Dear god what have I done now? Or would that be goddess?
Please tell this is just a dream, please, please, please!
"This isn't a dream."
Well fuck.
"There's no need for that kind of language here."
And she reads minds too.
"Of course I can read your mind. You're in my realm."
Double damn.
"That's better. I suppose you know what has happened to you."
"I died or withstood a significant amount of trauma and you are offering me a way out of it as long as I cooperate with whatever you need me to do? I've seen this song and dance before you know. You don't get involved in something as much as I do without stumbling across a few self-insert stories here and there," I said trying to rub my temples except I had no limbs, head, or body period.
"Except they're all true."
"What are all true?" I said having an existential crisis.
"Those stories you read. We send them out with the hope that should a timeline need an additional hero we have a ready body of choices." The goddess smiled. "What's the last thing you remember?"
"Heading home from school. It was icy and a car flew and skidded and I guess that crunch was me under the tires?"
She nodded. "There were some extenuating circumstances to be sure."
"Extenuating, how?"
"That's not important at the moment. What is important is where do you want to go?"
I balked. Normally in these things the divine being says 'Oh you died? Well that sucks. I need someone over here on The Citadel.' or 'Well I have a two o'clock in Coruscant, how's that sound.' No here was a not god telling me 'You have options! Isn't that great!'. "Um where can I go?"
"Well let's see; a new slot opened up in Aincrad, um a position in Chicago as a mage-in-training, and oh here's one you'll like a Self-Insert for Fire Emblem: Awakening."
"An anime that's overdone, a position that'll likely get me killed, possessed or turned into a fey's boy-toy, or a game also overdone but open to interpretation. Well ma'am I think I'll take door numbered three please."
"Excellent, please choose your appearance then."
"How close can you give me my old body to work with?"
All of a sudden my body appeared. The less than ideal body shape, the annoyingly curly hair, and an affinity for too much black.
"Hold up here. Say I make changes, give myself powers and skills I didn't have before, what are the consequences?"
"Standard issue, an alternate with upgraded skills and abilities. They tend to run yin to your yang though, so say you run as armor knight with impressive defenses they show up as a dark mage with enough magic to turn you to sludge. Wyvern Knight gets an mage with an affinity for wind. Myrmidon gets a - well you get the idea. The point is you need to strike a balance here. Too much power and your alternate will run you over, not enough power and you could very well die to grunt number 47."
"Point taken. So let's just focus on appearance first. I need to be able to last long marches, so let's cut that gut out of there." My body's midsection shrunk to that of an average male. "Let's keep height the same, change my hair, hmm what do we have here?" My hair settled into a raven cut. "That'll do."
"Hmm if I was human I might actually find that attractive," the goddess said lifting my arms and pointing at my face.
"It's not for you, anyways I think I'm done here. What do you have for me class wise?"
"I don't think the 'canon' classes will work for you, do you? Why don't you tell what weapon you want and we'll work from there."
"Definitely a bow. I had some lessons with that before I died. That sounds so weird, talking about my death like its a trip to the grocery store."
"Ok then bow it is." As soon as she had said it an iron bow appeared in my avatar's hand and a quiver was on his back. "Any other weapons?"
"No I think the bow is a good starting weapon. What else to give myself for an edge?" I thought about the canon characters and my thoughts strayed to Cherche, Sumia, and Cordelia. "Hey _?" I said trying to say her name but all that came out was silence, she seemed to hear me anyways though.
"Yes?"
"Why are there no flying archers?"
"They would probably be game breaking in canon. I mean flying units are all weak to arrows so putting an archer on a pegasus would be lethal."
"Well that seems like the best way to make myself stand out. So let's call me a Pegasus Ranger then?"
"Hmm. Well it looks like all you need to choose is an asset and flaw. HP is always a good choice," she smiled her radiant smile.
"Defense for flaw. Speed for asset. What do my stats look like?" I asked trying to get on with it.
"Well let's see," with a flick of her hand a sheet appeared. "Well it looks like you'll be getting a good amounts of 'fuck mages' levels. Ooh you'll put the Flash to shame with that growth. Also don't get hit Elucidator won't like it."
"Elucidator?" I asked.
"Your pegasus. You should take good care of him. He likes oats and barley and-"
"Let me guess, apples?"
She nodded. "You ready to go to Southtown?"
"Yeah." I nodded, then said to her, "What's my alternate like?"
"Hmm, well she's an armor knight it seems. Proficent with swords though. That's a bit odd. Anyways good luck and don't die again."
The little vision I did have turned black, then red, then a bright white as if I was staring into the sun for too long.
As my vision cleared I was standing on a cliff with my bow on my back. "Hmm. Well I doubt she missed on purpose. Now what did she say was my pegasus' name... Elinciel? No it was Kirito's sword... oh right! ELUCIDATOR!" I called out, and received a nudge to the rear.
"Hmm, wonder how close I am to Chrom and Robin? Wonder if I'm working with a fem or male. Probably male although a female would be interesting." I hoped onto Elucidator's back. "Let's see how you fly!" And with that challenge he took off at an astonishing speed.
Oh dear goddess, I almost fell off. That would be a terrible start.
After a few moments in the air I spotted a small group of people crowding in a field. Well that was easy enough to do. Now how do I integrate myself into society. I could claim to be Robin's protector. Hmm no they'd wonder why Robin wouldn't remember me. Brother? Same response. Mercenary responding to fire in South Town? Definitely would work. Frederick probably won't like me, but I'm pretty sure that he prefers actions to words. Let's roll with that one.
I waited a few more minutes. Until I saw smoke rising. Well that's mine and their cue. Time for entrance curtain right.
"Time to make an impression Elucidator! Let's make it a good one."
He responded with a quick head nod, snort and began climbing to dive towards the town.
"For Aincrad!"