Come Back To Me

Kate had told him on the swings after her summer of self imposed exile that their relationship wouldn't, couldn't progress into something more until she had solved her mother's murder. That she couldn't be free to have the kind of relationship she wanted to have until it was put to rest. Not long after that, Smith had told him that if she continued to investigate, if she didn't stand down, then she would wind up dead. Smith never said anything about him. If he went behind her back, however (like he had when he first gotten Esposito to show him her mother's case file) and she found out about it, she would surely end everything- their friendship, their partnership, any chance at a future together. Any possibility of a "them."

Yet with every passing day, he loved her more deeply. Every single day he was with her he felt his priorities shift just a little bit more, until her obsession had become his. Her life becoming more important to him than his own. With Alexis on the cusp of adulthood, he felt his primary purpose in life nearly completed. Soon she would need him to step aside so she could have her own life. He was becoming superfluous...unnecessary.

He was willing to wait for Kate to be ready. Honestly, he really was. He had already shown that he could and would wait for her, as long as it took, no matter how much it hurt. Always, he'd said to her more than once, and he meant it with every fiber of his being. It was exquisite torture to be around her every day, to see her face light up when he stepped off the elevator with two coffees; to build theory with her, finishing each other's sentences; to find themselves in life and death situations; to share looks and glances and titbits of his life with her, and having the honour of her doing the same- slowly, oh, so slowly, peeling back layer after layer of the Beckett onion.

Montgomery had once said that the secret to a lasting relationship was simply to keep showing up, and he was determined to do just that, for as long as she would allow it. If he told her he loved her, she would take flight. Run away as fast as her long legs and battered heart could take her, like she had this past summer. She would build her wall thicker, higher and more impenetrable than ever before.

If he told her about Smith or his own continued secret investigation, she would cut him off altogether. If she investigated it herself, she would die. While it remained unsolved, she would not move forward with him even though every day she seemed to be closer and closer, more and more open. He wanted her to be happy. To have a long happy life. Hopefully with him.

So he decided to do the only thing he could do for her. Encourage her to step back from the rabbit hole and plunge himself into that life choking darkness instead. Unlike last time, this time he really would do it for her.

"I was shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it"

Rick was shocked when he heard her confession to a suspect of all people. Hurt and dismayed that she would keep this from him, lie about it for months. Her disappearance that summer was brought into sharper focus now. Made even more sense. In her eyes he was just like Josh. She really liked him, but didn't love him. Not the way he loved her.

It made things easier in a way. She would be able to move on more easily if the dark path he was on took a more dangerous turn. The inevitable conclusion he was moving inexorably toward even as he lured her away from a similar fate. He loved her. Loved her so much it hurt. So much that he could not live without her. Loved her enough to do what needed to be done. Even if she never spoke to him again.

Twenty five novels notwithstanding there was in truth only one good thing he and Meredith had ever added to the world after nearly a lifetime between the two of them of taking what they wanted from it.

Alexis.

He had been to see his lawyer that evening. Made changes to his will to see to it the two women he loved most were cared for. Kate Beckett would never have to work another day for the rest of her life is she so chose. He knew she would anyway, this job was how she honored her mother, she would never be able to walk away. But now she would have options, safer options, more life affirming options. Be able to chase light when the darkness of her job became to much.

The greatest gift he would ever bestow upon the world would never lack for family or support if the worst should come to pass. Kate would protect his daughter in ways he couldn't. Help her through her grief, shepherd her through the wrong turns she herself made along the way.

He had named her father, Jim Beckett as executor of his will. Kate's father was the only man he knew whom he trusted enough to see to it his wishes were carried out. To be the grandfather she never got to have. Kate's family at the precinct would close ranks around his little girl as well. She would not be alone with her grief like Kate had been, there would be others to help her bear the burden if his life should become forfeit.

Ryan and Esposito would walk barefoot over fire and broken glass for her. He had seen it in their eyes when she had shown up at the precinct during the Haley Blue case. When Esposito had folded a Gang Unit Detective named Slaughter over like a card table when he had gotten too fresh with her in the morgue after he had been assigned to work a case with the man.

Lanie would be there for her, too. She would be the one who could tell Alexis when she was pushing herself too hard, carrying to much on her slender shoulders. Like she had only a few days ago as the bombing victims came in and "Little Castle" had refused to go home, even though she was wrung out.

His course was set. He would correct the mistake he had made three years ago with his thoughtless meddling in something that wasn't his business to poke around in. No matter what the cost.

It was time to finish this. Time to set Kate free from the shackles that bound her to her tragic past so that she could have a future with somebody she loved. Even if it wasn't with him. She would hate him for what he was about to do, pull away and never speak to him again regardless.

It was better this way.

Rick continued to work at the precinct, never letting on to Kate that he had overheard her confession in interrogation room two. Had gone undercover with her at the behest of Inspector Colin Hunt. Danced with her as they found the evidence that broke the case wide open. She never once guessed what he was doing in his downtime when he was supposedly in the Hamptons "writing" his next book. Sending everything he found to both Mr. Smith, and to Agent Gray as insurance. Until Smith ended up dead on Perlmutter's slab.

One week before Alexis' graduation from high school Rick walked out of the precinct and never made it home. His broken, battered body had been dumped in Kate Beckett's parking space at the 12th Precinct four days later, barely clinging to life, causing her world to come screeching to a complete halt and be violently turned upside down.

She never once left his side. Even as she sent Alexis and Martha home every night. The television on every night as he lay in the hospital bed. Two uniformed officers guarding his door. (tonight it was LT and Velasquez) The television on for noise though she barely heard the commentator as she droned on.

"...and now in National news, the body of United States Senator William H. Bracken R-NY was found dead in his Georgetown home of an apparently self inflicted gunshot wound to the head. Near his body was a signed suicide note in which he detailed his involvement in the 1999 murders of Johanna Beckett, her legal aide staff, as well as the murder of NYPD Police Captain Roy Montgomery and the attempted assassination of Detective Kate Beckett at his funeral the following week. Washington DC Police, the US Secret Service, the NYPD and the FBI have been contacted but they have refused to comment as they are investigating other criminal activity brought to light as a result of search warrants executed on his Senate office and Manhattan family compound..."

The only thing she could see was him. The only sound she processed was the beeping of the heart monitor and the rhythmic sound of the the life support equipment breathing for him.

Whomever had taken Rick had tortured him savagely. All of the fingers on both of his hands had been broken, he had been beaten and had at least two broken ribs. His body showed signs that both water-boarding and electrocution techniques had been employed. What had truly caught her attention was the report after CSU had processed the blood under his fingernails.

DNA that was a 98.44% match to the that found on the rifle that had shot her last year. Her shooter had obviously thought Rick had found something.

One of the rare times she had left his side had been to go to his apartment. She had been horrified when she had seen his smart board with her own eyes. A single thought hammering in her brain.

"What have you done, Rick? What have you done?"

She kept coming though. Kept showing up at his bedside, staying until the nurses threw her out. Barely thinking to feed herself, until Alexis started showing up with food and made her eat. She had never seen it, never once saw anything in Rick's eyes that led her to believe he was chasing this in her place. She couldn't track where the change in him had come from. "Some detective you are, can't even read your own partner." she admonished herself harshly.

That was until Javi provided the missing piece to the puzzle. He had come to tell her about his own brush with the investigation set off by Bracken's "suicide," and she had blurted out what was on her mind.

"You didn't know? Castle's been off since after the bombing...he'd come out of the viewing room after watching you work that pickpocket, looking like somebody had shot his dog."

After that everything had fallen into place. It was the lie...the big one. He'd gone out and thrown his life away because of biggest most hurtful lie she had ever told. The one she now wished desperately she could take back as she softly brushed his hair aside and kissed his pale forehead.

"Rick...I love you...I love you. I'm so sorry."

As the tears flowed unabated down her cheeks, she only hoped that somewhere in his comatose brain, her partner, the man she loved could hear her.

"I'll be right here, Rick, as long as it takes. Please come back to me."

**Author's note** Please don't hate me too much! I'm gearing up for the ficathon, but I practically begged Louise McDoogle to show this paragraph she wrote to me and then it put this in my brain and I needed to get it out. Yes it's super angsty. But the imagery would not leave me alone.

I write angst though...what do you expect from me? It is my nature.