Fandom: Card Captor Sakura
Title: wasn't in vain.
Rating: pg
Pairing: Tomoyo + Sakura
Description – Can Tomoyo let go of her precious Sakura? (note: shoujo-ai)
Disclaimer – Card Captor Sakura doesn't belong to Yui, but to Clamp.
Yuki ga aru
demo kawa ni naru:
shiawase da.
wasn't in vain.
By miyamoto yui
"You have to hide me, Tomoyo-chan."
I blinked at Sakura, who was carrying a pink medium-sized backpack with her. It never failed to amaze me that even though she was already nineteen-years-old, she could still like the same things she did in our childhood.
But there was no time to think about that. What was going on with my Sakura-chan?
I yanked her inside my apartment right away. Then, I stuck my head out to see if anyone had followed her. There was no one there.
For now.
It was only one of two people…
And Kereberos wasn't going to be one of them…
"Let's go out for a drive somewhere to calm down. And then, you can relax and tell me everything. Sounds good?" I picked up my keys and handbag from the kitchen counter with my index finger and winked at her.
She rubbed her nose with her finger because she was so nervous she was about to cry. I laughed at her as I caught the ends of her long, curly hair. "You're still such a crybaby."
"Mou~!" When she smiled to push my shoulders, I glanced back to see her teeth shining and her eyes half-closed. Her whole face always looked like the sun was a pale competitor next to her warm, vibrant energy.
When we got to my car in the garage downstairs, she put her bag in the back and I put on my sunglasses.
"I remember when you had so many guards around you."
I pulled the knob back and then switched gears to move forward. "I didn't want to live like a princess anymore. I didn't earn it."
/"Why? Why do you have to move?" Sakura asked I packed my things in my room. "You said you'd come to the same college as me." "I'm only a few stops away by train," I said, not being able to look at her directly. My hands pushed my clothing harder and harder into my suitcase. "Their program is much better. I must go there, Sakura. Please understand." Click. I pressed my hands on top of the suitcase, still unable to face her. "It's so unlike you, Tomoyo. You're not usually spontaneous." I looked up and smiled. Pulling her right hand between both of mine, I said, "That's precisely why I
Then, we drove out into the street.
The sun was setting and Sakura was more occupied with the scenery than with talking. Her hands were fidgeting, but she kept on looking out the window. The wind blew into her face and she pushed her bangs behind her ears.
I pulled out one of my pins for her to use. "Thanks," she said, but she kept on staring out the window.
It never mattered what the scene was. Even if she saw it over and over, she would enjoy it as if it were her first time. There was always that freshness and innocence that never seemed to outgrow her.
I always enjoyed that part of her.
And even though I wanted to know what she was going to say, a part of me didn't want to know. There was a moment of dread whenever these kinds of talks and moments came between us. I would feel like throwing up even though I didn't show it.
When would the cherry blossom I watched bloom finally stop holding me captive? When would the pillow I kept ever be dry of tears whenever I visited the cherry blossom over and over again, knowing nothing would come of it?
But being away from you for a little while was unbearable. Within this time, however, I found the solution.
I didn't know at the time when I suddenly decided to go…
"Syaoran wants me to go to Hong Kong to marry him. Even if it will be in a few years, he says he wants me to be there. I didn't ask him why and I won't ask. But for him to ask such a thing, it must have been very important. Of course, he always tells me not to worry about him and is considerate towards my feelings, so he wouldn't have asked something selfish like that without a reason."
She sighed. "But I ran away."
A tear ran down her cheek and flew away with the wind. "To drop everything and just go. Even though arrangements could easily be made for me, would that be all right?"
I didn't know what to say. So, I just reached out my left hand and held hers as she clung onto the leather seat.
"I don't know how to speak Chinese and I don't know anything about Hong Kong. But…it's nothing from me. Do you get what I mean, Tomoyo? I will go there not because of anything I've done."
Her eyes followed the lines of the road and looked up as we passed the wide, white sides of Rainbow Bridge.
"But those are all the logical reasons. Those are just excuses, Sakura." Now, I intertwined our fingers. "You never think with your head. Your strength has always been in your heart."
She was silent for a long time as she continued to hold my hand. She was shaking a little.
In a whisper, she finally broke the silence. "I want to go…"
"What?"
"I want to go."
"Louder, Sakura."
With her hand crunching mine, she shouted, "I WANT TO GO TO SYAORAN!"
I took a deep breath and she turned her head towards me. Even though she was grinning, her cheeks had tears dripping from them. "I don't know what I'll do once I get there, but I know deep down, he needs me. He won't ask me so I've got to see him for myself."
"That is the Sakura that I know."
"But how do I-"
I shook my head and exaggerated a sigh. "Sakura, who do you think I am?"
I winked at her and motioned my hand to look out the window again. "You are as oblivious as ever."
"Tomoyo-chan?"
I stopped my car in front of the airport. Someone tried to tow me away and then I told them who I was. They left us alone.
"I thought you said you wouldn't do that kind of stuff anymore," she pouted as I put her bag over my shoulder.
"Eh, desperate times call for desperate measures. We didn't have time to park anyway."
She followed me as I pulled out her ticket and a small notepad. "Here is everything you need."
Then, I pulled out her passport from my bag. "You'll need this too."
"But didn't we just discuss that I didn't feel right-"
"Sakura, I am your best friend. I am giving this to you BECAUSE you deserve it more than anyone. Because I love you. That is a good enough reason, okay?"
She stopped walking and we faced one another.
"Remember, I told you, Sakura. Since the day you held my hand and became my best friend, I said I'd take care of you. Don't think about anything, just do what you want."
It was then that I almost betrayed everything I'd ever held back.
It was so hard to keep myself from crying or my voice from cracking as she stared at me in bewilderment. Before she could do anything, I pushed her to the counter and she checked in for her boarding pass.
Using all my connections, I got her all the way to the boarding gate. We ran and made it just in time.
"He wants you there BECAUSE you've done everything you could." She smiled widely and was about to leave, but she ran back to me. She whispered, "You…are the strongest person I know, Tomoyo-chan."
I shook my head.
I am a fool just for you, my love.
Then, when she turned away, I gulped.
But wouldn't you know it…
..that spontaneous, genki girl of mine ran back.
"Tomoyo! Tomoyo!"
She dropped her bag and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. Then, when she was pulling away, she grabbed my cheeks and kissed me on the lips.
"I don't know when I'll be back, but please know…
…I love you, Tomoyo. I always will.
Even though I never really tell you, I love you as much as I love Syaoran."
Then, she picked up her stuff and ran as fast as she could towards the airplane.
I shakily lifted up my right hand over my mouth. And finally, the façade that I had tried to hide all these years broke down. I cried as I stared at the gate. I didn't care if people watched me in confusion because I couldn't stop.
I could finally say my hopeless wandering finally found a direction.
In one kiss
that was more than a friend,
more than a cousin,
more than a lover,
all the yearning,
every lost dream,
everything that I had gone through
had all been paid back to me in that one moment
I had waited for all my life.
Even though my love for Sakura wouldn't ever stop and I wouldn't ever completely let go of her, I could finally be free of the lingering pain.
In order to do that, I had to push my little bird to risk seeing if she would fly back to me.
And more than I imagined,
she promised to always return to me,
no longer just a memory inside my head,
but as the person she will grow to be
because I love her.
It was then that I realized the little girl I had always loved became a woman in my mind.
And finally, I was able to let go of my bittersweet memories, knowing that all my quiet waiting
wasn't in vain.
I continued to stand in the airport and cry out of happiness for the treasure I'd found and was finally able to keep,
sharing her for all the world to see how wonderful she was...
Owari./The End.
-
Author's note: Because I love Tomoyo and because deep inside I know I will be like her in certain respects, for once, I wanted her to surpass her hurt.
But you must know, before I even started writing this fic, all these emotions built within me and I began to cry. I really wanted to write this fic.
I think it was finally time to do so.
Love,
Yui
Haiku translation –
Yuki ga aru = There is snow
demo kawa ni naru: = but it became a river:
shiawase da. = It is happiness.
9/25/2006 7:55:33 AM / LA
9/25/06 11:55 PM / Tokyo