Mirror Image

H/M Romance

Prompt: What if in "The Stalker" Harm got to Mac before she fell off the wagon? How would he convince her it wasn't worth it? How would it change their relationship? - Staz

Mac woke in a fog. Or, it was a fog until she opened her eyes. Then if felt more like a sandstorm. She wondered how crying so many tears could make her eyes feel dry and gritty. It seemed like such a contradiction. Especially when the first thing she was going to do when she slid out of bed, was to drop 'liquid tears' into her eyes to soothe them. She chuckled, like eye ball conundrums made a damned bit of difference in the light of what she'd almost done the night before. How was it she managed to feel both asinine and proud at the same time? She looked to the other side of the bed, where Harm had spent the night. Curled up with his body wrapped around her. He'd kept her safe. Let her cling to him as she so needed to. That space was now empty. She traced the indentation his head had made on the pillow. Imagined she could still feel his warmth there. For a brief moment she lifted it to her face, and took in the scent of his shampoo. How was it that it took a FUBAR mess like this to finally get him into her bed? What would it take to make him stay? Too many questions. Too much still on the line to worry about it now. Now she just needed to survive. Protect him. While he protected her.

Sitting up, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and went to drop a few more tears into her eyes. She went through her morning routine on auto pilot, and was half way through brushing her teeth when she realized that no sound came from the kitchen. When she'd woken up alone, she'd assumed that Harm was up making breakfast, but the silence said otherwise. She finished her task, and made her way out to the living room. His keys were no longer on the coffee table. His coat was missing from its hook. It was confirmed. He'd left her. Her first thought was of surprise that he would leave her there with her stalker still on the loose. Her second thought was to take her side arm from its hiding place near the door, and set it on the counter while she started breakfast.

She'd cracked the third egg into the mixing bowl when the lock began to turn on her front door. Calmly she picked up the pistol and made her way toward the entrance. Harm's clear voice preceded him into the room. "Mac, it's me. Put down the weapon."

She smiled, set it back down on the counter, and met him at the door. "You're smart to declare your entrance Sailor, I almost took you down at the knees."

"I figured."

"How long have you been gone?"

"Maybe 20 minutes. I didn't want to wake you." He lifted a fragrant brown bag. "So I brought breakfast fresh from the bakery."

"Good, I'm making some eggs. That'll go well with..." she looked into the bag, closed her eyes, and groaned in pleasure as the aroma drifted out. "...cream cheese Croissants. My favorite."

"I know."

He set his keys on the counter next to her side arm, and shrugged off his jacket. "Let me get this," he said, gesturing toward the eggs. "I know how you like your eggs. But I still can't get the knack of making that tar you drink in the morning."

"Marine coffee is not for the faint of heart."

"Or the healthy of taste buds."

"Very funny." She moved around him, felt her arm brush his back, and resisted the urge to put her arms around him. She didn't know how relieved she'd been that he'd come back until she once again felt his warmth against her skin.

Harm felt more than saw her hesitation, and turned to her. "You okay?"

"Fine. Why?" She replied, as she took the coffee and filters down and placed them on the counter.

"Just making sure."

She tried to smile. "I'm okay."

"You don't sound okay." In a rare moment of intuition, he moved the skillet from the heat, and took her in his arms. "Maybe you just need one of these."

"Well it certainly doesn't hurt, " she murmured against his chest. "I was afraid I'd chased you away?"

He pulled back. Frowned.

"You weren't here when I woke up."

"Sorry about that."

"It's okay. I'm glad you came back."

His frown deepened. "Why wouldn't I?"

She shrugged. Pulled away. Began to scoop coffee beans into the grinder. "You've never seen me like that before. I...wasn't sure how you'd react."

Flashback

"So, tonic water with a squeeze of lime, is it then?"

"Yeah."

The bar tender slid the glass in front of her. "There you go."

She hesitated. Warred with herself. Lost the battle.

"...and put some Vodka in it."

Surprise showed on his face, but he did as she asked.

She closed her hands around the glass. Ice formed around her heart. In her belly. She mentally shook it off. Raised the glass to her lips.

"Hey Mac."

Startled, she jumped. Sloshing half of her drink onto the bar and herself. She held up her hands, as the liquid rolled from her fingertips, fell from her elbows. "Damn it!"

"Sorry." Harm grabbed a bar towel. Began to wipe up the mess. "I didn't mean to scare...you." his voice tripped as he detected the unmistakable stench of Vodka. His eyes flew to her face, but she was looking everywhere but at him.

It only took a few minutes to mop it all up, but the damage had been done. Her secret had been spilled all over the bar. The rest of it still sat in the glass in front of her, on a fresh new napkin.

Harm cleared his throat. "Sorry about that."

She kept her eyes on the bar. "It's okay."

"Can I buy you another? You lost half of your drink there. Tonic and lime?"

If she hadn't been immersed in turmoil she would have smiled. "You know full well that wasn't just tonic and lime."

"Do I? I'm sure I don't know any such thing."

"What are you doing Harm?"

"You look like you need a friend."

" I need to be alone."

"Okay, I won't talk to you, but I'm staying until you drink every last drop in that glass."

Her eyes flashed. A mixture of indignation and tears. "Why?"

"Just to see if I'm that wrong about you. You're laboring under the misconception that you're weak enough to take that drink. This is not something I believe. I believe you're strong enough to stand up and walk out of here."

"I appreciate your vote of confidence, but you don't have to watch over me."

"I know." He shrugged. "I want to." He dropped the levity. "If you can resist it while I'm sitting here, you can resist it while you're alone."

"And if I don't do I fail the friend test?"

He would have been angry, had it not been for the true vulnerability in her voice. "No. I'll be here no matter what. It's up to you."

She shook her head. Closed her eyes. Her hands twitched. Body screamed for the drink. For him. For the drink. For him! For the drink. For him! For him! She put her hands to her head to quiet the dissonance. Addiction against love. A fight for dominance. For clarity. For her bloody warn out soul. When the hell had she fallen in love with him? And when would she get over the guilt of closing her eyes and imagining his face, as she declared her love to a dying man. That guilt was what she came there to bury. The tears began the moment her feet hit the floor. She grasped his jacket. Twisted. Burying her hands in the leather.

"Get me out of here! Damn you! Get me out!" Her whisper was fierce, and only for him.

He put some money on the bar. Nodded to the bar tender, who gratefully nodded back. Took her by the hand. "No. You get yourself out of here. I'll be with you."

Determination flashed over the pain. Willing her eyes dry, she stood tall. Found her balance, and walked with her head high out of the bar.

End Flashback

"I wasn't sure how to react."

"I half expected you to haul me out of there like a sack of potatoes. "

"I almost did. I wanted so much to...Mac you had to do it on your own. I wasn't an easy decision to sit and wait for you to fight it."

" I know. But it was right, I promise you." She lifted her hands to her temples. Began to rub in a circular motion.

"Head ache?"

"Yeah. Crying a river tends to do that to a person."

"You needed it."

"It didn't accomplish anything. Dalton is still dead. Some freak is still out to get me..."

"And you're still clean and sober."

He handed her a glass and two aspirin.

"Thank you." She took the pills. Swallowed. "Either way, I get the headache in the morning. But you're right. I am still clean and sober. That's something."

"It's big."

"Yeah it is. Thank you."

"It was all your own steam Mac."

"Go ahead and believe that if it makes you feel better. I know the truth."

He scoffed and turned back to the eggs.

"What Harm?"

"Nothing. Just wondering when...if you will ever see what I see." He poured in the eggs. Added some pepper. A dash of Parmesan.

Her eyes darkened with disgust. "I did see what you saw. I saw myself sit down at a bar and give in to weakness. I let addiction beat me. And you can say over and over that you weren't affected...that your...feelings weren't affected by that, but I don't see how they couldn't be. When I'm on my feet, and I don't need you to carry me as much as I do right now. You'll see what I saw in that mirror, and you'll..."

"No I won't."

"You will. You won't mean to...you'll just..."

"I'll what? Leave you? For having a weakness? For being human?" He moved the eggs from the heat. Flicked off the burner. Turned, and braced his hands on the opposite counter.

"Harm..."

His voice dropped. "Don't."

"I'm only telling you what I'm afraid of. That one day you'll wake up one morning and know me as well as I know myself. And then we'll be done."

"No we won't."

"How can you trust me after today? Can you honestly say that you won't be worried sick that I'm drowning myself in some bottle every time I'm five minutes late coming home?"

"Mac..."

"You've seen what I am Harm. Won't you be worried that I'll drive drunk, or come home and beat our children?"

Sorrow filled his eyes. "Mac you're not your father."

She chewed her lip. Didn't bother to fight the tears. "But that's who I saw in the mirror."

Her whispered confession nearly killed him. "Come here."

She stayed where she was. He went to her.

"Come here. I want you as you are. Come here."

She let him hold her. Didn't have the strength or will to pull away. "You should go. Leave before we get in too deep."

"Too late." He pulled back. "Do you really want me to just walk out of your life?"

"No. I want to have your babies. But if you left now, I think I could survive it. I wouldn't be able to later. Not when I already lo..." She barely swallowed the last word.

He pulled her close again. Let her tears dissolve into his sweatshirt. "You've been through too much too quickly. Catch your breath Mac. I'm not going anywhere. When we sort all of this out. Find this creep, and let our lives go back to normal, we'll work on us."

She nodded and swiped at her tears. "I feel like an idiot. When will I stop feeling like a freaking idiot?!"

He dished her up some eggs, and tossed a croissant onto her plate. "All I know is it's time for food. You can stop feeling like an idiot later."

She had to laugh. It was either that or leap out the window. "Thanks Harm."

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Anytime."

The End.