So Far Away
Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue.
A/N 1: Song and title is from Avenged Sevenfold's song, So Far Away
I wrote this last night on my phone.
Never feared for anything
Never shamed but never free
A life that healed a broken heart
With all that it could
Lived a life so endlessly
Saw beyond what others see
I tried to heal your broken heart
Will all that I could
Will you stay?
Will you stay away forever?
Freshly cut green grass and not a cloud in the sky. Days like this used to be easy. There were days where it was easy, and days where one would wish it would just end. But it was too soon, what felt like perfect timing, was just too soon.
Walking through the cemetery, the dark figure glided to the memorized grave. Placing the fresh flowers down, the lone form traced the engraved name.
Sam Swarek.
Beloved son, brother, and officer.
We love and miss you forever.
Wiping away the tears, she sat down across from the gravestone. They say that after losing someone it gets easier. For Andy McNally, it only got harder. Sam had been taken away from her, as well as his family and friends, too soon.
How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned
Place and time always on my mind
I have so much to say but you're so far away
After they were no longer rookies, Andy and Sam no longer had a reason to be partnered up anymore. It was time to move on. She had moved in with Luke and Sam was alone. Andy's relationship with Luke had only lasted a few months before they had finally broken up for good. As much as they tried, and "fake it till you make it", it just wasn't in their cards to be more than just friends.
Of course Sam had been there when shit had hit the fan, as much as he wanted to comfort her in everyway possible he knew that it was going to take time. They spent their time getting to know each other again. They had become friends, knowing that they both wanted more.
Plans of what our futures hold
Foolish lies of growing old
It seems we're so invincible
The truth is so cold
That was until a long awaited request for Sam opened up. Guns and Gangs. And that's when it all changed. They had fought, cried, and fought some more. They both knew that this day would come and that he was going to take it. As much as she pleaded she knew that it was going to happen. So they spent their last few days together, crying, fighting, and loving. He assured her that he would be back for her, this was just another chink in their chain that they would over come. He loved her the first day he saw her and loved her with his last breath.
He had been gone 2 months, and they days didn't get easier. Everyday she wondered if he was okay, but had no ways of communicating with him. Everyday was a gamble.
A final song, a last request
A perfect chapter laid to rest
Now and then I try to find
A place in my mind
Where you can stay
You can stay awake forever
That was until she walked into the station and saw everyone huddled together. Knowing that it was bad news, she pushed Sam out of her thoughts. If she didn't think about him then it couldn't be him. Slowly walking up the group of officers, Traci was the first one to notice her. She had tears in her eyes. Jerry felt a tug on his arm and saw Traci pointing over to Andy. Looking up at her slowly he walked over to her.
Andy had fallen to the ground by the time he had reached her. She had screamed at Jerry saying that it wasn't true, Sam Swarek was not dead. Everyone did what they could to comfort her, but she was hysterical. Luke had to carry her to the locker room and held her there as she cried.
Sam Swarek. Her friend, her partner, the love of her life, was now gone. She was never going to see his smile or be held in his arms again.
This was her nightmare.
How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned
Place and time always on my mind
I have so much to say but you're so far away
The funeral had been brutal. They still couldn't believe that one of Toronto's finest had been taken away from them. It was reported that a deal had gone wrong and while Sam was trying to save himself, he had gotten caught in the line of fire. They party that was responsible for his death were caught, arrested, and were now serving their sentence.
Sitting next to Sarah they held hands, as they watched the coffin being lowered into the ground. Officers walked over to Sarah and handed her the folded flag. She held it close remembering her brother. She then handed it over to Andy, wanting her to have it. Andy nodded and held it gently in her arms as she shed a few more tears.
Sleep tight, I'm not afraid
The ones that we love are here with me
Lay away a place for me
'Cause as soon as I'm done I'll be on my way
To live eternally
This was it. This was the end. The days preceding the funeral were not easy for Andy. She didn't feel like herself. There were times where she couldn't be alone and times where she wanted to disappear. With the help from her friends and family she was able to accept everything and found peace.
There were no more days of blaming herself for what happened. She accepted her fate and knew that no matter what, he would always be with her. She knew that he would forever be the man she would ever love and that she would see him again. Still deep in her thoughts she didn't hear the people walking up from behind.
"Mommy?" turning her head she found her father and her son smiling.
"You okay sweetie?" her father asked.
"Yeah dad I'm fine."
"Mommy sad grandpa." The little boy said as he walked over and sat in his mothers lap.
"Mommy's not sad, she's happy." She smiled.
"I'll be over there when you two are ready." Tommy smiled as he walked over to a near by bench.
"Can I give this to daddy?" the 4 year old boy asked.
"Of course you can." She smiled as Samuel McNally Swarek placed the toy police down at the base of the stone.
How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned
Place and time always on mind
And the light you left remains but it's so hard to stay
When I have so much to say and you're so far away
Weeks after Andy and Sam said their goodbyes, she had found out she was pregnant. There was not a doubt in her mind that she was keeping it. She wanted to get word to him that she was pregnant but knew it wasn't going to happen. He had put so much time into this deal she wasn't going to blow it for him again. But after having to say goodbye forever, she knew that she should have told him.
This was their creation before he had left. This was their love combined and the last thing she had of him. She knew it was going to be tough but she wasn't going to let anything stop her. Even though Sam would never get the chance to meet his son, Andy told him stories and always had pictures of him around the house. She wanted Samuel to know he had a father who she knew would have loved him as much as she did. It did hurt seeing him, since he was a spinning image of Sam, but it always made the days easier knowing that she had someone else to live for and love.
"Can daddy see us?"
"Of course he can, daddy is always watching over us."
"I wanna hear another story." Ever since she started telling him stories about Sam, those were the only kind he wanted to hear. Feeling it was the right thing to do, as well as a way to get to know his father and remember she was happy to do it.
"Which one do you want to hear?"
"The one where you beat daddy up." He smiled.
"I didn't beat daddy up, he tripped remember." She laughed. She then proceeded to tell the story again about the first time they had met.
It hurt not having Sam there to help raise their son. It hurt everyday. But Samuel knew his dad died a hero, and if the circumstances were different, then he would be there with them.
Andy cherished each moment she had with Sam before his passing. Those were the moments that she would never forget. Until the day she would see him again, she lived life not only for her self, but for their son. She thanked Sam everyday for giving her that blessing. She told him she loved him every night before she went to sleep, and that they'd be together again one day.
I love you, you were ready, the pain is strong and urges rise
But I see you when he lets me
Your pain is gone, your hands untied
So far away
And I need you to know
So far away
And I need you to, need you to know
Even though he was far away from them, Sam Swarek would always be in their hearts.
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