Author's Notes: The contestants, elimination order, challenges and outcomes are set in stone. No requests of this nature, please. However, feel free to point out any elements of the show that I am not exploring enough. The finale of TDWT may or may not have happened but if it did, assume the best. Also, I am terribly sorry if the episodes seem extremely short.

Total Drama Fortress

Chris McLean was psyched to host the new season. "Let's welcome back our returning contestants. First the ones everyone expects to see…" The camera panned to a shuttle, which Duncan was walking out of as Chris said his name; he was followed by Courtney, Gwen, and Heather, all in a line. After them, Owen came out, followed by Harold and DJ. Lindsay, LeShawna, and Bridgette all toddled out behind them, culminating in Izzy dropping out on top of the three previous girls. "And here come some of our less lucky contestants…" Noah, Cody, and Beth all walked out as Chris said their names.

"I'm so glad we get to be in the competition together again!" Beth shouted ecstatically.

"We are too," Cody said.

"Trent, Tyler, Sierra, and Alejandro," Chris exclaimed, as they walked out of the shuttle, and Tyler tripped over Trent.

"I'm okay," Trent and Tyler said in unison.

"Eh?" Ezekiel (who had fully recovered from his problems in the third season) said, "I wonder if this is the year that's going to be mine!"

"I doubt it, because I didn't mention our last returning contestant yet. EVA!" Chris shouted. Eva was not in the shuttle but was in fact waiting next to Chris.

"Yeah, I'm back. I'd just like to say, finally!" Eva shouted.

"Alright everyone," Chris said, "Let's get back on the shuttle, because we're still a few miles from our final location." Everybody groaned. "After all, this is Total. Drama. FORTRESS!"

The shuttle arrived at the location and a dauntingly huge fortress stood at the center of everyone's attention.

Sierra pointed it out with a shocked expression on her face, "Wow, it's huge!"

Noah whispered to Owen, "Do you think that whoever built this was compensating for something?"

"Definitely," Owen whispered back, grinning.

Chris looked offended. He cleared his throat and then said, "This fortress was built by moi."

Everybody laughed. Chris looked even more offended, and then said, "Anyway, this fortress is many layers deep. Many, many layers deep. It will take you guys all season just to get to the center, which is where the million dollars are."

"It looks impregnable," Harold said, "How do we get in?"

"That's the challenging part," Chris said, "But… before we get into that, I'm going to introduce you to the confession chamber. It's this little building right over here," he said, pointing to a small building just to the left of the fortress walls, "and now, the first challenge of the season! I have placed four treasures in this courtyard. It is your task to find which one you think is the most valuable. This one," he said pointing to a massive crystal, "This one," he said pointing to a gold cross studded with rubies, "That one," he said, pointing to a drab looking key, "Or that one way over there," he said pointing to a small emerald band far off in the corner. "Go!"

"Heather," Alejandro said, "Allow me to lead you to the correct answer."

"Like I need your help," Heather said. She looked at the key and said, "Ugh… why is that even a choice?" They passed it by.

"Oh, man!" LeShawna said, admiring the cross, "This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

"Well, it is pretty nice," Gwen said, smiling, "I'd prefer it if it was silver, but still."

Noah picked up the key and then sang, "Da-da-da-DAAAA!"

Harold followed up the song with the statement, "Noah obtained the Chekhov's Gun!"

Noah looked at Harold and said, "How'd you know that?"

"Because," Harold said, "No one would be likely to pick this one. Therefore, it must be correct."

"Okay," Noah said flatly, "I'll give you that one."

Izzy's eyes had focused onto the emerald band. "Okay, we're going to get that one. It's the prettiest and it's also the most fun!"

"Alright, Izzy," Owen said, "I'll go with you."

"Oh my gosh!" Lindsay shouted, "It's great! Come on Tyler, let's get it!" Her face was all bubbly and happy, but his was rather grim.

"Uhh… I don't know if that's a good idea, Lindsay," Tyler complained, but it didn't matter. Lindsay grabbed him by the wrist and found the entrance to where the band was being held.

"This is the right one," Eva said, admiring the crystal, "Size matters, you know."

"It does indeed," Duncan said, with his eyebrows bouncing. Eva glared at him. He stopped. "Now let's go carry this to Chris." They each took up a side, and started walking away from Ezekiel.

"I'll do it, eh?" Ezekiel offered.

Duncan and Eva both turned around and said, "No."

"Oh," Ezekiel responded sadly, "Can I spot you then?"

"Whatever," Eva said, "Just don't get in our way."

(In the confessional, Ezekiel said, "I'm sure that these people will warm up to me eventually! After all, no one's better than the Zeke, eh?")

The two were carrying the crystal when they ran into Alejandro and Heather. Alejandro pointed to it and said, "Now, this is clearly the most valuable."

Beth had eyed the key and said, "Hey Cody, do you think we should go get that key?"

"I guess…" Cody said, shrugging, "I mean, it doesn't seem to be getting enough love."

Trent turned to Gwen and asked, "Hey, you chose the cross, hm? I thought it was beautiful too."

Gwen looked at Trent and blushed. LeShawna looked at her and smiled, laughing slightly.

(In the confessional, Gwen said, "Alright, you know how I was over Trent? Well, that was when he was being weird! Now… he's acting all romantic again. Romantic! How could I resist that?")

"Lindsay?" Tyler asked, "Are you positive we should be going after this dealybobber instead of one of the others?"

Lindsay giggled, "Of course, Tyler. That's why we're going after it."

Bridgette sheepishly walked around, looking very confused. "Hey Granola Girl!" Izzy shouted, "Yeah, you, get over here, I got something real neat to show you!"

"Umm…" Bridgette said.

"I think this treasure might be haunted," Izzy said, smiling. "But there's only one way to find out! GRAB IT!"

"Well," Bridgette said, "I guess that if it's hard to get, it must be pretty valuable, right?"

"Great!" Izzy said, providing Bridgette with a random helmet, "Go long, Bridgette!"

"Wait, I have to retrieve it?" she asked shyly.

"I'll do it!" Tyler shouted, and then proceeded to bump his head on the stone wall that the band was lodged in.

Courtney was confused and looking for an item. She stared at the big crystal, "Nah, too obvious." She looked at LeShawna, Trent, and Gwen staring at the cross. "Too gaudy." She saw what Izzy had planned. "Not even touching that one." She saw the key. "Perfect!"

(In the confessional, Courtney said, "Okay, so maybe it's not perfect per se but it's definitely better than any of the other choices. Even if all the other people who flocked to it are total dorks.")

"My, my, my, ladies… and Trent," DJ said, "You seem to have a lovely treasure there."

"It's beautiful, isn't it, DJ?" LeShawna asked.

"Mm-hm," he responded, smiling.

"Oh, there you are, Cody!" Sierra said, beaming, "What did you find?"

"Oh," Cody said, "It's just a key."

"A key?" Sierra said, "OMG! That's like Chekhov's Gun or something!"

"Thank you, Sierra," Noah said, "Would you care to tell us anything else we established fifteen minutes ago?"

"Well, I could tell you that Cody was hot, but that was established way more than fifteen minutes ago!"

(In the confessional, Noah said, "No one understands irony anymore.")

Chris called time, "Okay, everybody, stand near your treasure of choice." Duncan, Eva, Ezekiel, Alejandro, and Heather stood next to the large crystal; DJ, Gwen, Trent, and LeShawna stood holding the golden cross; and Cody, Noah, Harold, Beth, Courtney, and Sierra stood holding the key. Izzy, Lindsay, Bridgette, Tyler, and Owen just barely managed to dislodge the band in time.

"Hmm," Chris said, "There's a slight problem here. Six of you chose the key and only four of you chose the cross. So here's how it's going to work. The four of you who chose the cross are going to try to get one of the people who chose the key to change their mind."

"You don't need all those other intellectuals, Harold," LeShawna said, "You could be over here with us."

"Oh, but I'm so convinced that I was right the first time," Harold responded.

"Cody!" Gwen shouted, "Come stand with me."

"Well, it does sound tempting, but…" Cody said, "I stand by my answer."

"Look how shiny it is," DJ said, holding up the cross.

Sierra's eyes gleamed when she got the close look at it. "Good luck, Cody," she said, blowing a kiss, which caused him to recoil slightly.

"Alright," Chris said, "Now that it's all even… I hope you guys are getting pretty chummy with the people who picked the item with you because they are now your teammates!"

Noah, Cody, Beth, and Harold celebrated while Courtney stood around looking sad.

(In the confessional, Courtney said, "You know, I'm used to being the brains of my team but… now I'm on a team with Noah…Mr. Know-it-all! This is going to be an absolute nightmare!")

Eva, Ezekiel, Duncan, Heather, and Alejandro all groaned.

(In the confessional, Heather said, "Ugh! I can't believe I let Alejandro lead me onto this team with a bunch of boys… and Eva! Who practically counts…")

DJ, Gwen, LeShawna, Sierra, and Trent all celebrated. Trent smiled at Gwen.

Izzy and Owen hugged. Tyler and Lindsay hugged. Bridgette just stood in the middle of the two couples, trying not to look awkward.

"Now, these treasures did mean something and they are the nouns of your team. Key people, you picked it because it seemed practical, and because it would be illogical for me to put such a bad answer here unless it was right."

"That's right," Harold said, "You summed us up pretty well."

"For that, you are The Brains. Cross people, you picked it because it was beautiful and gave you thoughts of Romanticism, correct?" Chris asked.

"Well, yeah," Trent said, "That's why it's the most valuable. It's symbolic of beauty."

"Exactly," Chris said, "And that's why you guys are The Beauties." He turned once more. "Crystal people, you figured it must be the most valuable because it was the largest, correct?"

"Yeah," Duncan said, patting it, "Large and in charge."

"So for that, you are The Brawns! And finally, band people…" Chris laughed in his faux-innocuous way, "You decided to go out of your way to retrieve an item when there were three easily gathered ones. Why?"

"For the adventure!" Izzy shouted in a random Scottish accent, "After all, we of the highlands need to find the hardest treasures."

"You favor the one in the hard to reach place, so I'm going to call you guys The Braves! Now, the reason that I'm only giving you the nouns is so that you yourselves will come up with the adjectives."

"Valiant!" Tyler blurted out quickly, "Agreed?"

"Good one," Owen said, "The Valiant Braves."

(In the confessional, Owen said, "The Valiant Braves. The Valiant Braves. It really rolls off the tongue!")

"Hmm…" Trent said, "Well I mean, our team is three girls and two sensitive guys, so how about something soft?"

"The Soft Beauties?" Gwen asked, giving him a weird look.

"I was thinking more along the lines of Delicate," DJ said, which made LeShawna burst out laughing inexplicably. "What? Don't you like the name?"

"I think it's awesome!" Sierra said, "The Delicate Beauties!"

"I guess it works," Gwen said, shrugging.

(In the confessional, LeShawna was still laughing, and then she said, "Delicate," and continued laughing.)

"What should we call ourselves, gentlemen?" Heather asked.

Eva frowned. Then she blurted out, "Harsh!"

"The Harsh Brawns, eh?" Ezekiel asked, "Hmm…"

"But wouldn't Chris…" Alejandro began.

"I said, harsh!" Eva said, refusing to change her stance.

"Okay, fine," Alejandro conceded, "You're the boss!"

(In the confessional, Alejandro said, "It's possible Eva has a strategy to get us to all gang up on Chris. If so, I shouldn't mess with her plans.")

Cody and Beth looked at each other confusedly. "I have no idea what to call ourselves!" Beth shouted.

"How about something self-demonstrating, like 'sesquipedalian'?" Noah offered.

"Yeah!" Harold shouted, "That's a great idea! 'Sesquipedalian'! Anyone opposed?"

"I for one am for it," Courtney said.

(In the confessional, Courtney said, "I have to make a good impression! Otherwise my teammates will gang up on me and destroy me.")

Cody and Beth looked at each other helplessly. "Well, majority rules!" Harold said, "Sesquipedalian it is. Chris, we are the Sesquipedalian Brains."

Chris looked unimpressed. He said flatly, "You've gotta be kidding me."

"Yeah, good luck with that one Chris," Noah said, smiling.

"Alright, so the teams are the Delicate Beauties, the Valiant Braves, the Harsh Brawns, and the Sasquatch and Alien Brains."

"Sesquipedalian!" Harold corrected.

"Whatever. See which team will have to lose a person first on the next Total. Drama. FORTRESS!"