Lizzy and Craig are really cute together... in my head at least. It's a crack pairing but I don't even care. Has someone even done this before? If they did, they deserve a cookie.

I hope you like it :)

I'll admit, I like to relax after work. I like to drink a little. It's something to calm me down. It keeps me from beating the shit out of anyone who crosses my path. It's that kind of pent-up aggression I've held onto for years.

Being in an office for hours upon hours makes me regret the boring life I chose. The flickering fluorescent lights, the same repetitive noises of keys, phones and murmurs is enough to send me over the edge. Then there was Clyde, slurping his lunchtime burritos in the next cubical. It makes me want to bludgeoning him with the copy machine. I don't know how many times my snobby fatass boss cornered me and said, 'I need you to work on Sunday'. That was my only day off.

I'm tired of my boring life. Things got harder after I turned eighteen. I thought it would be boring but this is... this is torture.

It seems as though all my friends were gone too. My parents were right, everyone that you know in high school you never see again.

Token lived in another state with his new wife, comfortably living with all the money if he could ever want. Kenny runs a trailer park in South Park with a few illegitimate children running around. Clyde is a bachelor with no concept of losing weight and showering often.

And Tweek...

Man, things weren't supposed to turn out this way.

I sat in Skeeter's Bar and Cocktails, thumbing the glass of amber liquid. I like driving down to South Park for a little brandy. The familiar sound of country music that would hum in the background and the smell of cigarettes and mold would soothe me. I didn't care if it took a few hours to drive here either. I just needed to relax in a quiet place where I knew I wouldn't be bothered.

I liked to spend my days alone. Clyde said I needed a woman but I didn't want anyone close to me. I mean, I've had my hookups and love affairs but I never wanted people close. When people get close to me people get hurt.

I'm a black cat. I won't let anyone get too close to me again.

Someone plopped into the seat next to me.

I guess I was wrong.

The woman in the pink parka finally showed her face. I almost thought she wasn't coming. If Kenny was a woman, Lizzy was it. The lost twin. She leaned over the bar. "One Shirley Temple and get to it."

Skeeter sat not too far away, he spoke up. "Hey! We don't take kindly to women around here-"

The bartender cut him off, fixing up her drink. "Now, Skeeter, she ain't hurtin' nobody."

Lizzy stood up from her stool, pointing at the red-head. "Damn straight Skeeter! Now shut your trap, you butt pirate!"

My eyes narrowed at her. I hated her face and her voice. She was always coming to the bar right when I get off of work. She never drank. She just sat here to annoy me. And there is nothing attractive about a girl with a mouth like that. She might as well have, 'easy' tattooed on her forehead.

She slumped back in her stool. "Hello, rump ranger." she slapped my back. "How's my favorite fag?"

I raised my arm, my middle finger standing in full attention right in her face. This was a game to her. It wasn't for me, this constant shit was getting on my nerves. She would usually raise her finger at me and we sit and talk. Not tonight. Of course.

Lizzy is anything but boring.

She cupped my wrist, tugging my arm towards her. She gave me a seductive glance, "Oh, I would gladly..."

I rolled my eyes. Jesus Christ, I tried to snatch my hand away. Lizzy's lips reached my middle digit kissing it suggestively.

"Are you finished? You're not sexy. I have a little higher standards than a bar whore."

She chomped down on my finger. Pain rushed right to my head. I yipped, yanking my hand away.

"Me? With you?" she reiterated, scoffing. "Not in your wildest dreams." she remarked venomously. The bartender set down the glass of the pinkish-red, sugary-sweet drink. She downed it. Ugh, those things are disgusting.

"I thought that's why you sit at the bar every night. You're a barfly."

"Better than a social butterfly," she fished the cherry out of the glass, plopping it in her mouth. "I like coming here to unwind."

"You like coming here to annoy me." I sipped from my glass. Lizzy slapped my back again. The brandy nearly went into my nose.

"But, I like hanging out with you after work. You're the only person who understands my sense of humor." she teased my lips with the cherry stem. She poked and probed it into my chops.

I was starting to get irritated with her. "Stop it."

She flung the stem on the floor. "Fine, whatever. Wanna come outside with me for a quick cigarette break?"

I can't turn down a cigarette. I shrugged simply.

She took out her wallet, pulling out a few bills, paying for my drinks.

We stepped out into the cold winter air. I couldn't see too much in front of me. South Park could get really dark. There was no light pollution and half of the street lamps didn't even work.

We wandered into the small alley behind the bar. I could hear the 'mews' of cats and the sounds of cars driving by. The street lamp above buzzed and flickered on before going dark again.

Lizzy face lit up in a warm orange light. She exhaled the haze loudly. We stood there, sharing a cigarette. She reminded me of Kenny in a way... If Kenny was a woman and a sadist.

"Craig, you're such a rump ranger." she said out of the blue.

"And your very tempting to punch." I stole the cigarette right from her mouth, puffing slowly before blowing the smoke into her face. She glowered at me, unfazed. The street lamp above flicked on. It reminded me of the office. Yuck, I have work tomorrow.

"Why don't you punch me then Mr. big man?" Lizzy closed the space between us, grabbing up my hand onto her warm cheek. "Give me a good wallop."

"I'm not going to hit a girl." My eyebrows knit together as I ripped my hand away. What the hell is wrong with her?

"Do you have sand in your vagina? Come on already." She pushed again. "Or are you too much of a doughnut puncher?"

Not sadist, maybe a masochist. Lizzy was very strange. I remember when we were kids she was teasing every boy she came across. Hell, I think she is a dude. I've never seen a girl quite so tomboyish.

"I bet I could take you on!"

"Stop it."

"Tweek..." she started. Her lips curved into an evil smile.

Something inside me snapped. That was a very raw spot.

"Don't." I warned.

"Don't what? You don't want to talk about Tweek? He's dead, you know? He went into that snow storm and never came back. He wanted to die. He-"

My hand connected with her face.

The sound of a slap broke the still night air. I gripped her shoulders, my fingers digging into her shoulders as I yanked her close. "Don't you even talk about him like that." I hissed out. I threw her against the bricks. I could hear the air that escaped her lungs.

"You want me to hit you so bad? Say something else."

Lizzy looked at me horrified expression. "I... I did-didn't mean it!"

"Say it." I threatened her. "Finish what you were going to say, Lizzy." I lifted my fist as she flinched away.

"Don't!" She let out a low whimper. "I'm sorry. I really didn't mean it. It just came out! Please, don't hurt me!"

My eyes softened as my fist lower down to my side. I towered over her, watching her as her whole body quivered. We stood there under the iridescent street lamp. She hid her face from me.

"I just teased you because-" her breath hitched in her throat. "-ow... That really hurt." she rubbed the back of her head tenderly.

It dawned on me. I always promised myself I wouldn't be like my dad but here I was. I slapped Lizzy and shoved her into bricks. I guess father like son. Chivalry aside, she was crying. Lizzy's breath got caught in her throat as she tried desperately to muffle her sobs.

"I'm sorry." I muttered out uncomfortably.

She didn't answer, Lizzy's face was fixed on the concrete under her feet.

I moved close, awkwardly sliding my arms around her shoulders.

I felt her dart into my chest. "Just tell me it's going to be alright." she said breathlessly.

My arms uneasily wrapped around her. "...It's going to be alright."

This game... Every day it was the same game. South Park. Let's meet in South Park.

A type of hate thing...

"I'm sorry Craig. I know I'm a bad person."

Skeeter's bar and Cocktails, let's pretend to hate each other.

"Please, don't hate me too. I don't have a lot of friends."

She's more fragile than she puts on. Lizzy wants to be tough like me and be made of concrete, it's not worth it. The smell of her cotton candy perfume captivated me. Cotton candy. She's obsessed with sweets. I really didn't know why this was happening. I didn't mind either. I really didn't mind what would happen in this boring little life I had.

"You're not a bad person Lizzy." I felt my lips curve into a crooked smile. "You can be a bitch but I know that's just you're sense of humor."

"Oh," she flushed. "I-I shouldn't have mentioned Tweek. That was low."

"Yeah, well... That's the past. I just don't like someone bad mouthing him. Living or not, he was the closest friend I had."

"I know how that goes." Lizzy nuzzled herself into my neck. "I don't want to be alone anymore either."

It was nice to just feel someone close. I wasn't like Clyde living the bachelor life. I didn't want anyone too close. I didn't want her getting hurt. But, she read my mind, I didn't want to be alone.

She stood on her tip-toes, planting a kiss on my cheek. And just like that, Lizzy put on her tough guy guise again. "But, you're still an ass wrangler!" I stared at her blankly. Lizzy could really switch emotions quick.

It was my turn. My middle finger was buzzing still with numb pain. I could lead her on too.

I leaned down to her level, pulling her chin up towards me. She froze as our faces were incredibly close. My lips almost smashed against hers. Then I stopped, whispering centimeters away. "I'm going to go finish my drink. You coming?" I put a little emphasis on the word.

I felt a little immature but sort of... happy. I broke out of my character. I grinned wildly, starting my way into the bar triumphantly.

I could hear the pitter-patter of shoes against the ground. "Ugh! You rump ranger, get back here!"

I guess this isn't so bad.

It's a love-hate kind of thing.