Can't Live With or Without You
(How long was she really willing to wait for a boy who probably won't return her feelings anyway, she thought. And she found that 'forever' wasn't the answer. AU in which Mayaka tries to move on after Satoshi rejects her in middle school)
A/N: title because I thought With or Without You by U2 is the perfect song to describe Satoshi and Mayaka's relationship. Though the Boyce Avenue cover might suit them better.
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails he makes me wait
And I wait without you
Chocolates that you melted and reshaped aren't homemade, he said.
She swore she'd make him accept her chocolates next year. She swore she'd wait for him. She swore she'd get an answer out of him one way or another. She swore she wouldn't give up on him.
But, somewhere along the line, she wondered if it was even worth it. How long was she really willing to wait for a boy who probably won't return her feelings anyway, she thought.
And she found that 'forever' wasn't the answer.
She swallowed the bitter pill and tried to move on.
Houtarou still brings it up sometimes, her 'crush,' and she hates him for it.
On that fateful Kamiyama High School Festival, Jirou Tanabe remembers her as the girl with Eru Chitanda, who was asking about A Corpse by Evening. After that, he starts acknowledging her when he passes her in the halls more.
She also notices that she sees him more often in the library. She thought he might be studying for a difficult subject.
That is until she sees that he's actually reading manga.
One time, he helps her return the books.
Satoshi asks her if she will work as a shrine maiden again on the New Year, as she did last year.
She says she has other plans.
My hands are tied
My body bruised
She's got me with
Nothing to win
And nothing left to lose
On the New Year, Satoshi meets with Eru and Houtarou at Arekusu Shrine. Mayaka had respectfully declined Eru's earlier invitation to join them, again alluding to her 'other plans.'
Still, they find her in the shrine. She is with Jirou Tanabe.
Satoshi feels something in his chest that he'd rather not recognize. He pushes it away and greets them brightly.
On Valentine's Day, Mayaka doesn't make chocolates for Satoshi.
Instead, she receives a box from Tanabe, in full view of the Manga Society.
In spring, Mayaka tells Eru in the club room that she and 'Jirou-kun' are going out.
Eru squeals in delight and the girls hardly notice Satoshi excuse himself to leave the room.
Houtarou does, though.
As they walk home, Satoshi quietly asks Houtarou "Did you know?"
To which his friend answers "I've had ideas."
Satoshi makes a non-committal noise.
Then he checks himself before lightly saying "Well, they're better together anyway. They have more interests in common."
You don't mean that, Houtarou wants to say. But he thinks the better of it.
I can't live with or without you
A/N: this wasn't supposed to be a songfic
But then I came up with the title
And started listening to the song while writing this.
Ok.
This fic was born from the nagging idea that perhaps part of the reason why Satoshi finds it easy to use his "I don't want to get 'obsessed' with her" excuse is because he takes it for granted that Mayaka will always be there to wait for him.