaurant they had been to. It was lit with numerous candles, the bed as the center of all the light...

As Kaede stared at the magnificent sight, Akira suddenly pressed himself against Kaede's back, wrapping his arms around his waist, pressing his lips against his neck. Kissing him fondly, in a way that made all the cells in his body tingle... Kaede leaned back, closed his eyes, lifted his arms and reached backwards to wrap them around Akira's head. It made Akira draw back from kissing his neck. Made Kaede look behind him towards Akira's face. Made them just look at each other for a brief moment, into each other's half-lidded eyes, which were both so full of ache and need for each other. And then, the brief moment ended, as they closed their eyes and leaned towards each other, lips against lips. Melding, connecting, sharing heat and passion in the form of a deep and meaningful kiss...

Only when it was over and they had parted did Kaede notice that his robe was already open, and Akira's hands were already traveling down the expanse of his body, in an exploratory and re-discovering manner. Touching and caressing from the lump of his Adam's apple to the proof of his passion. Just lingering there, making him gasp as Akira began to nibble an ear...

It seemed a blur from then on, not truly fast in actions, but everything was truly a sensation. They had moved on to the bed, kneeling on it in the same position that they were when they were standing. All clothing had been shed. Akira was behind Kaede, constantly initiating kisses - deep kisses that was so full of longing and desire. Kaede just kept his arms around Akira's head, kissing back, as they went on with their union, Akira thrusting into him once in awhile, as he pushed back to meet Akira's hardness, and moaned softly whenever Akira caressed his own...

The motions were a constant rhythm. Akira moved inside Kaede. Their lips connected. They stared at each other. They gasped and moaned. Their hands found each other and their fingers entwined.

And then they came together with a cry and this time, Kaede knew, without a shadow of a doubt, what they had just shared...

They made love.

And this time, he knew what love was. It was the warm buzzing in his stomach that signified that there was no other person he would rather be with in his life. Even if forever ended and the end of the world happened tomorrow...

After Akira pulled himself away from Kaede's warm passage, Kaede sighed, still feeling the tingling sensation of the pleasure from inside his body. The union felt draining but good. Very good. Not only was there physical pleasure but also a sense of completion. He took a deep breath and lay down on the bed, shifting his body around so that he lay on his back. He could see that Akira followed him, lying beside him, wrapping his arms around his waist, as if a chain that could never let a prisoner go... Just holding on, lavishing on the moment when they were allowed to be this close, skin to skin...

Kaede sighed once more, in a feeling of immense relief, as he stared at the candlelit ceiling of the room. The ceiling looked dim and bright, like what he felt. A feeling of stability, of balance... As if all was right in the world...

"Kaede..."

Akira...

Kaede looked away from the ceiling and glanced to his side where Akira was. Akira was looking at him, apparently watching him since they had shared their position on the bed. Kaede tilted his head to the side, shifted his face so that it faced Akira only. He studied Akira's face. It looked sad...

It made Kaede wonder once more, about himself, about Akira, about what they shared. About the signs and hints that he noticed... About little things that drew his attention throughout the day. Something didn't seem right. Life couldn't be so perfect, could it? Why could he only remember the happier memories? Why was today so bright and happy with the white house and the love that they shared? Wasn't there supposed to be something dark somewhere? Akira, since this morning, had not been telling him everything that he needed to know. Kaede had to ask, especially now, at this moment when they were together, in the stillness of the night...

"Akira, tell me..." Why was his voice hoarse? It sounded like his voice this morning. He didn't cry out so much in their moment of passion, did he? He hoped he wasn't too loud...

"Tell you?" Akira asked, smiling once more, although the sadness lingered in his eyes.

"Why you wear black in a white house. As if you felt that you couldn't belong in the brightness. Why I could remember only the happier memories. Why you say that you're thirty two and I'm sixteen... And yet, you said you had a team in basketball as I also had a team in basketball... Why, when you said that you met me when I was in high school... And I'm just sixteen now, an age of first year high schools in Japan... Why there are so many memories, so many seasons in those memories... Why we even had time to go to a place like America... Why you keep referring to me in the past tense, as if I'm nothing but a memory to you... I'm not blind, Akira... You have been keeping things from me... Please tell me now - "

Akira cut off Kaede's words by leaning closer, pressing his lips against Kaede's. Kissing Kaede for a moment, just wanting silence and feelings to reign. Trying to avoid the inevitable for at least a few more seconds...

But then, he had to pull away, had to open his eyes and breathe again. Stare into Kaede's wondering eyes. See the confusion that had been bothering Kaede all day...

"I didn't want to have to say it to you... But I know that I have to..." Akira muttered, trying to recall the explanation that he had to say now. "You are..."

Kaede's eyes opened wide in surprise. He didn't hear the last words of Akira's sentence but he had read Akira's lips. Clearly. And he had understood Akira's explanation. He was not...

"You're not Kaede. You're his clone. I made you."

It was as if the world came tumbling down on him, like an avalanche he couldn't escape from, burying him in cold snow, suffocating him. It was suddenly hard to breathe...

But what about the memories? What about what he felt for Akira?

"Kaede was alive once. The real Kaede. He was really my lover. But he died. I killed him."

"What?!" Kaede choked, as if he had just entered a bitter nightmare he could never wake up from. "How could you..."

Akira's eyes were blank. Finally, it was time to explain. Everything.

"Kaede and I were lovers since we were in high school. Within a year of knowing each other, he decided to move to America. And I decided to go with him. There, he concentrated on basketball as did I. But I also excelled in my studies. And because I did, colleges began to offer scholarship to me not only because of basketball but also because of my intellect. I got into Harvard, met some professors there who were into DNA Studies, Genetic Engineering and Cloning. And I too got interested in that field. While Kaede flourished in his world of basketball, I was involved in furthering the studies on Cloning. Cloning babies were already possible then. Cloning animals too. But Adult Cloning was still out of reach really. I concentrated on that, along with other scientists. My potential was noticed by the government and so, I got hired. I got into top-secret studies, things I never told Kaede when he was alive. Because I could never tell him. I was bound by a Code of Conduct. But Kaede understood. Even if we rarely saw each other because I was immersed in my job. And in my job I flourished. I was good at what I did. We were all getting closer to achieving Adult Cloning...

"But even as I earned a high salary and I had a good life... My success was a double-edged sword. I tried to ignore it at first. But soon, it was becoming more severe. My job was demanding and pressured me so much. It also drew me away from Kaede. I was barely there for him. There was so much pressure that sometimes, I even got paranoid. Tired, angry. At myself. At others. Sometimes, I even suspected that Kaede was seeing other men because I wasn't often there with him. I loved him so much and yet... We rarely saw each other. I couldn't handle just imagining what it would be like to lose him. I loved him that much despite all the things that prevented us from having a normal relationship...

"One day, I received something in the mail. It was a manila envelope and in it was photos of none other than Kaede. With another man - someone I knew, actually. A blond basketball player who had come from Japan like we did. Michael Okita. He and Kaede were close. I've always been jealous of the friendship they had shared. But I never thought Kaede would betray me like that. The pictures clearly showed Kaede cheating on me. There he was on all fours or with his legs in the air, and there was Okita just... /fucking/ him... I couldn't handle the betrayal. I was in so much pressure, anger and depression. I just felt contempt. Better lose Kaede forever than just some other guy... My love for Kaede was that strong. I've just never imagined that it would lead me to such extremes.

"The same day, I flied to Kaede's college and tried to find him. He was alone in his apartment, which was near his school. He was smiling when he saw me but I barely saw that. I was so angry. I killed him. Just took out the gun I had owned since the government hired me and shot him. I was so frustrated with him, with the way that he could turn his back on what we had just like that. How could he do that to me?

"I burned the apartment to the ground to hide any kind of evidence. I went back to where I worked. I tried to ignore the guilt, tried only to think that I killed Kaede because I loved him too much. But I discovered something. It was accidental that I heard it really... My superiors were in a meeting room and I just happened to pass by. I was supposed to be on a break then but I went to work that day because I wanted to get my notes, which I wanted to study. And what I heard...

"The truth was that they had been bothered by the distractions I had when I worked. One major distraction had been Kaede and they had found that out. I always had to fly back somewhere for someone. Always had to... Apparently, my work would be more efficient and quick if they got rid of what they thought was a 'nuisance' to my life. I was their best scientist. They needed all my concentration. And so it was them who sent me those photos. And apparently, those photos were not even real. They were cleverly manipulated in the computer by some genius so that it looked flawlessly real. They toyed and manipulated my emotions enough into forgetting all about Kaede so that I looked only at my job. They just never imagined that I would go so far. And really, neither did I...

"My heart was broken that day. Not when Kaede died. But that day when I heard the truth and discovered that Kaede was innocent. And that I killed him so selfishly because I thought that no one else could have him if I didn't. Everything just fell apart.

"I came home afterwards. Just sat there in my room, alone, barely moving, barely breathing. The sun rose and the sun set. People called, people knocked on my door, people tried to break in... But my house was so protected. The government had made sure of that. I just sat there, wondering... How I could pull the trigger so easily... How I lost the most important person in my life...

"One day though, I woke up from that catatonic state. I realized nothing would happen when I just sat there. I couldn't live with the regret and guilt forever. There was a way out there to do something about my problem. I was armed with the solution. It was in my brain. I was the head scientist on the comprehensive study on Adult Human Cloning. And although there had never been a successful human clone, I knew that one day, I could achieve it. But not in American shores. Not in a country that had the CIA, that would do anything to achieve an end. So I escaped quickly from America. And came back home to Japan. Where it all started...

"The Japanese embraced me with their arms. The government hired me and with all my knowledge, I made further studies on Cloning with other Japanese scientists. And I always used Kaede as the experiment. The only part of him where I could derive his DNA was from his hair. It was the hair I cut off when he was sixteen. That's why your age now is sixteen. When he was sixteen, his hair had grown out a bit. He was lazy to go to the barbershop so I decided to cut it for him. From that time, I always kept those threads of hair in my wallet... One of the things I didn't burn, out of anger...

"The research and development of Adult Human Cloning progressed quicker when I was in Japan. Probably because there were no distractions. My former superiors' theory was right after all... You aren't the first clone, Kaede. There had been others but they were all failures. And I admit my guilt over their deaths. I will forever suffer for their lost lives, aside from Kaede's. I almost quit after each failure but I pushed through despite everything. Because I badly wanted to revive Kaede. To love him one more time...

"You were the first success. I made sure of success before I attempted to create you. You are a perfect replica of Kaede. I even manipulated Kaede's memories into you. It's an extremely complex process but I was able to do it. You're such a success. But you have a flaw. You would only last approximately twenty-four hours. I created you right before dawn today. Any moment now, even as we are just approaching midnight, you could stop breathing."

When Akira finally stopped speaking, his throat was dry and his voice was hoarse. Kaede had stopped looking at him minutes ago and was just staring blankly at the ceiling as if seeing nothing. Tears had also fallen from Kaede's eyes, from its sides towards his ears. He was quiet but his chest rose and fell still. He was breathing, still alive. And Akira's arms were still around his waist.

"I'm sorry." Akira whispered.

"I'm only a replica." Kaede whispered back, in a barely audible voice. "You keep referring to Kaede as if he was not me. And he's not me. You only used me..."

"All I could offer you is my love for Kaede. I know it's not enough..."

"It is enough." Kaede said, before shutting his eyes close then opening them slowly and looking once more into Akira's eyes. The wonder, the curiosity and the innocence had faded, replaced now with the bitterness of truth. "It's all I need."

"But you'll die. You'll only live one day..."

"You created me." Kaede stated softly. "Like God created you. You are my God. I'd die for you."

Akira smiled. A soft but tragic smile...

"When you look at me that way, you make me hate myself."

"Don't." Kaede just said, eyes becoming half-lidded even as he just looked at Akira with all that he felt. Love. "You gave me an opportunity to live a perfect human life. If only it was for one day. I never got to see the bad things about living. You kept me innocent, in this white house..."

"I exposed you to me." Akira whispered back. "And I'm the dark spot in your world of brightness."

"You're wrong..." Kaede whispered too. "Because you are the center of my world. You're the reason why I exist. I'll die for you. I'm living only for you. I'm breathing now because of you."

"I love you."

Kaede smiled. His third smile that day.

"No, you don't. You love Kaede. But thank you."

"I..."

But Akira couldn't say the rest of his words. For in front of him, Kaede had already closed his eyes, and had stopped breathing. His lips forever fixed in a smile.

And Akira sighed in relief, feeling for once peacefulness in his being. Balance in his soul...

He stood from the bed, dressed himself in the clothes he'd worn earlier in the night, a suit that was carefully not so wrinkled, then went back to the bed to dress Kaede with his own suit from earlier on. Arranged everything so neatly, so perfectly. Then Akira lay on the bed again. Looked at Kaede for a moment, smiling, before reaching into his bedside table, opening the drawer and pulling out his pistol. He looked at it for a moment, then at Kaede. And he felt finally that it was time. He rested his head against Kaede's and pointed the pistol against his head...

"Dawn would have been a beautiful sight. You would have loved it.." he whispered, smiling...

Then pulled the trigger.

Two lives snuffed away.

Even as the candles kept on burning...

***

"You're going again?" Kaede asked, still lying on the bed, naked beneath the white sheets that covered him. He was looking at Akira who was already fully dressed, except for his shoes.

Akira smiled softly and came close to him. Watched him with a serene expression then leaned down to kiss him. Let their lips touch for a brief moment before separating.

"Don't go." Kaede whispered as he opened his eyes again, lips still tingling from the kiss they shared. Akira was already walking away from him towards the door.

"I have to go. You know that." Akira said before pausing suddenly. "Unless... You wish I didn't have to go?"

"I..." Kaede murmured in surprise. "I don't want you to ever leave me again..."

Akira turned around and faced him. Had a smile on his face.

"Then I won't. Never again."

A smile touched Kaede's face, a smile that was as beautiful as dawn. Akira walked back to him. And leaned down and lay with him. And from then on, they never separated again...

February 1, 2003


Author's Notes:
- Yes, that's right. This fic featured cloning. An idea inspired by watching CNN one day. Reality and current events can do this to you.
- 60 % of this fic was written on paper before being encoded. 'Twas when I was bored in a boring place...
- No plagiarism now, please. ^.~ One of the reasons why I've waited so long to post here in ff.net is because I fear plagiarism. I hope people would not give writers this reason to not post here.
- As I said, this one's for Jay. Not that much angst but... At least she liked it. That's what counts.